V4C2

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Chapter 2 | "That's What

Happened" | Remake our Life!

Part 1

The first week of 2018 has

passed in a flash.

I began to go to work as a

matter of course, and accepted the routine of spending time with my family with

open arms. I learned what was available at the closest station, and I could

naturally choose another route to work when the train stopped.

"Kyouya-kun... come

here"

I did as I was told and leaned

towards Shinoaki. She opens her arms very naturally and embraces me as if to

wrap my body in her arms.

"Chyu, chyu... Nn... Kyouya,

kun..."

"N, Nn..."

However, at night, the anxiety

and fear inside of me started to increase.

When I went to bed at night, I

could not fall asleep.

Suddenly, her secret came out.

It was powerful enough to give me no small amount of negative shock and

distress.

And then. Ironically, it was

she herself who was the cause of my sleeplessness, gently guiding me to sleep.

"Kyouya-kun, hug me more"

A sweet and gentle voice

whispered in my ear.

But I may have taken away the

most important thing from the owner of this voice.

"Yes……"

But for me, alone in this world,

she was almost the only salvation and healing I could find.

"Nn... Kyouya-kun, Kyouya-kun..."

She calls my name lovingly.

"Shinoaki..."

I also called her name, which

was very important to me.

It's nothing indecent, just an

act of body to body contact and closeness.

However, I still have a strong

feeling of guilt.

"Ne~e, today too... not do

it?"

Shinoaki asks me with glazed

eyes.

Her lips were slightly parted,

her bosom was wide open, and physically, I couldn't help but want to cover her

up right now.

…… But I couldn't do that, as

expected.

"Yeah. Just doing this... makes

me feel very calm and loved."

I stroke Shinoaki's back, which

is now a little more puffy and gentle than it used to be. The heat that comes

from the tips of my fingers seems to rush up to my body, caring for me when I'm

cold and sad.

"If Kyouya-kun is okay

with that, I'm fine."

Shinoaki's hand goes around the

back of my head.

Then she pulled my face to her

chest.

"Hmm... Shinoaki..."

The sweet smell and warmth of

her freshly bathed body enters my body densely. My head is rapidly melting, and

my ability to think seems to be fading fast.

"Are you worried about

something?"

She gently stroked the back of

my head and I almost said everything I was thinking.

"Yeah... it's about work,

a little"

At the last moment, I stopped

myself and lied.

"That's right... You've

been busy, as always."

I'm sure that for me in this

world, work is a big part of my life. It was natural for me to have worries,

and in that sense, it should have been a lie, but not a lie.

But there are more serious and

troubling things than work in my life right now.

"Don't worry. Just lay low

for now, okay..."

Every time Shinoaki's hand

moves gently, I shamelessly let out an inaudible moan like "Nn......"

or "Haa......" escape my throat.

And her warmth and softness

calmed the anxiety and fear that had been welling up.

The truth is, I don't deserve

to have this done to me.

But I can't resist her kindness

at all.

"Shinoaki, you know..."

Suddenly, I open my mouth.

"Hmm... what?"

Her soft voice echoes from

above my head.

"Um......."

I wanted to ask her. Why did

you quit drawing, and how did you feel about it?

Was it my sin, or was it a

reason beyond my control?

But there was no way I could

ask her. At that time, she had told me that she had quit drawing, looking very

sad. It was too bad to make her look so sad again.

And even if it was my fault,

she would probably hide the fact from me. If she told me that it was my fault,

I wouldn't believe her.

After the passage of time,

there was no clue to find out what the truth was, other than the information

from the past to the present.

"...Sorry. It's nothing"

I buried my face deep into her chest.

The sweet feeling envelops me in sinfulness.

"So..."

She also doesn't chase or ask

about it.

It's as if she usually does

that. It's as if she's used to taking care of me, the coward who can't say what

I want to say.

I don't know what my sins are

or how I can atone for them, but I'm drowning in her kindness.

Part 2

It was the second Sunday since

I arrived here.

"Ne~, Otou-san, let's

play, ne~?"

I'm lounging in the living

room, my only daughter is tugging at the hem of my clothes, begging me to play

with her, and Shinoaki is washing the dishes in the back of the room, humming

to herself. The warm days that come between spring and early summer are here,

just as they were when I arrived here a week ago.

"Hm? Hm~m, let me get some

rest for now..."

Due to the fact that I don't

sleep that well at night, I tended to spend my weekends somewhat lazily. That's

exactly what I used to do when I was working at a company, Saturdays and

Sundays were a time that existed only for playing games and sleeping.

However, I am not in such a

carefree environment now. I have responsibilities, and I have an important

existence.

"Maki, your dad is tired,

so don't force him."

Shinoaki warned Maki softly. It

was a nice gesture. I was in no mood to move at the moment.

"Boo, it's boring"

Maki was clearly unhappy with

the situation and was banging on the table beside her like a drum, and then she

grabbed a stuffed bear from the table.

"Ya!"

She threw it against the wall

as hard as she could to vent her frustration.

With a thud sound, the stuffed

animal hit the wall and fell to the floor.

It was that moment.

"Kora, Maki! That's

no good!"

A sharp voice came out of

Shinoaki's mouth, a voice that I had never heard before, even as far as I could

remember.

Maki (and I) were startled.

"Here, say sorry to your

stuffed animal!"

Shinoaki picked up a stuffed

animal that had fallen to the floor, held it out in front of Maki's face, and

scolded her again in a sharp voice.

"I'm... I'm sorry..."

Maki looked at Shinoaki and the

stuffed animal with a trembling voice and apologized in a simple, small voice.

Shinoaki took a small breath

and squatted down in front of Maki.

"You know, Maki"

Her voice was already back to

its usual gentle tone.

"Whether it's a stuffed

animal or anything else, God lives in the things that are made."

"God?"

Maki looks at Shinoaki's face

seriously.

"Yes. The god is very fond

of his creations. If you throw it away, how would he feel?"

In response to Shinoaki's

question, Maki made a pensive face,

"...Something like, it

hurts or I am sad."

"Yes. So you have to be

gentle to it. Do you understand?"

Maki nodded her head. Shinoaki

gently patted her head.

(Shinoaki......)

The woman in front of me is

definitely Shinoaki. She was born and raised in the western part of Fukuoka

Prefecture, went to the same university as me, and has probably spent a lot of

time with me.

However, it was clear that

there were many differences between her and Shinoaki, who I had spent time with

in college. She still had the same respect for what was being made, and the

same friendly atmosphere, but there was a glimpse of loneliness in her that had

clearly blown her mind about something.

I can't believe Shinoaki quit

drawing.

Shinoaki was supposed to be

Shinoaki by drawing.

She had once said so herself,

but now she had abandoned that identity. In a way, it was the most cruel

and difficult to solve reason: "I don't have anything to draw anymore."

Ironically, it was the end

result of my own cowardly cheating that brought a sense of reality to a world

where I had no clear sense of whether it was real or imagination.

Perhaps, no, surely. The reason

why she stopped drawing should have been because of my existence and actions.

But there was nothing I could

do. The only thing I could do was to spend my time with her as she stopped

drawing.

How about trying to draw again,

there is no way I could say that.

Because when she quit drawing,

she must have felt like cutting off her own body.

In this place, there is warm

daily life.

But the old us didn't exist

there.

It must be...

Part 3

"Good morning, Hashiba"

The next day, Monday morning. I

was approached as I walked to the ground from the station nearest my office.

"Kawasegawa, good

morning"

Immediately next to me, she is

lined up dressed in a suit.

From her head to her toes, she

was perfectly dressed. She has always been very careful about her appearance,

but now that she has joined society, it seems to have been strengthened even

more.

"I see you're coming to

work as usual today."

When I spoke to her, Kawasegawa

tilted her head, "What are you talking about?"

"I just went home to

change my clothes and take a bath since I was completely busy again until

midnight last night. I just happened to have time to get to work in the morning."

"I see... That's tough."

There was a 24-hour urban super

public bath near our company, and it was so useful that most of the people in

the industry working in this area had used it before.

Since the development of the

game had reached its climax, Kawasegawa had been a regular visitor to this super

public bath. Sometimes late at night, Kawasegawa could be seen in a relaxed

outfit after taking a bath, but when she found out that she was being observed,

she was naturally reluctant.

Anyway, she was in a tough situation.

......When I thought about it,

there was no way she could have returned home properly. I hadn't been

considerate enough.

"W-Well, but it's been a

while since you've had a relaxing bath at home?"

"Yes, I thought about

taking a bath at home once in a while, but if it's too late, I'll have to worry

about the neighbors, and a super public bath would be more comfortable. I don't

feel satisfied with a bath that doesn't have bedrock baths, massages, and

beauty treatments anymore."

Kawasegawa is strangely

suggesting a super public bath.

It's true that if you've been

going to a lot of places, you know a lot of good things about them.

"It's that good, right

there"

"You don't visit that

place very often, do you? It's really nice. They have a relaxation area, but

they also have a great restaurant, where you can order a snack set for 1,000

yen that includes fried chicken, edamame, and beer..."

Perhaps embarrassed that she'd

been so absorbed in the conversation, she cleared her throat deliberately,

"That doesn't matter!"

Then she fixed her gaze on me.

"It's nice that you're

still in the early stages of the project, so it won't be too much of a workload."

As she said, my team was still

in the middle of a free good time.

"Yes, that's why I'll help

where I can, and consult to me properly."

I intended to be careful... but

"...That said, we don't

have much of a chance to talk. The other Sunday, it was the first time in a

long time."

A little unbelievably, she

seemed to be a little flustered.

In the past, she would have

said something like "This big liar!"

Perhaps Kawasegawa was a little

weak right now, but her reply was extremely normal.

"Y-You're right... I'm

sorry."

I don't know what kind of

relationship I had with her in this world, but it seems that we were somewhat

estranged within the company, or not that closely related.

"You never invite me out

to lunch at all anymore, and I know it's hard for you to do that because you

have your wife's lunch box."

"I-I'm sorry"

Indeed, people who bring their

own lunch box every day will inevitably invite others who are also lunch box

people to join them.

But now that I'm in a position

where I'm married, and Kawasegawa, who I've had a close relationship with for a

long time, is my colleague, it's probably inevitable that I would be somewhat

conscious of avoiding contact with her.

I seem to be particularly

concerned about such things, even if I am a bit self-conscious about it.

"Let's make an opportunity

to talk soon, okay?"

I said, and she,

"Thank you, that would be

great "

As I thought, she answered in a

slightly different atmosphere from the old Kawasegawa.

Part 4

At my workplace, we were

supposed to have a regular meeting once a week on Monday mornings, and I and the

other members of the Hashiba Team gathered in "Hawaii", a small

conference room for six people.

"Good morning. Let's get

started."

The sub-leader, Kishida,

nominated each staff member in turn and had them present their work schedule

for the week.

The Hashiba team was currently

in the process of preparing for the release of a new work at the end of the

year. As they were in the process of coming up with ideas, the faces of the

staff were all cheerful.

For the new work, it seemed

that we used many famous illustrators and spent a lot of money. Of course, I

don't remember anything about this project myself.

"It's a big project,

really."

When I talk to Kishida next to

me,

"Yes, this is thanks to Hashiba-san

coordination skills."

The activities of a person who

was me but not me were also evident here.

"Did I do something?"

"Haha, that's funny to us,

but you shouldn't tell that to the A team members. They're really on edge right

now."

The A team is the team that

Kawasegawa is in charge of.

"Well, we're in the middle

of development."

When the pressure is on, no

matter what kind of company you work for, the members of the development team

start to lose their humanity. I'm sure that's what's happening to Kawasegawa's

team.

"That's true, too... See, didn't

Hashiba-san also involve in the story of Minori Ayaka."

"Yeah, so what?"

"In addition to that, it

seems to be difficult because the illustrator can't be contacted. So they had

to cut down on the characters they were planning to use, which in turn caused

them to cut down on the scenarios they were working on and change the

specifications, so it looks like things are pretty bad."

It was bad enough to give me

chills just hearing about it.

"In this regard, thanks to

Hashiba-san's efforts in laying the groundwork, the illustrators have been

working comfortably, and there have been no significant problems. I'm sure the

other teams are envious of us."

It's true that in that

situation, it might seem sarcastic for me to pretend like I don't know things. Like

he said, better not to be touching anything funny.

"It must be hard for

Kawasegawa-san. She's in charge of all the negotiations, and I'm sure she's

being pushed around in the scene."

It was an easy story to

imagine. I think Kawasegawa is a strong person, but to be honest, I don't think

she is suited to be a coordinator who can coax people into a compromise.

It seemed to me that she must

be pushing her limits somewhere.

"But the president said he

would never postpone the release, and that's why the other day Kawasegawa-san

and he got into an argument... Hashiba-san, what's the matter? You look so

serious."

"Ah, no... Thank you for

the information. It's fine."

As everyone continued to come

up with ideas, I remembered the glimpse I had caught earlier of her in the development

room.

Through the open door,

Kawasegawa was tapping on the keyboard with a serious look on her face.

Occasionally she sighed and held her head in her hands, as if things were not

going her way.

The leader is probably lonely,

and she's not the type to be particularly dependent on others. At the very

least, she would have to rely on the bath at the super public bath. I can't

even begin to measure how hard that is.

(Kawasegawa... looks like she

is having a hard time)

She used to be angry all the

time.

But it was an anger at those

around her who refused to act on her ideals, an anger that also gave her the

strength to act on her own to solve the problem.

But right now, she seemed to be

frustrated with the reality that things were not working as she wished, and she

couldn't move even if she wanted to. That's what being a producer is all about,

and if the commander moves on her own, the place is likely to get confused and

lose morale.

Returning my attention to the

conference room, I listened to the exchanges between the young staff members.

"Why don't we just cut the

story here and let them wait and then introduce the 5 star character?"

"No, that won't last long,

so we should keep the story going."

"But then the main story

won't hold up. Are you going to ask the writer?"

"What about sub-episodes

to connect them? It's Christmas time, so what do you think?"

Everyone is thinking hard about

the situation they are given and trying to come up with something that looks as

interesting as possible. That's when everyone starts thinking. There are few

creators who start out with the intention of preparing something boring or low

quality. When they come up with an idea, everyone is thinking of delivering something

that is 100 points.

However, this is gradually

diminished by the opinions of others, time and cost constraints, and the skill

of the individual. This is even more noticeable when it is group work.

Conditions are added to the finished blueprint, such as a lack of this or that,

and the beautiful elements are pieced together.

And the next thing they know,

what should have been a score of 100 is reduced to a score of 30 or 10, and

they are branded as unprofessional, wondering why they made such a thing. The

more a creator tries to take the evaluation seriously, the more they get

poisoned by it and are thrown into the depths of despair.

Excuses aren't something you

make for other people. It's something you have to do in order to survive.

I wonder what Kawasegawa is

despairing about.

And how did Shinoaki lose the

sight of the future?

Everyone from that time is

here, but no one is here.

And that must be――.

"――san. Hashiba-san?"

I came to my senses. It seemed

that he had been talking to me the whole time, but I hadn't noticed.

"S-Sorry, what?"

Kishida smiled,

"I'm sorry to bother you while

you're tired. I've sent you a chat message about the theme song, so please

check it out."

Before I knew it, everyone was

leaving the conference room.

"Okay, I'll take a

look."

I answered and got up to go

back to my seat.

Part 5

As soon as I return, I open my

browser and open the application for chatting.

It was installed for business

use, and I used to use it a lot when I was making bishojo games.

Click on the URL of the video

site that the staff sent me.

Since the target age group for

the upcoming game was teens and older, it was decided that the theme song would

be chosen from so-called singers.

Just a few years ago, NicoNico

was the main battleground when it came to try to sing. But now, other

video sites are gaining momentum, and half of the nominated singers have published

their works on other services.

"It's the flow of the

times... Ah."

As I opened the third tab, my

eyes were glued to the Nico Nico website.

Knowing about Shinoaki's

current situation and Kawasegawa's agony, I was trying to turn my back on many

things. For the past week, I had avoided those words, even though I could have

searched for them at any time.

It was hard. I could only

imagine what the reality would be like there.

To the video that was sent to

me, and its related videos.

"N@NA's video..."

―― Something I had avoided the

whole time.

I thought that maybe there was,

but I couldn't bring myself to reach out to it.

I could have chosen not to

look. At this point, the painful things were already piling up. A feeling

of hopelessness overcame me, as if I had given up, wondering what would become

of me if I went through more pain.

But I felt it was my duty to

face it.

Because this is the future from

that past. The future of these girls has changed because of my involvement.

This is the future based on that.

To put it more bluntly, this is

a world that has been remade because of me. It was... about to be

confronted in front of me in a very straightforward way.

"Let's... hear it"

I clicked on the video link

with trembling hands and watched the video that opened.

And reality spread out there.

Views, 5439.

Comments, 32.

My Lists, 126.

The content was an attempt to

sing a recent anime theme song. The voice was definitely that of Nanako. I

thought that some people would be convinced if they were told that it was sung

by a professional.

But this is.

"It's not N@NA's... song "

N@NA's voice, which once

encouraged me and which I listened to over and over again, was indeed similar

to the one playing now. But it was nothing more than a resemblance.

Whether it was technical or

emotional, I don't know the details. But this song was just an attempt to sing

"better than an amateur".

Many of the comments that

flowed in were praising the skill of the singer. In fact, the number of My Lists

was higher than the comments, so it was clear that many people appreciated the

technique.

But that was it. There was

nothing beyond that.

"H-How about the past

videos..."

The past works that I clicked

on as if to hang on to them did not seem to have any outstanding features.

Above all, the number of submissions was low.

In the former world, there was

a time when she posted so much that she was called a daily N@NA. But the singer

here now has less than 10 posts in total.

As I was about to sink, I saw

another link in front of me.

"Does she have... a

community?"

It was the Nico community.

N@NA also had her personal

community, where she sometimes broadcast live.

Perhaps, they were mainly

broadcasting on Nico Nico Live instead of videos. In fact, there were singers

who became famous from the mainstream of live broadcasting instead of video.

"This one here, maybe "

Looking for hope, I clicked on

the latest time shift.

"Thank you for taking the

time. Good evening."

It was Nanako.

Surprisingly, she hasn't

changed from her old appearance.

"No, it's been 3 weeks. I

know it's been a while, but how is everyone? Me? I'm doing great. Today, I'm broadcasting

from the shores of Lake Biwa."

Gal-like clothes, a cute smile,

and a friendly manner of speaking.

"She looks fine... I'm

glad."

Such a word came out

unintentionally.

As with the number of views on

the video, the number of people in her community and the number of visitors was

not very large, but quite normal.

But I was relieved. Even if it

was just to know that she was still singing and active.

As long as she continues, I'm

sure she'll have the strength to appear one day.

However.

The convenient delusion has

crumbled.

"Etto, I have some

unfortunate news."

Near the end of the broadcast,

Nanako is,

"I've decided to quit live

broadcasting after today."

The end came so suddenly.

"The last streaming... she

said, eeh..."

Three days ago, she had

announced that she was retiring from Nico Nico Live and would no longer upload

videos of her songs.

"For the listeners, I'm

sorry. I don't know what I'm singing to anymore."

At the end, she waved "bye

bye" and the streaming came to an abrupt end.

Like Shinoaki, she was also,

"Why do you have such a

lonely face...!"

Nanako was smiling at the end

of the video.

She smiled as much as she could

at the few viewers who had left comments.

But to me, that smile looked

very... lonely.

I couldn't even look at the

monitor properly anymore.

Even after the recorded stream

is finished and the screen is blacked out.

I just kept staring at the

black screen that was no longer showing anything.

Part 6

I was wobbly on my feet. I

wasn't even sure where I was going.

The neon signs blurred and

melted into violence of colors that hurt my eyes.

My vision kept spinning. Every

time I tilted my body's center of gravity to the left or right, the scenery in

front of me rotated with many times its strength.

I didn't feel any physical

pain. I was sure I had been hitting myself all over the place for a while, but

the drunkenness had canceled it all out.

The people around me, who were

faintly visible, averted their gaze, trying not to get involved. There were no

more people in front of me.

Yes, this is how people

disappear one after another. In front of me, who is annoying and

selfish. My drunken mind amplifies both positive and negative things

without limit.

The sense of alienation grew to

the limit, slowly separating me from the world.

"How did... this

happen..."

With a drunken mind, I traced

the thin, tattered threads of my memory.

I leave work early to go to

Shinjuku because I had a strong headache. I didn't feel like going straight

home, so I went to a restaurant that served alcohol... I barely remember that.

Alcohol melts the brain. It

dissolves the current past, and the past I was originally from.

When I first came to this

world, I thought that maybe this was a happy ending.

I thought I had fallen in love

with Shinoaki, followed Shinoaki's route to the ending, and now I was going to

play the epilogue.

Indeed, the stage was filled

with such a setting. Shinoaki and I are married, have a cute child, and

although my job is a bit of a challenge, I am respected by everyone as a member

of the team. I was able to get involved in the game business that I had once

longed for.

It was warm, a little

stimulating, and a little nostalgic. It was conveniently filled with only happy

elements.

――Yes, "only" me.

"If I... am happy... would

that be okay..."

I wonder what I wanted to do.

I wanted to make things, and I

hated the past when I couldn't do it to the fullest. So I prayed and prayed

hard. Then a miracle happened, and I went back 10 years ago. There were

wonderful creators there, in the past.

I was so enthusiastic that I

tried to make something with them.

I gathered all my knowledge to

try to break the situation that seemed impossible to create. To a girl on the

verge of failure, I gave knowledge of the future. To a friend who was on the

verge of financial despair, I gave everything I had to find a way to make

money. It was all for the sake of the future that lay ahead.

But what awaits me are friends

who despair when they see me as the cowardly superman, and creators who were

influenced by the distortion, tried to take a different path.

Fate is cruel. It's really

cruel.

In fact, if I had been hurt and

taken a wrong turn myself, I might have been able to convince myself that that

was the way it was.

But I was the only one who was

happy. It was a happy ending where I was the only one who was happy. It's

a ridiculously ironic bad ending. It is also an end that was obtained by

using them as a stepping stone to a bright future.

Every step I took, I could hear

them groaning. We wanted to be happy, too. Why, why only you?

After stumbling around, I

finally sat down.

Underneath a large viaduct, a

narrow path that only allowed one car to pass. I leaned limply against the

railing of the bridge.

A train noisily ran past in

front of me. The clang of the railway crossing gate echoed strangely in my

head. The barking of a stray dog mingled with it, and the sound of someone riding

a bicycle went from far away to near, and then away again.

The asphalt was cold, and the

heat of the alcohol didn't seem to take me to the dream world so easily.

I fumbled in my pocket. I

pulled out my phone with my right hand and displayed the content I had been

searching for earlier.

There were two tabs displayed.

One is "Kawagoe Kyouichi".

And the other one is "Rokuonji

Tsurayuki".

The first search result is 0.

The latter is a few dozen.

Tsurayuki worked as a clerk at

his parents' home, Rokuonkai Hospital. There was a photo of his face on

the page. He looked a little more mature than he used to.

It seemed that he was married.

The partner was that Sayuri-san. The photo of them together showed a happy

smile on their faces.

And he wrote the hospital's

blog all by himself.

The contents of his blog were

diverse. He talked about his hometown of Kawagoe, his hobby of magic tricks,

his wife Sayuri-san, his son, the weather, and gourmet food.

I guess it is the result of his

diligent and proper efforts. The content was easy to read and interesting to

read.

But how many readers are

eagerly reading the hospital's official blog? He should have had more than a

million readers, and he should have been eager to write his story, but now he

was only writing for a small official blog with only a few dozen readers at

most.

I'm the one who erased the

future that should have been.

"Tsurayuki... I'm sorry,

really..."

I put my smartphone in my

pocket and looked up at the pitch-black sky.

There were hardly any stars to

be seen at night in the city center. Only buildings illuminated by artificial

light were glittering with an inorganic glow. No matter how I looked at it, I

could not find anything soothing.

"If I'm drunk and collapse

like this... I wonder if I'll ever find the way back to the original world

again."

To those worst days of my life.

Back to 2016, when I was living a helpless life. Going back there seemed to be

the best choice for me.

I heard the sound of the railway

crossing gate again. A train was approaching with a thunderous sound. The

ground, illuminated by the headlights, exposed my shameful figure.

Part 7

I closed my eyes.

I covered my ears.

I wanted to believe that if I

shut myself off from the world, the punishment would end.

But it didn't end. There was no

game over in my life. If there was, there was only one way, but I didn't have

the guts to choose it.

Part 8

"Welcome bac... what's

wrong, Otou-san?!"

"Otou-san, smelling of

alcohol~!"

The next thing I knew, I was

asleep as I opened the door to my house.

Two faces peered out at me.

It's someone I love, and

someone who looks a lot like her.

Both of them looked very

worried. I wondered why they were worried. My consciousness was so far away

that even that was vague.

"To drink till like this...

Isn't this the first time"

"Otou-san, are you

okay?"

The person I loved seemed a

little surprised. It seemed to be the first time I had gotten wasted in this

world.

If so, it was surprising. I

wonder how the person who was supposed to be me was able to maintain his sanity

in the future with such an ending. If it were me... I wouldn't be able to

bear it.

If only I hadn't been so

pathetically drowned in alcohol like this.

"Sorry......."

I apologized to her.

"What's wrong... What's

wrong?" (Note: The latter, she spoke with dialect she used to)

At first she took the words as

her husband, and then a little later as me.

"Sorry, Shinoaki..."

I called her name. And I

apologized. I had corrupted her future and built my own happiness on it. For

having a selfish happy ending with the worst cheat ever.

"It's okay, Kyouya-kun. You've

been having a tough time."

Shinoaki hugged me. Then she

placed my head in her lap.

The feel of the cold floor

changed to something warm and soft. The regret and apology that had occupied my

mind seemed to melt away with her warmth.

Why is she so kind? I'm such a

worst person. I took something precious away from you.

I don't deserve to be treated

so nicely, but why...

"U-Uu..."

I cried.

Raising my voice like a child.

On Shinoaki's lap, enveloped by the warmth.

"Otou-san is crying~. Like

a child~."

A girl who looked a lot like

Shinoaki was patting me on the head.

Although I wanted so much to

return to the original world and disappear, in the end I came back to pamper

myself.

I know that if I do this here,

I will be warmly welcomed.

―― I wondered how I could repay

her in this world. That's all I could think about in my distant consciousness.

The sound of a train running is

heard farther away than usual.

It should have been the time of

day when there were still people and cars on the streets, but today I couldn't

hear any of the hustle and bustle.

It was a quiet night. It was

just the opposite from the fuss I had made when I came back.

"Kyouya-kun, have you

already slept?"

I heard a whispering voice. It

was the voice of Shinoaki, who was sleeping next to me.

"No, not yet"

I turn over and face her.

I could see Shinoaki's face

very close to mine, looking at me with concern.

"Thank you. Thanks to you...

I feel so much calmer."

I can feel the warmth coming

from the hand I hold.

"It's okay. This is all I

can do..."

Shinoaki also turned her body

toward me. Holding each other's hands, we stared at each other at close range.

Perhaps it was because we were

talking about the past, her dialect reverted back to her old self. Looking at

her this way, she was still only Shinoaki, and not anyone else.

But she's not the same girl I

knew back then. I knew that already, painfully.

"I thought that Kyouya-kun

had already gotten over it."

Faintly, I felt a strength in

my hands as I grasped it.

"That I... stopped

drawing"

Earlier, when I was being cared

for by Shinoaki.

In my hazy state of

consciousness, I asked her one more time.

Why did you quit drawing? I said.

At that time, Shinoaki just

smiled and didn't answer anything, and I fell asleep immediately, so I only

vaguely remembered asking the question.

Later, I cursed myself for my

carelessness. I cursed myself for being a bastard. I had been so eager to hear

the story, but I had stopped myself.

But now that I've heard it... I

can't go back.

"Sorry, I asked you such a

hard question."

"Hm-Hm. When I decided to

quit, I didn't tell you the reason properly. I think it's natural that it

stayed in your mind for a long time."

Shinoaki took a breath.

"When I decided to draw

for the game, I drew a lot while talking to Kyouya-kun and everyone. It's been

going on for a long time, hasn't it?"

I guess it's about the first

doujin game and after that.

From the way Shinoaki was

talking, I wondered if we were still making games after that.

"But halfway through, I

didn't know why I was drawing."

My memories come flooding back.

Prioritizing the completion of

the game, she was forced to make a lot of sacrifices.

By making the composition easy

and letting her draw by habit, she was able to mass-produce her work in a way

that prioritized the schedule.

That shortened her life as an

illustrator.

"I've... done something irreparable."

About my attitude at that time,

and Shinoaki nodded slowly.

"It's true that drawing is

becoming less fun. But

―― "

The gentle smile that Shinoaki

always shows me.

"Kyouya-kun did what Kyouya-kun

could do. You worked harder than anyone else. It's not like it's anyone's fault

or anything."

Perhaps Shinoaki still considerate

about me at times like this.

Unable to connect the words in

an apologetic tone, she,

"More than that..."

She turned her face to the

ceiling and took a single breath.

"... It was hard for me to

draw where no one else was."

"What do you mean, no one?"

Tsurayuki was gone, but I and

Nanako were supposed to be by her side at the time. So why would she say such a

thing, I wondered.

"The more I draw, the more

Kyouya-kun will praise me. If I share it with the world, more and more people

will praise it. Whether I don't agree or don't understand"

Shinoaki cut her words once

there.

"That's what's always... scared

me."

Then, in a faint voice, she

answered.

"……"

I stared at the ceiling, as she

did. I didn't have any words to answer.

At that time, Shinoaki trusted

me. Even though there were times when she had doubts when we were making the

game, she still believed in me.

I wondered if there was

anything that could have shaken that trust. No, if that's the case, the very

fact that I'm with her now becomes a question.

Was there a loneliness in those

days that only she could understand? And I couldn't notice it?

Wasn't there really anything...

I could do about it?

"Shinoaki..."

I gently looked to the side and

saw that she was quietly looking at me.

"Kyouya-kun"

Her gentle smile made me feel

hot in the corner of my eye again.

"Come here "

Shinoaki opened her arms and

hugged me.

With tears in my eyes, I clung

to her, and then kissed her again and again.

"Nn... Chyu..."

I couldn't give her what she

wanted. So she quit drawing and chose the path of living with me.

And yet, here I am, enjoying the

kindness she gives me.

"Nn... Shinoaki ..."

I call her name. She smiles at

me.

But every time I do, I feel as

if something inside me is melting and disappearing.

Is it my remaining conscience

or my guilty conscience?

In order to repay her one day,

I need to live in this world where everything has changed.

(...I have to live here. And I

have to look for it)

I can only do what I can do. It

may have been said out of concern, but Shinoaki also encouraged me to do so.

Let's at least do that while I

am needed.

Quietly so as not to repeat

that big mistake.

Kawasegawa Eiko

Kawasegawa, good work. Can

I have a moment now?

Fine. What?

I was wondering if you'd be

okay since you've been feeling a little stuck at work lately.

Not really

You're the one who's been

thinking and pondering all the time, strange

Worry about yourself rather

than worry about others

I see, that's fine. And thank

you for worrying about me

I'm not worried about you

I am really not

I understand, thank you

I said!