Chapter 8

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I’m sleepy.

Very sleepy. Could I sleep for a bit? Not like I do anything when I’m awake.

But then I saw everyone’s serious faces. Yup, not happening.

I pinched the back of my hand to fight off the drowsiness. Oh, that kind of hurt. I feel awake.

… Yeah, it’s over. I’m sleepy.

So there I was, absolutely not motivated to do anything, in a meeting with other generals and our superiors.

Recently, we noticed some movement in the country to the south of us, so we were planning countermeasures just in case.

This country was relatively big for our continent, but the differences compared to other countries due to our complete rejection of magic was quite clear.

It was undoubtedly a disadvantage, but to uphold their dignity, the country couldn’t admit that. To our misfortune.

That was why the prime minister had to take measures so we wouldn’t have to fight wars, and the generals and officers had to prepare.

Part of the preparations were these meetings we had. I was never useful in any of them though!

They should let magicians in if they wanted to win wars. My cat could be a huge force by herself.

What are you supposed to do if they shoot magic at you from afar?

I had thoughts on this magic banning affair, but if I said them aloud, I’d get burnt at the stake!

Be quiet. Be still. Be air.

Phew, looks like it finally ended. I’m free… General Sia, on my right, looked at me.

“Oh, you didn’t sleep today. Good on you.”

“I’m sorry for being a salary thief.”

I’m so sorry.

Fighting was what I was suited for, but you could also say I was simply incapable of anything else.

Tina taught me the basics of commanding troops but I still had no confidence!

I was confident with a sword, but… I preferred peace. I love peace.

Anyway, I had finished all my work as a general for that day, so I went to train.

I escaped to the backyard as the humans at the training grounds made me restless, which was when I met her.

First impressions are important.

Impressions you get in the first minute of meeting someone could have significant consequences later down the line!

Thinking back on it, my first meeting with Tina was the worst. I had come across her as she blew through a thick wall in the ruins.

Later, she told me I looked like a human she should probably kill. I thought that was taking it too far though. What’s wrong with masks, huh!?

Basically, first impressions held a lot of importance. However…

This was a little too crazy.

A girl—about as old as Tina looked—appeared from a tree. Her silver hair waved in the wind as she pushed through the branches.

She wore a soft, light pink dress. An elegant outfit befitting a noble.

I knew those big blue eyes from somewhere, but it was definitely my first time meeting her.

She was a beautiful girl that simply sprung forth the word ‘lovely’ in my mind.

Now—onto the point—she also had an eagle grip on a fish bouncing around in the air. For what!?

You have to bow when you meet a noble, but I couldn’t help myself from staring at the live fish.

The fish was a beautiful crimson… wait, isn’t that Princess Iris’ fish from her pond? Looks like this girl is getting the death penalty.

When the girl noticed me, her already big eyes widened.

“You there.”

“Yes?”

Oh no, she found me. I should’ve hidden or run. I always stiffen up when stuff happens.

The aristocrat girl looked at my short sword and the corners of her mouth turned up.

“Do you know how to fillet a fish?”

“…”

Yup, I’m getting the death penalty too!

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I’m awful at cooking. I couldn’t even peel vegetables and I hadn’t the smallest idea of what else you’re supposed to do.

That was why the fish had been reduced into a mysterious piece of meat. The girl next to me raised an eyebrow.

“So you’re not good at cooking.”

“Yes…”

I told you I couldn’t! And I even warned you that it was Princess Iris’ fish!

But this girl kept repeating that it was okay as she pushed the fish onto me! Also, the fish was super slimy!

“I could smell something good from you so I thought you were good at cooking. What’s inside that pouch on your waist?”

“S-sweets…”

Tina baked a lot of sweets yesterday so I brought some as a snack.

Hold up, how can she smell sweets from a double-layered bag!?

I lost to her silent gaze, demanding me to hand it over, and presented the sweets bag to her. The girl began munching on them, seemingly forgetting about the fish.

“Delicious. Are they home-made?”

“Yes.”

“Did your mother make them for you?”

Why does ‘mother’ come out instead of ‘lover’, or ‘wife’!? I was curious but I would probably die inside if she told me so I didn’t ask.

So, I answered honestly.

“I don’t have parents. My housemate made them.”

“Then please take me to your house. I would love some freshly baked sweets.”

… Okay, now I’m really gonna die.

My housemate, Tina, hated humans.

She was always giving off that human-hating aura. She hated going shopping and she always disappears when we get a visitor.

So. What would happen if I came home with a stranger and asked her to make sweets? Exactly, I’d get killed! As for how she would kill me, my bet was on instant incineration.

And yet, why was I bringing this girl to my house…?

“What a small house,” she said.

“Because I’m a commoner…”

My head was drooped but the girl seemed excited.

I only brought her here because she threatened to tell everyone that I stole the fish.

My life would be over if Princess Iris found out. I’ve had enough. Why am I only surrounded by scary humans?

“But it smells good. I wonder if someone is cooking.”

“We’ll get used as ingredients if we keep going.”

“Now then, off we go. I’m about to collapse from hunger.”

Listen to what I’m saying! And what is up with your obsession with eating!? You ate all my snacks too!

I prayed silently for Tina to notice us and leave. I wasn’t sure if it worked, but she was nowhere to be seen.

All I could find in the kitchen was a pot simmering meat. Tina made this occasionally, and she simmers this for three days. By the end, the meat gets so tender and tasty.

The pot was heated without fire because of a magic… oh shit! What were you thinking!?

However, the girl didn’t notice my internal panic.

She looked inside the pot. “That looks delicious. I want to eat it.”

So before she suspected anything, I quickly plated it for her. I’m sorry Tina.

The girl began eating the meat that’s supposed to cook for another two days.

Hmm. At least she eats elegantly.

There had to be a hole in her stomach though, as her small body continued to consume more and more meat.

As I stood there, shocked, the huge meat in the pot disappeared in a flash. Tina, I’m so so sorry. I’ll eat all the spring onions you give me so forgive me!

And yet the girl looked around, still as hungry as before. Please leave…

Her blue eyes innocently latched onto me, despite how exhausted I was.

“I’m all the way outside the castle today, so I would like to go through some restaurants around the city. Do you have any recommendations?”

“… You still want to eat more?”

I don’t get it!

If we kept going, I would’ve had to take her around town until her stomach exploded.

However, I received a godsend, or rather, judgement.

A voice came from the front door. “Lu, you there? You got called for an emergency.”

What a carefree summoning for an emergency! I dashed through the hallway, seeking salvation. Yuan was waiting for me.

“What’s up? What do I have to do? Am I finally free?”

“Free? From what? You have to help us search, so I wouldn’t say you’re free.”

“Search for what?”

I have a bad feeling about this. I heard footsteps from behind as I prompted him.

“Yeah about that, Princess Amalia disappeared from the castle so they want us to find her. She’s Princess Iris’ sister.”

“… Seriously?”

I think I know where she is. Man, I think I know where she is!

But then was her reputation for being a lovely girl a lie? She looked lovely but inside she was just a glutton.

There was no way she was royalty. As someone who worked for the royal family, I truly wished she wasn’t.

However, my pleas were ignored as the footsteps got even closer and Yuan noticed her.

“Oh, there you are, Princess Amalia.”

“Yuan, it’s been a while.”

“Reality is too cruel!” I screamed.

I collapsed. It’s not fair. This country has no dreams or ambitions and the two princesses are both weird as hell.

With my head on the ground, heartbroken, I noticed Yuan staring at me. Are you going to comfort me…? Thank you…

“Okay, Lu, you’re getting arrested for kidnapping.”

“I’m the victim here!”

“Don’t worry about it. Princess Iris is awaiting the criminal with the decapitating axe. Good luck.”

“She’s obviously gonna kill me!”

Why did I get dragged into this! I didn’t want to bring the princess here! I was threatened!

I looked up at the princess, hoping she would clear up the misunderstanding, but she puffed her cheeks with a bored face…

In the end, Princess Iris persistently harassed me, as if torturing me, until late in the night! Please, guys, cut it out already!

And needless to say, when I returned home all worn-out, Tina got angry at me for eating all the meat that had been cooking.

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