Chapter 40.2

Translated by Aviana

Yang Tiezhu slowly narrated his story to Lin Qingwan……

All the way from how he was recruited, when in the army how fortunate he was to be selected as an army cook and didn’t have to go to the battlefield, how apprehensively he spent the few years in the battlefield, after returning home, how sad he felt when seeing the situation at home…. his thoughts when he went for hunting for the first time…and also many other happenings at home…

Yang Tiezhu’s tone was tranquil and calm, with neither sorrow nor joy.

The room was extremely calm, as Lin Qingwan’s eyes kept on drifting from here to there.

However, when listening to him narrate, Lin Qingwan could see young Yang Tiezhu. She could see Yang Tiezhu, who wasn’t well liked by He-shi, being coaxed by his parents to go to the battlefield instead of Yang Tieshuan….she could see the apprehensive and scared him on the way to the battlefield…she could see him being chosen to be an army cook because of his young age and great strength, and shoulder the responsibility of cooking for the troops in big iron pots….see him follow the troops everywhere, carrying big iron pots….see him getting injured the first time in battlefield, scarring his face…. escaping narrow death and excitedly returning home…. his bitterness upon seeing his family struggling…. resolving to improve his family’s livelihood…. arduously fighting with wild animals in the mountain…. He-shi exploiting the silver he earned….

Don’t know when, but Lin Qingwan’s eyes became wet with tears… She choked with sobs as her tears trickled down.

She felt distressed for this man; she felt distressed for his arduous fate, distressed for his firmness and indomitability, distressed for his sincerity and not being able to resist…. she felt distressed…. She truly felt her heartache severely. At this moment, Lin Qingwan felt so much pain as if her heart was about to be ripped….

However, she didn’t know how to comfort him and could only bury her head in his embrace as her tears trickled down like rain….

Yang Tiezhu smiled, but his smile gave a sort of indescribable feeling of desolateness.

“…I remember the day when I replaced my eldest brother to go to the battlefield…that day was also like today. My father also seemed to have aged by several years in distress in a flash. When my mother asked me to replace my eldest brother, I was afraid to directly look at my father, hoping for him to disagree. But in the end, he turned towards me and looked at me, with his full of pleading….”

Lin Qingwan in the end broke out while shaking her head vigorously in Yang Tiezhu’s arms.

Lifting her head, she gently caressed his face. His face was extremely dry and rough with a long scar. Actually, he must also have felt distressed at that time, but there was no one he could tell it to; he must also have felt scared, but there was no one to share with….

“Don’t say… don’t say further…from hereon you will have me… “With trembling lips, she hugged his face and kept on kissing on his head, her tears unable to stop.

“Wife, don’t cry. This will be the last time…. “Yang Tiezhu, with his head in his wife’s embrace, sniffed the fragrance at the tip of his nose. For an unknown reason, he, who had never shed tears, unexpectedly had his eyes welled up….

In the end … Lin Qingwan didn’t know how they went from consoling each other to partaking in the male and female exclusive activity. She only knew that they were making noises till late night. Only when the sky outside was beginning to brighten up, Yang Tiezhi finally stopped, feeling perfectly contended.

The next day by the time she woke up, Yang Tiezhu had already left. She only vaguely remembered Yang Tiezhu kissing her before leaving and saying that he would be going into the mountains and would be returning in two days, and asked her not to worry.

How was it possible for her not to worry? Especially after Yang Tiezhu had described the situation in the mountains to her –

People inherently tend to be ignorant and fearless. But once you become aware of these fears, fear inevitably starts creeping out from the bottom of the heart, twisting your heart… scaring you more and more to the extent that you start feeling stifled…..

After this long of getting to know each other, Yang Tiezhu had only gone onto mountains twice. The first time, she was at Yang-shi’s place. Although she was a little worried, however at that time both of them weren’t that close. But now, it was different. If at that time she was worried, this time her heart was anxious to death….

so much that it felt as if her heart was being roasted on the stove, and felt irritable for no reason at all.

For the first time, Lin Qingwan’s face was blank all day long without a trace of smile. The next day, when it was her turn to cook, she also wasn’t in the kitchen.

He-shi thought of reprimanding her several times, but don’t know what she thought, she didn’t say anything in the end.

Yao-shi’s was clumsy with her words; thus, it was also unlikely for her to console. She could only take over Lin Qingwan’s work and help her do it.

Lin Qingwan was also aware that her condition was wrong, however, she felt stuffy in her heart, wanting to go and quarrel with someone and vent all out. But, this time, even He-shi didn’t take the initiative to stir trouble, let alone Wang-shi and eldest sister Yang. These few people who liked to nit-pick all withdrew back, not daring to come in front of her.

With her heart full of anger, Lin Qingwan could only directly go into her room, take the embroidery purse and invest all of her energy in embroidering. Day and night, she sat in the room all day long embroidering, but without even knowing what she was doing.

Yao-shi, not knowing how to console her, also sat with her and embroidered after she was done with house chores.

This afternoon, Yao-shi was accompanying Lin Qingwan in doing embroidery in Lin Qingwan’s room. This day was the fourth day since Yang Tiezhu left.

With her head lowered, Yao-shi was doing embroidery work. But from time to time, she also raised her head to check on Lin Qingwan, who was intently working on the embroidery purse.

“Second sao, don’t worry too much.” Yao-shi was slow-witted with words and could only persuade her with these few words.

Lin Qingwan raised her head and stretched her neck a few times.

Actually, she was not as anxious as she was in the first two days. She simply wanted to make herself busy, so as to avoid thinking about the Yang Tiezhu in the mountains.

Seeing her unsightly complexion, He-shi and everyone else avoided her, not daring to provoke her. Since all of them made her man have a difficult time, can’t she have a bad face? Thus, every day, she made her face look terrible in front of He-shi, Wang-shi, and eldest sister Yang.

For her to pull a long face all day long at home in front of He-shi and them and still have them not daring to find fault with her – this chance was hard to come by. Then shouldn’t she use all energy to pull a long face in front of them?!

甩 脸子 (shuǎiliǎnzi): to pull a long face/to grimace with displeasure / have a bad face

But it seems Yao-shi had misunderstood, thinking that she was in a bad mood.

She was indeed in a bad mood; however, it was also not that serious. Since her man had already gone, she should have faith in her family’s man, believing that he would safely come back, and nothing untoward would happen.

Lin Qingwan poured herself a glass of water to moisturize her throat. “Third dimei, you don’t have to worry about me anymore. It’s not as serious as you think. I deliberately pulled a long face to show them.”

弟妹 (dìmèi): younger brother’s wife

Yao shi raised his head and looked at her, somewhat at a loss.

This third dimei seemed to be of a very simple mind.

“Since they forced my man to go into the mountains, I will not give them a good face. Shouldn’t I feel sorry for myself and my man? I used this as the pretext to vent all the pent-up stuffiness in my heart. Anyway, they also dared not offend me currently!” When Lin Qingwan mentioned those people, she rolled her eyes.

Only then did Yao understand. “That’s alright, but you must take care of your health, and also don’t get too angry.” Regarding her mother-in-law’s, eldest sao’s, eldest brother’s, and father’s conduct, it was also unsuitable for Yao-shi to criticize. Thus, she could only advise her second sao not to get too angry and affect her health.

One who does not know is not guilty. Although Yao-shi didn’t show any anxiousness towards Yang Tiezhu going to mountain, Lin Qingwan was nevertheless aware that the third branch’s husband and wife were not without worry. It’s just that Yang Tiezhu had always made it seem like going to the mountains was just a matter of few words and nothing hard. Thus, everyone habitually thinks that Yang Tiezhu would be alright. And upon seeing Lin Qingwan always being on tenterhooks, Yao-shi simply tried to ease her anxiety.

Can Lin Qingwan even condemn the third branch’s husband and wife as to why they have become habituated to Yang Tiezhu going into the mountains? Why weren’t they worried about his safety? She can’t! Because that won’t be appropriate.

She could only blame Yang Tiezhu for always putting on a brave front. Why can’t he share his difficulties and dangers with the family…But she can’t voice out her complaints because she was aware that in this family, no one cared whether Yang Tiezhu would be in danger or not. Even if the third branch’s husband and wife could understand, they also can’t intervene anywhere in the family…

Tangled in these thoughts, Lin Qingwan rubbed the frown between her eyebrows as she threw the needlework back into the basket and sighed, “Why has Tiezhu not returned yet?” She kneaded her forehead, feeling jittery.

Yao-shi pursed her lips into a smile, “Don’t worry, the second brother goes into the mountain every few days and would come back soon.” This was something everyone in Yang jia was aware of. How long it takes Yang Tiezhu to return back depends upon how much silver the family needs. It takes him long to come back if they need more silver, and if it is only a little silver, he will return even in a day.

While both of them were speaking, suddenly, the sounds of a dog barking came from outside. Lin Qingwan was not unfamiliar with this sound – it was Dahei’s bark.

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