C3 Part3

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P – Chapter 3.2

P – Chapter 3.3

Liang Sizhe himself also couldn’t really explain why he was standing in front of that door and eavesdropping. He’d had a good upbringing; he knew since young that he shouldn’t listen to things to which he wasn’t invited.

But a few minutes ago, after coming out of the bathroom, he heard someone say his name with the word ‘violin’ through the door as he walked past. His feet instinctively stopped, his legs uncontrollable as they refused to move.

He stood there outside the door, and listened to the people inside talk about him; he listened as they talked about him with voices filled with either ridicule or pity — voices that didn’t really care about what they said since those things didn’t actually affect them.

He felt a kind of masochistic pleasure. It felt as good as when he personally smashed his violin and broke its neck.

For a moment, he wanted them to say things that were even more hurtful.

——Since there was no way his injury could heal, he might as well tear it open even further.

Inside the room, Zheng Yin started to speak. He spoke in that voice that sounded very gentle, yet upon closer listening, it was a voice without much warmth. “Stop joking around, guys. Now that we have candidates who knows how to play the violin, why are we still considering people who can’t? Besides, Liang Sizhe, that child… I keep feeling like his aura’s overly distinctive. Sometimes it even feels a bit aggressive… or maybe, invasive? I can’t really describe it, but does anyone else feel the same way?”

“You’re right.” Other people in the room echoed. “He does stick out quite a bit.”

Zheng Yin continued. “If we were in South Korea producing idols, his unique aura would be an advantage without a doubt as a debuting idol. It would make him very distinct and easy to recognise — it would be something very individual. It would attract fans to him so very easily. But as an actor, can he suppress it and integrate himself into a character? Especially someone like Xiao Man? I think that’s something hard to answer. Compared to an actor like Zhang Minghan who has a naturally weaker air about him, I honestly haven’t seen much actors like Liang Sizhe… If we’re going to use him as the newcomer this time, it would be pretty risky.”

His words were fairly objective, and after he finished talking, the joking atmosphere in the room faded away; everyone turned serious and started carefully considering the actual casting.

Moments later, someone said, “What A’Yin said1 is true… Why don’t we settle on the young master. Zhou-laoshi’s script was originally written due to his photo anyway, so there isn’t going to be an issue about whether he matches Xiao Man. Also, with Li-laoshi personally teaching him since he was a child, Young Master Cao should be pretty good at violin, right? I say, Director Cao, why are you still hesitating? He’s your son, why are you still so undecided…”

Cao Ye came to a sudden understanding at this point: a film with dual male leads had never existed — he and Liang Sizhe had been auditioning for the same character. Both of them were candidates to play Xiao Man. From the day he arrived at Lan Yan, they had been complete and utter rivals.

For a moment, Cao Ye felt like he’d been tricked. It felt pretty terrible; if he and Liang Sizhe were rivals, why didn’t they say so earlier? Why did they have to go so far to hide it?

The people inside the room were waiting for Cao Xiuyuan to respond, and the two boys outside the door were each wrapped in his own thoughts.

Tilting his face over, Cao Ye looked at Liang Sizhe. There was no similar surprise on his face — maybe he already realised it from the talk earlier.

Cao Ye lowered his voice and used a very light, breathy voice to say, “I didn’t know either.”

Liang Sizhe didn’t speak, only shaking his head. Cao Ye didn’t know if he was saying it’s fine or if he was saying it doesn’t matter. As Liang Sizhe shook his head, he closed his eyes for a long, long moment, his eyelashes falling down. It was as though he was overwhelmed by those earlier humiliating and so very insulting words; it was as though he could only temporarily shelter himself and his fragile pride by closing his eyes.

Suddenly, Cao Ye didn’t want to hear Cao Xiuyuan praising him. He’d always wanted to hear him say something approving of him since he was a child, and obviously, it would’ve been nice to hear Cao Xiuyuan praise him to his face, but it wouldn’t have been too bad if he praised him behind his back.

But now, he abruptly became a bit scared about turning into one of the weights holding down those two sweeps of eyelashes — or turning into the final straw that broke the camel’s back.

Mock me, Cao Ye couldn’t help but silently yell at Cao Xiuyuan. Make fun of me. Aren’t you normally really good at putting me down, at insulting me? That thing about Liu Adou who couldn’t hold anything up — come on, say it again.

But uncharacteristically, Cao Xiuyuan actually talked well about him in front of a whole room of people.

Cao Xiuyuan’s voice came through the door a moment later. “Going by today’s screen test, Cao Ye truly does suit Xiao Man a bit better.”

“A person’s strengths are only obvious after being compared to other people. Yuan-ge, you must feel reassured now.” Smiling, Zheng Yin said, “By the way, shall we have dinner tonight with Xiao Ye?” And then, perhaps because Cao Xiuyuan nodded, Zheng Yin said, “I’ll go tell him, just in case he leaves.”

Footsteps sounded as soon as his voice disappeared, and then the door handle quickly shifted. Zheng Yin’s voice came through, very close to the door as he said, “I’ll book the restaurant in a bit?”

Liang Sizhe was still a bit in a daze, and he only came out of it with a start when he heard the sound of the lock on the door clicking open. Soon after, the fingers tightly wrapped around Cao Ye’s wrist loosened, and he turned around, taking fast steps towards the bathroom. Cao Ye didn’t have time to think; he quickly followed.

Liang Sizhe couldn’t really explain why he slipped away — just like how he couldn’t really explain why he let himself eavesdrop on those humiliating, degrading comments.

Zheng Yin pushed open the door and came out the moment they stepped into the bathroom.

Pulling open the cubicle door closest to the bathroom entrance, Liang Sizhe went in; when he was about to close it, Cao Ye squeezed in.

It was obvious Zheng Yin heard those rushed footsteps. A few seconds later, he hurriedly came inside the bathroom as well.

“Cao Ye?” he tentatively asked outside the cubicle door.

The two youths stood face to face with each other inside that cramped and narrow space.

They were very close. Cao Ye saw Liang Sizhe’s Adam’s apple moving up and down. It was very quiet, to the point where Cao Ye heard that subtle sound of swallowing particularly clearly — he knew it was something someone would unconsciously do when nervous.

He noticed Liang Sizhe really didn’t look well: his face was as white as a piece of easily torn paper, able to shred into pieces with a single touch. His face set off those two sets of dark eyelashes, slightly lowered and as richly dark as ink. They were trembling very faintly.

All of a sudden, Cao Ye realised Liang Sizhe’s self-esteem must currently be as silent and quiet as this very moment; it must be as easily destroyable. That fragile self-esteem made him gentle the sound of his breathing without realising.

Having not received a response, Zheng Yin asked again, “Cao Ye, are you inside?”

As soon as he spoke, the anger Cao Ye had held back flared up in his chest. He was angry not only at Zheng Yin, but also at the people in that room — fuck, what were they doing? Was it fun to gossip about people behind their backs?

For a moment, he couldn’t stop his hand from reaching out and pushing open the door. When he walked out, Liang Sizhe glanced at him in astonishment, panic flashing through his eyes. But this time, Cao Ye understood what was written in his eyes when they finally settled — it was a resigned, so be it. I don’t care anymore.

“What’s the rush?” Cao Ye headed out, shutting the cubicle door behind him and grumpiness threading though his voice. “I was peeing. Did you want me to dribble all over my hands?”

“You could’ve responded. I was just worried you’d already left,” Zheng Yin coaxed. He looked at that closed cubicle door. “You’re by yourself? Where’s Liang Sizhe?”

“He went to buy some water.” Cao Ye was obviously a bit unhappy. “Uncle Yin, you’re so mean. You didn’t tell me anything.” He pushed Zheng Yin out of the bathroom as he spoke, taking him away from there.

The sounds of their footsteps and their voices gradually disappeared, and in the cubicle, Liang Sizhe stared blankly at the empty space for a while. Several moments later, he closed his eyes; his Adam’s apple wobbled once again.

“What didn’t I tell you?” Zheng Yin asked once they were out of the bathroom.

“So many people came to audition, and you were saying how Xiao Man was written specifically for me… As if. I read the script, and the character grew up in a bathhouse. How is he similar to me? Does that mean you and Zhou Ru-jie both think I look like a son of a bathhouse owner… I’m gonna call my mum later and tell her…”

“It’s my fault, I gave you incorrect information.” Zheng Yin explained with a chuckle, “You inspired Zhou Ru, but you’re not really Xiao Man’s prototype, and Xiao Man can’t really be considered as tailor-written specifically for you. But the script really was born because of you — no one can argue that. Besides, your dad did choose a few people to screen test, but to be honest, they were here just to waste time. They have no chance.”

“Then what about Zhang Minghan? He has no chance either?”

“Zhang Minghan… Your dad usually doesn’t use the same newcomer twice. Zhang Minghan definitely isn’t going to be chosen either,” Zheng Yin honestly said.

“What about Liang Sizhe? You guys brought him over from so far away and had us live together in that gross, shabby place. Is it impossible for him too?”

“Liang Sizhe… originally was in the running. He is someone your dad personally chose, but after today’s screen test, everyone thought he doesn’t really suit the character. Or rather — he doesn’t really suit being an actor.” Zheng Yin thought Cao Ye was worried about his opportunity being snatched away by someone else, so he patted his shoulder and consoled, “Don’t worry. As long as you study the script and don’t mess up the next audition, Xiao Man is definitely yours.”

“You guys are seriously really rude.” Cao Ye stopped walking and looked at Zheng Yin, frowning. “You brought him to Beijing from so far away and even left him to stay in such a terrible place. And then during the screen test, you guys had him take off all his clothes. You’re not going to give him even the slightest bit of hope before sending him away?”

“Xiao Ye,” Zheng Yin helplessly smiled. “I really don’t want to call you naive, but look at how indignant you’re feeling for someone else instead of worrying for yourself.”

Cao Ye didn’t have a good look on his face. “But it’s true…”

With a wry smile, Zheng Yin shook his head and said, “Let me just say this. To a normal person who has no backing, becoming a candidate for a film from Director Cao Xiuyuan might be the best moment in their lives worth fondly remembering. Don’t think everyone’s like you, born with the halo of a main character…” He paused and then sighed, looking at Cao Ye. “That’s why, Xiao Ye — when the opportunity comes, you need to grab hold of it with both hands.”

Zheng Yin’s words were a bowl of poisonous chicken soup2, and Cao Ye didn’t swallow it down. He turned his face away, not looking at him, and expressed very clearly how he didn’t believe him.

Zheng Yin wasn’t planning on talking much further about this with him, so he changed the topic of the conversation. “By the way, I didn’t come to say these things to you. Your dad told me to find you and told me I had to stop you from leaving — he said the three of us should have dinner tonight. Okay? What do you want to eat?”

“As if my dad would get you to find me.” Cao Ye exposed him immediately, and he took steps backwards one by one, face turned towards Zheng Yin. He walked until he left the audition site. “Also, I don’t want to eat dinner with you guys.”

“Don’t be so impulsive.” Zheng Yin went forward, wanting to grab him.

But the moment he was about to catch up, Cao Ye spun around and ran away; he ran as quickly as the wind, the bottom edge of his t-shirt floating up slightly and revealing his skinny waist. It took only the blink of an eye for him to run past several of the shooting sites, and he left Zheng Yin far, far behind.

“Where are you going?” Zheng Yin loudly called out, seeing that he couldn’t catch up to him.

Cao Ye raised an arm high above his head, waving it a few times with his back turned. His voice drifted over — “None of your business!”

Zheng Yin sighed at Cao Ye’s disappearing figure and stood in place for a moment. Once he finished sighing out all of his air, he turned and walked back into the studio, heading into the corridor.

He needed to talk to Liang Sizhe.

He knew Liang Sizhe had been in the cubicle earlier — he also knew he’d heard those things said inside the room.

Translator has something to say:

Adding in an ‘a’ (啊) in front of someone’s name (usually only in front of a single character) is another way of shortening someone’s name in familiarity. ↩Poisonous chicken soup here is translated literally (毒鸡汤). It stands for something that sounds very warm and comforting (chicken soup), but is actually filled with deceit and trickery (the poison). ↩

P – Chapter 3.4

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