Chapter 67

67

"Got it..."

"I understand."

This kid keeps making me use formal language these days.

"Got it..."

But what can I do about it? If you tell me to, I have to do it.

When I answered and gave a hearty laugh, Sharant Clown narrowed his eyes and turned his head.

Don't avoid it; if you don't like it, just say so.

"You need to cultivate the dignity that matches being a clown."

No, I don't plan to be one.

"Sharant Clown!"

He was about to shake his head and retort when he suddenly remembered something and closed his mouth.

How much did he agonize over saying this? He's not the Sharant Clown who never wanted to acknowledge me.

"And I did look at the documents you submitted this time. Are you planning to take on a child under you? Can you just approve it without any special measures?"

"Yes, that's fine."

Ah, you said you understood, but that was just a cheap trick!

I didn't think you meant it! Isn't this guy really over the top?

I was about to say no, but I held back when I saw the emperor in front of me.

No matter what, I can't let a three-year-old reject me.

"I understand, you've done well today."

"I hope you won't call me for about half a year."

"Be careful on your way back."

The emperor ignored his words with a smile.

Sharant Clown also pretended to listen and turned his body. Maybe they are a match made in heaven, even if they deny it.

* * *

"Hehe, my granddaughter wrote a letter herself and brought it to me."

"Wow! That's great news. Whenever my eldest grandson's daughter comes, she clings to my legs like a chick, and I can't help but laugh."

"Ahem."

Deshar Clown cleared his throat.

'What is this, a gathering of old men?'

Deshar Clown, caught in the middle, tilted his teacup.

The meeting, which seemed to be discussing important matters in an elegant atmosphere, was actually busy boasting about their children and grandchildren.

"By the way, I heard the Duke's youngest granddaughter is so lovely."

Deshar Clown's attempt to draw attention was met with genuine interest from the other old nobles.

They all showed interest, and Deshar Clown nodded with a proud expression.

'Could he be talking about me?'

I've never been cute or written a letter, so what is he boasting about...?

"Yeah, I recently realized how adorable my granddaughter is."

Then Deshar Clown, who had me in his arms, started doing things he usually doesn't do.

He sat me on his knee and gave me a cookie.

'...Hmm, it must be delicious.'

I chewed the small cookie.

A round curve formed on Deshar Clown's lips. He was looking at my mouth so closely that it was embarrassing.

If I get indigestion, will you take responsibility?

"A while ago, this little one brought me flowers."

"Wow, flowers? What a romantic child."

"And she pulled them out by the roots, not just picking them."

No, that's just because she didn't have the strength to pick the hyacinths. She brought me plenty of flowers from Vera.

I looked up at Deshar Clown, who was lost in his own fantasies.

His face was so relaxed that not only I but everyone else was surprised.

"Hehe, it seems your granddaughter is warming your heart. You've become much softer."

"Ahem, it's just the senility of old age."

While saying this, why does he keep making me look forward?

He kept tapping his fingers, trying to catch my gaze. I'm not a cat, you know.

"Your granddaughter is very cute."

"Does she only like this kind of clothing?"

"Oh, I bought her a new toy, and she really liked it."

Now that I think about it, I've never received a toy.

After finishing the cookie, my mouth felt empty, so I put a pacifier in my mouth, and an old nobleman looked at me with narrowed eyes.

"Oh, that pacifier looks old."

An elderly noblewoman, surprised, opened her eyes wide.

The lady with white streaks in her hair looked genuinely surprised.

Of course, I had already given up, so the pacifier was dirty.

Everyone focused their gaze on my pacifier.

'Oh, how embarrassing.'

Is it because I always scream when Vera takes it away? Vera just left it.

She did bring me another pacifier, but it didn't feel right.

'Maybe I've grown attached to this one.'

At first, I tried hard to clean it because it was dirty.

But thanks to Vera's thorough cleaning, it was at least usable (though still old and worn).

Deshar Clown looked down at me, seemingly flustered by the comment.

'What, why!'

When I held the pacifier with both hands, the noblewoman let out a low exclamation.

She smiled slightly, exuding grace and wisdom.

"Does the child only use this pacifier?"

"Is it like a comfort object?"

"My son was particularly attached to one pair of pants."

"My granddaughter is also very attached to one toy. She won't sleep without it and cries all day, which worries my daughter a lot."

Finally, the dirty pacifier has been redeemed as a 'comfort pacifier.'

Ha ha ha, I smiled and subtly rolled my eyes. I didn't mean it that way at all.

"Do you know what toys children this age like these days?"

Deshar Clown's question made the table a bit restless.

It seemed no one expected this question, and they just looked at each other. The noblewoman who mentioned the 'comfort pacifier' spoke first.

"How about taking her to a toy store and letting her choose one herself? In my granddaughter's case, she played with the one she chose the most."

"The children's clothing store 'Callisha Boutique' in the outskirts of the capital makes particularly good children's clothes."

"The largest toy store in the center of the capital has a wide variety and is very good."

Deshar Clown nodded repeatedly.

I don't know what's gotten into him. Since the day I gave him the hyacinth, he's been treating me especially well.

He always brings me snacks and reads a fairy tale book to me once a day. When I leave, he always gives me a candy.

It's all quite boring, but I don't really mind.

When I see him smiling faintly or holding me tightly, I feel at ease. So much so that I don't even want to think.

"Thank you for your opinions. I'll take them into consideration."

"But your granddaughter is indeed very cute."

"Her silver eyes are definitely inherited."

Here and there, a few words of praise were thrown.

I don't know if they are sincere or just trying to leave a good impression on Deshar Clown, but I don't mind the praise.

After a few more exchanges, he ended the meeting.

He carried me in his arms the whole time, with a serious expression and no words.

'There are so many things I haven't done.'

I have no memory of receiving things a three-year-old should.

I've never been praised by anyone. I've also become someone who doesn't know how to praise others.

I've never encouraged or comforted anyone. I've also never been encouraged or comforted.

The first thing I learned was to survive by trampling and deceiving others and using their kindness.

After growing up and becoming independent from my master, I took in Melaine out of pity, lived with him, taught him magic, and became his teacher and colleague.

But I never had a deep conversation with him.

I hid many things, and now I realize he also hid many things.

'Must I go back?'

I know I can't stay with the Clown family.

It's my own problem. I don't want to tarnish a place I've been in, even for a short time.

But going back to Silophia is another issue.

The decision to sentence me to annihilation was likely made by the Silophia Senate. The chances of them accepting me back if I defy and return are low.

Even if I go back, I'll be used and have daily headaches.

I might have to be hostile to the Clown family again. Maybe because I've gotten used to peace, I just want to take revenge and live quietly.

...To be honest, I don't have the confidence to stand up to the Clown family anymore.

No matter how much we clash, I end up caring, and I already care.

Even if I deny it, it's true. At least enough to not kill or be hostile.

I didn't mind being in Sharant Clown's arms, I appreciated Deshar Clown's kindness, and I was happy with everything Vera did for me.

If Melaine's betrayal felt a little different...

If he didn't make me so miserable and kill me for no reason...

I might have been content to live like a child in the Clown family forever.

But I've already killed people and delved into black magic for revenge.

It's too late to regret it. Once you step into black magic, there's no other way.

Black magic corrupts people.

Even when I was Hella, I was occasionally overwhelmed by the urge to kill.

To control it, I need to gather more black magic and dominate it.

If I step into black magic half-heartedly, my body will be corrupted by the dark magic.

There are few black mages for this reason.

Most hesitate to step into black magic. I didn't stop because I wanted to live, but those who stepped in out of curiosity did.

"Grandpa."

"Yes, Sharena."

"I want to go to the rice fields."

If I had a family, it would have been better if it happened earlier.

Before I killed people, killed my master, and delved into the chaos.

I don't know any other way, so I can't stay with you.

You will also put a sword to my throat the moment you realize I'm a monster who ate your real granddaughter.

Deshar Clown's mouth, which I thought would immediately counter, was surprisingly heavy.

I also didn't say anything more.

Because it was also a message to me.