Chapter 40

"So, what's this about?"

Inside the room, just as before, I and Oda-san were sitting on the sofa facing each other across the table.

When asked, Oda-san rested his elbow on the armrest and looked away, hesitating to speak.

I found his behavior puzzling but waited silently for him to speak.

Eventually, as if he had made up his mind, Oda-san began to speak.

"…Ryūki, you're amazing."

The words that broke the long silence were unexpected, and I tilted my head in confusion. Oda-san, receiving my puzzled gaze, continued without acknowledging it.

"When Ryūki first came here, you apologized to me. Now, I have something to apologize for too."

I had no recollection of such an incident.

"First, I'm sorry for not being able to help with the rescue of that child."

That child must be Kaede.

I understand Oda-san's situation and don't hold any grudges. If something happened to Oda-san and the others, it would also mean the loss of other evacuees' lives.

"It was the right choice. That's why I said from the beginning that I wouldn't rely on Oda-san and the others."

"I thought you would understand, Ryūki. But what I really want to apologize for is something else. When you told me about that child, I was about to say something. The same goes for when we finished gathering supplies."

Now that he mentions it, Oda-san did seem to be holding back some words at the time. I couldn't imagine what they were, and even now, as he speaks, I have no idea.

Oda-san averted his gaze from me, closed his eyes for a moment, and then spoke again.

"…I was thinking that you didn't need to risk your life to go and help her."

"…I see."

"But Ryūki, you didn't even consider that, and you accomplished it brilliantly…"

"…"

"I'm really sorry."

I understand what Oda-san is saying.

It might be natural to risk one's life for family, friends, or a lover, but for a complete stranger you just met, it's a different story. In this world, it's not strange to abandon someone, and even if you did it to someone close, you might not be criticized.

"It's not something you need to apologize for. Don't worry about it. Rather, I'm surprised you would say something like that."

After all, Oda-san is the one who, in collaboration with the city hall, opened this place as a new evacuation center. He goes out to gather supplies for the evacuees, who are complete strangers, without regard for his own safety.

I directed a questioning gaze at him.

"Thank you… Ryūki, what I'm doing now… is atonement."

"Atonement?"

What sin could Oda-san have committed?

"…On the day the pandemic started, I abandoned many citizens. Many people came seeking help, but I closed the entrance early and turned them away. The infected were already overflowing outside, and they became their prey."

"…"

"While dealing with the people outside, some of my subordinates were bitten. I immediately had barricades built. We treated the injured subordinates inside the station, but by morning, they had all become infected. I… I killed them all with my own hands."

Oda-san was staring at his trembling hands. I couldn't imagine how he felt, having abandoned citizens who could have been saved and killing his own subordinates.

No, that's not right.

I have also abandoned people and killed them in another world. In fact, I have killed far more people than Oda-san.

Even though I have had similar experiences and should understand, I have become numb to it. I no longer think of it as a sin.

Comparing myself to Oda-san, I feel a mix of inferiority, guilt towards him, and self-loathing.

"…Oda-san, you're not at fault. It was inevitable. You did what you had to do."

The words came out naturally. Were they directed at him? Perhaps they were also directed at myself.

Upon hearing my words, Oda-san pressed his lips tightly together and spoke again.

"…To atone for that sin, I posted on the internet to open this place as a new evacuation center. I knew the nearby designated shelters had been wiped out. I don't know how many of the people who went outside made it here, but a significant number of people came down here that day. But, not a single one of them managed to evacuate safely."

"…"

"Some died downstairs, some climbed the ladder even after being bitten. Some were already injured. I… I killed them all."

"Oda-san…"

"I tried to find a better way to evacuate. I observed their characteristics, researched online, and gradually improved our methods. Still, many people died. Looking back, posting about this place being an evacuation center might have just added to my sins."

Oda-san's right hand, resting on the armrest, was trembling. He furrowed his brow and covered his mouth with his left hand, as if trying to hold back tears.

"What could I have done?"

"…I've said it many times, but you're not at fault. Moreover, you're doing a good job now. Thanks to you and your team surviving, people like Yuki have been saved. That's enough, isn't it?"

"Ryūki…"

Oda-san looked at me with tears in his eyes, as if a lost lamb had received God's forgiveness.

But I am not such a noble being. I am not someone who can cleanse others' sins and purify their souls.

On the contrary, I, who have killed more people than Oda-san, should be on the other side.

So, Oda-san, please don't look at me like that.