Chapter 65

65. It's Not Your Fault

The death of Seojin's (Jinhyuk's) older brother happened when Seojin was just starting elementary school. He was in his second year of high school, ten years older than Seojin, and he was a perfect person, at least in Seojin's memory.

Always the top of the class, a model student praised by everyone, the perfect son to his parents, and the perfect older brother to Seojin.

"Seojin, do you want that?"

"Yeah."

"Then take it."

"Brother?"

"I'm fine."

His older brother, always sitting at his desk, would never get annoyed and would always smile when the mischievous young Seojin quietly entered the room. The trademark large-framed glasses and the smile he would turn to Seojin with were etched in Seojin's heart.

And that image of his brother remained alive in Jin Seojin's heart. But that image of his brother stopped growing the summer Jin Seojin started elementary school, never aging again.

"Seojin! Wait! I'm coming too!"

"Help... gasp... help..."

When Seojin, who had lost consciousness in the water, came to, he couldn't see his brother running towards him.

And his brother...

Never returned to his desk.

"Mom."

Seojin's voice, cold and soaked with sorrow, met his mother's eyes, equally cold with the same sorrow.

"Brother is dead."

"What?"

"Brother is dead."

"You, what are you...?"

"Brother!"

The sorrow in Seojin's frozen eyes trembled.

"He's dead!"

Seojin's scream made his mother freeze with wide eyes.

"Do you understand, Mom? Brother is dead."

Under Seojin's cold eyes, the hot sorrow that had been simmering finally broke the ice.

The light in his eyes scattered like a shattered gem.

Tears streamed down,

Tracing the face of Jinhyuk, piece by piece, and fell from his chin.

The death of his brother.

A fact everyone knew, but no one had spoken of for the past ten years.

What had stopped ten years ago was not just the image of his brother.

Seojin's heart had also been stuck on that night ten years ago, the night after his brother's funeral.

"Ah, Myeongjin. How can you kick the blanket off like that? My baby."

"Eh, Mom!?"

"Myeongjin, even in summer, if you sleep with your belly exposed, you'll get a stomachache. Ah, my baby is so good."

"Eh, eh, Mom... I'm Seojin."

"Ah, let's sleep with Mom, Myeongjin."

Seojin's body was shaking like a leaf in the warmest of places, his mother's embrace.

That sleepless night. Even when he finally fell into a light sleep at dawn, Seojin's nightmare didn't end.

"Our Seojin, I made kimchi stew for you."

Kimchi stew was his brother's favorite food.

After that night, Mom never called him by his brother's name. But...

"Ah, our Seojin looks so good in glasses."

"Our Seojin really loves studying, doesn't he?"

"Our Seojin is such a good listener."

"Our Seojin..."

The mischievous Jin Seojin disappeared. Only the model student Jin Seojin remained.

It was true that his brother wore glasses, and it was true that Seojin loved his brother very much. It was also true that he wore glasses because of his brother.

But there was one thing Jin Seojin didn't tell Jeongdoa.

He didn't wear glasses because he loved his brother.

It was guilt. Guilt towards his mother and brother. Survivor's guilt.

"And brother..."

Seojin wanted to say,

"I didn't kill him."

"It was an accident, Mom. It was an accident."

But he couldn't. The pain rising in his chest blocked his breath.

Wasn't it? Wasn't it really?

Shouldn't the one who died that day have been me, not my brother?

How many times had he repeated this to himself?

With his chest constricted, the only thing Seojin could say was,

"You're alive..."

Tears streamed down his broken eyes, piercing his chest.

"What do you want me to do? I'm alive."

He bit his lip until it bled, swallowing the pain with the sting of his lips. It was hot and sticky.

Thud.

Seojin took off his glasses and placed them on the table.

"I won't wear them anymore.

Glasses.

Friends say they don't suit me."

As Seojin (Jinhyuk) turned and walked out the front door, his mother said nothing.

***

A familiar story, nothing special in the direction.

But Woo Jinhyuk's acting swallowed everything whole.

In front of Woo Jinhyuk's gaze and tears, even those who didn't understand the story couldn't help but cry. Woo Jinhyuk's acting was unparalleled.

– I cried.

– Jinhyuk...

– He's insane. Insane. Woo Jinhyuk's acting is completely insane.

– Really...

– I cried so much my head hurts...

– I want to hug Seojin so much.

– I might be a bad person for suspecting your intentions here...

– This guarantees the end-of-year rookie award.

– It should be a supporting actor award, not just a rookie award.

Fans were in an uproar. Even close fans were no exception.

"Ugh-."

"Hey, Do Minwoo, stop crying. What are you wailing like... Ugh-."

While Do Minwoo and Kim Minyoung were sobbing, Lee Youngjun turned his head to hide his face.

Knowing the content in advance, Seolin had already run to the bathroom, crying from the moment Jinhyuk's acting began.

Even in the filming, she cried so much.

Seolin, who felt others' emotions as her own, couldn't help but feel the intensity of the emotions more strongly.

"Jinhyuk!"

Do Minwoo, who had been crying, ran to Jinhyuk and hugged him tightly.

"You idiot, if you had such a hard time, you should have told me!"

"..."

Jinhyuk thought for a moment.

How could he explain the difference between reality and drama?

"Ha. You idiot. Okay. Your relationship with Kim Arin. I'll allow it. You've suffered for so long, you shouldn't be hurt in love."

"Minwoo."

"Yeah?"

Kim Minyoung wiped away her tears and shook her head.

"That's not it... sniff... What about Kanghyuk? If I'm suffering, I shouldn't make others suffer. No matter how hard the situation, we should keep our heads."

Right. Do Minwoo, Kim Minyoung, both of you, pull yourselves together.

Jinhyuk shook his head. At that moment, Jinhyuk and Seoyeon's eyes met.

"..."

And the same scene unfolded on the TV screen.

***

"Jin Seojin!"

Jin Seojin (Woo Jinhyuk) and Jeong Doa (Min Seoyeon) stared at each other, their eyes wide.

"Hey! What happened to you!"

Jin Seojin, who had been absent from school for three days, appeared in front of Doa, who was returning home after her part-time job.

The two sat side by side on a park bench.

"So, where have you been for three days? With your personality, you don't have any friends to rely on. And even if you left home, there's not much a minor like us can do."

"I know."

"Oh, that's right. I tried it too... hmm."

Jeong Doa (Min Seoyeon) hesitated and changed the subject.

"Anyway, the kids at school were really worried about you. Especially the broadcasting club."

"..."

"What? Why did you leave home?"

Seojin (Jinhyuk) was silent, and Doa (Seoyeon) stopped talking, glancing at Seojin.

"Hey? Did you lose your glasses?"

Seojin shook his head.

"Actually..."

For some reason, Seojin (Jinhyuk) felt comfortable with Doa (Seoyeon).

Seojin (Jinhyuk) cautiously shared something he had never told anyone before.

"..."

As Seojin spoke, tears welled up in Doa's eyes and fell.

"Ah, damn. Embarrassing."

Only then did Doa realize the tears that had fallen, wiping them away with the back of her hand.

"Hey, don't misunderstand. I'm not crying because I feel sorry for you."

Feeling embarrassed, Doa, who had been looking down, slowly raised her head.

"I know it won't comfort you at all. I know. But you told me this honestly. So, it's give and take."

Doa (Seoyeon) avoided Seojin (Jinhyuk)'s gaze, which was fixed on her.

"I had a dad. Until our family business went bankrupt."

With the word "dad," the tears Doa had barely held back spilled out.

"Ah, damn. If you're going to do that, you should have done it right."

Doa wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. After a moment of silence, she bit her lip and swallowed her sorrow, just as Seojin had.

"Hey, Jin Seojin, you listen to me."

Doa, choking back her sobs, spoke firmly and clearly.

"It's not your fault."

"..."

"Do you understand?"

"..."

"Do you understand!"

Doa (Seoyeon) stood up abruptly. Then, as if not just speaking to Seojin, she said, her voice trembling.

"No one is wrong for being alive."

Seojin (Jinhyuk)'s head dropped.

"..."

Between his fingers, which covered his face, hot tears streamed down.

***

– Seoyeon :(

– Seoyeon-ssi :(

– Unnie :(

– Now, if it's not Jin Seojin and Jeong Doa, it's a crime.

– Protest in front of the broadcasting station.

– Wow. Min Seoyeon's acting. I thought Woo Jinhyuk's acting was insane, but she's not falling behind.

– Haven't you seen the 'Jang Soon-i' video? She was already a genius then.

In front of writer Han Yukeun, who was checking the pouring internet articles and comments, a cup of tea was placed.

"Writer, are you reading the articles?"

"Ah, yes."

"Wow, it was really amazing yesterday."

Writer Han Yukeun smiled and nodded. The feeling she, as a writer, was experiencing now was something others couldn't understand.

The feeling that the characters she had created had become real people with real pain.

The production staff member who brought the tea asked cautiously.

"Is it okay to ask if anyone is connected to Jin Seojin?"

Han Yukeun responded with a smile that seemed to say, "I know, but I don't know."

"I'm sorry. I'm just really curious."

"It's okay. I hear this question all the time."

Just as the staff member was smiling awkwardly, the meeting room door opened.

The staff member's face lit up.

"Welcome, actor Woo Jinhyuk! It's been a while."

"Yes, hello."

Jinhyuk's gentle smile made the staff member's face flush.

"Welcome. You've been busy lately, haven't you?"

"A little."

Jinhyuk bowed slightly and sat down.

"Quince tea. Is it okay? It's good for your throat and tastes good too."

"Ah, yes."

Han Yukeun opened the thermos and poured hot water into the cup of quince extract, then handed it to Jinhyuk.

"Since you're busy, let's get to the point."

"Yes."

"There's a scene in the last episode of the drama where the school festival is broadcast."

It was the ending where Kanghyuk's baseball tournament support and victory, and the long-prepared school festival, came to a perfect conclusion.

"Jinhyuk, the scene where you read the letter you wrote to your friends."

"Yes."

"What if we change it to you singing instead of reading the letter?"

"Singing?"

Han Yukeun smiled at Jinhyuk.

"Didn't you completely turn the town hall singing contest upside down with Seolin last winter?"

"..."

"You said you could sing well after hearing the rap. What can't you do?"

The word "drawing" flashed in Jinhyuk's mind, but he didn't say it. It wasn't a question to confirm the facts.

"The reaction to the OST you sang with Seolin is also very good, and there are a lot of comments saying they're curious about Jinhyuk's singing."

Jinhyuk had heard that the OST they sang together had ranked high on the music charts.

"So I thought, instead of reading the letter, wouldn't it be more impactful to sing a song with a message?"

"It doesn't sound bad."

"Right!"

Jinhyuk's simple positive response made Han Yukeun's face brighten.

"Look. First, my drawing..."

Seojin (Jinhyuk) comes to the center of the stage with a guitar.

In the quiet auditorium, Jinhyuk's song, accompanied by the guitar, echoes.

"If we record it and lip-sync, it won't be a big burden. You just need to pretend to play the guitar..."

"Writer."

"Yes?"

"This is the most important scene where all of Jin Seojin's emotions are conveyed. I don't think lip-syncing is appropriate."

Han Yukeun nodded.

"That's true... But wouldn't it be a burden to sing live?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay... Then let's do it that way. If it doesn't work out, we can use the recording. For now, let's record the guitar session and you can sing live..."

Jinhyuk shook his head.

"No. I'll play the guitar and sing live. I think it's the best way to express the emotions."

"What?"

Han Yukeun's eyes widened.