CH 18.2

“……The prince of Minotos should actually be grateful to the king of the Northlands, Lord Gishzida.”

Gishzida, who had changed into a thin nightgown before going to bed, turned around and snorted quietly.

“……Aren’t you old enough to be able to imagine what a man must feel like after being castrated, Renier?”

“I don’t really care enough to try imagining what a rapist might be feeling.”

It’s actually pretty nice to know that he got what he deserved —but Renier only made a solemn face because she couldn’t exactly say that aloud. Gishzida snorted again.

“I can practically hear you saying that it’s nice to know he got what he deserved.”

“You read my mind for the most useless things, Lord Gishzida,”

Renier replied as she stuck out her tongue.

The report that had been brought back by the merchant named Telkos had elicited an incredible response from the Golden Forest.

“They turned the prince of a nation into a eunuch over a merely lady-in-waiting?”

“Have those crazy animals lost their minds?!”

Those who heard the news reacted dramatically, and the temple was buzzing with rumors all day long. The priests were incited, and they nearly unanimously believed that the king of the Northlands was insane and that he was purposefully trying to instigate a war.

But Renier denounced their reaction, and it made her uncomfortable. The Northlands had not been trying to provoke anyone, as far as Renier was concerned, and the Northlanders had only been doing what was considered common sense to them. And if the king of the Northlands really was the same boy that Renier knew, then it was incredibly likely that the Northlands’ actions had not been anything remotely close to a provocation but simply a ‘fair and just Northlands trial.’ It was the prince who had gone to an unfamiliar land as an envoy, so Renier believed that he should have learned the proper etiquette of that land.

The people who knew nothing of the Northlands’ customs or culture continued to believe that the Northlands had meant to intentionally provoke them. Renier did her best to ignore everything, but she could not help that it still bothered her. She was also worried that Gishzida might be swept alongside the flow and make a mistaken judgment.

Renier gauged Gishzida’s mood and began telling him the few things that she knew about the Northlands.

“According to the rumors I’ve heard, Lord Gishzida, the higher someone’s social status is in the Northlands, the stricter they are when it comes to their relationships. They can only marry one wife, and they aren’t allowed to have any mistresses either.”

“Not even the kings, members of the royal family, or generals who’ve been victorious in war? They can’t even take prisoners of war as their mistresses?”

“No. Not even the kings.”

“Hmmm. How unusual. Or maybe I should say it’s pathetic. And?”

“Men and women live separately until they come of age, and they can’t even hold each other hands until then, which is nothing to say of dating. The only women they’re allowed to hold hands with are their mothers or their nannies! Then, they get married to the first person they fall in love with after they’ve come of age.”

“You mean to say that they find their own spouses instead of their parents finding one for them? No wonder they’re beastmen. Someone who’s only just come of age is far more likely to only look at what they see on the outside instead of taking what’s inside into consideration, and that’s nothing to say about taking what the other person’s household is like into consideration too.”

“I know, right? Maybe it’s because they’re beastmen, but they’re all so excited about it that they don’t even stop to weigh their options. But the funny thing is that they stick together until either death does them part or they grow old together even though they get married so recklessly —unless ‘something big’ happens, that is.”

“Really, now? But Renier, what does this have anything to do with why ‘the prince of Minotos should actually be grateful to the king of the Northlands?’”

“Because ‘something big’ happens to mean adultery or rape.”

— That which torments you is not permitted in the Northlands. Relationships are sternly regulated in the Northlands, and any man who forced himself upon a woman is punished harshly.

— Oh?

— There are no prostitutes in the Northlands. No priestesses attend to men in the temple of Utu either. Neither mistresses nor paramours are permitted here.

— You can never tell what’s really going on just by looking at what’s happening on the outside, Kuhn. It’s frowned upon to have a mistress or an affair in the Southlands too. But strong or wealthy men openly sleep around with other women even still.

— It doesn’t happen in the Northlands, at the very least —or at least among the people I know.

— That’s just because you’re still a young kid…….I mean, b-because you haven’t come of age yet. Do you really think that married men let kids join in their perverted conversations?

— Well…….

— Men always talk dirty when alcohol is involved. Do you think I’ve only heard them once or twice while I was running errands for a feast or a run to the tavern? Even the most well-respected men out there start talking crap about their wives when they meet up with a friend and have a bit of drink! There’s nothing they won’t say!

— You are wrong. Men of the Northlands don’t publicly humiliate their women like that no matter how drunk they are. And the same goes for the women too. Once a couple makes their vows before Utu, they turn a blind eye to each other’s faults and cherish each other for as long as they live. ……Well, with one exception, that is.

— What’s the exception, Kuhn?

— It’s if one of them……has sexual relations with another.

— Oh, aha. Okay. A lot of people break up or divorce if someone cheats too.

— In the Northlands, they die.

— Huh? W-w-wait, what?

— The adulterer and the person they committed adultery with are killed at the hands of the adulterer’s spouse.

— Hey, so with you guys, someone who cheats on their significant other —be it the man or the woman in the relationship— doesn’t just break up? They die?

— They die. Someone who forces themselves on another who isn’t their spouse will also die. If it is revealed that a man has forced himself on a woman, then her entire household —the men, the women, and even the children— will rush to the rapist’s house and demand his head. If the man’s household refuses, then the woman’s household will break into the rapist’s house and lynch him.

— Ugh, hey…….

— And if someone innocent dies in the process, then the victim’s household will also get involved. It’s often the case that both households vanish completely after the cycle of vengeance repeats several times. Still, the custom yet remains. Honor is more important to us Northlanders than our lives, and committing murder to protect your honor is considered lawful and just.

“The king spared the prince’s life. The woman’s household would have rushed to the scene and lynched the prince otherwise. No one would have stopped them, since they would only have been taking revenge to protect the woman’s honor. That’s why the king of the Northlands was being incredibly merciful to the prince that day,”

Renier boldly concluded. Gishzida looked down at Renier in stunned silence for some time before he finally shook his head and climbed under his covers.

“That being said, I still don’t think that I’ll be able to tell Fidios or Quirios that they should be grateful.”

“Then what are you planning to do, Lord Gishzida?”

“What do you mean? I’m going to do nothing while tensions keep rising between the Northlands and the Southlands and wait until war finally breaks out between them. It would’ve been so much easier to subjugate the Northlands while they were still split up into twelve separate tribes. If only the chief of the Salt Mountain Tribe’s son hadn’t slipped through our fingers back then.”

Renier had initially been shocked when she’d learned that Gishzida was responsible for scheming to massacre Kuhn’s entire household. She’d even lost sleep over it. But the truth wasn’t all that surprising, considering what the Fundamentalists of the Golden Forest’s greatest wish was.

Gishzida had planned and prepared for his scheme thoroughly, and it had been the perfect ploy —right down to the trap disguised under the pretext of marriage. The Salt Mountain Tribe would have lost heart and would have been annihilated by the Blackrock Mountain Tribe had Renier not saved Kuhn, and everything would have gone the way that Gishzida had wanted.

“In that case, you would’ve become a complete Celestial by now, Lord Gishzida, and you would be looking down at me from up above. Then I’d never have been able to meet you again.”

“Tone down the lip service, would you? But thanks for the good intel. I was also unsure about whether the king of the Northlands was intentionally trying to provoke us.”

Gishzida chuckled, and then he covered his mouth as he yawned. He continued,

“In any event, the lugal of Salt City is the heart of the Northlands, and he’s the bastard who abhors us the most. So I can’t simply leave him be. There were about four tribes that were willing to cooperate with us in secret, but they’ve turned their backs on us because their king has been so unyielding. I’ll need to do something about him sooner rather than later. At this rate, the Northlands will only keep growing stronger with their bastard of a king at their center, and then we’ll really end up finding our hands tied.”

Gishzida tended to be honest whenever he was alone with Renier. It wasn’t because Renier had especially tight lips but rather because he himself wanted to trust her and this was how he chose to express it.

Additionally, it was only when he was alone with Renier that he could let his guard down and be comfortable. Renier was aware that he was purposefully trying extremely hard to act this way around her. It probably took considerable effort on his part to eat unguarded, rest peacefully, lean against the table and doze off, yawn, or do something else that was equally ridiculous around her without being embarrassed.

Even the seemingly perfect Gishzida made mistakes. He was more skilled than any other when it came to handling ngak, but even he failed to control his ngak perfectly and made a fool of himself when he was developing new skills. He grew more irritable than necessary whenever Renier caught him accidentally dousing himself with water or singing the ends of his hair.

Stop laughing, Renier. Do you think it’s easy to develop a new skill? Stop laughing, and fetch me some dry clothes or something, Renier! It had taken him well over a year until he was finally able to walk into the room where Renier was while splattering water everywhere like a wet rat and simply shrug it off.

Gishzida both acted most like himself and most unlike himself whenever he was alone with Renier. However, he was always faithful in keeping the promise he had made her.

He only ever sought loyalty from Renier, and he neither requested nor expected her to develop any private feelings for him. It had been almost eight years since Renier had become his closest guard warrior who guarded his bedroom, but he had not displayed even a hint of any emotion that Renier felt she needed to be wary of after that first night. He was very transparent and indifferent, as though he had cut off a part of his heart cleanly away with a knife.

Renier often found herself wondering. Were Celestials able to abandon their lust and emotions at will, unlike regular humans? She almost felt like Gishzida’s confession eight years ago had been nothing but an act to try to tie her here, considering how he’d been behaving around her all this time.

Or, was it that he was simply exercising his surprisingly strong will and self-restraint to suppress his feelings even now?

Gishzida was always vague with his words, and what he said could be interpreted in many different ways. His words changed between truth and lies, his actions changed between good and evil, and the results he brought forth changed between good and bad as time passed. The one thing that Renier was certain of, however, was that he had been speaking the truth when he had said, “If I have to give up on either your loyalty or your love no matter what, then I can always give up on having your love.”

“Are you really going to get rid of everyone in the Salt Mountain Tribe, Lord Gishzida?”

“If I get the chance to. No, I’ll make myself the chance. Why do you ask me that when you already know what our long-cherished wish is?”

“Celestials are already considered noble and glorious even now. Do you really have to ascend to the heavens?”

Gishzida turned his back to Renier and fell silent for a very long time before he finally answered,

“I’m well-aware that mudpeople aren’t able to fully comprehend how desperate we are to make our cherished wish come true. And I won’t ask you to. I will, however, ask you to at least pretend that you understand me.”

“Yes. I’m sorry, Lord Gishzida.”

“It’s fine.”

“…….”

“Did you live alongside the Northlanders during your time in the Northlands by any chance, Renier?”

“No.”

“It just seemed like you knew a lot more than everyone for someone who was holed up in the divine stone cave.”

“It’s because I rescued a Northlander who was in distress once. I’ve told you about it before, remember? I lived in the cave with a Northlander for a few days back then.”

“Was it this Northlander who told you so much about the Northlands’ customs?”

“Yes.”

“Was it a man?”

“……Wow. So even the galtir of the Golden Forest gets jealous too, huh?”

Renier burst out into giggles, and then, as nonchalantly and as jokingly as she could, she answered,

“Unfortunately, he was just a young child. A boy who hadn’t even come of age yet.”

“Ah, is that so? Anyway, it’s strange that you said I was jealous. I was only curious, you know?”

“Damn, I guess I was mistaken, then. And here I thought I’d have something to write home about.”

“Stop laughing.”

“Oh, right.”

“Reni……. I told you stop laugh…….”

“All right. I’ll stop laughing, Lord Gishzida.”

“Yes, good girl…….”

His voice gradually waned away until all Renier could hear was him breathing peacefully.

Renier checked to make sure that he was asleep before she quietly turned off the light and carefully laid down on the wool blanket below his bed.

“……Renier.”

“Yes?”

He repeated Renier’s name multiple times before he finally fell completely asleep. It didn’t seem like he meant much other than to simply confirm that she was next to him. And every time he called for her, Renier sincerely replied, “Yes, Lord Gishzida? Yes, I’m right here.”

Renier protected him by sitting by his bed and spending her nights like this. Gishzida was more than capable of defending himself when he was awake. What he had asked of her was to guard him when he could not protect himself, and that was exactly what Renier did.

Renier differentiated unpermitted presences from bloodlust when Gishzida was asleep, and in the case of the latter, she either woke Gishzida up or personally fought the assassin with her life on the line and eliminated them. This was the most important command that Gishzida had given her. And Renier’s hands were fierce, accurate, and lacked superfluous movements.

— You are the warrior who protects me, Renier, so fighting my enemies is your job and it shall also be your justice.

— May Kittu of Six Wings, the great Celestial warrior, protect you always so that your needless anguish does not encroach on you.

Renier was always glad that she had managed to keep Gishzida safe whenever she successfully eliminated any of his challengers with her own two hands. She also found it curious that she felt this way.

Why didn’t I feel this way when I killed those five men from the divine stone cave in self-defense? Would Lord Gishzida have also suffered from his guilty conscience if he’d been in my shoes?

Why should I have to suffer when all that happened was that they were made to pay for their crimes, as they rightfully should?

Renier couldn’t help but smirk because she felt like she was hearing his firm and clear voice in her head. Surely, that was what Lord Gishzida would have said.

Rumors about ‘the mute warrior who guards the galtir from the shadows’ and ‘the Galla of Ereshkigal’ had spread quickly after Renier had been appointed as Gishzida’s personal guard.

The chatty slave boy who served the galtir would sometimes reveal terrible stories about the mute guard warrior in exchange for a honeycomb filled with honey. Everyone had believed only what they wanted to believe because Gishzida had also been purposefully vague when answering the other priests’ questions. And the assassins attacked less frequently the more afraid the priests became.

That being said, however, Renier was fully aware about what her true mission was.

Thud thud, knock knock.

Footsteps sounded. Gishzida’s shoulders flinched.

“Ni……. Mm. Noises outside…….”

“Yes. That was just one of the probationary priests walking by.”

“Where…are you……?”

“I’m right here beside you.”

Her true mission was to protect Gishizda’s mind from collapsing under the weight of his suspicions and loneliness.

Thump thump, thud thud.

The noises continued as people walked around outside. Renier closed her eyes and listened carefully.

The priests who were guarding the door did not allow anyone inside. Only the galtir and the young pageboy who served him ever saw the women whom Gishzida laid with at night. The women firmly believed that the scary mute slave was hiding somewhere in the room with a piece of black cloth covering his face, and they shuddered in their terror.

Rustle rustle rustle. Renier heard a new set of footsteps. She could sense the fear in the intruder’s carefulness and curiosity in the short repetition of their movements.

This was new. She wasn’t familiar with this sound.

Oh, I see now. She recalled the merchant with the round face, curly hair, and big belly that she had met earlier that day. The merchant who had said that his predecessors hadn’t been blessed with overflowing wealth, but that his ears had been blessed to always be open to every rumor from every corner of the earth. The merchant who had been knowledgeable about news from the Northlands too —Telkos. His footsteps had sounded merry while also dragging his heels too.

He was supposed to be staying at the inn next to the temple, so why was he here? He probably wanted to learn more about the galtir’s terrifying mute warrior so he could sell that information to someone else, considering how he’d been laughing and asking the probationary priests about it earlier.

Renier was grateful for the merchant, hated him, wanted to see him again tomorrow, and wanted to avoid him. He’d probably heard some rumors about that rascal, but she didn’t know if she would be able to ask about him —no, she didn’t even know whether it was even all right for her to be curious about him.

In any case, should she be relieved to know that he was still alive in Salt City and still causing her just as much trouble as ever? Should she be glad to have heard news about him for the first time in a truly long while? Was it all right for her to be curious about whether he was still wrapped around the finger of the beautiful queen of the boudoir and whether he’d fathered many, many children?

Hwoo. Mm. The sleeping man’s lips began to twitch. He hadn’t said anything, but Renier still calmly answered,

“Yes, Lord Gishzida? I’m right here.”

Renier smiled wryly because her voice sounded so disgusting to her as it wormed up from the muddy mire of her heart.

***

Renier did her best to serve Giszhida and help him get dressed and decorated after he woke up at dawn, and then she crawled into the small bed in the corner of the room and slept. At noon, Gishzida sent all his guard priests away and brought honeyed goat milk, bread, figs, dates, and meat that was seasoned with salt, nutmeg, and dried cloves to share with Renier for lunch.

Gishzida erased his presence as he approached the small bed that Renier was sleeping on. Not only did Renier not sleep much but she was a light sleeper too, so Gishzida always tried his best not to wake her if she was soundly asleep. She was incredibly sensitive to bloodlust, but she slept peacefully through Gishzida’s ordinary presence.

Gishzida put down the large tray he was carrying and quietly sat down in the chair next to Renier’s bed.

It was quiet. He couldn’t hear anything except for the sound of Renier’s breathing. He didn’t even blink as he stared into her sleeping face.

It was only by sitting quietly next to Renier while she was asleep that Gishzida could truly bask in her presence. These brief moments were breathtakingly sweet to him, but they were also endlessly spicy and bitter.

Her long eyelashes did not move. Then, they slowly began moving, then stopped, and then she furrowed her brow ever so slightly as her eyelashes quivered. Her plump crimson lips twitched as she pouted ever so slightly.

Was she having a bad dream?

“……Mm.”

Perhaps she was having a nightmare, or perhaps she was reliving something that was tormenting her in her dreams. Her face crumpled like she wanted to cry. Gishzida hesitantly wondered if he should wake her up. He felt like he was about to hear her say something that he did not want to hear. Ultimately, however, he let out a shiver of a sigh and simply waited for Renier to speak.

“……Kuhn…….”

Gishzida closed his eyes and bit the inside of his mouth. That name, that damned name that never went away no matter how much time had passed. Gishzida clenched his hands into tight fists as a tiny droplet of water began forming on her quivering eyelashes.

“Don’t die…I’ll kill you if you die like this…….”

A twisted laugh escaped Gishzida’s lips. Just how long must this dreadful dream last?

Renier always revisited the two wintry weeks she had spent in the cave deep inside Salt Mountain in her dreams whenever she was close to forgetting what had happened.

Meanwhile, Gishzida had confirmed a few things about the contents of her dream with her without her notice. She always repeated the name of the boy who appeared in her dreams, and the time that she spent with the boy was both a dream and not a dream.

Kuhn. The name of the boy she had saved in the Northlands. After Renier had initially returned, Gishzida had only been bothered because it’d sounded like the boy was constantly making a mess of her dreams, but Gishzida found himself developing a murderous hatred for the Northlander boy, whose name or age he did not know, and he also found himself feeling deeply ashamed of himself.

Kuhn of Salt City. Someone who hailed from a noble household in the Northlands and a warrior, or perhaps a hunter. Someone who had been gravely injured. Someone so young that he hadn’t even come of age at the time. The beastman boy who had apparently betrayed Renier and tried to kill her. Renier grinded her teeth in her loathing of him, but she could never forget his name because she loathed him so much.

……Was it only coincidence that he shared the same name as the current lugal of the Northlands who had united the eleven tribes?

“Inanna, that loathsome bitch.”

Gishzida laughed again. His laughter was ever so bitter. The bitter taste in his mouth always guided him to the same conclusion.

Still, he was always able to stop himself from thinking the thoughts that naturally followed that conclusion —thoughts that he must not entertain as a Celestial. He stopped laughing bitterly and quietly sat down.

He’d received word that Quirios, the prince of Minotos, and the two priests would be arriving at the Golden Forest shortly. Kantos, the king of Ninurgal, and Fidios, the king of Minotos, would be here in short order as well.

According to the messenger, the kings of all ten cities and islands of the Southlands, or the high priests who ruled the region in place of a king, and ambassadors from two Western cities that shared a border with the Southlands would be arriving at the Golden Forest temple within the day.

It was almost time. This was the first time ever that so many conditions had been met at once, and the opportunity would never come again. Gishzida instinctively knew that this would be the Golden Forest’s last chance to complete its sacred mission.

The Golden Forest must now allow this chance to slip between its fingers. And Gishzida, the noble Celestial high priest who could not be reckless in how he approached the other kings, had to play the most important role of all.

It was also almost time for him to make a final decision about the petit slave before him.

Gishzida stared quietly into Renier’s sleeping face as he fell deeply into thought.

Did my greediness make you unhappy or happy?

Will my decision make you unhappy or happy?

The path I wish to take and the path I must take, and the path you wish to take and the path you must take.

There’s no overlap between these four paths.

Which path will I ultimately choose, and which path will I give up on?

……Even in this suffocatingly sweet and beautiful moment, I must choose.