Chapter 81

Rolf's reputation is already the worst, but thinking about how it might fall even further makes me feel a bit sorry for him. How much can he recover? I find myself cheering for him as if it’s someone else’s business.

When Rolf-sama’s figure disappeared from view, Kiri quickly closed the window and locked it.

By the way, my room is on the fourth floor. That intruder came in and left through the window. The outer wall is a smooth stone structure with no footholds. How did he climb up? The determination of a woman in love is scary.

"Shina-sama, are you feeling unwell? Your complexion seems a bit pale."

Kiri rushed to me and peered into my face. I instinctively forced a smile.

In the Glass Forest extermination team, I always used to force a smile like this to make it look like I was smiling. I didn’t want to worry Kiri. I knew that if I smiled and said I was fine, Kiri wouldn’t ask any more questions.

Seeing me like this, Kiri’s face stiffened.

"I’m fine. ...Hey, Kiri, this place is pretty high up, but Rolf-sama just walked out normally? Is he okay?"

If I look down, I won’t see Rolf-sama’s body lying there like in the opening scene of a suspense drama, right? That would be a bad way to wake up.

"Shina-sama, you don’t need to worry about such things. However, the fact that he was able to enter so easily is a major problem. Who would have thought he could climb that wall... We need to review our security measures..."

Kiri didn’t care at all about Rolf-sama’s safety. She muttered to herself about needing bars on the windows, increasing the number of guards, installing a magical array that reacts to intruders on the wall, and even suggested that she should sleep in the same room as me. "Annihilation. It would spew fire if touched, right? Annihilation, that sounds possible."

"Shina-sama, we should report to the head maid and move to a different room as soon as possible. I want you to rest, but safety is more important. I’ll stay with you tonight."

"Huh? Now? It’s already late. The head maid and others are probably resting, and it would be rude. I think the only person who would come into such a high place is Rolf-sama, and he’s already gone..."

I don’t know how he climbed up to this window, but since he gave up so easily today, it should be fine, right?

"Shina-sama, please have a sense of crisis. Just because he retreated once doesn’t mean he won’t come back. Men like him are shameless and persistent."

Kiri said this with a blank expression, almost as if she was spitting it out. It was the same expression she used to show to Barry. Compared to back then, Kiri’s expression has become much gentler. Barry must have worked hard.

And in Kiri’s mind, Rolf-sama’s credibility is plummeting. Bringing that Lana girl was already a negative point, but this unauthorized entry has caused a steep decline. It’s understandable.

If it turns out that he was actually using me to destroy the Kolts family, Kiri might go and cut him down. For a moment, I thought it might be better to keep quiet, but as Kiri is also my guard, it’s not good to keep things from her. So, I told Kiri everything that Rolf-sama had said.

Kiri’s forehead veins were visibly pulsing, and she looked very scary.

Eventually, Kiri let out a big sigh.

"From the looks of that man, it seems that the Kingdom of Naris won’t consider Shina-sama’s safety or feelings. Despite Shina-sama healing Prince Kanan’s leg, this is how they treat you..."

Kiri hesitated for a moment but then looked at me straight in the eye.

"To be honest... I can’t accept that His Majesty proposed a marriage to Rolf-sama without even consulting Shina-sama."

...Yeah, me neither. I don’t care what Rolf-sama thinks of me, but I’m curious why His Majesty proposed a marriage to the Kingdom of Naris without asking. I want to trust His Majesty, but I’m scared. I’m afraid of being deceived again.

Is the kindness that everyone in the Kingdom of Marita shows me genuine?

In the Kingdom of Marita, everyone is kind. They all care about me and treat me well. But in the Kingdom of Daido, everyone was kind at first. The teachers at the royal palace praised me for my rare magical power and said that even an orphan from the commoners could become a princess. I could wear beautiful clothes and eat delicious food. When it was decided that I would go to the Glass Forest extermination team, everyone applauded and praised me. Prince Lector even smiled and said he was proud to have me as his fiancée.

But things changed after I went to the Glass Forest. Deputy Captain Greed treated me harshly and used violence, saying that a commoner couldn’t become a princess. Gradually, the soldiers began to follow his lead. Even Prince Lector, who had protected me, started to distance himself. When we met, he either ignored me or spoke a few words with a look of annoyance, and it was rare for him to show any concern.

Even so, I never thought I was being deceived. Even when I saw the marquess’s daughter being close to Prince Lector and being treated better than me, I foolishly believed that I would become Prince Lector’s wife in the future.

So, at the moment of condemnation, Shina’s heart, which had been foolishly believing, shattered into pieces. In the midst of poor treatment and a heart-wrenching situation, Shina’s heart, which had been barely holding on, completely broke when she learned that Prince Lector had completely abandoned her and that she was to be exiled. All her senses rapidly faded, and her mental balance was completely thrown off, as if watching through a translucent wall.

Before she completely broke, Shina was revived by Mina, who had been sleeping deep within her. Mina, who had been dormant, held Shina together and filled the large, gaping hole, allowing her to remain in this world. If Mina hadn’t been there, Shina would have probably been shattered and become prey to the monsters in the Glass Forest.

Shina, who knows the pain of that time, is now trembling with fear, wondering if she, such a foolish person, can’t tell what is real and what is a lie.

I want to believe, but I’m scared. It’s painful not to be able to trust. A small doubt is growing in my chest, becoming bigger and darker.

The kind people I’ve met in this country. The kindness I’ve received. Was it all real?

I’ve collapsed many times, been sick with fever, and my manners and studies are far from adequate. I’m a commoner and an orphan, with no backing. In the Kingdom of Daido, I was a criminal for attempting to harm a high-ranking noble.

Am I not fit to be Jin’s wife or a princess? Am I just a burden to everyone, and they secretly dislike me? Do they want to send me away to another country?

Jin’s eyes, like the summer sky, are gentle and warm, and I love that color. When he said he liked me, was he serious? Was it just sympathy? Or did he just want to use me?

It would be painful to part with those eyes, but if I’m going to be told to leave definitively, I want to run away. Shina inside me is trembling, afraid that knowing Jin’s true feelings might shatter her heart again like it did back then.

I don’t know, I don’t know.

I don’t know what Jin thinks of me.

Kiri was looking at me with concern.

Kiri probably knows what I’m thinking. I’ve worried her again.

"Hey, Kiri..."

A weak, pitiful voice echoed, and I was amazed at how helpless it sounded.

"Maybe... it would be better if I didn’t exist."