Chapter 10

When I couldn't help but open my eyes, he looked troubled and said, "I didn't mean to tell you this, and now it doesn't matter anyway."

I couldn't find the words to say and nodded vaguely.

"Something like that happened..."

"Yeah, but it's not like I became afraid of women because of that. I'm fine with a straightforward relationship. If we can both enjoy it and it ends there, that's fine. As long as there's mutual benefit, it's fair. But I find it disgusting and can't stand it when someone has ulterior motives, like wanting me to be theirs or wanting me to make them mine."

Simon looked up at Bernard and said thoughtfully,

"You've had a tough time, Captain... It sounds like you've had a lot of admirers..."

"Listen, if someone starts talking about love and affection when there's no benefit for me, and tries to get what they want, it's just creepy."

"Ah, but I'd be happy. If someone says they like me, I might end up liking them too. Even if it's not love, if my abilities are recognized and someone wants to hire me, I wouldn't mind. Captain, you don't feel that way?"

"I don't understand love or romance. If someone says they want to hire me, it just makes me want to kill them. I've never felt the kind of emotion you're talking about, so it just feels disgusting to me."

"R-really, Captain!?! The rumor that you were 'born as a human by mistake' is true..."

"Maybe so."

I didn't know that. I didn't know because...

── I was just about to use love and romance to try to win Bernard over.

I was thinking about asking him to marry me, even though there would be no benefit for him.

I tried to suppress the trembling in my fingertips with all my rationality.

I kept a smile on my face and listened to their conversation.

I smiled continuously, with all my heart and soul.

Bernard mustn't notice anything.

He mustn't realize any of these feelings.

If he found out, it would all be over. The trust we've built would be destroyed, and even the memories we've shared might become unpleasant for him.

I thought it was a good thing.

I was glad I learned how he felt before I made the foolish move of trying to seduce him.

I truly thought so.

Bernard turned his gaze back to me and frowned slightly.

"Are you tired, Your Highness?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Your Highness's 'I'm fine' isn't reliable. Why don't you take a break?"

"I just took a break. Let's get back to work."

Bernard looked dissatisfied but didn't push further. He knew I wouldn't listen even if he did.

After a moment of silence, Bernard said in a calm, emotionless tone,

"If it's about marriage, why don't you ask Chester directly?"

"Chester...? Why?"

I asked, dazed and unable to think clearly. Bernard frowned and answered,

"Chester should be involved in the decision. You shouldn't bear this alone."

His voice seemed to carry a hint of anger, but I couldn't tell for sure. I wasn't calm enough to judge.

...What does he want Chester to think about? About my marriage?

Ah... I see. Maybe Bernard is thinking about what will happen after he leaves me. He knows about my brother's situation and the lack of marriage proposals. There's only one solution, and it's not forcing me to marry someone against my will.

It's for Bernard to leave.

If he leaves, the usual political marriage proposals will start coming in.

If Bernard leaves, Chester will become the captain. Maybe he's suggesting that we should talk about the future together.

I nodded at Bernard, thinking about this in the back of my mind.

***

The night had fallen, and only a thin crescent moon shone in the sky.

I had finished the day's political duties and dismissed all the maids.

I was sitting alone on the bed in my bedroom.

Sleep wouldn't come.

Even though no one was watching, I was still tense. Or maybe I couldn't fully process the shock.

"...I'm such a fool."

The words slipped out.

I was a fool. I didn't realize it until it was pointed out to me.

I didn't think I wanted anything with Bernard. I was going to have a political marriage. I was prepared. I had resigned myself to it.

That was my true feeling – but was it really just that?

I covered my mouth with one hand, trying to suppress the sobs that threatened to escape.

...Deep down, I had hoped. Because he always helped me. Because he always protected me. Because his eyes were gentle when he looked at me. Because he treated me specially. So...

── If I told him I liked him, maybe he would think about it too. Maybe he would start to notice me as a woman. Maybe one day he would turn to me. Maybe one day he would tell me he likes me.

I had such shallow hopes. Even though I said I didn't want it and that I had resigned myself, a part of me had always held onto this foolish dream. A part of me that I couldn't kill.

I suppressed my trembling breath and slipped into bed.

I needed to sleep. I had a busy day tomorrow. I shouldn't keep thinking about this. I needed to let it go and forget.

── Because, isn't it over? This is a love that has already ended.

***

Maybe it was because I was sleeping lightly.

That night, I had a dream. A nostalgic dream.

The dream of the first time I met Bernard.

The tower I was supposed to visit for peace negotiations was already surrounded by rebels.

It was a trap. Chester and Sasha tried their best to help me escape, but it was clear to everyone that there was no way out.

I couldn't die here. If I died, my brother would be alone. I couldn't die yet. I had to survive no matter what. Even as I thought this, I understood the hopelessness of the situation.

To buy some time, Chester took me to the top floor of the tower. But I couldn't be optimistic enough to think that reinforcements would arrive in the short time before the enemy reached the top.

Sasha gave me a dagger. The meaning was clear.

I held the dagger Sasha gave me and stared at the door.

If the enemy broke through that door, it would be the end.

I apologized to my brother in my heart. I couldn't help him anymore, and that made me feel guilty and regretful.

...And then, how much time passed?

I eventually looked at Sasha in confusion.

Sasha also looked puzzled, peering through the door.

The battle had definitely started. The shouts of the soldiers, the roars, and the sound of running footsteps echoed like thunder through the tower. We were waiting for the moment when those sounds would reach the top floor.

But... now, all the sounds were distant. The chaos of the battle was gradually fading away. Now, it was eerily quiet. What was happening?

I held the dagger and decided to stand up.

"Princess!"

Sasha protested.

But I opened the door.

"We won't know what's happening if we just wait here. Sasha, I'm going."

I ran down the tower, weaving through the bodies of fallen soldiers and the moans of the wounded. Sasha followed, screaming.

When I stepped out of the tower, Chester was there, sword in hand.

He looked paler than usual and was holding his sword with a trembling hand, as if there was something terrifying at the end of it.

When Chester saw me, he looked shocked and shouted,

"Don't come out! Go back! – No, leave here immediately! Sasha, go! Take her and run!"

I immediately understood what Chester was so afraid of and concerned about.

In front of Chester, a little distance away, stood a boy.

The boy was standing among the bodies of the rebels.

I understood why the sounds of battle had stopped. The casualties among the soldiers who accompanied me were severe, but among the rebels, there might not be a single one left alive. The sight was a sea of bodies, and the amount of blood was overwhelming. The scene was so gruesome that I almost gagged just from breathing.

The boy was drenched in blood. Fresh blood dripped from the sword in his hand.

His eyes, empty and hollow, turned to me.

It was indeed terrifying, enough to make my knees shake.

── And then, I took a step forward.