Chapter 2

According to legend, every transcender who breaks the boundaries of time and space will receive a gift from the world... well, commonly known as the essential golden finger for a穿越者 (time traveler).

The Evil Lich System... is my utterly frustrating golden finger.

Once, it wasn't called this. It had a great name, the Glorious Knight King Cultivation System, but unfortunately, ever since I abandoned my paladin identity and started learning black magic, it changed to this name.

Once, the daily tasks it gave were all about helping the elderly on the street, helping little girls find lost kittens, and other such acts of kindness, not the ridiculous tasks it gives now.

"Let's check today's daily task... again, this frustrating two-choice option: destroy any town with over 30,000 people, reward 10,000 evil points. Steal three children's lollipops, reward 1 point. If neither is completed, deduct 2 points."

"Ha! Do you think I'm stupid? If I really destroy a town, a legendary order of ancient paladins will surely be summoned to punish me, and then I'll have more than I can handle."

I casually snatched a lollipop from a passing minotaur girl, watching as she cried and was dragged away by her mother. Just as I put it in my mouth, I heard the crisp sound of the lollipop hitting my bones, and I remembered that I had lost my sense of taste.

"Ah, when can I enjoy the taste of food again? Magic may fill my stomach, but it's really not delicious."

Even as the girl's mother dragged the child away, the little girl seemed unwilling to give up. Her big, watery eyes stared at me, as if she had realized I couldn't eat and was hoping for something.

Thinking the passing lich uncle was just playing a prank, she expected to get her lollipop back soon.

Well, to meet her expectations, I crunched the candy and spat it out onto the ground.

"Wah! Mom, the weird uncle took my candy."

"Don't look, let's go."

Thus, as expected, I was rewarded with a pleasant cry, and at that moment, my mood improved a lot because I thought of a certain unruly child.

"Do undead have no rights? Ancient magic scrolls are used as drawing paper, dragon blood ink as paint, hard-earned alchemical potions as soda, and even my ribs are taken to play jigsaw puzzles. I only slept for two hours, and my laboratory became a ruin. The destructive power of unruly children is terrifying..."

"Ah, when can I take revenge?" Thinking of those unruly children, especially a certain wild and untrained older child, I felt a burning desire for revenge.

Suddenly, I heard a system notification.

"Ding, congratulations, host, for making 100 little girls/boys cry, reward 10 evil points. ——Legally a six-year-old but actually over twenty? Not counted, expired fake girls are evil!"

Seeing the sudden achievement, I felt a surge of joy. The lowest reward from the achievement system is ten points, which is equivalent to ten days of daily tasks.

"Following the pattern, if 100 cries bring an achievement, 1000 cries will also bring one, and the reward will at least double..."

Thus, I looked at the little girls and boys on the street with shining eyes...

"Hmph, even without daily tasks, teaching unruly children some manners and preventing others from suffering the same fate is the duty of a good person."

"How should I do it? Right, animate objects, making the children's toys run around as disgusting monsters, and magic paint, turning the children's lollipops into foul yellow!"

As a victim of unruly children, thinking of avenging my destroyed magic scrolls and precious books, bad ideas and creative plans kept popping up.

"No, no, that's not enough. Turn the pillowcases into man-eating monsters, so children will fear pillows. Right, and the black tentacles, let you experience the itch hell."

"Right, children are afraid of ghosts, aren't they? It's time to rebuild the undead army. Awaken, my undead plague!"

That day, I finally realized that our neighborhood had fewer than 200 unruly children...

Leading thousands of skeletons, abominations, and zombies through the streets, it was a bit wasteful...

That day, before the city management team arrived at the scene and before I was caught by a dark elf squad, I had already walked through the entire neighborhood, making 160 children cry...

And when they learned that I summoned the undead army to take revenge on unruly children, the mixed expressions of amusement and disdain from the city management team became my new black history.

"Congratulations, host, for being despised by a hundred women, you have achieved the special achievement 'Is this kid's brain waterlogged or full of paste?' Reward: the honorary title 'Idiot Child' which, when equipped, has a chance to gain women's sympathy but reduces their opposite-sex favor by 100."

...Anyway, I'm already used to being tricked by the system, and my reputation is already at rock bottom. With my system-recognized negative 88 charisma, reducing my opposite-sex favor by another 100 points doesn't matter much... the result is the same, no girlfriend.

Why, when I'm making a rational analysis, do I feel tears of blood streaming down my eyes... Well, I'm a great mage who has been single for three hundred years, but at least, I have completed my revenge on my arch-enemy, the unruly children!

Recalling those wailing unruly children, I smiled smugly, already thinking about how to write today's diary.

In the Year of the Dragon, AD 1896, on March 6th, a day that will forever be etched in the memory of the unruly children of Sulfur City, known as the "Lollipop Hunter Incident" and the "Pillow Monster Incident."

"That day, the children remembered the terror of being dominated by that person... the humiliation of having their beloved things taken away, the despair of being swallowed by their own toys, the fear of being surrounded by the undead..."

While I was lost in thought, the system notification sounded again.

"Ding! Achievement of making 100 unruly children cry in one day! Reward 10 evil points. Congratulations, host, for obtaining the honorary title 'Unruly Child's Nemesis,' which, when equipped, naturally intimidates children under 12. Tip: Making 500 unruly children cry in one day rewards the honorary title 'Unruly Child's Killer,' making 1000..."

The system notification paused, and I couldn't help but feel a bit excited. Although it's a ridiculous title, if it can keep unruly children away from me, it's a pleasant surprise.

"...Making 1000 unruly children cry, reward the honorary title 'You're so old and still arguing with kids, can you be any more boring?' Oh, host, thank me. This is actually the most suitable title for you now."

"Damn, I can't take this anymore. You damn system, this is all your fault!! I'll fight you, you good-for-nothing!!"

---

"Master, this time you were imprisoned for stealing lollipops... next time, will it be for stealing girls' underwear? I really don't want to come and pick up a pervert."

The speaker was my most loyal lackey, the half-demon maid of my mansion, the silver-haired Eliza.

Black-rimmed glasses, silver twin-tails, small fangs, a purple bow on her small tail, and a Baroque-style maid uniform that perfectly displayed her mischievous personality, also revealing the lich's twisted interests...

I have always been satisfied with Eliza's appearance. If she could just get rid of her cold and sarcastic personality, it would be even better.

"You know my frustrating system, right? It gives points just for making a few little girls cry, and that's what a good person should do."

"Here!"

She handed me a thick photo album.

"This is... Oh, well done, Eliza! You truly are my most loyal lackey!"

"I can guess what happened. This is the contact book of the largest kindergarten in Sulfur City, with a carefully selected list that should help you complete your task."

"Great! I thought you were hoping I would die soon and give you your freedom. I was wrong. You're a good person too."

"Let me see!" I flipped through the contact book, but my expression grew increasingly grim.

"The contact information of the three children of the High Priest of Sulfur City, the young daughter of the dragon hunter Amro, the beloved son of the War God's disciple... Are you helping me or trying to send me to the underworld?"

My glare was ignored as usual. The half-demon girl pushed her glasses, and a cold light flashed on the lenses.

"The reputation of the lollipop hunter has spread throughout Sulfur City. Even when I go out, I'm pointed at. For the sake of my reputation, I really want to change jobs. Or, Master, you should pay me the salary you've owed for ten years."

"Ha, ha. Talking about money hurts feelings. Let's go, I can't wait to return to our warm home."

"Running away isn't what a gentleman should do. And, please don't change the subject... Why are you dragging me, what did you do?"

"True to your long-term service, Eliza. Today's daily task is a grand explosion, you understand..."

"I understand. Please hold on, I'll teleport us away!"

A silver portal opened, and the master and servant quickly entered. As the short-range teleportation magic dissipated, the area was empty, with a deafening explosion and the sound of fire alarms in the background.

"Delayed explosion bomb? Wouldn't the prisoners be sealed by the city management?"

"No, it just looks like it. Flour mixed with chili powder and a bit of dust becomes a dust bomb. Not very powerful, won't kill anyone, but there's no evidence."

"You truly are a 'wise' lich. The prisoners, wearing magic-sealing rings, couldn't cast spells, yet you made a homemade bomb with cafeteria materials."

"Thank you, your praise makes me feel embarrassed."

"No one praises you. Well, at least for a lich, this should be praise."

What is a lich?

"Not a good person, but the most terrifying demon." This is probably the first reaction of all beings when they hear this term.

"The bones make people shudder, the ghostly eyes are scary, always doing something evil." This is the view of ordinary people.

"The ultimate evil, a conspirator and villain!" This is the view of the church's paladins.

As the ultimate form of undead and dark mages, liches, who are only skeletons, often have a bad reputation, but...

"Defamation, all prejudice! How can you judge an individual by their race! I have always believed that discrimination based on race, skin color, and origin is a sign of human stupidity. There are only lowly prejudices, not lowly races, skin colors, or origins. I am really a good person."

"If you are a good person, then the bloodthirsty undead in the eastern city are saints?"

"Not saints, but peace-loving people with cold exteriors. Look, undead save food, don't take up space, a cemetery can house a family. They work hard without eating or drinking, only contributing, not taking. They are all good people."

The half-demon maid laughed, the life禁区 (forbidden zone) that would shatter life if entered, was a place of good people in her master's eyes.

"Ha ha, Master, you really know how to joke. Bloodthirsty undead are good people? What about the cathedral district's highly praised holy priests? They provide free healing to citizens and distribute free holy communion to the poor every Sunday."

"A bunch of hypocrites and pedophiles. Eliza, look, people have desires and needs. Suppressing them too much turns them into perverts. They say desire is a sin, but privately, they are all perverted gays. Look at how those old men are so kind to little boys, something is definitely wrong. And those single-minded paladins, they all shout to kill me when they see me!"

"Alright, I know Master is having another episode. The ancient red dragon in the Sulfur Mountains, known as the Bane of Belon, who once destroyed an empire alone, is probably just a gentle little cutie in your eyes."

"No, no, Little Red has been eating too much lately and is a bit overweight. If she loses 20 to 30 tons and gets a slimmer figure, she'll be even cuter."

"Our famous Sulfur City dark elf city management team, who maintain order and help people? You should be familiar with them, I've picked you up five times in the past two months."

"...You can ask the unlucky vendors they suppress. My opinion is basically the same as theirs. Spit, a bunch of crazy women. The Gentlemen's Freedom Alliance and they are natural enemies."

Shaking her head helplessly, Eliza ignored the suspicious organization in Master's mouth and continued to ask.

"...Our once world-saving, renowned hero mayor? He raised the banner of racial equality and established the mixed-race Sulfur City in the chaotic underground world, creating a haven in the constant warfare."

"A severe otaku for hundreds of years. What era is this, still playing the old cliché of the hero defeating the demon king to save the world? He deserves to be single forever."

"...You really dare to say that. You disrupted his two weddings, now they say he is destined to be alone. Born to harm his parents, coming out to harm his brothers, marrying to harm his wife, making it so that despite his good looks and charm, no girl in Sulfur City dares to accept his proposal."

"...I didn't do it on purpose, why hold a grudge for so long..."

"Not on purpose? On purpose. Not to mention the rumor of his being a curse was spread by you. Playing the undead plague and the hundred ghosts' night at someone's wedding, do you know how many girls were scared to tears?"

"I was just adding to the wedding atmosphere. Seeing that old bachelor finally get married, everyone was just too happy and did a hundred ghosts' mechanical dance. Who knew the young bride would be so easily scared, she even wet herself."

Although I said it wasn't on purpose, I was secretly very pleased. "Hmph, I haven't even resurrected with a physical body, how can you enjoy a happy life?"

"Sir, every time you are pleased, you cross your hands and stomp your feet, and now your malice is overflowing. Alright, let's not talk about your 'great achievements.' What about your lich peers in the Undead Capital of Syro? Their wanted posters in various countries are counted by the dozens, and one of them would cause chaos in the world."

"...Actually, people misunderstand us. Life and death are part of a cycle. We study the mysteries of life to help people live better, don't we? We are actually very good at healing. In terms of effectiveness and side effects, we are much better than the priests' holy light, which is actually a drain on life. Our life transformation technology is non-toxic, harmless, and pollution-free, solving problems at the root."

"...Then why do you rely on the system to resurrect you, why not just make a body?"

"I don't want to become a three-armed, six-legged monster. Even a complete human form will have problems eventually..."

Seeing that the lich himself didn't trust his own life transformation technology, what could Eliza say?

"Alright, alright, what am I in your eyes?"

"...A cold and sarcastic old lady? A flat-chested girl A?" I certainly wouldn't say it out loud.

"Oh, Eliza, you are, of course, my most trusted subordinate? We once shared the great ideal of conquering the stars and the sea."

"Before you achieve your dream of the stars, shouldn't you remember to pay the poor orphan girl's salary that you've owed for over ten years?"

Knowing her master was having another episode, the silver-haired half-demon pushed her glasses, a cold light flashing in her eyes, and cold words squeezed out from between her teeth.

"If you keep being so improper, are you planning to... your collection..."

"Alright, Eliza, I apologize." Thinking of his treasures, the lich immediately softened.

"Hmph." The successful underling hummed a tune and walked out the door.

As the mansion's maid, she had no time to waste on her otaku master.

But from the way her tail hung low, it seemed her mood wasn't very good.

And it wasn't until she left that I remembered some past memories, and I whispered to myself.

"...Maybe,勉强 (勉强 means 'barely' or '勉强' means 'reluctantly'), possibly, we could be considered family. I still remember that little girl who refused to die in the desolate River of the Dead, hunting and surviving alone in the desperate snowstorm. Picking you up was the greatest luck in this life, the only thing I did right."

Suddenly, a pretty face peeked out from behind the door.

Her usually cold cheeks were flushed, the redness extending to her trembling long ears.

Then, she quickly disappeared behind the door.

"Ha ha, you know me, don't I know you? Stupid, cunning old lady, no matter how cunning you are, you owe me a favor, and you'll work for me until you die."

I loudly threatened, laughing maniacally, but inside, I was a bit flustered.

"...She heard it! She definitely heard it!!!"