Chapter 1

I failed in my job hunt.

Perhaps it was because I couldn't find a job I really wanted to do while I was in college.

In the end, I failed in my job hunt and ended up becoming a NEET, holed up at home.

I want to do something.

But I don't know what I want to do.

I don't even know what kind of job I want.

As a result, I can't move.

My courage and motivation disappear.

My heart comes to a stop.

This isn't the real me.

Something is wrong.

But I don't know what is wrong.

Even though I know it's just the loser's excuse, I still hesitate to take action.

I'm a failure.

Then, what should I do from now on?

I don't know.

While I was brooding, I eventually lost all motivation.

I didn't have any friends from elementary school to high school, and of course, my college life was also lonely.

Looking back now, I think the reason was probably that I couldn't take anything seriously.

Would anyone want to be friends with someone like me?

Whether it's admiration or jealousy, those feelings are directed at people who are trying hard.

Someone who seems to lack motivation from the start is naturally overlooked.

Thinking back, my life has always been lonely.

Friends?

What are those?

Can you eat them?

...How ridiculous.

This is how my lonely NEET life began.

* * *

Before I knew it, five years had passed.

With a five-year gap after graduating from college, I might as well be socially dead.

No company's hiring manager would want to hire someone who has been aimlessly wandering for five years after graduating.

Even part-time jobs would be suspicious.

Fortunately, my older brothers, who all work for large companies, have achieved social success, so the pressure on me, the fourth son, wasn't too strong.

Still, the bond with my family has become increasingly thin since I graduated from college.

We hardly speak to each other now.

Both my parents seem to have given up on me.

I'm glad I'm not an only child.

I can't thank my brothers enough.

Without even doing part-time jobs, my life has been a monotonous and colorless existence.

I read novels,

I read manga,

I watch movies,

I watch anime,

I listen to music.

The rest of the time, I aimlessly browse the internet without any particular purpose.

Sometimes I try to start a new MMORPG right after it launches, but it never lasts.

The harsh words of random party members hurt my heart, and I ended up deleting my account several times.

Eventually, I stopped playing online games altogether.

Gradually, I distanced myself from entertainment.

My internet usage also decreased proportionally.

In the end, I stopped turning on my computer altogether.

So, what do I do now?

I just lie in bed, wrapped in my futon, doing nothing.

"Just one big stumble and it's over? Life is too hard."

Lying on my bed, I mutter to no one in particular.

"And the older you get, the harder it gets."

Even if I were to consult someone now, they would probably just say, "You're being too soft" or "You brought this on yourself."

Should I have just taken a job at any company, even if I didn't want to?

But companies wouldn't want to hire someone who doesn't want to work, right?

—That's why I'm a failure.

I stare blankly at the familiar ceiling.

"Whatever... I've failed in life."

Emptiness.

Is a life without finding something you want to do this miserable?

I roll over to lie on my side.

"Even if I could start over, where would I go back to?"

No matter where I go back to, I feel like I would end up in the same place.

* * *

Recently, I've been taking the local train and getting off at stations far from home.

The reason is that I search for stations near mountains on the internet and go mountain climbing.

Completely underestimating the mountains.

Before I left home, the TV in the living room announced that a typhoon was approaching.

I didn't care.

In fact, it might be good.

I decided to climb the mountain despite the approaching typhoon.

I took the train to the end of the line and told the taxi driver at the rotary my destination.

The taxi driver looked puzzled and kindly asked, "Are you sure? A typhoon is coming."

I just replied, "Please."

The driver, still looking unconvinced, turned forward and stepped on the gas.

There was no one at the base of the mountain.

The vast parking lot had only the taxi I came in.

After paying, I got out of the taxi and began to climb the deserted mountain path.

The ground was slippery due to the light rain.

"This could be dangerous if I slip."

While muttering this, a part of me thought, "Maybe it would be better if I slipped and died."

After all, I'm just a burden to society.

By the way, there is one condition for the mountain I choose.

It must be a mountain where there are few people.

So popular hiking spots are out of the question.

That's right.

Going into a deserted mountain alone and spending the night there.

This has become my recent hobby.

Or perhaps it's the last form of entertainment left for me.

Entertainment.

Is it really entertainment?

I stop suddenly.

Maybe I—

The sky lit up.

The rain clouds rumbled.

The light rain suddenly intensified, and heavy rain pelted my face.

I was about halfway up the mountain.

This mountain was quite steep.

A sheer cliff loomed over me, looking down with a sense of intimidation.

Wow... This is pretty dangerous.

This feels different from my previous mountain trips (which I call "mountain entry" on my own).

I look up at the increasingly moody sky.

Well, of course.

A typhoon is coming.

Given this situation, there might be a risk to my life.

Yet, why am I so lacking in crisis awareness?

Has my heart become numb?

Or maybe I—

Still, deep down, I want to—

Suddenly, a deafening thunderclap echoed.

At the same time, my vision was enveloped in a blinding light.

Was it a lightning strike?

Did it hit me directly?

Could I... die here?

...

But.

Maybe it's not so bad.

I felt a sense of resignation, but also a sense of liberation.

Ah, if...

If there is an afterlife—

I hope I can find something I want to do next.

Goodbye, my life of nothingness.

And so, my life, devoid of meaning, came to a pitiful end.