Chapter 93

Perhaps it's all in my head.

Perhaps Azami really did pass away, and I just don't want to believe it, searching for any reason, any excuse to deny it.

The first time I felt something was off after we evacuated to the police station was when Azami's expression seemed very tense as we went to replenish supplies with the other police officers. The other officers also had a grim, death-defying look on their faces, as if they were heading into a battlefield.

When I was at the home center, I had a thought.

Azami always went outside with a very relaxed and casual expression, as if he were just going for a short walk in the world before it all changed. I was always worried about him, thinking that such a reliable father figure might not come back. But I thought that perhaps, because he was well-trained and prepared to kill the infected, it wasn't as scary for him.

However, from the looks on their faces, it seemed my understanding was wrong. I thought that Azami must have been acting bright and cheerful at the home center to avoid worrying me.

The next time I felt something was off was on a rainy night while we were waiting for the Self-Defense Forces to rescue us.

That night, I woke up late and couldn't fall back asleep. I quietly got out of bed, trying not to wake Yuki, and went to the bathroom. For some reason, my feet led me to Azami's room. I hesitated, thinking it might be a bother at such a late hour, but I gently knocked on the door, planning to return to my room if there was no response. There was no answer, so I thought he must be asleep and went back to my room.

But when I thought back, Azami always noticed when I woke up at night to go to the bathroom, no matter how quietly I moved. He would always wake up and come with me, and I felt bad for the trouble it caused him.

Could it be that Azami, even in the middle of the night, wouldn't notice a knock on the door?

The next day, when I visited, I knocked on the door with the same volume, and he immediately responded.

If that was the only instance, I could say he was just in a deep sleep that day.

However, even after I confessed my fear to Azami and overcame it, I visited his room a few more times, and he never responded.

And what was that fear, really? It's still a mystery to me. While it was surprising that Azami used words like "if you don't want to die," I don't think that alone would make me fear him. Even now, when I recall his words and the way he restrained that man, I don't feel fear.

That fear wasn't the kind of tension you feel while watching a horror movie, nor was it the fear for my life when facing an infected or being overpowered by that man. It was more like being struck by the word "awe" itself. Why did I feel such an inexplicable emotion towards Azami?

And more importantly, how did Azami save me that night? I closed my eyes, and a strong wind blew, and when I opened them, that man was restrained.

Could such a thing really happen in an instant?

It might sound absurd, but I think Azami has some special power and is hiding it.

He was tense when we went to gather supplies because he had to protect everyone, not just himself. He didn't respond when I visited at night because he was somewhere else. That's why he could save me in such a way.

And perhaps he made me close my eyes so that I wouldn't see it.

Otherwise, it doesn't make sense. It's strange that he could go outside so casually in a place full of infected and return unharmed.

So, I think Azami is still alive. He must have asked Oda to pretend he died.

But if that's true, it means I was left behind. And it also means Yuki was left behind.

That's why, when I blurted out that Azami might still be alive that night, I couldn't tell Yuki. If it's true, I would be revealing what Azami might be hiding. And if my thoughts are just nonsense, I would give Yuki false hope.

I think I'm suffering now because I can't tell anyone, as if I'm being punished.

When the atmosphere suggested that the Self-Defense Forces might not come to rescue us, the evacuees all looked disappointed, but I secretly felt relieved. Azami had said he wanted to help Oda, so I thought we could continue as before, and I could be with Azami again.

It's a very ugly feeling, and it's my punishment.