CH 13

“Whyyyyyy!”

A sound resembling a monster’s roar reverberated through the quarters of the aides. The aides, who were preparing for work, were startled beyond belief, and even the aides of the aides were shocked. Some dropped their teacups, and one person even burned their hand in surprise while heating their hair with a curling iron.

But no one stepped out into the corridor. Again, this is the aides’ quarters inside the palace. If someone is roaring in the morning, the reason is obvious.

“Aaaahhhh!”

If it’s followed by the sound of someone banging their head against the wall because they can’t forgive themselves for being stupid, then it’s 100%.

Thump!

Thump!

“Die, die, die, Marienne Didi, that would be better!”

Something must have happened upstairs this time because everyone went back to mourning the self-inflicted death of their neighbour.

Marienne, meanwhile, couldn’t do it. No amount of head-banging and pillow-bashing could quell her anger.

Stupid Marienne Didi, are you losing your memory already? Why do you wear your hair?

“Aaaaaaah… I can’t believe I’m just now remembering something so important.”

It finally dawned on me.

The game-changing hidden card.

The fact that there was such a thing, and the fact that she couldn’t think of anything important, made Marienne go crazy for a while until her eyes fell on an advertisement in today’s newspaper.

Suffering from a lack of hair? Now you can have a full head of hair. After 12 weeks of use, 85% of participants improved! Try Abrams’ hair growth products with carefully selected ingredients and a proprietary formula!

The illustrated man in the advert smiles happily as he shows off his dark hair, which cascades down to his waist. Next to him, the bold words “Boost your attractiveness! Boost your confidence!” wave.

Hair? Fuller? Hotter?

Hype is everywhere, I thought to myself, and just as I was about to dismiss it, a lightning bolt of realisation hit me in the back of the head.

“Oh, my God.”

The source of the Reaper Cain Blackwood’s power.

It was his long, rich black hair. Black hair that Marienne herself hated so much. If he were to cut it off, which he considered bad luck, his power to smash carriages and pull up poles with his bare hands would disappear.

And the only person who knows this secret is Cain Blackwood himself in the novel 〈The Marriage Alliance.〉 Even Odette, the heroine, doesn’t know this secret until halfway through.

“Ah ah, stupid Marienne Didi. Why did you wait until now…”

She realises the mistakes she’s made. Because of her obsession with colours, she dyed Vileon’s pretty brown hair. What about all the rude behaviour he’d practised on her that only a northerner would do?

Worse, I’ve done all sorts of shameful things to seduce a northerner myself. I was ashamed when I did it, but now that I think about it, it’s crazy.

“If only my withered fingers and toes hadn’t already stubbed out!”

How many times did I scratch my head in agony, wondering why a madman can only be seduced in this way.

It was all in vain.

Marienne leaned against the wall and sobbed. After her anger at herself came a deep sense of emptiness, and what took its place was a voice: “Shiny… shiny… bald… Beautiful…”

It was madness.

Madness as smooth as the sun rising in the eastern sky.

Marienne looked out the window and sang in a small voice. Not in the eastern sky, not in the western sky, not in the southern sky, not in the northern sky, not in the sky above the capital of the empire where you have come of your own accord!

“Sparkling bald… You look beautiful…”

I know that I shouldn’t kill the northern guardian carelessly, regardless of whether it is possible or not.

As much as it pains me, the well-being of the Empire depends on Cain Blackwood. No one can replace him, and if he dies, the Empire, Odette, and Vileon will suffer a domino effect.

‘That’s why I shouldn’t kill him just because he lost his invulnerability.’

But I can threaten him to leave Odette’s side. I’m asking you to divorce her before I announce to the world that you’re a shiny, bald man who will turn to mush when you’re poked with a knife.

Marienne laughed meaningfully, like a black screen actress.

Of course, as someone who discovered an important secret, he would want to get rid of me. I must make it clear that the secret can only be kept if she’s still alive.

“No… I almost got ahead of myself again. If I succeed in making him bald, I won’t even have to blackmail him, will I?”

Think about it. Has there ever been a bald male protagonist in the history of romance fantasy? Not a single one. This is one of the most fundamental laws of RoFan, a venerated area where there are no exceptions.

Is he young? Grow him up and let him eat.

Is he ugly? He’s either being tricked by magic or cursed, so give him some love and he’ll turn into a handsome man.

Is he poor? Don’t worry, he’ll soon rise in status and become a rich man.

It’s okay if he’s short, bespectacled, and fat because this is RoFan. If you bathe him in the bright sunshine of his lover, he’ll disappear for a few years and return as a handsome man of his own accord.

If you’re a little intimidated by the spooky vibe, that’s okay. You can pretend to be distant. It’ll only serve to irritate him, and he’ll come back as a raging vengeful man.

But not bald!

Do you understand?

That word cannot exist in the same sentence as male lead.

No matter how handsome you are, no matter how close to six feet tall you are, no matter how much of a northern duke you are with a heart of ice, if you’re bald, you’re out of the running.

Besides, hair is easy to get rid of, but hard to grow back.

Once you’ve made it into a peeled egg, it’ll take a while to get back to a conditional state. Have you heard of a male lead with bald hair? At least Marienne herself has not heard of it. He is as unfamiliar as a male lead who wears a wig to cover his peeled egg.

Which means that if she succeeds in balding Cain Blackwood, RoFan’s superpowered system will not let him off the hook.

“Haha, hahahaha…”

Marienne laughed as she drew an egg on the newspaper. Now all she had to do was get her hands on the most effective depilatory1 in the capital.

Go away, hair!

After all, all roads lead to baldness, not Rome2.

◇ ◆ ◇

It wasn’t hard to buy a powerful depilatory.

Hair is a strange thing, and both the buyer and the seller of powerful depilatory agents like to keep their transactions private.

The other day, Marienne walked in and out of the store with her pink hair and face covered as much as possible.

She pretended to be a young woman struggling with her hair in anticipation of summer exposure, and for some reason, each shopkeeper lowered their voice and pulled a secret cream from the shelf.

Each time, Marienne would glare and ask repeatedly.

“Is it strong enough to dissolve hair? I’m not exaggerating, my hair is really thick, long, and full, it’s just that it grows all over my body.”

The owner of shop A, shop B, shop C, and salon D also said that the hair removal products in their shops were the best. However, the owner of the fifth shop was different.

What was different was the eyes shining through the display stand.

“It doesn’t matter what’s growing on your body. With this, you’ll be as smooth as a peeled egg in five minutes.”

“I’ve had to wait ten minutes elsewhere.”

“We’re fast and strong.”

“A peeled egg…”

“Yes, smooth.”

A madman recognises a madman. A shiver ran down her spine, convinced that this stuff was real. Marienne readily paid for the depilatory, which cost nearly twice as much as the other shop.

As soon as she got back to her room, she experimented. The owner’s words were true. The white cream, somewhat runny in consistency, lifted the thick, stiff hairs she had prepared with the test tool cleanly off the surface.

Five minutes was really all the time I needed.

“Now how do I apply this?”

Marienne stared at the depilatory and pondered.

For her plan to work, she would need to leave it alone for five minutes. Spilling a cake of depilatory disguised as whipped cream on Cain’s head would not do. He’s not going to stay covered in cream for five minutes.

Oh, and one more thing.

Five minutes after applying the depilatory, you must scrub the area. Eventually, the rubbing and scratching will cause the hair to fall out.

“You know, a northerner must be sensitive about his hair.”

He would never let Marienne touch his hair. Marienne leaned over the egg-scribbled notebook.

“Ah, the pain.”

Should I give up on the sparkly bald spot? Should I just sneak up on him with a pair of scissors and cut it off? It might be easier if my goal was to take away his power.

“But…”

Marienne grunted from her prone position.

“Actually, I don’t care about the power. I don’t care if he’s strong or not. Of course, in the RoFan universe, the man is usually the strongest.”

A huffing sound escaped him.

“My goal is to disqualify him.”

If someone were to ask me what my ideal ending would be, this is what I would say.

While Cain Blackwood, permanently excluded as a Northern Lord candidate, fought tooth and nail to defend the North, Odette lived happily ever after with her constant companion, Vileon.

No, but why forever?

Hair grows back, right?

Who knows?

The important thing to remember is that hair grows back, but the back end of the RoFan system is forever.

It’s not all sunshine and roses in this world. You’re not the only one who’s been turned into a hard-boiled egg.

Marienne believed in the almighty RoFan system.

All she had to do was crack that black-haired skull once, just once, and she’d never have to worry about it again!

“I just thought it was a good thing I didn’t possess Odette, because power struggles and revenge are fun to watch on the sidelines. I think it’s good that I only had to focus on pushing my favourite…”

But look at Marienne Didi now. Every time she gets over one mountain, another one appears. She’s thought of a way that’s sure to work, she has the tools, and now she’s backed up against a wall.

“Nothing is ever easy.”

Marienne glanced at the portrait of Vileon on her desk.

Why is it so hard to make you happy?

It would have been good for you, Vileon, if this body has been possessed by a more competent fan than me. That person would have figured out how to remove the northerner’s hair in no time, instead of wasting time as I did.

“Why me? I mean, it’s nice to see the real you, but I wouldn’t have to possess this body just so I could admire your favourite face.”

I wish I was as competent as the others. For the first time since entering the novel, Marienne felt a little, just a little, depressed.