Chapter 38

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At Least With Me, You Can Be Yourself (2)

On second thought, she was with Huo Cheng; what reason was there to be ashamed? What happened today, happened… What did it matter? She could let it go.

With this train of thought, she picked up the glass of lemon tea on the table and unselfconsciously downed it in a go.

“Don’t drink so fast.” Huo Cheng, worried she would choke, reminded her.

Shen Wanying waved off his concern, nonchalant. When she had drained every drop like she was downing a beer, she set the glass back on the table with a smack.

She felt rejuvenated.

Huo Cheng regarded her for a moment. “Have you been very stressed lately?”

Shen Wanying leaned back on the sofa and laughed. “It’s not recent. I’m always stressed.”

Huo Cheng frowned, ever so slightly.

“I come to this KTV every month. The last time I sent my chauffeur home without me, it was also to come here to sing.” Now that she had emptied her frustrations, it occurred to her that it was actually pretty nice to have someone to sing with. Or be her audience, in this case. After all, Huo Cheng already knew so much, what was a little more? “I told everyone at home not to send my chauffeur to pick me up on the first of every month because I needed to stay behind after school for a meeting, and that I would take public transport back later.”

The truth was, even if she did indeed have a meeting, the chauffeur could always wait until she was done. This was just a little thing, so her mother didn’t oppose her. But Jiang Yu had never suspected what was really going on. As far as Shen Wanying’s parents were concerned, they had raised a perfect, proper young lady. It never even occurred to them that she would ever spin such lies to deceive them.

“That sweets shop is owned by a friend of my aunt’s. Every time I stop by, the boss knows what it’s about. He never asks any questions, and even helps me make my booking at the KTV beforehand and calls a taxi for me when I’m done.”

Huo Cheng knew that this aunt of Shen Wanying’s was the only other person besides him who knew this little secret.

“Do you know my mom? You met her once as a kid, but you’ve probably already forgotten.” Shen Wanying took off the baseball cap on her head and fiddled with it. “She’s a powerful person; all of us listen to her at home, even my dad. She’s a quarter British, from a family that was once noble back in the day, but slowly declined over the years. That, on top of how diluted mom’s bloodline is, well, you can’t consider them noble anymore.”

Shen Wanying smiled at Huo Cheng. “Her bloodline may not be pure anymore, but she still has the pride and dignity of a noblewoman. She’s had especially high expectations of me since I was little, so I always have to keep up appearances and be elegant and dignified, even at home. No matter what I do, I have to do well, or else it would bring shame to her.”

As a child, to win her mother’s favour, she would work hard to excel. But as she grew older, her mother’s expectations kept increasing, and having to act like her mother’s perfect daughter wore her down more and more.

“The scariest part is, I realised one day that because I spent so much time and effort being the perfect daughter, the people around me only knew that Shen Wanying is the girl who is always elegant and dignified and excels at everything she does. So now, I’m not playing the role of the Shen Wanying my mother wants, but the Shen Wanying everyone else wants.”

It was at that moment that she had realized, there was no turning back, she could only continue playing this role.

“I’m so tired, and depressed, and all I can do is to dress up like this, come here and sing songs to vent my frustration. In this room, I can be free of other people’s gazes and expectations.”

Huo Cheng sat there, quietly listening. He never once interrupted her, leaving all the things he wanted to tell her unsaid.

“I’ve always envied Ji Yao.” Shen Wanying continued. “His parents are both teachers. I’ve taken classes with them before, they’re both incredibly strict people. Their expectations of Ji Yao are even stricter than the expectations they have of their own students. Their ideal child must be someone who is equally severe, attentive and meticulous, perhaps even a little rigid, and that’s certainly not Ji Yao.”

He slept in class and was often the type to do things his own way. Teachers often told him off, and it must’ve been common for his parents to discipline him. Yet, still he insisted on doing whatever he wanted.

“I often think of how good it would be to just be myself, the way he does.” But she could never be Ji Yao.

Huo Cheng heard her out up to this point, before finally opening his mouth. “So, you’re not actually interested in Ji Yao?”

Shen Wanying looked at him, chuckling. “I never imagined that even the stoic Huo Cheng would enjoy this kind of gossip.”

“——”

The one he’d heard it from was her!

He looked at her for a moment, then said, “At least with me, you can be yourself.”

He had actually intended to tell her back when they were discussing instant noodles in the convenience store during the school trip, that he knew what she was really like, and that she didn’t need to trouble herself to put on an act in front of him.

Shen Wanying froze for a heartbeat before beaming. “Yeah. After all, this facade has long collapsed around you, there’s no need for me to continue pretending.”

Huo Cheng lowered his eyes. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Ai, it’s whatever.” Shen Wanying looked at him. “No matter how you want to put it, I’m happy having someone to talk to today about how I really feel. After talking to you, I feel a lot better now.”

“Mm.”

“You won’t tell anyone about what I told you, will you?”

“I won’t.”

Shen Wanying trusted Huo Cheng, even if she found it a mystery as to why she did. But she still wanted to put him on the spot, so she said, “You just saying that isn’t reassuring. Why don’t you tell me a secret of yours? That way we can keep each other’s secrets, and I’ll be more assured.”

Huo Cheng’s greatest secret was that he had been reborn into this timeline. But if he told her that, she was sure to believe that he was pulling her leg.

He thought for a while before telling her, “I don’t have much in the way of secrets. But I do have a secret hideout.”

“A secret hideout?”

“Mmhm.”

“What’s it for?”

“Do you have time tomorrow? I’ll show you.”

♥♥♥

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