Chapter 2.2

I looked down at the floor as I passed by the tourists who were attracted to the night view. I widened my stride and skipped the ice cream that someone dropped while eating.

It was not a big deal, but my gut feeling had always been on point. When I searched through the side dishes because I felt strange while eating, hair or foreign substances came out, and on the day I wanted to go back to the alley I always used, an incident would break out there. I wasn’t right all the time, but I was right most of the time.

I was working as a dealer because I believed in my luck quite a bit. When I first held cards, I felt full of myself to pay off my debt by gambling. If you’re half right at the gambling table, and half wrong, then you’re heading for a shortcut to disgrace. It was not much different from the 3:1 principle. If there were five winning games and five losing games, it would be like a numerical tie, but it could lead to a deficit because the betting amount was different in each game.

When I was 18, I won nine games in a row and lost all my money in the last round, and I’ve never risked my money since then.

When I walked home for nearly two hours, there was a guest on my bed. It was Jahan, sleeping with my underwear. As I sat at the end of the bed, Jahan, who snored a little, calmed down.

“I’m not kicking you out, so you don’t have to pretend to sleep.”

Jahan scratched his messy head.

“Heh, did I get caught?”

Jahan turned on the light on the top of the bed and sat against the wall.

“You said you’d work until late this morning, didn’t you? You came early.”

“The guest left sooner than expected.”

“Is it a rich customer today as well?”

“I think so.”

“What do people with so much money think about?”

“Sex, drugs, gambling.”

“Pff! What’s with that?”

“Jahan.”

“What? It’s scary when you call me that.”

Jahan moved his toes to avoid my gaze.

“If I pay off all my debts, shall we go to Korea together?”

“Are you trying to impress me and make me cry?”

“We can set up a seaweed farm and grow it together. Then we’ll just roast the seaweed, sprinkle it with fine salt, and drink beer.”

“We’ll give some to the people in the neighborhood, and as seaweed grows at the sea, we can go out for a walk at night and look around the sea.”

“Aren’t you tired of watching the sea here? Do you still want to see it more?”

“Hawon is so coldhearted! It isn’t the same in Korea.”

“Alright, let’s do as you say.”

“Hehe, I’m very happy just to think about it.”

Jahan slipped on the wall and then laid on the bed. I took a can of beer out of the refrigerator and sat at the foot of the bed again. Jahan, who started smiling, rubbed his face on the blanket and sang a song about growing seaweed. I sipped my beer while listening to the meaningless humming.

He must have known that it was just a dream, but it was comforting to dream even if it wouldn’t be achieved. If I couldn’t even dream, I would have hanged myself a long time ago.

***

While I didn’t work, my daily life consisted of smoking on the veranda, sometimes grocery shopping, and going to work when I got a one-day job. As if summer was about to start, we reached tropical nights in which it wasn’t possible to sleep without the air conditioner turned on.

What I couldn’t stand more than the heat was moisture. When I went out wearing well-dried clothes, due to the air conditioner’s wind, the dampness covered me from head to toe. Now it is still like this, but how much more wet will it be when July begins? It seemed possible enough for a person to melt like jelly.

Fortunately, the casino wasn’t busy, so I was free for now. I had no problems with Lee Kihyun and Kwon Taeha, as if nothing had happened. If God had given me some fresh days to live my boring and arduous daily life, I would like to refuse them from now on. I sat at my desk, tapping on the calculator and roughly putting down my pen. My monthly salary was to pay the interest, and I had to split the money I earned from daily work to cover my living expenses. The rejection of Lee Kihyun’s 100 million won was enough to be laughed at. Should I have accepted it even if I had to get my back in a mess and suffer so much that I could not live normally for a while? Maybe, if I had accepted, I would have gotten lucky.

Do you really think so?

I said no to that thought. The day I received 9 million won from Lee Kihyun, I ended up suffering so much, but I didn’t end up dying. If I didn’t have the power to rebel against him when strangling, Lee Kihyun might have paid an additional fee for the disposal of the body.

I put my calculator and books in the desk drawer and prepared to leave the house. I was planning to buy and eat french fries for Jahan when he left work. Since I had to walk for a long time, I wore sneakers instead of slippers, shorts that came up to my knees, and a light cotton shirt. I walked into an alley where only a couple of people could pass by and headed to Tangbang’s Chinese restaurant. The alleys resembling the former red light district of Felicidade were old and worn out.

Around the red gate at the end of the alley, there were several shops where you could buy Korean goods. Chinese goods were easily available in Macau, but Korean soy sauce and seasonings had to be sold in this place. While I was out, I stopped by the supermarket to buy Dasida1 and walked into the Chinese restaurant.

The restaurant, which was about 40 to 50 pyeong2, was divided into the first and second floors. The building was remodeled by buying an old store at a low price just before it was demolished and named 强豪客棧 (Qianghao Inn), likely after the inn that appeared in a Chinese martial arts film. Most of the guests were Chinese living in the neighborhood and drunks without jobs.

I ignored an employee who didn’t look at me even though a customer had just come in and was headed to the counter quite far from the entrance. Choryun, a Korean-Chinese who was sitting at the counter, was watching a palm-sized television. I tapped on the counter table and called her. Choryun, absorbed in the drama, frowned and looked at me, and immediately widened her eyes.

“Wow~! Long time no see, Hawon.”

Choryun had chubby cheeks. She straightened her face and hair.

“Yes, it’s been a long time. Where’s Jahan?”

“In the boss’ office, but you’d better not go there now.”

The words of Choryun, who looked up at me with her eyebrows together, were meaningful.

“Why is Jahan in Tangbang’s room?”

“… Wait…! I’ll call first.”

“It’s okay, I’ll go up.”

I lifted the hand I put on the table and went straight up to the second floor. The wooden stairs creaked as if they were about to collapse. After passing through a few rooms that received guests, I reached the corner where Tangbang’s room was, so I had to knock.

“Ugh, ahh!”

The one who moaned had a familiar voice.

“I have to plug you so you stop dripping so much, mn? Isn’t it good?”

“D-don’t talk like, aah!”

There were no customers on the second floor, but the sound of fucking poured out as if it didn’t matter who heard it. I felt like my head was going numb. I had an impulse to rush out of the door right away, punch Tangbang a few times, and drag away Jahan. I also wanted to threaten him not to work in this place again.

Actually, I was no different from Jahan. No, I was way worse.

Have I ever shown him that I prostituted my body? Joo Hawon, who was nagging Jahan not to sell his body recklessly, was nothing more than a bitch covered in filth. Even if I showed my arrogance as if I were going to become a swan someday, I would end up rolling in the mud. How do I have the right to advise him? My body was hardened by the disillusioned nature that bloomed from my insides.

It wasn’t until the time when the two voices reached their peak and there was no sound that I came to my senses, but my body still didn’t move.

It was before I could reach the doorknob that the door opened and Jahan, who was about to come out, opened his mouth. He couldn’t even blink his eyes when he found me.

“Ha-Hawon. Since when…”

Jahan held the front of his pants tightly as he stuttered.

“This… This is…”

“You wait outside.”

I went past Jahan, went inside, and closed the door firmly. Tangbang, washing his hands with wet wipes, laughed. The long changpao Tangbang wore, which reached his ankles, looked so clean that no traces of sex could be found.

“Long time no see, Hawon.”

He looked down at Tangbang, who greeted me as if nothing had happened.

“Don’t play around with a kid.”

Tangbang roughly crumpled the used wet tissue and threw it. The wet tissue passed by me and went into the trash can.

“Some people might think Jahan is your son. Aren’t you only 1 year older?”

“I introduced him to you because I believed in you, but you betrayed me like this?”

“Ask yourself if I seduced him or if he seduced me, who got on top of me when I was standing still.”

When Tangbang sat with his legs crossed on the sofa, the industrial complex shook and clashed. As far as I knew, Tangbang was the perfect straight guy. I had known him for more than three years, so I felt stabbed in the back today. He picked up the cigarette he was smoking and pointed out the door.

“Genes can’t be ignored. I heard Jahan’s mom ended up like that because of a man. He’s also a bitch that can’t live without a man. Be careful.”

“You’re the one who should watch your mouth.”

“You’re just helpless beasts who only have each other to cuddle with, but the moment a beast tastes meat, it’ll even eat its own kind.”

“Do you love to have people go against each other?”

“What do you mean by going against each other? I’m just giving you advice.”

He gave me a cigarette as if I wanted to smoke.

“He’s the one who can’t live without a dick.”

“I haven’t helped him take it out for a while. I guess that’s why he came to someone else.”

I split the cigarette I received in half and threw it into the ashtray. Tangbang gave me an absurd smile. When I came out without saying goodbye, I suddenly remembered, “This kind is only for looking at. Be careful.” When I slammed the door, even the floor retumbed. I walked down the stairs, leaving Jahan standing still.

I only greeted Choryun by making a gesture with my hand. There was a sound of steps going back to the alley where I came from.

“Hawon, are you mad?”

Jahan, following me, asked in a dejected voice.

“Why would I be angry?”

“With Tangabang, I…”

I stopped walking and looked back at Jahan.

“Did he threaten you?”

“No.”

“Then why did you sleep with him?”

“He’s handsome and gives me a lot of pocket money.”

He was the type who sold himself just to get dinner. Sympathy was something very subjective, so even if someone sympathized with him, he would only ask “why?” and not understand. Needless to say, I don’t dare sympathize with his life or actions.

“Does it hurt anywhere?”

“Mn? No, it doesn’t!”

The guy quickly got brighter and stuck next to me as he grabbed my arm.

“It’s hot. Stay away from me.”

“It’s not hot, the sun has already set.”

He held onto my arm more tightly. Even if the two men were walking arm in arm, there was no one to point a finger at us. The alley was silent and people didn’t pass by there. Jahan popped a hand into my pocket, as if the rustling sound bothered him. He pulled out the dasida and shook it to hear the sound it made.

“Wow, it really is dasida.”

“It is.”

“Do you want to make rice cake soup? Let’s put all the dasida in.”

“The rice cakes in the fridge were moldy.”

“We just need to cut that part and eat it. Did you throw it away?”

“Does the restaurant you work at keep the moldy food as well?”

Jahan flinched and smiled again.

“Don’t come to the restaurant. I’ll carefully select the best ingredients for Hawon.”

“It’s all the same when it goes into your mouth.”

As I walked while talking, the distance felt shorter than when I came alone. The multi-household house looked dim over the low roof tiles. In the event of an earthquake, the surrounding area seemed like it would collapse at once. Perhaps, as I thought, Jahan imagined the same and said, “When an earthquake occurs, you have to run down the stairs and get out of the alley immediately.”

I was on my way in when I saw two people standing in front of the entrance talking. They didn’t look like neighbors, seeing that they were both in suits. In addition, it was strange that they were here in such an outfit because it was such a narrow area that cars couldn’t even enter. I decided to just pass by because I thought they had nothing to do with me anyway.

“Hey, boy! Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you for so long.”

Betu waved his hand. At the same time, the man who was backwards turned around. That guy had no reason to be here. He was a VIP guest who didn’t fit into this shabby area.

“Hello, Mr. Kwon Taeha.”

I gave a courtesy greeting. His grayish blue eyes were just plain black when I saw them in the dark.

“Hi.”

Kwon Taeha turned to Jahan, who was sticking to my arm. Jahan looked back and forth and squeezed my arms tighter.

“Now, let’s talk.”

Betu grabbed me as I tried to go inside.

“That man wants to talk to you”.

It’s not that I didn’t know. The fact that the unexpected combination of Kwon Taeha and Betu was in front of my apartment building made me feel like they wanted to talk about some business. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to get involved.

“To me?”

When asked deliberately as if I were surprised, Kwon Taeha closed his eyes and laughed. He looked kind, but the color of his eyes was strangely black and gray, so I felt chills.

“That’s why you have come all the way to my apartment?”

“I called you but there was no answer, so I came here”

I had left my cell phone at home. That was the reason.

“Why would you come here unasked?”

I whispered quietly.

“Are you you angry?”

“Forget it.”

“Now, you two talk. I parked my car on the side of the road, so come over there if you need anything. It might not be a bad thing for you, so you’d better stop being mad at me”.

I nodded my head. Kwon Taeha took a step closer to me and asked.

“Can you speak Korean, too?”

“I do.”

Jahan snuggled up to

me while I answered.

“Go up first.”

“Hawon…”

Jahan murmured while looking up at Kwon Taeha. Kwon Taeha stared at Jahan too, as if he were a strange creature.

“It’s okay, it’s a guest.”

I pulled off his arm and pushed Jahan’s back. He walked inside, checking with me over and over again to see me as he walked inside. He looked anxious somehow.

“I heard you turned down Lee Kihyun’s request.”

He told me as I looked at Jahan’s back.

“Have the rumors spread that much already?”

“I heard it the next day.”

He looked at me after looking around the villa. I felt some of the dasida in my hand.

“What brings you all the way here? If you want a reservation, you can do it through the casino.”

“I want the black alley Hawon, not the casino dealer.”

Back alley…? I laughed.

“Your shoes must be dirty.”

The man stared at my face without looking down at his shoes.

“You hold more grudges than I thought.”

An interesting smile that was different from his usual stayed on his face. However, I wasn’t emotional enough to fall for cheap provocations, and I foretold that the purpose of the man who visited me wasn’t to provoke me.

“If you don’t have any business with me…”

“Do you want to work on a ship?”

My brows frowned on their own. I repeated the question silently to see if I had understood it correctly.

“I have severe seasickness.”

“What a big reason. You’ve become so rude.”

I resolved never to sit at the same table with this man again.

“Think about it. You’ll be paid three times your current salary.”

“It’s impossible even if I put it into thought. My seasickness is really bad.”

It wasn’t a lie because I couldn’t even go to Hong Kong, which is an hour away from here.

“Then it can’t be helped.”

He didn’t recommend it anymore after he said that.

“Then, I’ll get going.”

“Joo Hawon.”

My shoulders flinched. It was awkward for him to call my name, but the first thing I thought of before that was whether my name could sound so cold.

“I’m a mean and petty person, but I’ll give you a week to think about it.”

The tone of the threatening words was the same as before. He walked in the direction of the road, waving lightly. From here, this old, dirty back alley didn’t seem very suitable for him. Rather, his suit seemed to smudge black on the street. I looked at his back for a long time and thought about the conversation.

A ship…?

Do I have to work on a ship as a dealer?

I had forgotten for a while that Kwon Taeha was the heir to a shipbuilding company. I came up to my senses late, as he had already disappeared. He might be talking to Betu, so I decided to go home and find my cell phone.