Chapter 14

Translated by Naralara Edited by Naralara

14.

But it was raining. Jeong Yiyeon, who took the key from my hand, got into the driver’s seat, and I got on the front passenger seat, fearing that he might change his mind. I couldn’t help but look at him, who had made my day.

The car glided into the street. An orange street lamp was illuminating the dark road. The atmosphere was a little vague, so I looked out the window.

It felt so strange to be in the car he was driving. What’s more, it feels like I’m about to vomit my heart out because the atmosphere is so gloomy. Cold sweat broke out in my hands.

“I think I’m hungry. What should I eat? Something like a donut.”

Fortunately, Jeong Yiyeon’s bad mood was not for long. His tone of voice was still as if he was trying to change the atmosphere. That gentle tone of voice certainly worked. A sense of relief spread within me.

In that relief, I thought. This guy also has a bit of a weird taste.

“I think it would be burdensome to eat that at night.”

“Then deep-fried tteokbokki?”

I don’t think I’d ever eaten a snack like that. My prejudices were shattered again. When I didn’t respond positively, heI reconsidered late-night snacks such as bossam and pig’s feet. He was cute, and he looked like a child.

As I listened quietly, I became a little depressed.

Jeong Yiyeon is as cute as a child. And he is cruel like a child. He smiles and chases after a dragonfly when he sees it, but if he gets his hand, he tears off his wings. It was not for the child to know the pain of that or the fact that he would never be able to fly again. Children simply express their curiosity and get everything they want in order to release their intuition. I wasn’t much different from a dragonfly in the hands of such a childish man.

Still, I like him. Because I like him, I start to notice it, and I want to check to see if the awkwardness we had before is completely gone. There was only one way, sex.

“… I just want to eat the president.”

His voice, as he was reciting the menus for what to eat, stopped.

Was it too provocative? But once the depression spread, it grew out of control. The things that have happened since yesterday, lack of sleep, and the things that just happened added up, so maybe it’s a mental limit.

I thought having sex with him would make me feel more comfortable. It wasn’t an act of making love, but it felt like I was being loved when having sex with him. Because of Jeong Yiyeon, I go back and forth between heaven and hell all day and suffer all kinds of pain, but in the end I wanted to be comforted by him. I wasn’t feeling very well, so the fact that it would be hard on my body to have one more penetration sex in the morning didn’t really matter to me right now.

“Then I must go quickly.”

Jeong Yiyeon finally responded with a grin.

“I have to move fast. We’re too far from home.”

Seeing him grunting like that and stepping on the accelerator, I was able to rest properly. I couldn’t stand the feeling of upliftment that came later, and I smiled a little.

His gaze at me quickly heated up. Yes, I was chosen today over Min Seowon, and Jeong Yiyeon wants me. In addition, all the signs of displeasure were resolved.

The air floating between him and me was now completely normal. It was such an intimate atmosphere where Jeong Yiyeon made fun of me, joked with me, and I shared my personal memories.

Jeong Yiyeon pushed out Min Seowon, and now it’s just me and Jeong Yiyeon again. There is no guarantee that something like this won’t happen again in the future, but at least for a while, maybe the relationship like in Busan will continue.

It was when my melancholy heart was relieved and a pink prospect filled my mind.

“Secretary Lee, you have a call.”

I didn’t even know I was getting a phone call because I was running through my happiness circuit. At the president’s point, I took my cell phone out of my pocket. There was an unknown number stamped on it, but there was a possibility that it was a company, so I answered the call.

“Hello.”

-It’s me.

A thick voice with a Gyeongsang-do accent. It was an unknown number, but the voice was familiar.

“Jae-oh?”

-Huh. Let me sleep over

“…What?”

– There is no place for me to sleep. Are you done? I’ll go to the hotel.

We talked about him coming to Seoul, but this was too sudden. I was also a person with a schedule. Although I like Jae-oh, there was no reason for me to respond to such a sudden request, so I responded bluntly.

“Yeah, go to the hotel. You can stay at the hotel”

– Oh, are you really going to be like this?

“I just got off work. And I’m busy right now…”

– Then I’ll go to your house. Are you still living where you used to live?

Oh fuck. Is there such misfortune? As he said, Seo Jae-oh knew my house. Because he had taken me there once before when I was too drunk. He also has an incredibly good memory. He’d been there only once, and I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

“I have a prior appointment, so I’m out now.”

– Wow, what a cruel man. Then I’ll go home and wait. Can’t I do that too?

Since I didn’t raise my voice too much, there was no way Jeong Yiyeon could hear the conversation. But suddenly, as he was driving, he glanced at me. Our eyes met as I glanced at Jeong Yiyeon. I hurriedly looked away.

“Why are you going to my house? Go somewhere else. See you later.”

– Hey, Leenan!

I heard screams, but I hung up the phone. As soon as I hung up the phone, messages poured in. Of course, it was Seo Jae-oh.

“Why? Should you go?”

“No. I just got a call all of a sudden.”

My tone was completely that of an excuse. In fact, Jeong Yiyeon went out with other people in front of my eyes and did not try to hide the traces of the love affair, but my heart tightened as if I had made a mistake. Emotionally, I had no choice but to do so.

At the same time, I felt a little curious.

The moment Jeong Yiyeon broke his promise with me and left with Min Seowon so naturally, a storm of jealousy raged inside me. I was so angry and upset that I couldn’t sleep. If I choose Seo Jae-oh and leave Jeong Yiyeon in this situation, what emotion would Jeong Yiyeon feel?

Of course, I’m not stupid enough to choose Seo Jae-oh instead of Jeong Yiyeon to solve a curiosity…

“Tell me if you feel uncomfortable. I will drop you.”

At the word I hadn’t even thought of, I hardened in an instant.

“Look, it seems that your friend is in a bit of an awkward situation.”

“… no.”

It was only for a moment that I had the curiosity of wanting him to be anxious. From the beginning, I had no intention of going to Seo Jae-oh. On the contrary, I was embarrassed when Jeong Yiyeon said that.

“I have a contract with the President, how can I go?”

I want to be with you. This was my truth. However, since it was a relationship in which I should not even dare to express my sincerity, I expressed it like that.

I thought that Jeong Yiyeon would also want to be with me. Even if it’s not for the same reason as me. At least to satisfy his cravings, I thought that he wouldn’t let me go like this.

But it was all just a delusion in my brain.

“It’s not even working hours, and I don’t want to exploit secretary Lee by forcing him to give up his personal relationship.”

Jeong Yiyeon said with a generous expression, as he was sincere.

“Where is the place? I will take you.”

I said as I got off the street lined with bars and nightlife.

‘Thanks for taking me. Please go carefully.’

‘Yes, secretary Lee. See you tomorrow.’

He left me with that. What did I think as I watched the tail light moving away without any regrets?

“… You sooooon of a bitchhhh!!”

Lying on the table, I groaned. My eyes throbbed from how much heat was exploding inside my head. I thought I’d feel better if I cried a lot. But how will other people in this store see me? When a man comes in alone, drinks vodka straight without a snack, and cries out loud.

The thought of smoking cigarettes, which I had given up for almost five years, was desperate. I had never wanted to smoke again due to all the stress, but suddenly I craved a cigarette like crazy. After drinking, I wanted to smoke more. I seemed to go back.

“I know, I know. You don’t like me, I know…”

Putting my forehead on the table, I muttered to myself and slurred my words with a sigh. To others, I might look like a crazy person, but I didn’t want to control myself using my drinking as an excuse. I feel so bad that I’m holding back from wanting to break everything down and make a mess.

Damn it. I already knew. That Jeong Yiyeon doesn’t love me.

However, his actions were kind enough to cause confusion. The way he treats Min Seowon and how he treats me is so different that I feel like I’m special… I expected Jeong Yiyeon’s affection as if I had forgotten that we started with the decision to exclude emotions in the first place.

I liked him so much that I kept doing him a favor, so when he was nice to me, I couldn’t help thinking that maybe he liked me. Jeong Yiyeon’s actions were always confusing. It made me look forward to it.

Lee Nan was nothing more or less than a convenient sex partner for Jeong Yiyeon. If I reveal my feelings, Jeong Yiyeon will coldly and cruelly throw me away. I was deceived by his kindness and was struggling alone in the torture of hope.

I believed without knowing. I expected it even though I knew it wasn’t going to happen. And now, when that belief and expectation has been mercilessly broken, depression has overtaken me. My stomach was charred and I had no choice but to pour in alcohol one after another. Otherwise, I felt like I was going to go crazy.

The dotted regret haunted me even more.

If I had insisted on having sex with him a little more strongly, he would have taken me home. If he did, I would have been immersed in the pleasure of his lips rather than this kind of melancholy.

But I couldn’t because I was afraid. When I strongly appeal that I wanted him, I feared that Jeong Yiyeon would notice my heart. I couldn’t dare to grab hold of his hand, who offered to let me go.

“Are you crazy?”

As I put my head down on the table and took a deep breath, I heard a familiar voice. As I slowly lifted my head, my eyes twirled around with drunkenness. Seo Jae-oh’s face was also spinning round and round.

“… Bastard.”

Cursing poured out of my mouth at first. If it hadn’t been for this guy’s phone call, I thought that there would be no reason to taste such a bitter drink and a more bitter melancholy than that.

“It’s all because of you, you unhelpful bastard!”

“What? Why did you drink alone like this? You said you can’t come because of an important appointment.”

The boy had a sad face.

“You were the one who just hung up and told me to come here all of a sudden. What happened?”

At the words of Jeong Yiyeon who said that he would take me to him, I could not catch him, so I told him a bar’s name that came to mind. To be honest, I was in a state of complete panic at the time. Saying he didn’t want to give up on my privacy after work, he’s going to take me here. I was not sane to receive such a fucking consideration in such a world.

“… Why are your eyes like this again? Are you crying?”

I bit my lip as his warm hand touched my cheek and touched my eye.

Shit.

Damn it

I didn’t cry. But the reason I looked like a crying man is probably because my eyes are so bloodshot. He also thought I would cause an accident, so he offered to drive instead. Besides, he told me to go to sleep. ‘You can have sex and sleep better, so come to my house and sleep.’

Jeong Yiyeon’s voice, and the scene was vividly remembered, and something swelled in my chest.

It wasn’t in consideration for me. He was just being conscious because I didn’t look so good. He was a person who put his needs first. I was the only person who would have to put off my desires.

“Why are you doing this? Say something.”

Jae-oh bruised me for being frustrated, but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I didn’t even want to talk.

I was so absorbed in my emotions that I couldn’t get out of it. The end of all that emotion was sadness. It’s sad that I like him, it’s sad that he doesn’t like me, and yet it’s sad that he only wants my body. It’s terribly sad that I’m nothing to him.

I was so sad that I had no choice but to drink.

“Stop drinking. Is this water?”

“Don’t worry about it. Leave me alone.”

I got angry with Seo Jae-oh and got annoyed. I felt like I didn’t want to deal with anyone, so I thought I called him for nothing. I couldn’t be more bothered by the voice I normally thought was good to hear.

I took the glass he stole back and poured out the vodka. I already drank half the bottle, so I thought I might die from this. It was such a miserable feeling to love someone. I just wanted to go out and die.

“… hic.”

Jae-oh didn’t stop me anymore. Instead, he sat across from me and pulled out a cigarette out of his pocket. If he wanted a cigarette, he would go out and smoke, but he just slammed the edge of the pack against the table and looked at me.

Then he took out a cigarette and put it on his finger, but he wouldn’t go out. I stared blankly at the white cigarette caught between his long, well-shaped fingers in the midst of the haze. Seo Jae-oh, who was very hungry for a cigarette, looked at my face with a troubled expression.

“… I want to smoke.”

“Do you want it?”

He gently lifted the pack of cigarettes towards me. If I nodded, he would take me out, put a cigarette in my mouth and light it.

But I shook my head. I didn’t want to start smoking after I had endured it for 5 years. Such a reason remained.

What on earth did Jeong Yiyeon mean that I even wanted to give up not smoking? No matter how much my heart hurts because of Jeong Yiyeon, I won’t ruin my health by smoking again. The cry of reason close to that was heard. Maybe it was my last pride.

“It’s okay.”

“You’re patient. Nice one, Lee Nan.”

He reached out for his unlit cigarette and messed up my hair. No matter how arrogant he was, he seemed to have forgotten that I was older.

But it wasn]t as bad as I thought. Seo Jae-oh contacted me and Jeong Yiyeon left, so I resented Jae-oh, but the present warmth was definitely comforting. It is said that if you share sorrow, it is halved. If I were alone, I thought I would drown in this swamp of depression.

Jae-oh, who watches my eyes, accepts my anger and stays by my side. Maybe I can get some comfort from him. It was all because of alcohol that made me think stupidly. Because of the drunkenness, stupid thoughts came pouring out of my mouth.

“Let’’ go home.”

As he looked at me slowly, I paused for a moment before continuing.

“… Let’s go and make some rice cakes.”

“Crazy.”

Swearing as if it was absurd, the guy shredded and broke the cigarette he was holding in his hand.

The guy who got up from his seat, went to the counter, and calculated the amount of my drink instead, came back to the table and woke me up. That’s when I realized that I had drunk too much. The world went round and round and I was so dizzy that my body staggered.

But Jae-oh was holding me tight so I wouldn’t fall.

“… hic.”

When there was something I didn’t like, Jae-oh led me, making a sound similar to the swear word I would normally say. My staggering legs were a mess, but the body proceeded as Jae-oh led.

We exited the dark room and passed through the hallway. I climbed the stairs in the midst of dizziness. Then I could feel the fresh night air on the tip of my nose. The scenery outside was distorted and formed in my blurred vision from drunkenness.

“…In the end, you don’t say anything, Lee Nan.”

It was as if Jae-oh’s voice could be heard amidst the hazy atmosphere.

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