CH 7

42.

The film emperor’s hands started trembling uncontrollably and violently.

He tapped into the WeChat app on the phone, which showed that this account had been logged in on a different device.

The profile picture and account that hung in the middle of the screen clearly told the film emperor that this phone was the one the psychiatrist had lost some time ago.

His heart had never beaten this fast before, like something was desperately trying to get out from inside him.

He started rummaging through his house like a mad man. Subconsciously, he was sure that there must be more clues somewhere.

43.

He found a diary in his study with a sky-blue cover and his name written on it: Liang Rong.

The film emperor had the habit of keeping a diary since young. This habit was kept all the way till he was 16 years old, until his mom passed away.

After that, he never touched the diary anymore.

However, this diary was clearly not the one from before he turned 16. And the dates in the diary started from three years ago.

44.

10th September 2016

I met an older brother1 named Song Ning. He’s our family doctor.

He’s twenty-six years old, ten years older than me but he didn’t look like it.

His eyes were really beautiful.

5th October 2016

Song Ning visited our house every day. I asked him why he came over and he said my mom asked him to keep me company.

I really miss my mom, but Song Ning told me she went on a business trip and wouldn’t be back until sometime later.

1st December 2016

Song Ning prescribed me a lot of medicine. I don’t like taking them, since they made me sleepy. But he told me my body is unwell and I could only get better by taking them. The way he talked resembled my mom a little, so I had to listen to him.

28th January 2017

Song Ning came to spend the New Year’s Eve with me. There was only the two of us, it was really quiet.

We made some dumplings. One bowl for each of us. To be honest, it didn’t taste that great, but Song Ning said he had only recently started learning how to cook. I can understand that.

17th March 2017

His cooking had improved.

29th May 2017

Something seemed wrong with me. Lately, I couldn’t help but sneak glances at him and I would even dream of him at night. He’s really good-looking.

13th June 2017

Damn it, I dreamed of him again. I had to get up in the middle of the night to wash my underwear.

6th July 2017

I’m doomed. I can’t possibly like him, right?

31st August 2017

I confessed to him and he got quite a shock from it. I shouldn’t have been so reckless.

10th September 2017

Ahhhhhhhh, he said yes! I was so happy I kissed him, hahahaha. His lips were so soft, not far from what I imagined it to be. Oh my gosh!

5th November 2017

Ah Ning was so cute. He slept while leaning on my chest. He didn’t look like he was ten years older than me at all. His face was so soft.

26th December 2017

I gifted him a watch, saying it was a token of our love and that he can’t take it off in the future.

He said okay.

16th February 2018

I get really sleepy so easily these days. It might have been the side effects of those medicine. I secretly took two pills less yesterday but Ah Ning found out. He scolded me.

His fierce look was really cute too.

19th March 2018

I went to the amusement park with Ah Ning today. He made me wear a mask since there was a lot of pollen in this season. I didn’t really like wearing it, so I took it off when we were on the rollercoaster and kissed him. He got so shy that his ears turned red.

8th April 2018

I slept a lot again during the day today. When I woke up, it was already dinner time. He took me to eat some crayfish. It seemed like he really liked this store.

12th May 2018

I love him so much, I really want to stay with him forever and not be separated.

22th June 2018

I’m sleeping longer and longer now. Every time I woke up, a few days had passed.

I asked Ah Ning if I had gotten some kind of sleeping disease but he said no. Yet, he refused to tell me why.

8th July 2018

Ah Ning is hiding something from me. He was afraid to look me in the eye when he talked to me.

18th July 2018

I gifted him a bouquet of hydrangea flowers today. He said that was his favourite flowers.

Then I told him I would gift him hydrangeas too when I propose to him in the future. He happily said yes. I noticed his eyes were red.

Sigh, how nice would it be if I could get married at 16.

Forget it, let’s wait a few more years.

30th August 2018

I…I saw the diagnosis report in Ah Ning’s office.

How can this be.

This is ridiculous!

I don’t believe it!

1st September 2018

I don’t believe it! I’m not sick!

12th September 2018

I’m not sick! I’m clearly only 16 years old!

30th September 2018

I slept for another half a month.

I can’t remember a lot of things now and my memories are getting fuzzier.

What to do…What should I do…

Why did Ah Ning lie to me…Why?

31st October 2018

I haven’t returned for almost a month now. This time too, I may only be back for a few hours.

Ah Ning, I’m so scared…

28th December 2018

I don’t want to leave.

14th February 2019

Today is Valentine’s Day.

I came back and went to see him in his clinic.

I really don’t want to leave.

If I left, what would happen to Ah Ning? Will he forget about me in the future?

18th April 2019

He told me the truth. I know I can’t stay in this body any longer. We hugged and cried together for a long time. I heard him say he loved me and that he was sorry over and over again.

There was nothing you had to be sorry for, Ah Ning. I love you too.

Always.

30th June 2019

I’m leaving now. This is the last time I’m staying in this world with my memories at 16 years old.

I used to tell Ah Ning that he was ten years older than me. When he grows older in the future, I have yet to become old, what should we do? I told him he must take me along when he leaves2.

Who would have known that I was the one to leave first in the end.

I don’t know what kind of person the 30-year-old me is. I heard he’s a film emperor. I never thought I am that amazing of a person. But no matter how amazing he is, I hope he can take good care of Ah Ning for me. And better yet, love him well.

I love you, Ah Ning.

Goodbye, Ah Ning.

(Part One: End)

Footnotes

哥哥 / Gē Gē = Elder brother (not necessarily blood-related). Used to address men who are older than the speaker. Implying death.