Chapter 2

Translated by Naralara Edited by Naralara

2.

A delicate finger stroked my chest. The tips of his index and middle fingers tickled my chest as if they were walking, and I couldn’t help but open my eyes. A smile formed on my lips at the cute act of waking me up. I grabbed his hand and brought it to my lips, and as I kissed his side, a low laughter echoed in my ear.

“Wake up.”

“What time is it?”

“It is six fifteen. It’s time for you to wake up soon, right?”

The alarm came about fifteen minutes later, but I nodded and lifted my heavy eyelids.

The man had already washed himself, so his hair was wet. Seeing his clear, white skin and wet hair made me feel nauseous. He’s not a handsome man that stood out, but he has a pretty face.

But my reality was that I was so tired that it overcame my sexual desire.

“What happened suddenly yesterday?”

“What?”

“You rushed in a little bit.”

“I guess you didn’t know, I was originally like a beast.”

The man laughed as if it was absurd. He was such a sexy and cute man that his body was always moving. The man who used to be the owner of the gay bar I frequented is now running the cafe while entrusting the bar to someone else. It was because he wanted to live his life instead of working at night.

From the days he ran a bar and made me a cocktail, I used to sleep with him occasionally. We were people who had no intention of dating each other at all. To him, I was just one of many partners. Thanks to this, I was able to continue the relationship from time to time while mixing bodies.

Having sex for the sake of each other’s desires while excluding all emotions.

It was the relationship I wanted, but my mouth suddenly became bitter.

“… Hey.”

“What?”

“Am I kind?”

Ha? There was a blatant sneer before the words were finished. Even I knew it was a funny question, so I laughed along, too.

Because I wasn’t that kind to men either. It wasn’t that I didn’t even have basic manners, but I wasn’t the type to put any effort into maintaining the relationship, and sometimes I wasn’t polite. It’s not like we haven’t been in touch for a long time, but it’s like when we contact each other in the middle of the night, we suddenly barge in and attack each other.

I had already endured it since lunch time, so I didn’t have much time to say hello to someone I haven’t seen in a long time or have a conversation. Yesterday I didn’t even have enough time to go to the bar and catch a partner leisurely. It was then that I thought of this man, so I contacted him blindly.

“Is it okay to say that you are kind?”

It ended in the form of a question, but it was a clear and decisive answer. It was also the expected answer.

“Then one more.”

Now fully awake, I sat up from the bed and threw a question at the man who was staring at me.

“Do you like me?”

“Are you crazy?”

A knife-like answer came back. The man had a strangely distorted expression on his face as if I was talking bullshit. His face was quite attractive, but I couldn’t help but smile.

A simple no-strings-attached relationship. A relationship that suits one’s taste, but never has any deep feelings, so there is no room for development.

If he answers my question of whether he likes me here, he will be quite bitter on my part. Since we can’t accept each other’s feelings, we can’t help but never see each other again. It’s like I’ve been away from many people who’ve been by my side forever.

“Well, I think you’re a good person to have sex with.”

As I fell into silence without even laughing, the man added: I frowned slightly.

“… Did you mean that?”

“What are you talking about? Speak in a way I can understand.”

I pondered for a while, then let out my worries like a sigh. I was able to reveal my inner feelings more comfortably in front of him, perhaps because it started with a relationship where we met as a customer and a bartender.

“… Someone told me to have sex with him.”

“You can do it. Are you afraid he’ll stick with you because he likes you? Since when did you care about that? Isn’t it your hobby to kick someone out who hangs onto you after you’ve had sex?”

“It’s not a hobby. So, are you dating even if you don’t even want to?”

“Then don’t sleep with him. You act like you’re a good person until you get fed up.”

“When did I do that? I just have basic manners.”

“Okay, what can I say to you? Well, where did you meet him? Don’t you know you have a loose ass? ”

This bastard is talking as if there were rumors all over the country that my lower body was loose. Of course, there were some rumors in the gay bar I frequented. Thanks to that, the people who came by were also organized to the extent that most of them came for one night stands, so I was comfortable.

Yes, it was comfortable. A situation where there are only people who come to me just wanting to sleep once. But now…

“My boss is gay.”

“Omg?”

“He’s asking me to have sex.”

“Isn’t this sexual harassment at work?”

He muttered as if he was stunned, but what really surprised me was that I ran into Jeong Yiyeon at the bar I frequented. That gay bar where rumors spread about who I am.

“So? Are you afraid of retaliation from the company if you refuse? Are you afraid that your way out will be blocked?”

I shook my head. Jung Yiyeon was not the kind of person who would take revenge or change his attitude just because I turned down a sex offer. I’m sure that saying ‘Be my secretary for the rest of your life’ has nothing to do with sex. The problem was something else.

“… I like him.”

For a moment, the man did not respond.

Saying that I like someone, was it something to be silent about? The man let out a short sigh as he scratched his head in a strangely embarrassed manner.

“Then seduce him. What are you thinking about?”

“Would I have married you if we were on the same page? Why would that person ask me to sleep with him in the first place? He’s the same as you and I. Sex is good, but dating is tiring.”

The man shut his mouth again and looked at me softly. He still had a surprised face. It was an emotion enough to choose the word “I like you” rather than “love,” but he seemed to notice that it was not just a light feeling.

With a complicated mind, I remembered the conversation I had with him the afternoon before in the car.

‘What are you going to do with such an offer if I’m interested in the boss?’

‘It doesn’t matter, but if you want me to reciprocate, you’re fired.’

‘I’m not going to get fired.’

He responded bluntly, but inside he swore that he was a damn bastard. It was unavoidable that the hand holding the handle gripped with so much force that the bones stood out.

What he asked of me was being a simple sex partner. There’s nothing to get mixed up in emotions and we just covet each other’s bodies without crossing the line.

Of course, if it was the original me, and if it wasn’t for Jung Yiyeon, I would have welcomed it with open arms.

To have fun, to meet with pleasant emotions, to do pleasant acts, and to break up happily was the relationship I had been pursuing. For quite some time, I was convinced that I would never fall in love with another person forever. Until I fell in love at first sight with a man named Jung Yiyeon, I was such an arrogant person.

So, I could easily guess what Jung Yiyeon was talking about when he offered to become my sex partner. I didn’t even have to ask if he liked me.

Jung Yiyeon will never love me.

“Haa…”

All of this was a first for me. Can my heart throb like this just thinking about it?

Even though it wasn’t that I didn’t understand what he wanted, I was hurt the moment I understood his inner meaning, who resembled me terribly. I was so unfamiliar with myself being hurt by the words and actions of others.

“It’s a matter of whether it’s good to eat even if you have an upset stomach or just watch because you’re afraid of it.”

“What… that’s right.”

“It’s fascinating. The day has come when I hear you worry about this.”

The man put his hand on my head and stroked my hair. It wasn’t teasing, it wasn’t a bad feeling. The decision is mine anyway. Just him hearing my stories not answering made me feel a little more at ease.

“But the way I see it.”

He messed up my hair a lot. Like I was the only one who didn’t suffer because of love. Any past convenience may have occurred to him, but his face with a light smile looked gloomy.

“That is, can you stand not having a taste of him?.”

The prophecy is that reason will be broken down helplessly, and that there will be no choice but to step into a sticky situation even if you know it’s wrong. I couldn’t even laugh at the words.

***

As Jung Yiyeon started working overtime, I could see why his assistants stopped one after another.

He was a really great workaholic. He worked tirelessly from morning until late at night, and I felt sorry for the chief of staff, who assisted him drying up day by day.

But it was my situation that was worse than anyone else. He was once a person who had a terrible mindset that he did not even need to hire an assistant who left work first and was not there when he needed it. So, if he worked overtime, I had no choice but to work overtime.

There were no complaints about the extended working hours. I came in after accepting the condition that my work hours would be flexible in the first place. It was a principle that didn’t matter because I was receiving a lot of money in return.

However, the day before, after leaving work after 9 o’clock, I had sex and woke up earlier than usual, so I was more tired than other times.

Fortunately, Jung Yiyeon had a lunch schedule, so when he went out, I am able to take a break because I wasn’t with him. Still, it was night and I was tired.

“I’m hungry.”

“Would you like some donuts?”

Jung Yiyeon, who normally said that he would go because he was hungry after 9 o’clock, was sitting at his desk even after 10 o’clock, so I prepared something to eat in advance. Even though he’s not a child, he likes sweets, so I had a hard time going to buy it before the store closed.

For a man who was well over 30, he had a peculiar taste. He doesn’t like fish, but he likes hamburgers, donuts, bread, and junk food.

“Can I get you some coffee?”

“Okay. Make it mild.”

As requested, drip coffee mixed with water was brought to the desk. He, who had already been munching on a donut before I brought the coffee, looked at me as I set the cup down on the desk. He swallowed what was in his mouth and licked the sugar powder on his lips with his red tongue.

“If I am hungry, you give me food, and if I am thirsty, you give me something to drink.”

I stared at him not answering and he said,

“Why can’t we have sex?”

The words that came out of his mouth didn’t matter. I froze on the spot as if struck by lightning.

“Do you hate me?”

Oh really… ! Don’t ask me that with a casual face… My heart was pounding and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I look up at the face that has dissatisfied eyes and it burns my insides black. The hurt face looked so cute, it just tasted crazy.

I don’t want it because it’s the other way around.

Unable to come up with an honest answer, I let out a short sigh and shook my head.

“You can’t do that with your boss.”

The fact that he is my boss was perfect in that I can give him excuses as well as being able to hide my feelings even if I do my best.

“Think of it as part of your job.”

… How can giving your body be part of your job?

The man was very shameless. He had a talent for spitting out nonsensical bullshits very casually.

“Considering that the boss is my employer, it’s inevitable that this is considered as sexual favors.”

I tried to speak as bluntly as possible. I was a little tired, but there was nothing I could do about it.

But the moment Jung Yiyeon opened his mouth.

“Then what if I’m going crazy right now?”

Thud. My heart plummeted to the floor and started to flutter. No, why are you going crazy? Why, why? Me, are you saying you’re going crazy because I’m in front of you? Are you saying I keep getting caught in your eyes? No matter how hard you try, do you keep thinking of me? Are you crazy about me??

But the words that came out of his mouth are never the same as mine.

“If my way of relieving stress was to eat, you would have bought me food, and if I was playing games, you would have brought me a game machine. You are such a sweet secretary.”

“… That’s the idea.”

“But why can’t I relieve stress by having sex? huh? Why? Why not? I’m not asking you to date, I’m asking you to have sex. What’s the difference between sweating at a sauna and on the bed?”

“Is that even the same?”

“Of course it is different. But there’s nothing you can’t do. Sex.”

Oh, please stop talking about sex… ! Every time that pretty and even sensual lips spit out the word mixed with two pronunciations, I felt like I was going to die. I feel like I want to take off my clothes right away and plant a kiss on his lips.

It’s me who’s crazy. I’m gonna die. Please save me

“… You are stubborn.”

“My mouth is dry because I keep seeing secretary Lee in front of me..”

“I wonder if I should go home?”

“Do you want me to fire you?”

“… I’m being sexually harrassed”

“I want to molest you while I’m at it.”

Wow. This is a moment when a trash boss at the workplace uses power to force his subordinates to pay sexual favors, but why did I keep listening to this and sit down? Why is my ear all red and my heart pounding?

It was utterly disconcerting. Jung Yiyeon also knew that it was a good match, so I could understand why he was acting like this, but a stabbing feeling inside my ribcage kept spreading.

“You shouldn’t have found out that I was gay.”

Jung Yiyeon with a smirk said that what he said was not ridiculous. It was said too plainly for someone clinging for sex. It’s like if I said no, he wouldn’t say it again.

And it will go back to how it was before.

Back when we didn’t know that the other was gay, back when we weren’t interested at all. With Jung Yiyeon who didn’t even have the heart to remember my name.

“… I don’t like it. If the relationship goes wrong, won’t I lose my job even after paying all the sexual favors?”

I rejected once again. Forgetting the words “I like you”. Giving the cowardly reason of the job instability.

“I can take responsibility and transfer you to a better job. How do you live worrying about things like that? Enjoy the present.”

“I am having a good enough time.”

“That’s why you’ve been acting like a chick on drugs all day”

He was observing all that… ? No, the eyes I met were as dry and businesslike as before, but they were watching me without me knowing. All of a sudden, goosebumps ran down my spine. This bastard. He keeps making people’s hearts flutter…!

“A lover or a sex partner. It doesn’t matter if it’s not me, right? It doesn’t have to be me, and I don’t want the relationship to become difficult because we got tangled up.”

“Isn’t it the same with each other being so busy that you can’t seduce anyone and take them to bed? Sex to satisfy desire, is it bad to think about efficiency?”

I knew it was nonsense, and Jung Yiyeon knew it too. It was nothing more than a swarm like a child forcing.

Nevertheless, if I had no feelings for Jung Yiyeon, it was a proposal that I would have accepted without even thinking about it.

Jung Yiyeon was an attractive man, and from my perspective, who was tired of finding a new partner, I would have grabbed his hand. As he said, wouldn’t it be very effective in that you can satisfy your needs without effort?

But now I like him.

“Great. One last question, one more time. I won’t make the same offer again.”

He’s been in my heart more deeply than anyone I’ve ever met…

“Secretary Lee. Sleep with me.”

… I was just confused. The ultimatum fell from his mouth, and my stomach churned and my head was dizzy.

I couldn’t decide anything, but I had to make a choice. If not now, there won’t be another time to think about it.

And it will be painful

I will regret throwing away the chance to hold him, and I will suffer from not being able to reach him.

‘That, I can’t survive without eating.’

I remembered the conversation we had this morning. Along with the sad face that the man who said those words showed at that moment. At that moment, maybe I had a sense of my future. So there was a bitter laugh.

I swallowed the smile and chose. I uttered a single word in a voice that did not tremble.

“Will the boss pay for it?”

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