Chapter 30

"It seems like you don't have much of an appetite. Are you okay?"

(Ham-chan is so kind. Ham-chan is Ham-chan. Because he was the emperor, he had to have such a stern face. Ham-chan, I'm sorry I'm so stupid. I like Ham-chan no matter what.)

"..."

Eleanor felt a lump in her throat, on the verge of tears.

To keep from crying, she lowered her gaze to Alexei's hands and noticed that his mannerisms were the same as Ham-chan's. Of course, there were no proper forks or knives in the demon forest. She had made wooden cutlery for them to eat with.

(Ham-chan, even though he was small, used to eat so neatly. When I said I wanted to eat like that too, he taught me. I never got very good at it. But Ham-chan never got angry. The teachers assigned to me after I became Eleanor often did.)

"Are you feeling unwell? You don't seem to be eating much."

Alexei was worried about Eleanor. The Ham-chan she believed in was not a cold and cruel person like Alexei. If it were to be revealed that Alexei was Ham-chan and she were to be disillusioned, he wanted to avoid that at all costs. He didn't ask her to like him, but he at least didn't want her to dislike him.

The two fell silent, and the dinner ended in a terribly gloomy atmosphere.

"If you'd like, we can have a drink or some tea in the salon."

Alexei asked Eleanor with a slight sense of tension. With no one waiting for her at home, she nodded.

In the salon, Alexei ordered wine, and Eleanor ordered tea.

"You don't seem to be in high spirits. Is something bothering you?"

Eleanor lowered her eyes.

(I hurt Ham-chan. I, I... I like Ham-chan no matter what.)

"Let's dismiss the attendants and cast a soundproofing spell."

Alexei, wanting Eleanor to speak freely, cast a soundproofing spell after they were alone in the room.

"Now, you can say anything you want, Pai."

Eleanor finally burst into tears.

"Pai, what's wrong?"

Alexei, flustered, handed her a handkerchief.

"S-Sorry, Ham-chan."

"Wait, I'm not Ham-chan—"

With tears streaming down her face, Eleanor looked up.

"You are Ham-chan. No matter what, I love Ham-chan."

Alexei froze, his eyes wide.

"The emperor might be a scary person. But I think you have to be scary to do what you do. But I only knew the simple, young Ham-chan, so I thought you weren't Ham-chan."

Eleanor wiped her tears with the handkerchief and looked straight at Alexei.

"Ham-chan, I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed. No matter what Ham-chan does, Ham-chan is still Ham-chan. You've grown so much, Ham-chan..."

She gazed at Alexei lovingly, but he looked away.

"Pai... I've killed many people. I'm not the person you knew. I'm a cruel person."

Eleanor shook her head, letting the tears flow freely.

"Ham-chan is Ham-chan. There must have been a reason. Yeah, even if there wasn't, I still like Ham-chan."

In the next moment, Alexei hugged Eleanor tightly.

"Pai...!"

Eleanor was surprised by the sudden embrace and couldn't find her words.

"Ham-chan, you're still a big baby, even as an adult."

Finally, the words came out, directed at Ham-chan. As Eleanor whispered in Alexei's arms, Alexei also opened up.

"I missed you...! After Pai died, I could only live by hating others. Pai was killed because I wasn't strong enough. If I had been strong, Pai wouldn't have been killed."

"No, that's not true. Ham-chan, that's not true. What could a nine-year-old child do? I'd sew the mouths of any adults who say such things! You were just a child, so you shouldn't have worried about it."

Alexei was grateful that Pai's spirit was still with her in this way.

"But, Ham-chan has grown up more than I did as Pai."

Eleanor's face turned red as she realized how much bigger Alexei's arms and chest were. She looked up at him from below.

"Ham-chan is more grown-up than I am..."

Realizing this, Eleanor's face turned bright red.

"N-No, no, we can't hug like this! We're both adults! This is inappropriate!"

Eleanor was embarrassed by her racing heart. Recognizing Alexei as a man rather than Ham-chan, she couldn't look at his face anymore.