Chapter 25

EP.25 Barbecue Party

Slap.

As I hit the back of his head, the crocodile guy groaned.

"Uaaaaaah!!!"

He stretched his hand back and swung it at me, but of course, I had already teleported away to a safe distance.

"You bastard!!!!! Don't run away like a mosquito!!!!! Fight like a man!!!!!"

"Hey, wouldn't it be a bit unfair to fight a guy your size with just our bare hands? Isn't that less manly?"

"Uaaaaaah!!!"

Well, he’s not listening at all.

Why is he being so hostile? What did I do to make him hate me so much?

Aren’t villains supposed to have some kind of internal camaraderie? They’ve never met, but they team up to fight the common enemy, the hero... That’s the kind of story I wanted. Why is he suddenly charging at me like a brute?

Actually, I was planning to hit him in the head if he acted friendly, so maybe he realized that? But still, isn’t he being a bit too brutal?

However, seeing him charge at me like a bull, I decided he’s definitely just being a brute. Or maybe he really has no learning ability?

I teleported away just before he could pounce on me. Phew, I’m starting to reach my limit. I’ve been teleporting back and forth from here to home, and it’s really tiring. I’m already low on stamina, and moving around like this is making me more and more fatigued. Plus, I’m holding a microphone in one hand and a bag full of stuff on my back, like Santa Claus.

But a pro doesn’t show weakness. I smiled as if nothing was wrong and spoke to him.

"Hey, are you going to keep this up all day?"

"Uaaaaaah!!! You scoundrel!!!!!!!"

[LOL, he’s such a scoundrel!]

[The crocodile guy is so pissed off!]

[LOL, he must be so frustrated, trying to hit a mosquito!]

[Is Mango Stick a mosquito? Is Mango Stick a mosquito? Is Mango Stick a mosquito? Is Mango Stick a mosquito?]

[Mosquito Stick!]

[But he’s really strong, his charge makes the concrete crack!]

[He’s strong, but a bit lacking, lol.]

[The crocodile guy is kind of cute, the more I see him.]

[Hey, he’s causing a terrorist attack and people are dying!]

[You’re crossing the line by covering for the villain.]

[Are you guys high? Covering for a villain because he’s cute?]

[These villains are so hostile, but they’re fawning over Ego Stick, lol.]

[LOL, Ego Stick has zero casualties!]

[Is Ego Stick a villain?]

[Mango Stick is an A-rank hero recognized by the association, and it’s a fact recorded in the Watermelon Book.]

[It’s not the Watermelon Book, it’s the Mango Book, lol.]

[But why is Ego Stick here?]

The chat window was still chaotic.

One message caught my eye.

Why is Ego Stick here?

Right, I need to explain this well.

If I mess it up, people might start speculating that I’m a hero or something.

I shouted at Crocodile Man, who was preparing to charge again.

"Wait!!!!! Listen to me!!!!!"

I grabbed the microphone and shouted at the top of my lungs, and finally, the mindless attacks stopped.

The crocodile guy snorted and shouted back.

"Fine!!!!! What do you want to say!!!!!"

"Alright!!! Let’s start with this!!! Why did you suddenly attack me!!!!!"

In response to my question, he snorted and answered.

"Isn’t it obvious!!!!! I targeted Stardust!!!!! And since you seem interested in Stardust too!!!!! You’re my enemy!!!!!"

"......"

What kind of twisted logic is this?

The chat reactions were also intense.

[LOL, even the dumb villain knows Mango likes Stardust, lol.]

[LOL, why does he know Mango likes Stardust but not that Ego Stick can teleport?]

[Two men fighting over a woman, lol.]

[LOL, Ego Stick probably came here for Stardust.]

[Calling Stardust makes Ego Stick appear... they must be a couple, lol.]

[They’re so tangled up, lol.]

[LOL, it’s not a love story, it’s a real story, lol.]

[So, why is he really here?]

"...You bastard!!!!!"

I shouted into the microphone again.

Why does my voice sound like it’s going to damage my ears? It must be my imagination.

"Are you attacking me for such a ridiculous reason!!!!!"

"No!!!!! You started it!!!!! Didn’t you tell me to surrender!!!!!"

Did I?

I don’t remember.

I need to deny it.

"When did I say that!!!!!"

As I shouted, he blinked and suddenly started spouting words like a waterfall.

"What!!!!! Didn’t you say [Listen up, crocodile. You’re surrounded. Surrender now.]!!!!!"

Damn, why is he so sharp when it comes to this?

As I was caught off guard, the chat window exploded again.

[LOL, he’s speechless, got hit where it hurts, lol.]

[LOL, why is the crocodile suddenly so articulate?]

[LOL, he’s so shameless, denying it after broadcasting it live.]

[LOL, shameless Mango Stick is cute!!!!]

Well, I can’t let my composure slip.

I need to be shameless to succeed.

I remember reading in a self-help book that life is like a stir-fry on a hot plate.

Stir-fried rice on a hot plate is delicious.

In fact, anything cooked on a hot plate is usually good.

Life is the same.

If you live on a hot plate, things usually work out.

Recalling this wisdom, I put on a poker face and spoke.

"So what!!!!! I didn’t ask!!!!!"

"......? Didn’t you ask when I said you did!!!!!"

"Whatever!!!!! Didn’t you say Stardust didn’t come because she was busy with Ego Stick!!!!! What a smear!!!!! Apologize!!!!! Apologize for the insult!!!!! I’ll forgive you if you apologize!!!"

My words finally pushed him over the edge.

"You lunatic!!!!! I was a fool for listening to you!!!!! Die!!!!!"

He started to say something, then suddenly clenched something in his mouth.

Oh, is that his attack?

As something started to shoot out of his mouth, I teleported to the side. Damn, he’s crazy!

In the rush, I accidentally dropped the microphone while teleporting. Ah, I’ve only used it a few times at home. It’s probably broken now.

I barely managed to teleport in time, and a stream of water shot at the spot where I was standing.

That’s Crocodile Man’s ultimate move, Extreme Waterspout.

But that’s just a fancy name; it’s basically a water cannon. Except it’s lethal.

I don’t know how being a crocodile relates to shooting a water cannon, but in the original story, Stardust was nearly killed by this attack. I managed to dodge it because I knew about it.

"Rat bastard!!!!! You dodged that!!!!!"

The crocodile guy wiped the water from his mouth and taunted me.

He used a lethal attack on me?

That was a real ambush. If I hadn’t dodged, I would have been dead.

Rage boiled up inside me.

How could he do this, thinking it was safe?

I can’t let this go.

I was planning to just scare him and deal with him later.

But now, I’ll just take care of him today.

Dinner will be crocodile meat.

I opened the bag I had been carrying and started to activate my telekinesis. I’ve been charging it, so I should be able to do this.

My body levitated due to the telekinesis.

At the same time, the items I had packed in the bag started to float in the air.

Numerous guns.

Around me, the many guns I had prepared started to float in the air.

"Hey, you crocodile bastard."

I started to load the guns with telekinesis.

Okay, ready.

As the crocodile guy saw the countless guns floating in the air, aiming at him, his eyes widened.

Just before I fired all the guns at once, I said one last thing to him.

"See you in hell, you son of a bitch."

And then the guns fired.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

The sound of dozens of guns firing simultaneously filled the rooftop.

"Uaaaaaah!!!"

Crocodile Man crouched down, crossing his arms to protect himself, and started to take the bullets.

The area where he stood was soon covered in dust, making it hard to see.

When I returned to the ground, I said coldly.

"Did I get him?"

[Ah... If you say that...]

[He’s probably not dead, 100%.]

[But to survive that many bullets? No way.]

[No way he’s alive, right?]

[No way he’s a special character.]

As the dust cleared,

There stood Crocodile Man, unscathed.

"Hahahaha!!!!! Did you really think such weak physical attacks could hurt me!!!!!"

He laughed loudly and looked around, but the rooftop was empty.

Then, a voice came from above.

"I said I’d see you in hell, baby croc."

I teleported above his head and, as I fell, threw a glass bottle straight at his head.

Crash! The bottle shattered on his head.

"Hmm?"

A mysterious green fog started to come out of the broken bottle.

The crocodile guy sniffed and suddenly started to scream in pain.

"Uaaaaaah!!!!!"

Resistant to physical attacks?

Then how about a special attack?

Taste some poison gas, you bastard.