CH 8

8. Something Called a Woman

Amuro had tried to push Lalah away, but she slipped around his attempt. On top of that she even acknowledged him, to a degree that felt unfair.

“…” Amuro thought that she would end up hating him if he told her the Red Comet was his enemy, and once she hated him he would accept his defeat. But that didn’t happen. That was why his thoughts really did freeze this time, despite a growing elation. If she wouldn’t hate him, he knew that there was a fragile part of himself that might cause him to err, and so Amuro tried to use Char’s existence as a shield.

That too was unfair.

But if he didn’t, he knew that he could end up losing control of himself…and commit a truly terrible mistake. If the girl named Lalah showed even a bit of interest in him, it could light the sort of bomb where he chased after her with no thought of the consequences.

That was how she made him feel, this woman…

It might be okay if he didn’t return to the Federation ship, since his father was lodging here. Political asylum might be a stretch, but he could probably at least get residency permission as a refugee. He hadn’t given much thought to the little details. If Lalah said yes he would have gone with her, no matter her actual intentions, no matter if she made a fool of him. There was something in him that might have even made him beg on his hands and knees if it meant living with her. Everything they ordered him to do on the Trojan Horse was terrifying, and being able to forget about all of that in the face of her exoticism felt wonderful! Plus this girl, simultaneously apprehensive and open-hearted, looked to him like a precious gem.

On the Trojan Horse Amuro met women who became the subjects of his unrequited love. However, he didn’t feel embarrassed over that, because he was busy getting in and out of his mobile suit; urged onward by angry shouting men. He was simply being forced to fight. Still, those women were there, and he was able to make it back because of his desire to return to their side.

Thank you. You were a great help.

Good job out there.

As long as he was able to hear their voices come through his small cockpit monitor, he was satisfied. He thought he must be very easily flattered if that was all it took to get him to climb into a mobile suit and do battle.

He felt sorry for Fraw as well. However, it was the presence of those women on the Trojan Horse that allowed him to sit inside the belly of that outrageous object, a weapon designed for close quarters fighting in outer space.

Sayla Mass. A textbook model of a career woman. Despite that, she contained a woman’s strength and fullness within her. That’s what she had shown him.

Mirai Yashima. A perfect representation of a mother. Amuro had never known such a young woman who had that kind of maternal scent wafting around her entire being.

Lieutenant Matilda Ajan, part of the supply corps and a great friend to the Trojan Horse. She had been unparalleled, a true goddess who was the absolute embodiment of femininity. “Had been,” because she was killed in battle just before the Trojan Horse departed Earth. Nevertheless, there was no doubt that she was someone who showed Amuro the characteristics of an ideal woman.

If he was going to become a prisoner of love, Amuro envisioned it would be to one of those types of women. Compared to them, Fraw Bow was… He’d be fine as long as they were by his side, he ended up thinking. Still, they were precious allies whom he could never mistreat.

There was a volume to Lalah different from those women. If she had simply been a girl in the care of that officer, dressed in his neat and dignified red uniform, there was no way she should have ever been attracted to a wet behind the ears boy like Amuro.

However, Lalah tried to respond to Amuro’s urge to be mistaken.

“….Hah…” She sighed the moment his body pulled away from her. From that it was clear his actions were hurtful.

{I won’t fall in love.} Those words appeared in a flash and faded away. Amuro stood up from the bench, an attempt to prevent the girl named Lalah from sensing the thought that had flitted through his mind.

Disappointment.

That was the sensation following after him.

“…Mm?” It was Lalah’s sorrow, and Amuro looked back. Her eyes were raised while her chin remained pointed at the ground. Amuro caught her gaze, and their eyes locked.

{Why is it that you only understand reality as it appears to you, and don’t try to imagine anything beyond that? You’re unfair!}

Amuro felt like he had been punched, and at that moment he understood what it was that he really wanted from her. {No matter what I think about you, it won’t change anything.} He tried to shift the point. With Lalah, Amuro had been confronted by the part of a young man that only thinks about seeking indecent things from young women.

It was shameful.

Just because you wanted it didn’t make it something you were going to receive, and if the woman realized you were fantasizing about things like that she would run for it. Any woman who didn’t try to flee had no worth as a partner. Even Amuro, slow to become aware of sex, realized that. Amuro hadn’t paid any attention during health education because he believed that topics related to a person’s growth should be learned through firsthand experience, and that included sex as well. That was why he couldn’t stand the message if it was conveyed through a classroom, even if the teachers at school taught the subject convincingly, adding in humor for good measure. It was because he was that sort of boy that when he first saw an image of a naked woman spreading her legs on the internet he was unable to understand why anyone would make such a scandalous pose.

Still, he continued to look once he realized the other boys of his age seemed to be doing the same things, and he got accustomed to his childish instrument metamorphosing into that of an adult’s. It was after he figured out ejaculation that he was able to envision the vulgarity of male desire, as well as recognize that there were apparently women who enjoyed exposing their bodies. However, he had come to think that the eroticism of these women, this class of woman, was something inferior.

Fraw Bow, a girl in his daily life, was not an object to which the adjective “sexy” could be applied. If he had to describe Fraw, she’d be a nosy woman with puffy cheeks. Despite the pair of curvy legs protruding from beneath her skirt, when she complained to him about her period cramps he didn’t know what she was talking about, aside from the understanding that she was annoying.

Even so, that didn’t mean he wanted her gone.

“Can I meet you here again tomorrow?”

“How do you feel about it?”

“That meeting won’t make any difference. But, I want to see you.”

“Right, it won’t make a difference.”

Understanding it would be pathetic as a man if he continued to say anything after that, Amuro walked away. The surface of the lake had turned an apathetic color. If he was going to do something as a result of meeting Lalah, Amuro would have no choice but to follow her, but as long as the Red Comet was around nothing would happen.

No, he might end up getting killed.

“…Ah!”

He turned back. Through the reeds, he saw her sitting on the bench.

…Should I abduct her…?

Lalah looked like a doll, light enough to be easily lifted.

“…Lalah…” Trying to say her name, Amuro was just about to start running. At that moment she stood up, looking down at her feet with her back to him.

{Poor thing…} Her thoughts weren’t aimed at anyone else besides herself and Amuro. That was the reason Amuro could do nothing but watch as her mugwort-colored dress vanished from sight, as if she had been carried away by the wind.

Tears ran down his face.