Chapter 3

### The Current Status of a Child Actor (2)

I headed to a nearby meat restaurant, timing my arrival.

The charcoal grill was filled, and before long, Hyuntae hyung entered the store.

When I waved my hand and said, "Over here," he approached with a grin.

"Did you wait long?"

"I just got here a little while ago."

He wiped his hands with a rolled-up wet tissue and scanned the bustling restaurant, muttering, "This place must be a local favorite."

Then, he turned his gaze to me and stared intently.

"Last time, I couldn't say much because of the place, but even after a long time, you really haven't changed. It's like you don't age."

"Hyung, you haven't changed either."

"What do you mean, 'not changed'? I've changed a lot. Starting with this head of hair."

Hyuntae hyung pointed to his thinning hair with his finger.

I bowed my head, afraid that the wet tissue would fly if I laughed, and fiddled with the side dishes.

"Wow, the side dishes are really good here."

"Damn. With all this stress, how could it not fall out... Do you still not drink alcohol?"

"Yeah. I'll just drink water."

"I need a drink. Owner, one bottle of soju, please."

We clinked glasses, one filled with soju and the other with water, as the meat sizzled on the grill.

As the side dishes and alcohol started to take effect, Hyuntae hyung became more talkative.

He began with the story of leaving the broadcasting station and joining a video production company, and his narrative, like any drinking session, turned from one complaint to another.

"So, I'm about to go crazy. It's fortunate that no one was seriously injured, but a traffic violation, and hitting someone—this shoot is completely ruined."

"Is there no backup cast?"

"No. The next scheduled cast member can't adjust their schedule either. The production environment isn't like a broadcasting station."

He shook his head and set down his empty glass. He hesitated with his chopsticks, aimlessly flipping the dried-out pork belly.

His lips moved, and his eyes darted around.

After watching for a while, I asked bluntly.

"So, you're trying to recruit me?"

Instantly, Hyuntae hyung's expression became dynamic, as if he had seen a ghost.

"Ah, how did you know?"

It would be strange if I didn't know.

While talking about the lack of cast, he kept flipping the dried-out pork belly.

Is it pork belly or bacon?

"You're really obvious."

He let out a sigh and scratched his forehead.

He called me "as expected, a quick-witted kid," which was ridiculous.

You can't do poker face.

Anyway, once I got to the point, Hyuntae hyung didn't hesitate to ask me.

"If I recruit you... can you come?"

"Haebi and Baek Seunggyul, right? You want me to do a recent status interview?"

He nodded quickly.

"Of course, I'm not asking for an immediate answer. It's not an easy decision, so think about it today and let me know by tomorrow..."

"I'm out."

"Wait, at least think about it... What? What did you say?"

Seeing Hyuntae hyung's bewildered face, I repeated.

"I'm out."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You're really surprised. Is it that unexpected?"

"Yeah, really. I mean, if you appear, you can't avoid talking about the past, and those are painful memories for you."

"Isn't that your job to persuade me?"

"Oh, right. That's why I came. Man, you really thought it through... Was it a good decision? Damn, now that you said yes, why do I feel uneasy?"

Despite his wavering, he couldn't hide his smile, and I chuckled.

Then, I nodded.

"Right. They are painful memories. But..."

As I spoke, the memories naturally filled my mind.

The articles that were more like a hunt, too harsh for a mere 12-year-old.

The media's teeth that tore me apart, not seeing me as a child but as prey.

But even that, in the end...

"It's all my choice, isn't it?"

"Choice? What choice can a child make? And child actors can have ups and downs. Those bastards. The first movie, Haebi, when it came out, they called you a genius actor. Our country is like that. If you stumble, they try to bring you down..."

Hyuntae hyung argued, his neck veins bulging.

Well, he doesn't know that I pretended to be a bad actor, so his reaction is understandable.

I naturally followed the conversation.

"After the first movie, everything went downhill."

"Frankly, it can't all be your fault. The movies were just bad."

That's true.

A child actor's poor performance wouldn't ruin a movie.

"The movies themselves were just bad."

That's how I felt at the time. And in my young heart, I deliberately chose such movies.

I thought if I chose movies that seemed good or that I wanted to do, I would get greedy.

Pretending to be a bad actor was too hard.

In the end, I might have rowed into the storm even though I could have avoided it.

With my clumsy rowing, the ship of the movie was completely stranded.

"Anyway, it's all in the past. I don't care. That's why I'm out."

"Are you really okay with that?"

Hyuntae hyung fiddled with his glass and asked again.

I nodded lightly and raised my water glass.

As the clear sound of the glasses clinking and his "thank you" echoed, I asked myself.

Is this choice just because I wanted to do Hyuntae hyung a favor?

Or...

"I actually told them about you. Haebi comes to our company every day."

"Wow, really? My wife will be happy."

"Haebi was the movie we watched on our first date."

Is there some lingering attachment that I don't want to forget?

I don't know which it is, but one thing was certain.

My heart was racing.

Like after running 16km without stopping.

#

A few days later, instead of my truck, I got into a taxi during my working hours.

It was for the filming of "Status Marathon," produced by Hyuntae hyung.

The filming location was a cafe by the river in the outskirts of Seoul.

As I got out of the taxi and walked towards the cafe, Hyuntae hyung, who had been bustling inside, ran out to meet me.

"You came?"

"Yeah. But why did the PD come to greet me?"

"Of course, I had to run out to meet Mr. Baek Seunggyul."

You're wearing Jordans, not slippers?

I chuckled and walked with him.

"I feel pressured. How well do I have to perform?"

"You don't have to do well. Just sit there, and we'll do the rest."

"That's even scarier. Maybe I should just leave."

We exchanged light banter and entered the cafe.

The director was setting up the camera, the sound director greeted us with one earphone up, and the other staff members...

After exchanging greetings with the unfamiliar faces, I was seated in a corner.

The makeup artist, who hadn't drawn an eyeliner in a long time, started to draw on my face.

I hadn't put anything on my face since I quit acting.

While admiring my face changing in real time, Hyuntae hyung returned.

"Seunggyul, this is our writer."

"Hello! I've heard a lot about you."

"Hey, what did you hear? I didn't say much. I only recently revealed that you're Haebi."

Hyuntae hyung, startled, explained and left me with the writer before disappearing again.

Sitting between the makeup artist and the writer, I felt like a scarecrow.

Looking at myself in the mirror, wondering where I was and who I was, the writer handed me a piece of paper.

"This is the rough outline for today. We've prepared it so you don't have to talk about uncomfortable topics, so don't worry too much."

Uncomfortable topics? Like the acting controversy?

I nodded and scanned the paper.

Indeed, the old stories were quickly summarized, and the focus was on the current status.

"When the host introduces you, you'll greet them, and then..."

I listened to the writer's explanation, asking questions when I was curious. Thanks to this, a clear plan formed in my mind, and the flow of the interview became clear.

All the preparations were complete.

Except for me.

I sat alone in the corner, watching the busy scene.

It wasn't much different from the scenes I saw every day while delivering packages at the print shop.

Everyone was intense. Here and there.

Somehow, I felt detached from it all.

"Mr. Seunggyul, you've waited long enough. We're starting the filming now."

After a short while, the writer called me.

I stood up and entered the forest of lights where the filming equipment was set up.

Sitting in the designated spot, I saw Hyuntae hyung nervously biting his lip in front of me.

Despite that, he waved a sketchbook with "Don't be nervous!" written in large letters.

I smiled and waited for the cue.

The host's opening followed.

"Hello! I'll introduce today's guest. Do you know the first Korean movie to attract ten million viewers? Most of you older than me probably know it. It's 'Haebi.' I can almost hear the surprised gasps. Today's guest is the star of 'Haebi,' the actor who played Haebi, Mr. Baek Seunggyul! Mr. Seunggyul, can you greet our subscribers?"

The host introduced me skillfully, even clapping.

Now it was my turn.

"Hello, I'm Baek Seunggyul."

I bowed.

The world seemed to lower and then rise again.

The red light, blinking at me, seemed to swallow me whole.

"..."

A 10-year-old child acted amidst the red lights that seemed to consume him.

A long time ago, during the first filming, the memory was now faint, but standing here again, it loomed large like a shadow.

It feels like I have to act.

I have to make a convincing expression and recite my lines.

I tried to calm my racing heart and steady my voice.

But as soon as I opened my mouth, I realized it was useless.

"Like this..."

My voice trembled uncontrollably.

I stopped, composed my breathing, and tried again.

"Like this, sitting in front of the camera is really a long time since I've done it."

I looked at the camera and slowly lifted the corners of my mouth. My lips trembled, but I no longer cared.

I just wanted to convey what I was feeling.

"It's good."

Thousands, tens of thousands of times.

"Better than I imagined."