Chapter 37

# Chapter 037

Let's be honest.

Jang Hayang has no talent for dancing or singing.

Neither did she have any for acting.

Even if she overcomes this final exam, there will be countless obstacles on the path to becoming an idol.

She can't just keep working hard no matter what.

Humans will eventually get tired.

Talent is what stops that limit.

Talent is needed to easily and smoothly overcome the walls she will face.

But Jang Hayang doesn't have that.

Instead, when others can run, she has to walk.

"If there's something else you want to do, I'll help you in any way I can."

...Except for acting.

"There's nothing else... "

"I'm not joking. If you want to study, I'll send you to a boarding school or something."

Of course, it would be at Seong Pil's own expense.

If the group created by Garo Entertainment fails, Seong Pil decided to compensate Jang Hayang for her efforts and time.

Compared to that, the cost of a boarding school or university tuition would be relatively cheap.

"I'm not telling you to quit now. If you really feel overwhelmed and don't know how to continue this life, then it's okay to give up then."

Seong Pil is doing all this for her because of the scene he saw in the future.

Jang Hayang is the kind of person who would endure five years just because of one word of encouragement and comfort from Seong Pil.

The regret she felt at that time was indescribable.

Seong Pil had practically ruined a person's life.

"It's okay to quit if it's too hard. There's no shame in it."

Seong Pil didn't want 'idol' to become Jang Hayang's 'acting'.

In the future, Jang Hayang was holding onto something that wouldn't work for five years because of Seong Pil.

Even while enduring all kinds of pain.

There's no law that says an idol career can't be successful.

Even if it's painful and difficult, she could endure it stubbornly because of Seong Pil.

Is that what life is?

It's hell.

"Would you be happier if I quit...?"

Jang Hayang asked, looking uneasy.

"No. I want you to stay. But it's just that you're struggling..."

"It's okay then."

Jang Hayang, who had been stiff a moment ago, was now smiling brightly.

"If you give up when it's hard, how can anyone succeed in this world?"

"......Huh?"

"People who don't give up are the ones who succeed, right? Isn't that true?"

It seemed like they had just had a very serious conversation.

Jang Hayang's response was cheerful and full of dreams.

"Manager, you want me to stay here, right? And you believe in me... You do, right?"

Seong Pil couldn't answer immediately.

He realized.

For Seong Pil, who had seen the future, it was natural to tell Jang Hayang that it's okay to quit, but for Jang Hayang, it wouldn't be.

What would she think if she was suddenly called in and told it's okay to quit?

"I believe in you. Yes."

"There's no law that says if you don't do well today, you can't do well tomorrow. Or the next day, or the day after that."

"Yes, that's true."

"Ahaha, it's embarrassing for someone like me to say this. Manager, you were worried about me, right?"

"I was."

That's why he brought up the idea that it's okay to quit.

"Still, I understand what you're worried about. I'm really, really okay. Thank you for worrying about me. I'll work harder!"

Even if she showed a little annoyance, Jang Hayang instead understood Seong Pil.

When they first met and talked, she felt like an angel.

She's so kind, almost to the point of being naive...

"If I ever feel too exhausted to continue, I'll definitely tell you. Until then..."

Jang Hayang left her sentence hanging, as if demanding an answer.

"I believe you."

It was an answer Jang Hayang had led him to give.

Still, Jang Hayang was overjoyed by Seong Pil's response.

* * *

Baek Seolha came to the company earlier than usual.

With Jang Hayang joining as a short-term trainee, Baek Seolha now had three students to teach.

If she didn't prepare in advance, the training could get messed up or be ineffective.

'Today, Hayang is first.'

Thinking of Jang Hayang, her mood sank again.

Did she memorize what she was supposed to today...?

What if it's the same as last time...?

Do I have to scold her again...?

"Sigh."

She sighed and turned on the lights on the first floor. Then, a noise caught Baek Seolha's ear.

Music was playing from the second floor.

Someone was in the practice room.

'Is it Joara?'

She knew Joara loved dancing, but for her to come to the company so early, even before Han Goo-in arrived, was unusual.

Maybe she was obsessed with dancing.

She stood in front of the practice room to greet the person.

The door was slightly open.

"Huh?"

It wasn't Joara.

It was Jang Hayang.

'So early in the morning?'

Had Baek Seolha's advice been effective?

'No.'

She wasn't coming early to practice.

Jang Hayang was wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

Her short-sleeved shirt and workout pants were drenched in sweat, darker than their original color.

She clearly hadn't gone home last night.

'I'm a bit weak, so I go jogging.'

About two weeks ago, Jang Hayang started saying this and stopped taking the car home after work.

Could she have secretly entered the company and practiced until dawn?

Maybe every day until morning...?

'She's crazy.'

Baek Seolha was shocked by Jang Hayang's practice.

She watched in silence, unable to look away.

Jang Hayang finished her dance, then collapsed, trembling all over.

She gasped for breath, looking up at the ceiling.

Cold sweat drenched her forehead and back, and her hands and feet trembled as if she were sick.

It looked like anemia or dehydration.

Then Jang Hayang drank water. The water had sugar and salt dissolved in it.

For several minutes, she writhed in pain, then got up and started dancing and singing again.

'Why does she keep going?'

It wouldn't be strange if she collapsed right now.

In fact, Jang Hayang's condition was that bad.

By nature, Jang Hayang had a weak body.

She grew up in a poor family and didn't get enough nutrition.

Even as an adult, it was the same.

She had no muscle or fat.

Her physical strength and body were extremely weak compared to the average woman.

Yet, Jang Hayang was handling a training load far beyond the average.

As a result, she often fainted.

When Seong Pil found her collapsed in the practice room, or when she first received training from Joara and lay down.

Jang Hayang had briefly lost consciousness.

It was almost a miracle that she hadn't collapsed yet.

Baek Seolha burst into the room.

"Ah?!"

Jang Hayang was startled and fell on her butt.

"Ah, Unnie? Why are you here...? Huh! Is it already morning?"

"Have you been practicing since last night?"

Jang Hayang's face turned pale, and she gave an embarrassed smile.

"Ah, I shouldn't have done this, right? I'm sorry. But the evaluation is coming up soon... Can I just do this for a few more days? Can you not tell the others...?"

She was definitely out of her mind.

Her body was in no condition to practice, yet all she could think about was practicing.

"Have you been doing this every day? Is that true?"

"Yes, yes. I'm sorry."

When Baek Seolha raised her voice in anger, Jang Hayang immediately shrank back.

'Even after doing this every day, her skills are still like this?'

It was a truth she couldn't accept.

She thought it was just a lack of effort, but the effort was more than enough.

Then, the only conclusion was one.

Jang Hayang had no talent.

Not just a lack of talent, but a lack of ability.

"Go home today. I'll tell the manager. I'll call a taxi for you."

"No, Unnie, you have a class today."

"How can you receive training in this condition?"

"I'm not tired."

As she said this, Jang Hayang's body was trembling slightly.

Her body was begging her to stop.

"Do you think you'll get good results practicing like this? Go and rest."

Baek Seolha raised her voice in anger without realizing it.

An idol's body is their asset. It made her angry that Jang Hayang didn't take care of her body at all.

She was angry at Jang Hayang for not giving up.

After all this, shouldn't she have a sense of her own limits?

Why is she pushing her body to the limit to practice?

If she keeps this up, she could die.

What does she plan to do with her body after pushing it this hard?

"No, I can do it. I'm not tired."

"......You, you, you, I don't understand?"

"Ah, um, did I do something wrong...?"

"Can't you understand what I'm saying? I said go!"

Jang Hayang's cognitive development was delayed.

She would forget her lines even after reading them multiple times.

When she tried to follow a dance, her thoughts and actions didn't match.

Failing as an actor was, in a way, inevitable.

"I don't want to. I want to keep going."

But humans have strengths where they lack.

Jang Hayang had one talent.

Her ability to recognize, regulate, and generate motivation for her emotions was far above average.

As a counterbalance to her cognitive deficiencies, her affective domain was overly developed.

'Your limit is here.'

When she heard these words deep in her heart, Jang Hayang simply closed her heart.

She pushed away negative emotions and cultivated positive ones, allowing her to keep moving forward even when tired and exhausted.

Not resting when she wanted to rest.

Not playing when she wanted to play.

Erasing all the laziness that a normal person might indulge in.

Whipping herself relentlessly and running straight toward her goal.

That was Jang Hayang's talent.

"Unnie can say whatever you want about my vocals. But practicing is my choice, right?"

"......"

"I'm going to keep going."

Baek Seolha was taken aback by Jang Hayang's firm attitude, which she had never seen before.

Jang Hayang started dancing and singing to the music, as if she wasn't going to listen anymore.

Watching her, Baek Seolha realized that Jang Hayang had improved significantly compared to before.

It was a huge improvement from the beginning.

When the performance ended, as expected, Jang Hayang was panting as if she were about to die.

Cold sweat dripped down her trembling jawline.

"Hayang. If you keep this up..."

She couldn't think of the right words.

Anything to make Jang Hayang stop.

"You'll die."

Jang Hayang laughed, looking defeated.

She wanted to laugh loudly, but she didn't have the strength.

"Unnie, I'm happy now. I'm having fun."

Since high school, she had worked part-time and acted. Unfortunately, she couldn't focus solely on acting.

Because of her parents.

When Jang Hayang brought home her part-time job money, her mother would take some for electricity bills or credit card payments.

If she came home late because of acting classes, her usually indifferent father would yell at her with degrading words.

Despite this, Jang Hayang understood her parents, who fought every day and only said harsh things to their child.

They were just people with many wounds.

She understood.

But.

It was impossible to focus completely in an environment of humiliation, criticism, ridicule, and oppression.

"I want to keep going."

But now, it's different.

There's an environment where she can focus completely on something. The path forward is clear, and all she has to do is run.

It's heaven.

She's happy.

So.

"If I can live like this, I don't mind dying."

* * *

Jang Hayang's final evaluation was over.

Seong Pil, Han Goo-in, and Hong Gyu-hun gathered to exchange opinions.

"Pretty ordinary, right?"

There's nothing particularly good about her.

Anyone could reach this level after a month of training.

That was Hong Gyu-hun's impression.

"She can't be the main. She's just a visual member. Manager Han, what do you think?"

"It was good."

"More specifically?"

"I agree with the CEO. She's ordinary. While her looks are good, there's nothing more to her."

"Lee Il, our Manager Han, you can say that too?"

"......She's worth picking just for her looks. But if the CEO or Manager Park want more, there's room for reconsideration. Miss Lee is nearly perfect as an idol. Miss Seolha is unparalleled in vocals, and Miss Joara in dance. If her only strength is her looks, she falls short compared to them. If I have to put it, she's a lower version of Miss Seolha. She doesn't have the unique ability that Miss Seolha has, so there's a risk of being compared when she debuts."

"That's true. She feels colorless and odorless. She lacks something to stand out. Should we push her acting since she learned it?"

"It's not related to being an idol..."

The only one left was Seong Pil.

As everyone's gaze turned to him, Seong Pil spoke.

"I have something to say."

Seong Pil spoke.

About what he had heard from Joara and Seolha, and what he had witnessed himself.

Who Jang Hayang is.

What her flaws and strengths are.

He didn't leave anything out, telling Hong Gyu-hun everything.

After listening silently to Seong Pil's story, Hong Gyu-hun spoke.

"Then..."