Chapter 89

89

Sharent Clown pushed his chair back slightly.

I flailed my arms and writhed on the soft red carpet.

"Guards—Guards!!"

Give me guards! Guards! I want Chaser!

‘If this guy finds out that the one from Silphia is here, I’m really dead.’

But I still have my pride as an archmage. How can I just watch them die even if I lower my blessings?

‘It will probably all come out soon.’

If Sharent Clown’s information is just a little more complete, he might discover all the suspicious parts.

I need to get the knights out of here before that happens.

"...Sherina."

"Chaser! Me too! Hey! Guards!"

I rolled on the floor, flailing my limbs desperately, undeterred by his cold voice.

"...Sherina Clown."

His voice wavered slightly at the end.

When I glanced up at his unusually defeated demeanor, Sharent Clown was pressing his forehead.

His expression clearly showed his rare confusion.

"Sniff..."

I rolled on the floor again and clung to Sharent Clown’s ankle.

Sharent Clown’s shoulders twitched.

The corners of his lips trembled.

If you don’t like it, just say so, human.

Do I have to lie on the floor like a brat and beg you to hold my leg at this age?

Fine, I have no choice. I’ll throw you something you’ll like.

"I won’t be boring."

Sharent Clown’s eyebrows shot up, and his silver eyes moved to look at me.

There seemed to be a hint of displeasure, but also a hint of anticipation.

"I won’t come like this anymore."

His eyebrows shot up again, and the corners of his mouth twisted upward.

I couldn’t tell if he was smiling or sneering, but it seemed to be a good sign. But why does he look so unhappy?

"And, um, I won’t ask for more. Just the last one! Huh? If you give me Chaser, I’ll be quiet and stay!"

"...You always manage to bring people’s moods to rock bottom."

His voice was now filled with displeasure.

"Huh...?"

"Since you always misunderstand, I’ll make it clear."

Sharent Clown spoke with a voice full of irritation.

The sudden change in atmosphere made me freeze in the middle of my tantrum.

He bent down, picked me up from the floor, and pushed all the papers on his desk away.

The papers that had been neatly laid out on the black wooden desk scattered and fell to the floor.

With the papers cleared, Sharent Clown sat me on the desk, his lips tight.

Looking into his eyes made me feel uncomfortable.

"...What? I’ve already said it."

Find another way. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?

As I tried to get off the desk, Sharent Clown grabbed my wrist.

He didn’t apply any force, but it was enough to stop my movement.

"Sherina Clown."

"Let go."

I didn’t want to hear what he had to say.

As I hunched my shoulders and lowered my head, Sharent Clown leaned down to meet my gaze.

"Use your head well."

Feeling uneasy, I quickly moved my lips.

What are you doing? I don’t want to hear it.

I don’t want to know anything.

We’re just fine as we are.

Drawing a line and maintaining our positions on either side of it is the most ideal.

As long as we do this, I can maintain my current position.

So...

"I’m worried about you."

I didn’t want you to cross that line.

But before I could finish that thought, Sharent Clown crossed it.

He fell into my space without hesitation. Or perhaps, he had been in my space for quite some time.

I had just refused to acknowledge it, stepping back and drawing another line to comfort myself, all the while he quietly and steadily...

I closed my eyes tightly to hide my trembling pupils, the expression I least wanted to show.

It was easier to think that Sharent Clown hated me.

If you hate me, I have a legitimate reason to leave this house.

I hoped that your kindness wasn’t kindness, and that your consideration was purely selfish and personal.

"Why..."

"I’m concerned about you."

I shook my head.

"This means... that I can no longer pretend not to know what you’re doing..."

"Sharent!"

I discarded the playful nickname I used to call him and called him by his name.

But Sharent Clown didn’t stop.

"I can no longer stand by and watch you walk down a thorny path."

"..."

"I don’t know what you’re thinking, why you keep saying you want to leave the house and stay out of sight."

He slowly calmed his voice, which had been tinged with anger.

His cold gaze made me feel like I couldn’t breathe.

Cold, but the grip on my wrist wasn’t forceful.

Despite having the power to kill me instantly or force me into submission, he had never once used violence on me.

He was different from my teacher, different from the many old mages I had encountered.

He was different from the senators and other mages who looked down on me because of my age.

In my world, there were only superiors and inferiors.

The strong and the weak.

I had been in the category of the weak for a long time.

"I..."

"You can’t leave the Clown family without my permission. If you cause trouble, do it here. If you create problems, create them here."

Sharent Clown, who had crossed the line without hesitation, now spoke his opinions freely.

I didn’t want to hear them, and they weren’t particularly welcome.

"If you think about how I’m worried about you, don’t say such things again."

"..."

"Whether you like me or not is a separate issue."

He finally let go of my wrist after saying that.

I could have immediately jumped down and turned my back, but I couldn’t.

Frustration and resentment welled up inside me.

What’s the difference between worry and liking?

‘Does worrying mean you like me? Where does thinking about me end?’

Why didn’t I run away earlier and end up like this?

"Sherina also hates me, right?"

"Yes."

"But why!"

"I push what I hate completely out of my domain. I don’t go through the trouble of putting annoying spells in a workshop and getting you a birthday present."

As Sharent Clown added this with a sigh, I turned my head.

I didn’t want to hear it, and I didn’t want to understand.

"At the ruins... you said you would protect me. You said nothing I think would happen. You said you wouldn’t do anything I hate."

Well, I said it was a temporary alliance.

Feeling wronged, I lifted my head, and Sharent Clown shamelessly continued as if he didn’t remember the rest.

"If you’re a member of the Clown family, keep your promises."

"Shut up!"

"I’m worried and concerned about you leaving. In other words, I don’t like it when you do that."

Don’t add strange reasons! ‘I don’t like it’ and ‘I might not like it’—what does that even mean?

Seeing my aggrieved expression, Sharent Clown smirked.

"Temporary alliance, huh! You fool, Sherina!"

As I shouted in frustration, Sharent Clown’s expression became subtle.

He tilted his head and tapped the armrest a few times with his index finger.

"Is it so hard to just act like a child?"

"...No, I don’t like it."

"Why?"

I swallowed a few words that were on the tip of my tongue.

If I say it, you’ll get hurt too. You always tell me to speak. Do you know what it is?

"I’m a grown-up! I can take care of myself!"

I clenched my fists and shouted.

Sharent Clown snorted, finding it amusing.

I watched him silently and then turned my head away.

"Do you want him as a guard?"

"Uh-huh."

Sharent Clown didn’t argue with me and smoothly changed the subject.

I noticed he was deliberately changing the topic, but I also knew he didn’t like this topic, so I kept quiet.

"I happen to have a favor to ask of you."

"Hmm?"

"If you agree, you’ll find out soon. I’ll assign him to you as a guard, but it will be conditional."

This is definitely appealing.

"Is it hard?"

"It’s something every noble does."

I slowly nodded at Sharent Clown’s words.

I have no choice, I guess.

"Alright."