eau chapter 1-10

The emperor wasn’t very happy today.

The unhappy emperor went to the empress in a rage.

“Why is there no sweet porridge for zhen’s breakfast today?!” —The emperor who loved sweets expressed his indignation.

The empress turned the pages of his book without raising his eyes:

“Because your majesty has cavities in his mouth.”

The emperor: “??? Zhen doesn’t even know that zhen has cavities, how does the empress know?”

“Kissed.”

The emperor: “??!!”

*[“” is the first person pronoun used by emperors. I could translate it as “we” or “I” but I don’t want to <3]

[ 2 ]

The emperor wasn’t very happy today.

The unhappy emperor went to the empress in a rage.

“Why is it that this year’s autumn hunting activities have been postponed???” The emperor said that he really wanted to go hunting in the imperial hunting grounds!

The empress turned the pages of his book again and raised his eyes a little:

“Because other activities have been advanced.”

“Zhen knows! So why should we advance the winter hot springs to autumn!” the emperor roared.

“Because your majesty didn’t have an empress before. Now the empress wants to accompany your majesty to the hot springs in autumn.”

“…Hmph!”

[ 3 ]

The emperor wasn’t very happy today.

The unhappy emperor went to the empress in a rage.

“How long are you going to read that lousy book? Why has no one has accompanied zhen to fly a kite recently?!”

The empress didn’t turn the page this time. He put the book down.

After that…

“How long will your majesty be angry? Didn’t we only do this erotic scene once? You won’t even let me do it, now I can’t even see it?

The emperor roared: “Zhen wants to abolish the empress!”

[ 4 ]

The emperor wasn’t very happy today.

The emperor discovered that he could not go as far as to abolish the empress.

Before becoming the empress, the empress was the second son of the nation’s duke. The ancestors of the nation’s duke have been very good and loyal for many years. At the age of fourteen, the queen led soldiers to kill the barbarians. With piles and piles of outstanding military accomplishments, the previous emperor granted him the title of Weiyuan’s Great General. His salary was higher compared to his yearly salary as an empress, not to mention that his brother is a great general who is in charge of an army of 400 000 soldiers.

In short, the empress is powerful and his relatives are strong: zhen couldn’t do it.

The emperor turned his head and began to think about why he wanted to establish an empress.

[ 5 ]

The emperor wasn’t very happy today.

The emperor remembered how his empress became his empress.

The emperor was the sole child, the single seedling on the knee of the previous emperor. He was born the crown prince. From childhood, if he wanted wind, he would get wind; if he wanted rain, he would get rain. When he was 15 years old, the country’s army mightily defeated the barbarians and returned to the imperial court in triumph. At the celebration feast, the previous emperor clapped his shoulder and took out a single jade pendant: In a blink of an eye, my son has reached the age to marry and settle down. This jade pendant was a token of love between your Emperor Father and your mother. Haha! Now it’s in your hand. Go and pick a suitable crown princess yourself, hahaha!

It was the age where young men knew lust and admired pretty girls. The prince took the jade pendant and went to look at beauties openly. The previous emperor secretly beckoned the prime minister aside: You follow the prince from far away and see what he chooses.

The prince walked here and there, and when he absent-mindedly turned his head, he saw a person standing under the peach blossom tree in the garden.

Fluttering red clothes, looking pretty as a picture. The prince stared directly at them.

The prime minister over there truthfully reported to the previous emperor: He chose, he chose a tall beauty. Yes, it seems to be the youngest child of the Duke’s family?

Emperor: Well done! … Wait a minute, beloved official, isn’t the duke’s family famous for only giving birth to men, not women?

Prime Minister: ??? !!!

It was a pity that the prime minister was very short-sighted.

[ 6 ]

The emperor wasn’t very happy today.

The unhappy emperor went to the empress in a rage.

“When we first met, you were a gentle beauty!” The emperor angrily pointed out, “After marriage, you showed your fierce nature!”

The empress unhurriedly raised his head and smiled at him calmly.

But in an instant, the emperor trembled, his calves twitching.

The empress’ smile was very gentle, he truly resembled a gentle beauty. But the emperor knew what he was saying—

“Wait and see. I’ll show you my fierce nature tonight.”

[ 7 ]

The emperor wasn’t very happy today.

After all, he was the empress he chose himself; he can’t abandon him, even if he was on his knees.

—The emperor bitterly knelt on top of a soft and thick cushion and looked over memorials. He sniffled through one side of his nose, feeling sad.

Spicy claw*, why does it still hurt?

The emperor tore open the next memorial while panting with rage, and then stared at it as if he was in a cockfight.

??? The emperor’s childhood friend** had made outstanding achievements this year, and is returning to the capital to report ???

The emperor felt no more pain in his waist. He hopped around in anger—

And then his waist hurt even more.

*[“麻辣个爪” could mean “spicy and numbing person’s claw,” but I thought it could be a curse of some kind, so I left it as is.]

**[“竹马” literally means “bamboo horse.” Figuratively, it means “a male childhood friend you shared innocent affection with.” The female counterpart is “green plum,” and it is usually used together in the phrase: “green plum and bamboo horse (青梅竹馬)”

[ 8 ]

The emperor wasn’t very happy today.

The emperor found out that the queen’s childhood friend was ve! ry! hand! some!

Yesterday, the palace prepared new clothes for autumn. Just measuring the height, the empress was nearly 6’, and the emperor was 5’1. The empress was a jade tree* of an empress, and the emperor was an unusually formed beansprout beside the jade tree.

But today, when that childhood friend came, the emperor was upset to find that his guy was at least 5’7!!!

And he looks very handsome!

And the provincial governor’s memorial said that this premium product was called the Jade-faced Prefectural Magistrate!

And the empress actually proposed to leave this hot commodity as an official in the capital?!

And he’s entering the Ministry of Revenue???

This is to become close with his empress and take control of his money!

The emperor was so angry, he ate two more bowls for dinner.

*[“玉树” means “jade tree” which refers to a talented young man.]

[ 9 ]

The emperor wasn’t very happy today.

The main reason was that the emperor ate too much.

The stuffed emperor fell spread-eagled on the bed and asked the empress to rub his belly.

The empress’ hand was very big and there were rough calluses on his palms, which made the emperor whine and act like a spoiled child.

“Don’t whine.” The empress bowed his head and kissed him on his belly, “If you act so cute, I’ll eat you up.”

The emperor immediately pulled up the quilt, guarding his face.

…What to do, he’s still so cute.

But the emperor still kicked up a fuss about not feeling well.

The empress sighed, turned the emperor over and spanked him on the butt mercilessly: “If you stuff yourself again, I won’t feed you!”

[ 10 ]

The emperor wasn’t very happy today.

The empress didn’t do any XXOO yesterday, but the emperor still knelt to look over memorials today.

Spicy claw, doesn’t he know how strong he is?

And he dared to beat me! This is domestic violence!

The emperor stubbornly refused the empress’ medicine. He slightly felt his swollen ass and grimaced.

Tomorrow, empress-mother will return to the palace to pay homage to Buddha. Zhen wants to keep the evidence to file a lawsuit!

[ TOC | Next ]

TL Note

Yo, this is late you guys can kill me i’ll deliver the knife but it’s midterms which means it’s hell hahhahahahahah this is unedited please kill me i hate uni

also i changed the footnote style, this is easier. um if u see a typo or a grammar error plz let me know i haven’t had a chance to read this through im dying

Footnotes (just use ctrl+f or if u are on mobile, use the find word feature and input [#])

[1] “省油的灯” (fuel-efficient lamp) – someone who is easy to manipulate

[2] ”白莲花” (white lotus) – someone who seems kind and pure, but is really just a scheming bitch.

[3] “包子” (steamed bun) – a weak and useless person.

[4] “绿帽子” (green hat) – if someone is made to wear a green hat, it usually means that they are getting cheated on, or in this case, getting cheated.

[5] “花瓶” (flower vase) – someone who is just a pretty face, and has nothing substantial about them.

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