chapter 17

Ai, what is this?” Kou Xiao who had been walking extremely valiantly ahead comes to a stop, turning to holler this way.

“Isn’t it just a rotten plastic bag,” Old Yang beside her says.

“Bullshit, where’s there a plastic bag that’s like this…” Kou Xiao was surprisingly not particular, bending down to pick a lump of something from in between the cracks of the rocks, “RanRan! Look! What is this?”

“…Maybe put it back down,” Huo Ran had originally planned to wait till she had put it back down before he revealed the answer, but Kou Xiao kept holding onto it refusing to let go, so he could only continue, “Snake slough.”

“Snake what?” Kou Xiao hadn’t caught what he’d said.

“Snake!” Kou Chen suddenly roars, with terror in his voice, “Snake ah —— Ah ——”

Huo Ran was completely stunned* by this shout of his, quickly trying to locate the snake, at the same time backhandedly retrieving the trekking pole that hadn’t been used all this time, and just as he’d extended the pole without having had the chance to start looking for the snake, Kou Chen had already leapt up from behind him, jumping onto his back.

[*tl note: a number of other meanings of the same phrase: ‘to be confused’, ‘to be fooled by’, ‘to be misled by’]

“Fuck!” Huo Ran was forced to stumble two steps forward after having been pounced on before he stabilises himself, “Get down!”

“Snake!” Kou Chen roars next to his hear, his legs squeezing his waist, and was still trying hard at grabbing his backpack to continue upwards.

Huo Ran felt that if he kept it up for two more seconds he would be able to reach the summit whilst gripping his hair.

“So where’s the snake!?” he also gave a roar.

“How would I know!?” Kou Chen’s voice had even cracked, “You fucking said there was a snake!”

“I fucking…” Huo Ran freezes for 0.1 seconds before raising his hand and using the trekking pole to smack behind him, viciously flinging the bag along with Kou Chen off to the side, “What I said was snake slough! It’s fucking snake skin! You get down.”

“Ah! Don’t hit anymore!” Kou Chen jumps down from his back, hopping to the side.

At that side Old Yang and Kou Xiao had already laughed to the point of crouching down, Kou Xiao was clutching her stomach, her laughter already soundless.

“The crap are you laughing about!” Huo Ran throws the backpack down, “What’s going on with your brother? Does he have some sort of illness in the mental aspect!?”

“He’s scared of snakes,” Old Yang walks over laughing, “Growing up he wasn’t afraid of heaven nor hell, only afraid of snakes, and also his dad.”

“My dad isn’t as scary as snakes,” Kou Chen leans on a large rock on the side, on his face there were still traces of terror that had not yet been kept away.

“If you don’t start crawling into the grass patches, usually you wouldn’t run into snakes,” Huo Ran heaves a sigh, also crouching towards the ground, feeling he’d been so angered his stamina couldn’t quite support him anymore, “You’re really… you’re scared of snakes yet you don’t mention it early, and even ran all the way out here into the wilderness.”

“Ai…” Kou Xiao gets up and jogs off, tossing the snake slough into the woods nearby, “I’ve tossed it, Jie’s already thrown it away, it’s no more, don’t be scared anymore ha.”

This sort of tone used for pacifying kids made Huo Ran feel like laughing when he heard it, but unexpectedly the Kou Chen whose boasts had constantly rocked the skies had not been made grumpy by the use of this tone, his braggart king facade completely absent as he nods: “Mn.”

Even his idol burden* had disappeared.

[*tl note: refers to the way idols have to watch their public image]

Looks like it wasn’t ordinary fear, and could already be considered a psychological barrier like the acrophobia of many others.

“I’ve trekked this route a number of times already,” Huo Ran says, “Haven’t met a snake yet, usually there’d be a few small animals, rabbits, foxes and what not, they run off as soon as they see people, they won’t come close.”

“Mn,” Kou Chen nods his head again.

“Want to take a break?” Huo Ran asks.

“Here?” Kou Chen turns to eye the woods in which Kou Xiao had just tossed the snake slough, “No break, rest my ass, let’s go.”

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The group of them heave their backpacks on once again, continuing forward.

Kou Chen never spoke up, Huo Ran doesn’t make a sound either, so they just listened to Old Yang and Kou Xiao as they flirted with each other.

Agony.

Your brother said you two are on the verge of a break up did you know? Your brother said that you’re a shrew did you know? Your brother…

“Huo Ran,” Kou Chen next to him calls out, “I noticed that your legs* are very steady, as expected of the school basketball team captain.”

[*tl note: would more accurately be ‘lower parts [from waist down]’ according to baidu]

“If you pounced onto me from the side I’d definitely go down,” Huo Ran says.

“I’m really scared of snakes,” Kou Chen gets up close to his ear to speak, “When I was young my dad brought me to a relative’s house in the countryside to play, we slept next to the woods, and at night there was a snake… that crawled onto my body… fuck it crawled up from my legs onto my face… I didn’t dare to move and didn’t dare to make a sound… fuck.”

Kou Chen describes with an agonised expression, in the end even using his hand to rub on his body and arms half a day.

“I thought you really weren’t afraid of anything,” Huo Ran says.

“Ghosts I’m definitely not afraid of,” Kou Chen says, “In any case usually there aren’t many chances to come into contact with snakes, but it’s not the same with some Lil Cuties*…”2

[*tl note: not actually sure whether the lil cutie(s) here refer to huo ran or ghosts, it makes sense both ways]

“Get lost!” Huo Ran gives him a shove.

“Ai Huo Ran,” Kou Chen says while smiling, “Have you ever played on a bull-fighting machine?”

Huo Ran doesn’t speak, watching him.

“Just now when I was riding on your back, it was just like riding a bull-fighting machine,” Kou Chen gets into the stance of riding a bull as he speaks, one hand holding onto a rein and the other raised, he lets out a screech, then runs off forward while bouncing, “Huo Huo Huo Huo Huo you can’t catch up to me…”

Huo Ran doesn’t swear nor chase, only swiftly whipping his phone out to take ten consecutive shots of this stupid back figure to keep as evidence.

“Are you secretly taking photos of me!” Kou Chen suddenly shouts from ahead.

“No,” Huo Ran says.

“Don’t deny it,” Kou Chen looks back, “I’m telling you, I’ve had people secretly take photos of me countless times while I was growing up, just using the back of my head I can tell that there’s someone secretly snapping pictures.”

“If I ran out with a stance as stupid as yours, even I’d know there’d be someone secretly snapping photos behind me,” Huo Ran says.

“Fuck,” Kou Chen laughs, “You won’t have friends like this.”

After trekking for about 2 hours, they started to see water appearing on the riverbed that had dried up, a very clear little stream.

“I’ll wash my face,” Kou Xiao finds a wider water surface, standing by to watch.

“Wash then,” Old Yang stands beside her to watch as well.

“The water’s a little chilly, but pretty nice,” Kou Chen crouches to scoop a handful of water and washes his face, and after he finishes his washing he realises that the two of them were still looking at the water, he then also looks into the water baffled: “What are you looking at? Panning gold?”

Kou Xiao doesn’t speak, she takes her phone out, directing it at the water surface, the two heads then suddenly lean towards the middle at the same time, and Kou Xiao snaps a picture of their reflection.

“Ai fuck!” Kou Chen roars, “Are you two sick!? Was this necessary!? When you two asked me you said we were going camping together, but the objective was child abuse wasn’t it! Luckily I fucking pulled someone along!”

“Off to the side!” Kou Xiao says, then in perfect unison the two of them raise their hands to make a heart, and continue taking photos of the reflection.

“Huo Ran! RanRan!” Kou Chen absolutely refused to take this lying down and walks over to Huo Ran who was currently looking at the map.

“No!” Huo Ran realises what he wants immediately, turning to walk off to the side, “No! You go play by yourself!”

“Do you believe that I’ll punch you!” Kou Chen follows.

“Don’t believe,” Huo Ran hops onto a rock on the roadside, starting to climb upwards along it.

“…Fuck,” Kou Chen watches him, “Where are you going?”

Huo Ran doesn’t answer, continuing to cling onto shrubs and rock ledges to climb up to a height of about 4-5 meters, only then stopping to look for a flatter piece of rock to sit on, fishing a few small tangerines out from his pocket to peel slowly.

“Ai?” Kou Chen was stunned, “Why do you have tangerines!?”

“Because your mom bought them, and put them in the car,” Huo Ran says, “When I got off I took a few.”

“Why didn’t you also get me to take a few!?” Kou Chen says.

“I said it though,” Huo Ran says, “Your sister said there was no need to take, you ignored me directly.”

“Did this happen? I didn’t hear it though!” Kou Chen turns to look at Kou Xiao, Kou Xiao was still immersed in sweet couple selfie-taking, not sparing him even a glance, he then turns back and raises his hand, “RanRan, give me one.”

Huo Ran gives him a sweeping glance, slowly stuffing the small peeled tangerine into his mouth.

Then continues on to peel the next one.

“Leave me one! I want to eat!” Kou Chen panics, “Fine then, Huo Ran! Captain Huo! Give me one!”

“Not giving,” Huo Ran says.

“There’s a tear at the crotch of your pants,” Kou Chen says.

“Impossible,” Huo Ran stuffs yet another peeled tangerine into his mouth, “No balls are that big.”

“…Fuck!” Kou Chen was momentarily stunned, then laughs so hard he almost chokes, “I’ll trade you chocolate.”

Huo Ran stops the hands that were peeling the tangerine, looking at him.

Kou Chen fishes a piece of chocolate out, raising then waving it.

Huo Ran gestures at him, signalling for him to throw it upwards.

“Why are you exactly like a monkey,” Kou Chen says as he raises his hand, throwing the chocolate upwards.

Huo Ran hadn’t expected that he’d toss it up directly without spewing any nonsense, and was thus a little caught off guard, the chocolate smacking very accurately onto his forehead.

Fortunately his delayed reaction was still rather fast, catching the chocolate before it bounces down the mountain.2

“I didn’t do it on purpose okay!” Kou Chen holds his laughter in, “I really didn’t mean it, give me a tangerine.”

Huo Ran holds onto a tangerine, aiming for his forehead as he throws it down.

The accuracy was there, he’d been playing basketball for many years after all, but Kou Chen was obviously on-guard, because not only does he catch it, he even uses a backhand catch like he was doing some fancy act.

“Cool isn’t it,” he says.

“Cool,” Huo Ran feels a little pathetic as he answers, because not only has he started to keep up with the pace of Kou Chen’s constant fronting, he could even act the role of a competent supporter.

“I’m going up okay,” Kou Chen says, “Is there space that can be squeezed out for me up there?”

“Don’t don’t don’t,” Huo Ran quickly stuffs the chocolate into his mouth then stands up, speaking incoherently, “Don’t come up, on weathered rock, I’m scared you’ll step on who-knows-what and fall.”

There might even be snakes.

This he didn’t dare to say, he was afraid of frightening the braggart king into crying again.

“Oh,” Kou Chen takes his phone out, “Then you come down, let’s take a selfie, we can’t just let them stuff dog food* at us.”

[*tl note: there’s a term used to address single people which would directly translate to ‘single dog’ (a bit self-derogatory), ‘scattering dog food’ refers to (usually celebrity) couples being publicly affectionate to show off, so he says ‘getting stuffed dog food’ because he/they didn’t want to see their PDA]

Huo Ran climbs down slowly from the top of the rock wall, sighing: “The two of us taking a hundred selfies, also wouldn’t be able to stuff a single mouthful of dog food at them though.”

“Come on,” Kou Chen hugs his shoulder, raising his phone, “Lean your head over a bit more… forget it don’t tilt your head, the two of us tilting our heads makes us look like elementary kids… just like that, don’t look at the camera… that’s right, don’t smile, be cooler, the message that this photo wants to convey is, going into the mountains to trek and camp in the wild, that’s your granddaddy’s, my day-to-day.”

“Your day-to-day?” Huo Ran was a little speechless.

“My granddaddy’s day-to-day is that alright already Uncle!?” Kou Chen sends him a glare, “Get your expression ready!”1

Just as they were about to continue forward, Huo Ran takes a look at his phone, at this time they still had signal, only that it’d switch to 2G every now and then.

He took the time to quickly glance through social media*.

[*tl note: it’s actually ‘friend circle’, which is a feature on wechat]

And catches sight of that photograph from earlier.

– been a while since I came to the mountains for a breather

How shameless… Huo Ran could pretty much be sure, that other than that one time he’d been touched from his legs up to his face by the snake, Kou Chen had never been into the mountains.

But one could tell, that the Bully Handler 7-man Group apart from the two of them were all very idle, because it’d barely been a few minutes, yet all five of them had already ‘liked’, and had started to chat in the comment section.

“I’ll send you all the photos at one go after I get back,” Kou Chen says.

“Mn,” Huo Ran responds.

“RanRan,” Kou Xiao asks from ahead, “Should we be eating soon? I’m a little hungry already.”

“…It’s not even 12 yet right now,” Huo Ran takes a look at the time, “Let’s walk a bit more, there’s a dam ahead, we’ll eat over there.”

“Are we setting up camp already!?” Kou Chen was a little agitated, “The tent and sleeping bags and what not you didn’t forget to bring did you?”

“It’s just eating lunch,” Huo Ran looks at him, “Setting up camp in the afternoon, at this rate we wouldn’t reach the destination even if we walk up till next month.”

For the time being, bringing these people along was cushier than Huo Ran had imagined it to be, perhaps because this stretch was easy to walk on, almost without any difficulty.

Old Yang and Kou Chen both had great stamina, full of energy even after walking the whole morning, but what took Huo Ran by surprise, was that Kou Xiao hadn’t been a burden in the least, carrying her own large backpack and crunching her way along, other than slipping once in the middle, she never had any other accidents.

At the dam, she throws her backpack down, taking her shoes off to get into the water: “RanRan ah.”

“Mn?” Huo Ran responds.

“We’re eating hot food aren’t we?” Kou Xiao asks.

“Mn,” Huo Ran nods, “We’ll cook noodles to eat, we can eat hot food at night too, but tomorrow afternoon we’ll have to eat dry food, once we reach Bai Mao Po at night, we can go to the village to buy food.”

“Okay,” Kou Xiao nods, “Old Yang ah —— come over to help me take pictures——”

Kou Chen had already taken the stove out, walking back and forth while carrying it: “Where do we put it? Where are we eating?”

“Here, put it down,” Huo Ran points randomly at the head of the dam.

In actuality whenever he comes out by himself, he never cooks food to eat, it’s too troublesome, there are also a lot of things to be carried, but these noobs were obviously here for an excursion, so he could play along with them for a bit, and when they got tired towards the end, the stove could just be left behind.

“How do I set it up? Teach me,” Kou Chen sits on the ground and starts studying the small cassette stove.

“Open that flap on the side of the stove, fix this gas cylinder in place and that’s it,” Huo Ran takes the gas cylinder out and hands it over, “There’s a slot, aim at it.”

“Mn,” Kou Chen opens the flap, putting the gas cylinder into it, but stops halfway, maintaining his ‘head lowered and installing’ stance, “Help me take a photo, use my phone, in my back pocket.”

Huo Ran heaves a sigh, going around to his back, pulling his phone out of his back pocket, and conveniently he sees the half Death God Kou Chen had exposed.

“This tattoo of yours,” he couldn’t resist asking, “What’s on the bottom?”

“On the bottom is my butt crack,” Kou Chen says.

“I’m fucking asking what’s on the bottom of your Death God!” Huo Ran was speechless.

“What’s the difference between the way you’re phrasing it now and before,” Kou Chen says, “On the bottom of the Death God is Laozi’s waist and Laozi’s butt as well as butt crack…”

“Unlock,” Huo Ran cuts him off, passing the phone in front of him.

“There’s no lock, just need to swipe,” Kou Chen says.

Huo Ran gives a swipe, and sees both his and Kou Chen’s handsome faces appearing on the screen.

“I give,” seeing his own face on someone else’s homescreen had startled Huo Ran a bit, “Do you not have any other photos to set?”

“Since you let me take this photo I just set it,” Kou Chen continues getting his pose ready after speaking, “That photo of us I’ll switch it to my lockscreen… can I trouble you to bend down to take the photo, if you stand and take the photo like that it’s easy for me to seem like my head grows on top of my ass.”

“Shut up!” Huo Ran roars, as he bends down he feels he’d simply had to put his pride in his pocket.

After taking the photograph he sits directly onto the ground, turning to look at the water in the dam, not wanting to help anymore.

Setting the stove up wasn’t difficult however, Kou Chen got it done very quickly, and even tested a little, it could light.

“Huo Ran,” Kou Chen calls out to him.

“Ah, how amazing, so clever, really awesome,” Huo Ran watches the water surface, lifelessly providing his support.

“I’m not getting you to praise me,” Kou Chen says, “Look.”

“Look at what?” Huo Ran turns back.

Kou Chen doesn’t speak, suddenly turning, giving his pants a downward tug, revealing half an ass.

“Letting you see Death God,” he says.

“I fucking!” Huo Ran was simply unable to describe how he felt, immediately pouncing and grabbing Kou Chen’s pants, directly giving a series of 5-6 pa pa pa pa pa slaps at Death God, “See if I beat you to death you shameless nutcase!”

“What are you two doing!” Kou Xiao in the river had almost laughed to the point of crowing.

“Do you still have to ask what we’re doing!” Kou Chen dodges to the side, pulling his pants up proper, “Can’t you see, bastard’s hitting me!”

“I’ll fucking beat you to death!” Huo Ran leaps up and lunges at him to pull his pants back down, giving another series of thundering slaps.

“Fuck!” Kou Chen dashes around madly whilst grabbing hold of his pants, “Are you really hitting!”

“If I’m not really hitting then could I be doing some kinky play with you!? Dumbass!” Huo Ran swears.

Kou Chen starts cracking up from around ten meters away, and Huo Ran tries to hold it in for a moment but ultimately fails, viciously giving the stove a kick, also cracking up.

“Did you see it clearly,” Kou Chen waits till he’s about done laughing, then walks over.

“I saw clearly,” Huo Ran hugs his head and heaves a forceful sigh.3