Chapter 65

EP 12 - Those Who Carry the Load (3)

The smell of fog filled the air,

bringing back old memories.

When I was young, every time I visited my uncle's house with my father,

I would go out to the nearby breakwater with the adults in the early morning, set up fishing rods, and doze off. When I opened my eyes, the world was filled with sea fog.

It's the same now.

When I opened my eyes, a white cloud lingered by the lakeside.

I exhaled the mist that had filled my lungs and looked around. In front of me was a fishing rod, above was the sky, and beside me was a wooden board.

"Are you awake?"

He spoke to me.

* * *

I was sitting in a familiar chair. It was the fishing chair from the wooden board that I used to carry around as an assistant.

Various thoughts flashed through my mind in confusion.

First, I wondered why I was here. This was the secret fishing spot where I first met Cheon Geumsoon.

Seeing the soju bottle at my feet, a vague memory came back. I had drunk here last night with Yangpansuk.

Once I cleared the fog from my memory, it was easy to find the next memory. After a deep breath, the cold morning mist rushed in.

"......Sniff."

I swallowed my snot, and Yangpansuk scolded me.

"I told you to drink moderately, didn't I?"

"......Did I sleep outside?"

"Can't you tell from the snot running down your nose? I told you several times that the weather hasn't warmed up yet..."

I took out the handkerchief given to me by Yeo Doyeon as a middle school graduation gift and wiped my nose, slightly embarrassed, and smiled.

"Where is Representative Yangpansuk...?"

Yangpansuk pointed indifferently to a campervan.

"I slept well, so you should worry about your own body. You were complaining about your body aching last night....."

He shook his head in disgust, and I was instantly overwhelmed by a wave of memories.

First.

Last night, while watching my aunt and uncle in the glass tube, I suddenly felt melancholic and went out to the balcony. I sighed while looking at the moon in the night sky, and was caught by Yangpansuk who came out to smoke.

Second.

When he burst into my room, he caught me with a pile of antidepressants and sleeping pills. They were things I had collected and consumed without a prescription, taking advantage of living in the hospital.

Third.

Yangpansuk scolded me harshly, even hitting me with the empty medicine bottles he threw.

Fourth.

Yangpansuk took me, who was half-drunk, and rushed outside. He drove the campervan himself and brought me to this fishing spot.

Fifth.

We opened a bottle of soju, and I spilled all my secrets while drunk. It was due to Yangpansuk's decades of experience in alcohol interrogation in politics.

So.

I spilled everything.

About not wanting to die early.

About missing my sister.

About not wanting to do politics.

"......"

The more I thought about it, the more embarrassed I became, and I bowed my head deeply. As I bowed, snot ran down, and I covered my nose with the handkerchief. My face must have turned bright red.

"Life is tough, isn't it?"

Yangpansuk muttered indifferently.

"Every time I breathe, my head hurts, and the doctor doesn't say much. When I come home, I can't sleep, so I just take pills."

He hit the nail on the head.

Yangpansuk murmured softly.

"Antidepressants need to be finely adjusted by a doctor, even during the latent period, and the combination of various medications is necessary for them to be effective. If you take them randomly, it can cause serious problems, you know."

"......"

"Taking Maoi before Seri causes headaches, and you took TCA without knowing it was a sleeping pill, so you're tired."

Yangpansuk shook his head in disgust, and I was startled and looked at him.

He knew everything about antidepressants. I wondered if Yangpansuk had similar experiences, but I didn't have the courage to ask and just fidgeted with my lips.

However, Yangpansuk answered my unspoken thoughts without looking at me.

"Yong."

I shuddered.

Embarrassed, I bowed my head deeply.

Yangpansuk's youngest son was a strict taboo in his office. Even the chief assistant, who had worked with him for eight years, would close his mouth whenever the youngest son was mentioned.

He had committed suicide decades ago.

No one knew why.

"......"

Yangpansuk couldn't be treated as a parent by his children.

He just guessed that he had some connection with his youngest son who committed suicide. I never tried to find out. I just learned things indirectly by being around him.

In other words, this was the first time he had directly mentioned his youngest son.

Yangpansuk hesitated for a moment, then swallowed his words and muttered. It sounded like someone who had sold their life at a gambling table.

"......It's not good for your body."

"......Yes."

We squatted by the lakeside in silence for a long time. The world was still a dark blue because the sun hadn't risen yet.

Yangpansuk fiddled with the fishing rod and said,

"You're wasting your time."

"......What?"

"When you stood trial for treason. If I hadn't moved the Supreme Court judges, wouldn't your political career have been over?"

I nodded, dazed.

"Wasn't that your original plan? To restore the country to normal and then step back?"

"......"

"Since you won't live long anyway, you planned to make a grand patriotic gesture and leave politics, right?"

Yangpansuk stabbed at my thoughts like a sharp dagger. His tone was calm, but it also sounded angry.

"Your enthusiasm ended there. Now, you don't have much to think about. You just sit back and watch as Kim Jo-in and Cheong Jung-yup split the National Party."

He protested strongly, and I didn't respond politely.

"Then what should I do? Should I tear up the constitution and run for president now?"

"It's not impossible. You're not incapable; you're just not doing it."

Yangpansuk said it as if it were someone else's business.

"Are you just waiting to die like an old man?"

"......Well, I guess I'll die before you, Representative Yang."

"You're a walking corpse."

"Then, what do you want me to do?"

Tsk. Yangpansuk clicked his tongue and glared at me.

"I told you before. Live. It's hard enough for us."

It was exactly what I had heard in this very place. I vaguely remembered it but didn't answer and avoided his gaze.

An awkward silence followed.

"......Well, I've changed my mind a bit after seeing what you've been doing."

The 62-year-old old man chuckled.

"What's the point of trying to live anyway?"

He smiled kindly and looked at me.

"I'm staying with the Democratic Party, no, the National Defense Party."

He was saying he wouldn't join the National Party where I was.

I had guessed as much since there hadn't been any talk of him leaving the party, but hearing it directly made me feel a bit disappointed.

After all, leaving the party isn't a simple matter.

Yangpansuk himself was deeply entangled with the Democratic Party's figures, and the city councilors, mayors, provincial councilors, and extra-parliamentary committee members he managed filled a truck.

I knew firsthand how closely he was connected to the Jeolla region, especially Gwangju. He was sometimes referred to as the "master of Honam."

And Gwangju was the Democratic Party itself. So, I thought he would naturally join the National Defense Party, the successor to the Democratic Party.

However.

An unexpected statement came.

"I'll resign from my position as a member of the National Assembly in a year."

"What!?"

I jumped up from my seat without realizing it. He smiled.

"Why are you so surprised?"

"Ah, no, that...!"

"Next year is the local election, you know."

The thin old man laughed and revealed his thoughts.

"I'll run for governor of Jeollanam-do."

It was a statement that was hard to understand. Of course, a governor was better than a mere member of the National Assembly, but Yangpansuk was far from being a mere member.

He was a boss who led a faction and had even been the leader of the ruling party. If he stayed in the National Assembly, he could be a pillar for the Democratic Party's members.

"Why...?"

Yangpansuk gazed silently at the lakeside.

"Southeastern regions like Busan, Ulsan, and Gyeongnam are already saturated in population, and the Taebaek Mountains limit the usable land. In contrast, Honam, except for Gwangju, is essentially empty land, mostly flat."

Yangpansuk, bent over the fishing rod, discussed geopolitics.

"Currently, the largest city is in Jeollanam-do. Unlike Busan, Ulsan, and Gyeongnam, which are saturated in population, the political backlash against accepting refugees is relatively low, and it is surrounded by the key city of Gwangju. Most importantly, it is a place centered on agriculture, which will soon be adopted as a national strategic project."

In the misty lakeside,

"The fear of monsters will push people south."

The old man foresaw the future.

"Out of 40 million citizens, I'm confident that more than 10 million will gather in Jeollanam-do."

Only then did I realize.

The seasoned politician was not looking at the lake but at the sky reflected in it.

"Population is votes."

The politician said.

"Population becomes industry, and industry becomes results. If the explosive development of Jeollanam-do can be packaged as the governor's achievement."

The fisherman said.

"If I stay in the National Defense Party and become a leader of the moderate faction, working with Representative Han Seung-moon.

Then, if I can claim a perfect center in the new two-party system.

And if I can win the support of both parties' bases."

The sleeping dragon said.

"Who will be the president in four years?"

*

[Even if the National Party's approval rating is around 80% now, I expect this general election to end in a 50-50 split. If there's a variable, it might be a 60-40 in favor of the National Party. I don't think it will tilt any further.]

Lying in bed, I slowly mulled over what Yangpansuk had said.

[You know, given your involvement in North Korean operations, this president will be Won Ok-bun. That's why you've let go of the National Party's presidential race, right?]

My head was a mess, but it didn't hurt.

[It's not a wise choice. Take control of the National Party. Don't let Cheong Jung-yup and Kim Jo-in run loose. They will eventually strangle you.]

I didn't need medication today.

[People from the late President Yoo Jae-gwang's side are starting to emerge. Former extra-parliamentary committee members who lost their seats are starting to cozy up to the National Defense Party.

Don't be complacent. Losing a seat means they ran and were nominated. That means they had enough competitiveness to win in their region. There are nearly 200 former members of the National Assembly.

Their way to success is to bring down the National Party. Who will they target first?]

Yangpansuk was provoking me.

[The hard times are over. I can't stand seeing you wander aimlessly. Didn't they say that Director Chun was making progress? Doyeon isn't someone who will die easily either. Your family doesn't want you to just survive on medication.]

He was telling me,

[......If you really don't know, help me get into the Blue House.]

An old man in his 60s is living like this, so why are you just taking medication and wasting your time? What do you want me to do? I'm on a death sentence.

It's a dilemma of a life with a deadline.

What's the point? I don't have much time left, I'm being pushed around, and my family is lying down.

......Drawing a line to clean up this dog-eat-dog world is pointless; the tide will wash it away. Beating up a villain only makes you confused about who the real villain is, and before you know it, you're the one doing the villainous deeds.

However, a few things were clear.

While talking to Yangpansuk, I realized that I had been broken without even knowing it.

I had lost my way.

I no longer had passion in my life.

I had become a person who moved out of inertia and obligation, not out of dreams.

But.

Effort is what you make of it, and justice is what you make of it. No matter how hard you work, it's like building a sandcastle. What do you want me to do?

......Of course, there are people like Gam Ji-yoon who don't give up. But he was just a naive kid who rushed in without knowing better.

I wasn't that strong a superhero. I admitted that I was worse than a primary school student. What could I do? Hard is hard, and dog-eat-dog is dog-eat-dog.

......But after talking to Yangpansuk.

I started thinking about what I would do tomorrow for the first time in a long while.

I didn't want to just breathe and die in the little time I had left.

I would tell Hojeong and Ilho to prepare for running for the National Assembly, find new jobs for Pi Chae-won and Jang Won-jang, and visit Ji-yoon after a long time—

—!

My phone rang.

Recognizing the ringtone, it was Kim Doo-sik.

"Hello—"

[The Seoul Gate has gone berserk.]

"Huh?"

[It's more like it's going berserk. I don't know the details yet. I'm contacting you as soon as I received the report.]

I was stunned, and Kim Doo-sik explained calmly and quickly.

"What...?"

[The situation is not yet fully understood, but a giant monster has appeared in Yeouido. A large-scale wave has started centered on Seoul, and the Chungcheong defense line has been activated, but the northern area, where no clear front has been formed, is exposed to threats.

Especially, since almost no troops are deployed in Gangwon-do, there is a possibility that the monsters spreading from Seoul will spread to the northern part of Gangwon-do and the Gyeongsangbuk-do area.

Therefore, a large-scale military operation is required, and an emergency meeting has been convened. A helicopter should be arriving at the hospital rooftop by now. Please come quickly.]

My head went blank. I put the phone between my shoulder and ear and tightened my tie.

[A group of hunters is currently eliminating the giant monster in the center of Yeouido. It seems to be related to the Gate's berserk state.]

"Really?"

[And Yeo Doyeon is there too.]