Chapter 27

EP.27 The Weak-Willed Saint and the Young Viewers

『 Saint: Hello.

BaldIsVigor: If you're here to talk about bestiality again, I won't answer.

Saint: You were the one who brought up bestiality first.

BaldIsVigor: ?? What?

Saint: Check the message log, you'll see.

BaldIsVigor: ...You did, right? 'The saint is loved even by animals.'

Saint: How is that related to bestiality?

Saint: It's troublesome if you misunderstand.

BaldIsVigor: You have a point.

BaldIsVigor: Still, there's such a thing as context.

BaldIsVigor: You don't even have normal conversations with me.

Saint: Pervert.

BaldIsVigor: Hey, you're crazy.

Saint: So, what I'm saying is...

BaldIsVigor: Was it buildup...? What are you talking about?

Saint: Do you have any better ideas?

Saint: I feel like we're running out of material.

BaldIsVigor: Hmm.

BaldIsVigor: How about something more psychological, like masochism?

BaldIsVigor: Of course, it won't be implemented in the game, but it's just a setting.

Saint: You're really a pervert.

BaldIsVigor: I don't want to hear that from you.

Saint: But that's too common.

BaldIsVigor: Your character is a common lustful saint.

BaldIsVigor: Now you're trying to avoid clichés?

Saint: Still, I don't like it.

BaldIsVigor: Hmm.

BaldIsVigor: How about something more emotional?

BaldIsVigor: Not physical pain, but emotional suffering.

BaldIsVigor: Like being tormented a lot, or going through heart-wrenching events, or during confession.

BaldIsVigor: Instead of crying, she moans.

Saint: Is that possible?

Saint: When it's that hard, it feels like dying.

BaldIsVigor: Are you talking about yourself? Suddenly projecting.

Saint: ...

Saint: That's...

Saint: Not really.

BaldIsVigor: What's with that suspicious denial?

Saint: Anyway...

BaldIsVigor: Anything is possible in imagination.

Saint: You have a point.

BaldIsVigor: It's about 20,000 times more perverse than bestiality.

Saint: Well, I guess there's no choice.

Saint: Should we go with that?

BaldIsVigor: Psychological masochism...

BaldIsVigor: I guess I've grown a bit today. 』

...

...

...

I was weak-willed when it came to desire.

No,

I am weak-willed.

I could also be described as impulsive.

In a situation where my bank account was riddled with negative numbers,

I was the one who bet all the money I had left, which was less than 100,000 won, on cryptocurrency.

And when that cryptocurrency plummeted overnight to less than 40,000 won,

I was the one who suddenly got hungry and spent the rest on a pineapple pizza.

And while I blamed the world's injustices and had no intention of working,

I bought a microphone with almost all the money I had left, complaining that I couldn't save money and that it was frustrating.

That,

was me.

Despite my messed-up life attitude, which seemed to hand over my future to tomorrow,

I, even often,

...no,

whenever I could, did something almost every day.

Praying to God?

I gave that up a long time ago.

But in the game, I lived a very different life.

Now, I'll tell you,

my future was just pitch black.

Not only was my bank account empty, but I had no plans for my life and no career or history to be proud of.

Part-time job? I've never done one, and I have no intention of doing one.

As I mentioned before,

I'm disabled.

So, it was only natural that I would give up on planning my entire future, even just a few days from now.

All I had was a personality that was definitely suffering from various mental illnesses, including autism, and a life that was like a shut-in.

If my greatest achievement in life was reaching Orange in Rainbow Tales, would you empathize?

Even that was quickly demoted.

Being a little better at games than others is a special skill that's really lacking when it comes to making a living.

So, what did I do every day?

Fantasize.

What if, by some miracle, I improved my skills and reached Rainbow, beyond Red, even though I never intended to?

What if a professional gaming team offered me a contract, and everything went smoothly?

What if I won an international tournament and was chosen as MVP, and became a legendary professional gamer who overcame a disability, and fans flocked to me wherever I went?

Or what if, despite my messed-up life, I had an unexpected talent, like drawing?

What if, among the many people with physical disabilities who draw, I somehow got recognized by the world of modern art and became a famous artist whose name would go down in history?

What if I was invited to a prestigious place and, among artists who praised me as a once-in-a-lifetime genius, I modestly waved them off?

Or what if, at the church I used to attend regularly and where I was praised for my voice and hymn skills, even though my voice has changed and I can't sing like I used to, in my fantasy, someone discovered me and I suddenly hit it big with a pop song?

Why would a disabled person who only knows how to sing hymns succeed in pop music?

Well, because it would attract more attention from the masses?

Anyway, I would communicate with people who wanted me under the bright stage lights,

Or what if I found a beautiful girlfriend who was so kind, loving, and gentle that she could understand even a mess like me?

What if, despite my flaws, she told me that I didn't need to be tied down to someone like me, and while I struggled to repay even a fraction of the love she gave me, she stroked my face and comforted me, saying that I was enough and didn't need to hurt anymore?

All of these fantasies converged on one thing:

Someone who recognizes me.

When I smile, everyone will smile back at me.

Not in this gloomy house, but outside, under the bright light, with the dawn as my companion,

Doing what I love, being recognized, and being needed by someone,

When I'm gone, they will be troubled, and I will feel a sense of superiority, as if I have no choice but to reach out to them,

Becoming the subject of everyone involved with me.

If this were just a fantasy, it would be fine,

But in my real future, it would never happen.

Creating a garden of flowers in my mind and imagining such happy events,

Was one of my main daily activities.

However, the moment of fantasy inevitably burst like a balloon at some point,

And when I was expelled from the world of my eyelids, I always shivered from the cold reality.

When I came to my senses, I would look at the cracked mirror,

Examining my unkempt hair, gloomy face, and faded pupils with spots around my eyes in a futile manner.

As if it were a sin to dream of a future beyond my station,

My heart, which had been soaring, would plummet and constrict my chest,

It was so,

Depressing and painful,

That I felt like I would die if I stayed sober,

My chest ached so much that tears welled up,

I felt like I would die if I cried so much,

Thinking that I deserved punishment for my sins, I would sob and,

Holding a sharp object, like a cutter knife, in my right hand with only my index and middle fingers moving,

I would scratch the barely healed wound on my left wrist, causing it to bleed profusely,

And only then, as if my sins were forgiven, would my sobs subside and I would finally calm down.

This was the action that marked the start of my daily routine.

Even now, with my body changed, the process was the same.

The habit of indulging in impossible fantasies had long taken root in my heart.

But after that, it was a bit different...

It's a bit embarrassing,

No, it's so embarrassing that my face would burst into flames,

In a sexual sense... it was strange.

The cutter knife I used so often was now covered in dust.

The bed sheets soaked in blood no longer needed to be changed.

Yet, I still changed the damp sheets and blankets almost every day,

“...”

No, no, I'm not bragging about being a wet girl.

I haven't done anything wrong.

If I did, it was this lewd body that did it.

If someone pointed at me and said it was my fault, I would be 100% acquitted in court.

The embarrassment and fear of touching my own changed, curvaceous body had long disappeared.

The sexual identity issues were swept away by the intense pleasure coursing through my body,

With my mouth open like a fool, I would unconsciously let out moans, and those issues would vanish like soap bubbles hitting the ground.

When I was swept away by the intense waves of pleasure that could turn my hair white,

My rationality would eventually knock on the door,

But this was something a human couldn't resist,

Like a drug that addicted me,

I would treat my rationality as an unwelcome guest and refuse to open the door for a while.

The time for fantasizing came as usual today.

The pain of the gap between imagination and reality, like a roller coaster plunging to the ground after a long ascent, also appeared.

And, as if it were natural,

I would do it again.

I was weak-willed when it came to desire.

No,

I am weak-willed.

“Huh.”

***

...

What time is it now?

With a parched mouth, I drank tap water and slowly woke up my dazed mind.

No matter how good it feels, there's no one who goes to the point of dehydration.

The sun, which had shyly revealed itself at the edge of the distant mountains, was now high in the sky.

I responded to the sun, which looked at me pitifully, by flipping it off and sat down in a chair.

I need to play a game.

I need to turn on the broadcast.

Lately, I've become sincere about this broadcast.

Not exactly the same direction, but I've never thought about such things in my fantasies,

The broadcast had become special to me.

It was a space where someone looked at me alone,

A space where someone got excited by my small actions,

A place where someone listened to my voice and reacted.

Someone who recognizes me.

When I smile, everyone will smile back at me.

So, today too,

Click, I press the broadcast start button.

[ Room Owner KitaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ]

[ MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP! ]

[ Ah... I really want to suck on the saint's breasts. ]

[ Saint Mama... Mama Masochist... ]

[ Yeah, I'm a baby viewer, I want to suck. ]

[ Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck S