Chapter 86

086. A Lifetime, and a Day

"Are you planning to have a special performance for the album in Korea as well?"

During the break, in Albert's office.

He asked, having heard my story.

I nodded and he asked again.

"Has the conductor been decided?"

"No, actually, this showcase was an unusual situation. We even recorded without a conductor."

It wasn't that special a case.

In fact, it's quite common for small chamber orchestras to perform without a conductor.

Finding a conductor is difficult enough, and a skilled conductor is as rare as a star in the sky, so sometimes it's better not to have one.

Of course...

"Then, would it be alright if I conduct?"

This man is the kind who can pull the sun down from the sky.

He is a maestro who has served for over a decade with the New York Philharmonic, one of the top three orchestras in the world.

From him, enthusiasm bursts forth like a ripe sunspot, and I can almost feel the heat from here.

'Vice President Baek Sun-hwa would welcome it with open arms...'

If Albert conducts, would the New York Phil move? It seems unlikely...

They are all world-renowned musicians...

I feel a mix of emotions.

On one hand, it's exhilarating that my composition has impressed such a maestro.

On the other hand, if he really does conduct, there will be many things to worry about.

After wrestling with these thoughts for a while, I finally spoke to Albert, who had been waiting for me.

"But, Maestro, you are the conductor of the New York Phil, right?"

"Yes."

"The New York Phil has many musicians besides you."

"True, but—"

"But..."

I spoke frankly with a serious expression.

"I want to perform with the members who recorded with me."

"Ah... hahaha..."

Albert laughed in a deep, bass-like tone.

It wasn't a mocking or awkward laugh.

It was a strange laugh, as if he had been worried about something—

Sure enough, he laughed, saying it wouldn't be a problem.

"As the music director of the New York Phil, I don't have to conduct only here. I'm more like a freelancer. Of course, if you hadn't said that, I would have tried to convince the board of the New York Phil to bring the members. I'm confident it would have been a great experience for them. But I didn't expect you to turn down the New York Phil."

"They really are like a heavenly orchestra... but..."

That's why, whether as individuals or as a group, the difference in skill is so overwhelming that it's almost embarrassing.

Still...

"These are the people I chose."

I squeezed out the memory of the past recording sessions and asked the musicians to play my compositions.

If we could measure how much they love music and how desperately they want it...

There would be no difference from the members here.

That's why I want to perform with them, who helped my album come to fruition.

"...There was the Han Seo-ho Philharmonic."

Ha ha ha.

I let out a small laugh.

It might have been a joke, but to me, it felt both excessive and touching.

I wonder if music, which is now used interchangeably with symphony regardless of its origin, originally comes from the Greek words phil (love) + harmonia (music).

That is, it means 'lovers of music.'

"I'm curious, what kind of people are they?"

Albert, who had been stroking his chin, smiled and added.

"I've already confirmed they are excellent musicians through the album."

"Have you listened to it?"

He grinned.

"I couldn't help but listen. I stayed up all night. It was the next day's rehearsal! I haven't done that since my student days, when I listened to Beethoven's works! So, on my way to work today, I stopped by a record store and bought one."

He placed my album on the desk.

I gazed at my photo on the cover.

"Did it look like firewood this time?"

Recalling the interview where Sound Cloud was evaluated, I asked playfully. Albert laughed awkwardly for a moment.

"That was also a way of saying the music was good."

"Haha, I know. It was a joke."

"But this time, it really became firewood. It became firewood for me."

I looked at him, puzzled.

His blue eyes seemed to flicker like flames. Was it an illusion?

"Listening to the album, I understood why you posted it so casually on the internet. ...It was a draft, wasn't it?"

"The reason for posting it was similar."

"Haha, I can't believe it even though I asked. That it was a draft. And, that's why I want to conduct Seo-ho's compositions even more. It's different from yesterday. 'Family' wasn't the only piece that moved me. Every piece in here makes me passionate. This music, which I've dedicated my life to...!"

I watched him rant, speechless.

His words felt like they could scorch my tongue.

"Did you see the concerto today? I've dedicated my whole life to understanding Beethoven. It was difficult. I even lived with my ears plugged to feel his emotions. The more experience I gained, the more I conducted his pieces, the more I fell into a labyrinth. My head grew cold as I wandered through it. Then I heard Brunner's pieces and saw the possibilities."

His boiling voice calmed down.

"And this time, listening to the album, I realized again. This composer is already, possible. Already a musician who belongs to the unchanging classics."

His passionate speech ended.

For a few seconds, I looked into his eyes.

Then I thanked him.

"T... Thank you."

Where else can you find such enthusiasm?

Where else can you find such an encore?

Where else can you find such intense praise?

But after expressing my gratitude, I was left with a lingering thought.

My tongue felt bitter. I felt like there was something more I should say.

What did I want to say?

A scene flashed through my mind, and after some deliberation, I spoke.

"Do you know? Beethoven didn't know when he conducted the choir."

"What...?"

"Whether he was conducting properly."

...Just like you now.

Because he couldn't hear.

When you lose your voice, you lose much more than you think.

He probably didn't know what he was doing.

He must have conducted the baton based on memory.

Would this moment mock his lifelong achievement?

Would he be killing his own music with his hands?

Shaking with anxiety, suppressing the urge to run away.

But when the piece finally ended and he turned around, he...

"They say he shed tears of relief only after seeing the audience's applause."

If I had held on, I could have seen that moving moment!

I looked at Albert, whose expression was unreadable, feeling a bit regretful.

"I was moved."

By your performance. Without a doubt.

It might be because I spent a short time with Mr. Ludwig and never saw him conduct.

But I don't care about that now.

The moment I was moved was real.

And...

Mr. Ludwig was the kind of person who valued such things.

"Having thought about Beethoven all my life, I feel that Seo-ho knows Beethoven better than I do."

From Albert's voice, I could tell his words were closer to 'enlightenment' than 'futility.'

And as he pondered something,

...I recalled the night I spent talking with Mr. Ludwig.

The moon was truly beautiful at the Breuning family's social gathering.

"I just want to be evaluated by the audience."

"Everything will be judged by the audience."

"I need to prepare for that."

We talked all night.

And that night, I realized.

In getting to know someone,

Sometimes, a day can be more than enough.

#

...An hour's break ended.

Even though the time was doubled due to a guest, the musicians' faces were covered in fatigue.

Albert, standing on the podium, looked at them with bright eyes.

Normally, he would have been irritated, but strangely, a smile escaped his lips.

He had missed the moment to get angry, and the members were giving him strange looks.

"Let's start the performance with all our strength."

At this moment, his gentle words showed how terrifying they can be depending on who says them.

Their expressions changed from 'Why are you smiling?' to 'What did we do wrong?'

Just as their eyes saw the baton as a weapon,

The wooden baton cut through the Kepen Hall.

It wasn't lighter or heavier than usual.

He didn't swing it differently.

At the end of the gaze of over 200 people, including the orchestra and the choir,

He just, still feeling uneasy,

As always,

In the form of Beethoven he had created throughout his life,

...Albert continued to conduct.

In getting to know someone,

Sometimes, a day can be more than enough.

But,

Who could say they are lacking after seeing that great conducting, imbued with a lifetime of dedication?

#

After meeting Albert,

I arrived at Rough Trade NYC, still feeling the thrill in my feet. I slipped in, wearing a hat and a mask.

It was because what Emma said yesterday kept echoing in my mind. I came in to avoid any trouble, but it seems I look the most suspicious.

Even if I can't be a celebrity, I can at least look like a cold patient.

But as I took a few steps inside, I thought maybe this was a good decision.

...The walls were covered in graffiti.

Posters stuck haphazardly on the concrete, which looked like an unfinished building, and rough stands lined up.

In the very front, where only rock performances and such albums should be,

My albums were there.

Not just a few, but a whole stand filled with a special corner.

Moreover, the scene of the most people gathered at that corner, more than at any other stand in the place, ...

Gave me a different kind of shock.

Film music can be talked about.

It can be popular if the film is successful, giving each other a synergy.

People can be interested in competitions.

If a citizen wins first place, they might watch a sport they usually don't know about. Especially in international competitions, which are considered the Olympics of music.

But this feels different.

Is it because it's America? Is it just like this here?

I don't know. Emma and Olivia said different things. They said classical music is declining in America too, with the same bitter smile I saw on Im Jin-gyu.

The scene of so many people flocking to a special stand set up for classical music,

Gave me many emotions.

Among them was a feeling I had never thought of before.

I just wanted to make music.

I thought making music made me happy, and it still does.

'If something can change because of me...'

It's too much for my past self.

But, for my current self...?

Haha. Maybe I didn't drink enough music yesterday.

Just one day later, I feel thirsty again.

My throat is dry as if a drought has hit.

But am I going to become unhappy because of this recurring desire?

Am I going to develop a love-hate relationship with music? I'm not worried.

The day I quench this thirst again,

'Quite a lot will change.'

#

"I need to pack without forgetting anything..."

My mother's worried voice flew towards me and fell weakly like a poorly folded paper airplane.

I had already spread out my suitcase and neatly organized it. I just need to put on my pajamas and leave tomorrow.

My mother sighed deeply.

"Sigh, I shouldn't be saying this to you. I should have said it to your father."

My father, who had already left for work.

My mother laughed as she packed his underwear and various T-shirts.

I smiled and stood up.

"I'll be back in a bit."

"Where are you going again?"

Her worried eyes followed me. Any parent would be concerned if their child said they were going out in a new place.

And I like this appropriate concern. I can see the trust in their permission.

"Vice President Baek Sun-hwa asked me to do some research."

"Will you be back soon?"

"I don't think I'll be as late as yesterday."

I met Albert and visited a record store, so I was a bit late. But today, I only plan to go to one place.

"You communicate well, but you still need to be careful."

"Of course."

I smiled and put on my coat.

I quickly left the hotel, marked the location, and walked towards the main road.

The destination was Neil Houser's exhibition, the new deity of the art world.

I originally planned to look at photos online, but I realized that wouldn't be enough.

I need to see the real thing. Some might wonder why for just a playlist, but I realized this is also part of inspiration.

No matter how good a piece is, if it stands alone without connecting to others, it will just look like a pile of firewood from a distance.

Since Neil Houser is having an exhibition, this is a great opportunity.

I've received inspiration from many things, but I've never had a strong enough inspiration to grab and hold onto in the field of art.

I'm a complete novice in art.

But a sense of anticipation, without much thought, gently flutters like the banner in front of the exhibition. My steps are even a bit excited.

I was curious.

What kind of inspiration can art give me?