Chapter 1.2

I washed my hands in the sink with low water pressure, leaving the nagging Jahan behind. I wiped my wet hands with the shirt roughly, sat on the couch and gestured for him to sit between my legs. Jahan approached me and buried his back on my chest. When I grabbed his dick with my cold hand, he let out a cute moan. Jahan’s shirt was damp and I felt it with my forearm.

“Dry it properly.”

“Mn, I dried it for three days. Ah, it feels good there.”

Moisture was rampant in the resort and laundry rarely dried properly, so Jahan wasn’t exactly lying. I wrapped his glans in the palm of my hand and quickly touched the penis’ body with the other. Precum flowed from the wide-open urethra hole. It was so wide that even a pen could fit in. When I pressed the hole with my little finger, Jahan leaned his head back against my shoulder.

“Do you want me to touch yours?”

Looking up to me, his eyes were clouded by pleasure.

“No need.”

“Could it be because of ‘that’? I don’t care. It’s even better.”

“Should I stop?”

“No, don’t. Touch me. I can’t do it myself. Mn?”

I grasped Jahan’s dick tightly and I could feel his whole body shaking. Did he like it that much? I matched my hands movements with his genitals as if Jahan was masturbating by himself.

“I’m… I’m—about to cum!”

It had been more than two years since I started helping him masturbate, that’s why I didn’t refuse neither was I bothered by it. Rather, it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I felt sorry that he became a guy who could only get help from others in order to do it. But who am I to pity him?

When I touched the urethra again—ah! With a loud moan, semen spilled out continuously. To be honest, I sometimes felt a little annoyed when semen got all over the place like now.

“Whoa, Hawon’s hands are like medicine.”

Bam! A loud sound reverberated throughout the room making Jahan’s slow breaths not be heard anymore. A man that was smoking walked in with his shoes on. I should have locked the front door but I didn’t by mistake. Of course, even if it was locked, that hellhound would have knocked like crazy until he broke the door open. Jahan hurriedly dressed to avoid the man taking a peek at his lower half.

“It’s so nice to see you two bitches flirting.”

Tak, he threw the cigarette butt on the floor. I wrapped the cigarette with the same tissue that I used to clean the semen. Contrary to the sound of fire extinguishing in the tissue, there was a wick lit up.

“There are still two days left, though.”

“That’s why I came to get it in advance myself.”

I didn’t expect him to leave just like that so I told Jahan while his eyes looked alternately between me and the man.

“Go home. Through the normal door.”

Jahan nodded fast and ran away quickly as if wanted to avoid a bug, but the man strongly held Jahan’s arm before he was able to leave.

“Are you still selling your hole?”

“Ah, I’m not. I’m done paying my debt, so I quit.”

“You bitch, don’t embarrass Koreans and work properly, mn? Don’t be so confident about the money you earned with your butt.”

“Oh Woosung, aren’t you here because you have business?”

Oh Woosung just wanted to pick a fight, and Jahan, who was caught in the middle of it was flustered, and tried to brush him off. Smack! Their heads turned to the sound.

“How dare you touch me with your fucking hands?”

He pointed to Jahan, who was worried about being slapped on the cheek. But I released a breath when I saw him successfully running away. That man came two days earlier because he knew my wallet was pretty thick. Since I lived in such a small city, it turned out that he was my boss’ friend. If I had known this in advance, I would not have even met him in the first place.

I took my wallet out of my back pocket, pulled out five 100,000 won bills, and handed it to him. The guy folded the bills and slapped me on the cheek with them.

‘Does this offend you?’

He repeated sarcastically overlooking the fact that getting hit by bills wouldn’t make me feel bad at all.

After all, money was my master and I was its slave, and slaves were forced to shut up and work. I could only dream about turning the tables around, as I wasn’t stupid enough to do it. My god, what kind of rebel forces would show their true intentions.

“It’s no fun mocking this bastard, tsk! I’ll come again next month. Fill those pockets.”

The man, as he lost interest in my unresponsiveness, turned his back. He left dry mud traces on the floor with every step he took. It felt dirtier than the vomit in the elevator, the reason was because I knew who he was. You should be as careful of your compatriots when you’re abroad. The ones who cleverly stabbed Koreans mixed among foreigners were actually Koreans too.

***

It used to rain three times a week.Now it was cloudy for more than half of the month. It was usually so humid that most of the buildings turned on their air conditioner to the point that it felt too much. I rubbed my hands on my forearm because of the goosebumps.

Even though I had brushed my teeth, the savory taste of eggs and the fishy smell of soy sauce seemed to linger in my mouth. I cooked soy sauce egg fried rice because Jahan seemed sullen from yesterday, and he quickly became bright and tapped my cheeks. He must have done it quite hard, as to this day, the edge of my right cheek was still a little red as if it was blushed.

After breakfast, Jahan went to the resort to work at a Chinese restaurant run by a Chinese called Tangbang.

Jahan, who had been paying off his mother’s debt for more than a decade, quit selling his body and now had a normal job. All I had done was introduce Jahan to Tangbang, so he would give him the job. Jahan was sick for the first week, but upon receiving his first salary, Jahan smiled like a child and said, “Is this all my money? Don’t I have to give it back from now on?” And then jumped around holding his salary in the envelope. I was also happy that he would finally start a free life.

I wonder, how does it feel to see the end?

I congratulated the happy Jahan, but I didn’t dare to sympathize with how happy he was. There was still no end to the darkness in front of me.

Somehow, I felt frustrated and looked up at the ceiling. I wouldn’t be the only one who was captivated by the blue sky on top. Like big cities, the shopping center was a subsidiary within the resort. The ceiling of the 24-hour shopping center was made for the same reason that the department store had no windows. The idea was to take away the concept of time and provide a comfortable view to create a pleasant shopping environment. That sky was so beautiful that it didn’t matter if I knew the truth that it was just the ceiling.

We’ll leave Paris, my dearest,

Together we’ll go through life.

In reward for your past sorrows,

You’ll bloom into health again.

Breath of life, sunshine you’ll be to me,

All the years to come will smile on us.

We’ll leave Paris, my dearest,

Together we’ll go through life.

I paused for a moment hearing the duet of Violetta and Alfredo.

The team performing the mini opera appeared one day and had been playing the opera seria at the same time and same place ever since. They looked pretty young, like students majoring in vocal music that were free-spirited souls dreaming of living like gypsies. However, they would also be nothing more than passers-by in the resort, like performing artists who appear and disappear in a blink of an eye.

Violetta’s voluminous breasts were covered by a red dress that waved like a sunset. Her body, as it foresaw the end of her life, was becoming increasingly lifeless. While the soprano and tenor duets neared the end, bills piled up in the basket.

As soon as I saw Violetta, who was dying of illness and tragedy, I took a step back. I didn’t want to see the end of a high class prostitute over and over again. I hope to see another opera soon… Such plays as The Marriage of Figaro or Magic Flute, where there was joy after suffering.

Farewell, happy dreams of the past,

The rosiness in my cheeks has already gone pale;

The love of Alfredo I will miss,

Comfort, support my tired soul

Ah, the misguided desire to smile;

God pardon and accept me,

All is finished.

The joys, the sorrows soon will end.

It seemed to have started the encore song, but I didn’t look back. I passed the tourists who spoke different languages and headed to the lower ground floor. The soprano’s voice quickly left my ears. Instead, nervous sweat flowed down my back. I could feel stripes under my feet. As I walked on the silky carpet, I tried to put a fake smile on my face.

After a total of three identification checks, I was able to enter the locker room. I passed hundreds of glossy white lockers and reached the one with the number 300. There were a total of 328 lockers in the dealer room of the VIP casino, with the number of the general dealers starting from one up to the third digits. I put my thumb on the fingerprint lens of the 300 locker. As the locker finished the scan, it issued a smooth sound indicating that it was unlocked.

The lockers here from 300 to 328 were for the Hidden Takers. They had to be people who could speak more than three languages, and were either Chinese, American, European or Japanese people. Also, they had to be weak people who could perfectly follow the instructions of the casino pit (the place that manages the game table). Hidden Takers were supposed to take full responsibility if a problem were to happen. As a result, it was common for the owner of the 300-328 lockers to change. Nobody knew where they disappeared to. However, there was the possibility that they became Macau’s plankton or were thrown at the angry VIP players.

As I grabbed the hem to take off my shirt, I saw a black piece stuck to my chest. It was a part of the seaweed that I wrapped in the egg fried rice together. I can’t believe I brought this all the way here. I had a bitter smile all of a sudden. After receiving his first salary, Jahan used it to buy seaweed enough to fill three houses.

The weather was damp, so the only way to eat crispy seaweed was to eat it all as soon as the package was opened. It has been 15 years since I came to Macau with my father. Thanks to Jahan, I could eat without any problem now, but the seaweed of my homeland is one of the things that I miss the most.

I wore a red vest over a white shirt and a bow tie made of industrial materials. Even a name tag was stuck on my chest to announce that I was a member of this luxury resort, which Jahan liked.

[V-dealer. Hawon Joo]

It was a heavy feeling. Another hidden taker using the locker room 303 came in dressed in plain clothes, but he didn’t greet me. Unlike ordinary dealers, Hidden Takers were usually like that. There was no person who cared about time bombs that may explode and disappear in the future. I left the locker room only after wearing the contact lenses provided by the casino on both eyes.

In the front of the corridor, I saw Betu talking to the general manager for customers. The other person’s face was unfamiliar, but as he was wearing a black suit it meant that he was the manager.

“Hey, boy.”

Although I had found him first, it was Betu who called me first. The manager glanced at my name tag and tilted his head.

“I’ve never seen you before.”

I guessed that he was Asian by his appearance and also Korean because he didn’t have a dull accent while talking.

“It’s my first time seeing you, too.”

“A V dealer?”

“As you can see.”

I lowered my gaze and pointed to my name tag. Um… Somehow, the Asian man walked straight inside the casino, losing interest in me.

“Who’s that?”

I asked Betu, who was sending a text message.

“Pit manager, he was here when you were in holiday, do you see him for the first?He is Korean too, get along with him, he looks like taciturnity but he seems good.”

“But what’s wrong with him?”

“Why?”

“By the way he looked at me, he seemed in a bad mood.”

As if he were judging a product.

“Maybe he doesn’t like your face.”

Betu reluctantly answered, still keeping his eyes on his phone.

Even though I felt that by the way he looked at me, I stopped paying attention because I had nothing to do with regular table games. As I walked down the aisle leading to the VIP casino room, Betu raised his voice, “Hey, boy!”, so I turned around.

“Tell me when he needs some care. I’ll make this rotten place dissapear and show you heaven.”

It was as I expected.

“You’re so nosy.”

“It’s greek to me.”1

I didn’t exactly want to continue conversing with Betu. Betu used to be obsessed with Korean because of the lingering affection he had for his Korean lovers but he still sucks in talking using the language. I walked down the aisle again without answering. I blinked and tried to get rid of the dryness of the lens. When I arrived there, I wouldn’t be able to put eye drops on for a while, so I squeezed the artificial tears to the fullest. I pushed the flowing water with the back of my hand and closed my eyes to adjust myself to look more livable. I took a deep breath and held it in for a moment. I grabbed the plated handle as I breathed out slowly.

From now on, I was walking through a tightrope.

I opened the door of the VIP room. The cigarette smoke filling the inside rushed to me like a snake baring its fangs in the presence of a stranger.

***

“Is it a hit?”2

“Why didn’t you call me when I told you to?”

The man across from my table was the president of a Korean food company in Hong Kong, which had been growing these days.

“Let me ask you again, is it a hit?”

I ignored the man’s words and put my hand on the card. I glanced down at [◆8] and checked the dim number on the back of the card. The man’s cards added 11 in total. If he did hit, he would get an [◆8], and I was doomed.

“It should be a hit. The phone number on my business card is my direct contact number, so why didn’t you call me?”

“The player wins.”

“Hey, Miss Joo.”

“It’s Mr. Joo. The player wins.”

I pushed the stacked chip to the man. Even so, his face didn’t look that good. The minimum stake in the VIP room was 1 billion won (based on Korean currency), and the man had lost 300 million won.

“Will you stop here?”

His face turned red and it was obvious that it wasn’t due to the weak wind flowing from the air conditioner. The man, looking like a tomato, grabbed a round chip and tapped the table with it.

“Are you mocking me?”

“Private conversations with the dealer are prohibited according to the rules.”

“Does this seem like a regular table to you?”

The man who spoke dismally low almost threw the chip. I turned to the two men standing at the entrance of the VIP room, and they also paid attention to my table. Usually, few people went berserk inside casinos, but VIP rooms had quite a few accidents. Having a lot of money didn’t mean that they had manners too. Some of the ones that caused accidents were banned from entering here anymore.

Having visited this casino for months, the man knew enough and understood what situation he would be in if he continued to provoke, so he suppressed his own temper and bet on more chips. My eyes became tired and dizzy as I read the numbers while I shuffled the cards.

The lenses coated with special films were like the casino’s lifeline. Video games (slot machines) were designed to prevent casinos from losing, but in the case of dealer vs players, the probability didn’t mean much because there were all kinds of variables. In particular, the so-called big players didn’t enjoy video games as light appetizers. That’s why the VIP room had only table games. Each dealer had a designated table, and there were only three types of games played at my table: poker, baccarat, and blackjack. The roulette and caribbean stud poker could be played at other tables, so it was a rule to go directly to the dealer’s table that provided the desired game you wanted to play.

The difference in the VIP room from the other regular table was that the dealer participated in the game directly. The reason for this difference from the card games on a regular table was simple. In some cases, at least two players were needed to start the game, and if one player’s stakes were close to billions, the other player would also need to have that much capital.

If there was no player to follow their stake, the dealer would play the game on behalf of the casino. The owners of the 300-328 locker room were also game participants. They were given a red eye lens that allowed them to read the back of the card, but it was the dealer’s full responsibility if they were caught. The most natural way to raise the player’s money was the 3:1 principle which means to lose three times and win one big one.

Gambling is such that the player could win three times, worth 500 million won, but lose one billion won in just one game. Of course, a Hidden Taker didn’t have to win the game unconditionally. The Hidden Taker had to lose each day’s dividend of 2 billion won or less by controlling the outcome.

It was ironic to lose 2 billion won, but since it was a rule set by the casino management team, it naturally meant that it was a necessity to generate more profits by losing that 2 billion won. Just as the person who won one billion won yesterday would lose two billion today. I could see the cards, of course. Therefore, it wasn’t allowed to win unconditionally. Losing depended on the call and die, the situation of taking the card changed, and sometimes due to the variable.

Still, there would be no problem if we didn’t lose 2 billion won or more.

As the chips of the president of the Korean food business were piling up quite a bit, the antipathy he felt toward me was slowly fading. The doors suddenly opened wide on both sides.

Three men I seemed to know were entering the VIP room under the guidance of a server. One of them looked around like an animal looking for food. I paused the shuffling of the cards on my hand.

One of them was just as annoying as the president of the Korean food industry. He walked my way as soon as he found me. It was Lee Kihyun, the youngest son of a Korean steel company.

“Hey! Fucker.”

At the same time, he slapped the table with a bang. The president of the Korean food company looked up at Lee Kihyun with unpleasant eyes.

“With who are you flirting with, mister? Do you want to fight me? I’m going to start with high chips. Are you confident enough?”

As soon as the server rushed up and pulled out the chair, Lee Kihyun sat arrogantly. The server opened the bag and showed the exchanged chips of Lee Kihyun. At first glance, the black chips looked to be about 300 to 400. Those chips, known as Black, were only available in VIP rooms for 5,000 dollars each one. The men who came in with Lee Kihyun also arrived at the table.

The table had a total of ten seats, allowing ten players to participate. I asked the president of the Korean food industry while I was observing those who were approaching.

“Would you like to participate?”

I shook my head a little while talking. It was a sign to save the player’s face. The president must have been intimidated by Lee Kihyun’s chips, but pretended as if it were nothing.

“That’s it for today.”

“Thank you for your hard work.”

“Then, don’t forget what I said.”

“Understood.”

I nodded to the president who was collecting his chips. Lee Kihyun pulled out a cigarette and looked up at me from below.

“What do you know?”

At the same time, two friends sat next to Lee Kihyun. They were both new faces, but I was sure of one thing: they would be no less of a jerk than Lee Kihyun who was a total jerk. All of the friends who came with him were like that.

“Hello. This is Joo Hawon, the table dealer of winning.”

“Is this the boy you were talking about?”

“Oh, fuck yes, isn’t he fine?”

“Not bad. It’s going to be a good taste for the game.”