Chapter 87

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The temperature at night was below zero degrees. The wind would pick up once in a while, and an even more piercing chill would penetrate through their down jackets and invade the depths of their bodies.

Yang Youming was wearing a mask. Xia Xingcheng fished out his own mask from his pocket but didn’t rush to put it on, merely letting it hang from his ears and pulling it down under his jaw instead.

The entrance to the community required an access card to enter and exit. The door of the security post was tightly shut, and in the narrow room, the security guard was warming his hands at a fire while watching the evening gala.

Xia Xingcheng knocked on the glass window. As the guard pulled open the window and saw him, a look of astonishment crossed his face.

“Sorry for the trouble, please open the gate,” Xia Xingcheng said to him with a smile.

The guard obviously recognized Xia Xingcheng. He said, “Going out so late?” His eyes left Xia Xingcheng and landed on Yang Youming behind him, somewhat doubtful, but he still opened the gate for them.

Xia Xincheng said, “Thank you.” Then, he went out with Yang Youming.

They walked out of the community and onto a wide street, and the side of the street was entirely lined with the walls of the community.

After only a few steps, Yang Youming said to Xia Xingcheng, “Put on your mask.” It was too cold out, and Xia Xingcheng’s face had already reddened from the chilly wind.

Once Xia Xingcheng pulled up his mask to cover up half his face, Yang Youming reached out to help him take the cap in the pocket of his down jacket and put it on his head, until half of Xia Xingcheng’s face became shrouded in a shadow and the sound of his voice became indistinct.

They could only hear what the other was saying by walking closely together.

Yang Youming asked, “Where are we going?”

Xia Xingcheng stretched out his hand and pointed to where a Carrefour signboard could be seen from afar. He said, “I lived over there when I was a kid, it’ll probably take half an hour to walk there. ” With that, he turned around and peered at the road; the whole street had never been so deserted, not to mention the pedestrians, there wasn’t even a single car. He added, “We definitely can’t get a taxi. Let’s walk there, okay?”

Yang Youming replied, “Okay.”

Xia Xingcheng continued onward, his hands in his pocket to draw warmth from his own body heat. He said, “My family used to live in that area. The old building still hasn’t been demolished, it was one of those old-fashioned units that had two households to a floor.”

Yang Youming let out a soft “Mm”, showing that he was listening.

Xia Xingcheng said, “My family lived there for more than twenty years. It was only until my brother and I made enough money to buy our current house a few years ago that the whole family moved there together.”

“It’s already amazing that you can buy such a big house in your early twenties,” Yang Youming said.

Xia Xingcheng turned to look at him and smiled, but his expression was concealed by his mask and hat.

Because it was so cold, they subconsciously sped up.

Trying to breathe through the mask, Xia Xincheng spoke a little breathlessly, “Wherever I went when I was a kid, everybody said that I was lovely, but later on in middle school, the girls said I was handsome. Even though I didn’t do too well in school, all my teachers and classmates liked me, and I was the student council president for two years.”

Yang Youming’s eyes showed a somewhat gentle smile.

Xia Xingcheng said, “I once received one love letter a day for a week, and all of them were from different girls.”

Yang Youming’s voice carried a hint of laughter. “Is that so?”

Xia Xingcheng continued telling him. “I was in the school’s basketball team, and every time there was a game, the entire school would be filled with girls who would come to watch, and most of them came to see me.”

“Mm,” Yang Youming said, “And so?”

Xia Xingcheng came to a stop in front of him and faced him. “So, since I like you so very much, don’t you think that this isn’t easy to come by?”

Yang Youming looked at him and nodded, saying, “It’s my honour.”

They walked until they arrived at the intersection below the Carrefour signboard. This place was a flourishing commerce square, and although all the surrounding malls and shops were closed, the colorful lights still insistently illuminated the quiet and desolate street.

Xia Xingcheng led Yang Youming into a relatively narrow street, where the buildings were short and sparse. The dark came down upon them as even the streetlights became less bright.

There was a kindergarten on the side of the road, and the sign above it was made up of multi-coloured animal patterns.

Xia Xingcheng stopped, tucked his hand into his sleeve, then touched the metal gate through it, saying, “I went to this kindergarten when I was a kid, the gate’s been changed.”

Yang Youming looked towards the metal gate.

Xia Xingcheng pulled him onwards. “My grandma was still with us back then, and she often came to pick me up.”

They walked on for a few more minutes, not running into a single person along the way.

There was a small alley on one side of the road that stretched deeply across. Xia Xingcheng stood at the entrance of the alley and said, “Up ahead is my family’s former house.” He then peeped inside and found the old building in the darkness. He pointed out the building for Yang Youming, then found the window of his old room under the scattered lights.

A chilly wind was constantly blowing from the alleyway. They stood there for a while until they could no longer bear the cold, taking refuge next to the alley where there happened to be no shops, only a cement wall that was slightly caved in.

They hid in the shadow of the wall.

Xia Xingcheng hugged Yang Youming, buried his head in his shoulder and said in a muffled voice, “I’ll go home with you next year.”

Yang Youming didn’t answer, he merely lifted his hand and held Xia Xingcheng, gently stroking his hair.

A while passed before Xia Xingcheng raised his head and said to Yang Youming, “I’m going to tell my mom and dad.”

More than half of Yang Youming’s face was covered by the mask. His eyes were also hidden in the darkness, and Xia Xingcheng wasn’t able to make out his expression at all. Voice low, Yang Youming said, “Don’t.”

Xia Xingcheng asked, “Why? We’ll need to tell them someday anyway.”

One of Yang Youming’s hands was pressed against his back, while the other softly caressed his hair. “Don’t tell them. Do as you’re told.”

Xia Xingcheng looked perplexed and upset. “They like you so much, they’ll be able to accept it.”

“They won’t,” Yang Youming said. “They like me because they don’t know about our relationship, but they’ll hate me if they find out.”

Xia Xingcheng said hot-headedly, “They won’t.” He left Yang Youming’s embrace and grabbed Yang Youming’s arm to head back home. “We’ll go back right now and tell them.”

Yang Youming turned his hand over and captured Xia Xingcheng’s hand. “Xingcheng, sober up a bit. Do you have any idea how hard it’s been for me to see them these past two days? No matter how hard we try or how good we are, I know that it’s all futile. So long as we tell them the truth about our relationship, as much as we’d like it now, we’ll resent it as much in the future! Why bother?”

Xia Xingcheng was a little at a loss. “Then what should we do?”

Yang Youming grasped his hand firmly. “There’s nothing we can do. In the end, we’d only end up like Yu Haiyang and Fang Jianyuan.”

Hearing Yang Youming say these two names, Xia Xingcheng’s eyes reddened all at once. He tried his utmost to suppress the urge to cry and said to Yang Youming, “You’re not Yu Haiyang, you’ve already divorced Yuan Qian.”

Yang Youming said, “To your family, what’s the difference between me and Yu Haiyang?” His voice went cold at the end of this sentence, like a kind of helpless despair.

Xia Xingcheng slightly raised his head, his Adam’s apple rippling with choked sobs, his voice somewhat fierce. “Yang Youming, you’ve always said that I haven’t come out of the play, but really, the one who hasn’t come out is actually you, isn’t it?”

Yang Youming didn’t reply.

Xia Xingcheng stifled his incessant trembling. “The person who drunkenly called me ‘Xiao Yuan’ in bed was you.”

Yang Youming’s voice was faintly hoarse as he said, “I’m sorry, Xingcheng.”

Xia Xingcheng said, “So you actually still remember.”

Yang Youming’s body was concealed by the darkness, and he didn’t speak.

Xia Xingcheng asked, “Do you want to break up with me? You think that you’re Yu Haiyang, that you’ve wronged my family, and that you and I have no future?”

Yang Youming was mute for a while before answering him, “I won’t break up with you, I want you to be happy.”

Xia Xingcheng breathed in a big gulp of cold air. He pulled down his mask again for lack of oxygen and let it hang under his jaw, his chest rising and falling painfully. He said, “Since we’re not breaking up, let’s go back. It’s almost twelve.”

Yang Youming slowly stepped out of the dark, then said, “Let’s go.” His tone was sober and undisturbed.

Xia Xingcheng turned around and walked back in the direction they came from.

They were clearly walking shoulder to shoulder when they had departed, yet when they went back, one was in front while the other behind, each of them mute.

The cold wind hit his face, and Xia Xingcheng could only pull his mask back up.

As they passed the bus stop on the side of the road, a scene suddenly appeared in his head. It was the very last scene of ‘Gradual Distance’ where Fang Jianyuan sat on the bus, leaving, and Yu Haiyang, who had bought baked sweet potatoes, came back to look for him yet couldn’t find anyone.

When they were filming, Xia Xingcheng had stayed nearby to watch, and he watched as Yang Yuoming jogged over from across the street, originally with a smile on his face, and yet when he discovered that he was nowhere to be found, he started to look all over the place, the smile on his face gradually fading. He grew flustered, and with the baked sweet potatoes still in his hands, he walked along the street with rushed steps until he stopped at last, looking dismayed and defeated.

It was a kind of deep despair; the person he loved was obviously within reach, and yet he couldn’t reach out to him.

At that time, Xia Xingcheng had buried his face in his hands and wept.

He hadn’t dared to look at Yang Youming’s expression, and he also felt the powerlessness of life.

People lived a lifetime with a great many emotions surrounding them, and only wanting to take love into consideration was just not enough. The more things one considered, the more difficult it would be to persevere. What was even more painful than the blow to one’s career was the pain and suffering one might cause to one’s loved ones.

Such a long time had passed, yet Xia Xingcheng felt that pain again.

As he walked back, Yang Youming followed behind him, and the two of them didn’t speak another word.

What he had said on the way here was true; he’d been surrounded by so many people who loved him since he was a child, his career was smooth sailing, his family was blessed, and he thought he was set to live happily for the rest of his life. Yet he didn’t expect to get stuck in the swamp of his feelings, and he couldn’t climb out no matter how hard he tried.

The image before Xia Xingcheng’s eyes was masked with a layer of mist, but in the end, his tears didn’t fall, and then they gradually dried up in the cold wind.

☆ ☆ ☆

t/n – sorry this chapter took a while, i had uni stuff to attend to :^) and thank you to Tinsunny for the kofi!! ❤

⟵ Chapter 86 | TOC | Chapter 88 ⟶

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