Chapter 3

EP.3 I Am Not a Hero

The story of the world being saved by the destruction of the Demon King was something that only children would read in fairy tales.

After all, even before the Demon King appeared, the world was already overrun with monsters.

The Demon King merely added strength to the monsters and led them.

Thus, the kingdom still had to maintain its army, control adventurers, and continue fighting on the front lines against the monsters.

Of course, the destruction of the Demon King was not meaningless.

The monsters were much weaker without the Demon King.

However,

Even so, the monsters were still powerful enough to kill people, which is why the hero party could not leave the battlefield after the Demon King's defeat.

"Then, I understand that the Swallow Plains will be handled by you and the others, Sir Hero."

"...Yes."

In the frontline tent where the battles against the monsters were fought, Hero Claire nodded slightly. The general, who had remained on the battlefield for a long time, was quite serious, stern, and intimidating.

Although she should have been used to it by now, she couldn't help but feel intimidated in front of the high-ranking officials.

After all, during the journey to defeat the Demon King, such matters were always handled by someone else.

"Is there anything you need?"

"Ah, well... support from the priests for recovery..."

"That... I'm sorry, but didn't you manage to accomplish the significant task of defeating the Demon King without the priests?"

"That's..."

"I ask this of you again. The front lines could collapse each time the priests are absent for recovery."

It wasn't entirely wrong, but it wasn't entirely right either.

While emphasizing the importance of maintaining the front lines, he was refusing to provide priests to those who had important tasks in repelling enemy attacks.

This contradictory and hypocritical stance...

The cold words of the general, who thought only of himself, made Claire bite her lip slightly.

The general, who noticed her anxiety and dissatisfaction, bowed his head.

But there was nothing he could do.

He knew what had happened to the priests and other support troops who had joined them several times, and now there were no more volunteers.

"I ask this of you. Many soldiers here trust in you."

What about him?

He would have surely protested and gotten angry on her behalf.

But he is no longer here.

Thus, the dejected Claire muttered in a self-deprecating tone.

"...Yes. And the Sage..."

"That's something we're requesting the Adventurer's Guild to look into."

"...Can I go myself?"

"I won't stop you if you really want to, but... haven't you already gone several times and come up empty-handed? Besides, the Adventurer's Guild confirmed that he ignored them."

"That can't be true."

"It is true."

The general sighed heavily and stabbed Claire's heart, which was clinging to a thin hope.

"I saw it with my own eyes."

"...Ah."

"Well, you'll have to return to the capital soon. You can check again then. Now, about the next front line..."

Although they continued to discuss a few more things, Claire didn't really hear them. This meeting only made her realize her inadequacies once again.

After the long meeting, Claire walked out of the tent with a haggard face.

The more she stepped on the ground, which was dirty with mud and the blood of monsters, the more her white boots became soiled.

Her smooth and clean skin had become rough, and her hair was splitting.

Most importantly, her orange eyes, which were once like the sun, were gradually losing their light.

It's too much.

It's difficult.

It's scary.

All sorts of negative emotions and stress were building up, but Claire couldn't show it.

He must have had it even harder.

When Claire entered one of the better tents in the battlefield, she bit her lip tightly and collapsed.

Although it was a much better tent than during the journey to defeat the Demon King, the inside was eerily quiet.

A better bed and a better table.

The tent she used alone was very spacious.

But it was empty.

Leventia, a member of the hero party, was fighting elsewhere.

Evangeline was injured in the last battle and wouldn't be returning to the battlefield for a while.

And.

And.

The Sage.

The one who had always been by their side was already gone.

No one was there.

After the Sage left, the situation improved, but it also made her feel even more lonely and painful.

"Phew..."

Sighing, Claire barely managed to get up and sat on the bed. She gripped the soft, fluffy down blanket, which was hard to find on the battlefield, with all her strength.

The blanket, which was much colder than the old sleeping bag the Sage had prepared, was very cold.

The more she gripped the blanket, the faster her mind raced.

What went wrong?

What did I do wrong?

Claire clung to her nearly collapsing mind and gave an answer.

No, she already knew the answer.

'Sage...'

After pulling out the hero's sword to prove herself a hero and vowing to defeat the Demon King and save the world,

She formed a party with Leventia, an excellent knight, and Evangeline, a skilled archer, with whom she had a past.

They swore to always be together, no matter what.

To defeat the Demon King, no matter what.

When they raised their glasses at the Tail Inn after making this vow, she met him for the first time.

He looked dazed and asked to join their party.

However, the divine blessing, which was granted only to the three of them, who governed the past, present, and future, could not be extended to him.

Thus, she could not accept him.

But he,

The man who called himself the Sage, smiled and said he didn't need the blessing, and followed the party.

He just wanted to help the hero party defeat the Demon King.

After that, he took on the role of the party's supporter.

She felt guilty.

He couldn't even receive the blessing.

She was grateful.

He helped them without expecting anything in return.

What did we do to him?

She took out a small picture from her chest with a trembling hand. A precious picture in a frame.

Not long after their journey began,

After defeating the first of the Demon King's subordinates, they had a picture drawn by a clumsy artist in the village as a memento.

Claire closed her eyes tightly as she looked at the picture.

Although the colors had faded,

The picture of herself, Leventia, Evangeline, and the Sage showed them all smiling happily.

When did the laughter in the party disappear?

If she had stopped Leventia and Evangeline from criticizing the Sage, could they have maintained that smile?

When she was a child, she lay on the grass under the night sky and listened to her father say that the journey of the hero party was romantic.

A beautiful journey to defeat the Demon King, the enemy of the world.

But that wasn't the reality.

Camping in harsh conditions was a given, and the Demon King's attacks to stop the hero were relentless.

There were times when nobles who promised support used the hero party for their own protection.

There were times when they had to pass by villages suffering from monsters because they needed to move quickly.

What was a romantic journey for some was a painful one for them.

As the journey continued, their hearts wore down, and the vague courage they had built at the Tail Inn on the first day quickly diminished.

They were afraid, lonely, and miserable.

The one who healed them in this painful journey was the Sage.

He made a place for them to camp.

He prepared delicious meals with a small amount of money.

When they couldn't visit a village, he hunted and fed them, even if it meant he would go hungry.

In the party without a priest, he took on the role of recovery and sometimes fought alongside them.

When nobles tried to use them, he stepped in and led them on the right path.

Was that all?

Whenever their hearts wore down, he made them laugh with his strange lute playing.

After a difficult battle, he made them feel at ease with his silly jokes.

When they had to abandon something small to avoid a greater danger,

When they had to ignore the desperate pleas of a village to save them,

He would smile kindly and say, "I'll stay here, you have to do the bigger things."

Because of him, they could feel a bit of romance in this difficult journey.

But,

Why did we do that?

"Haah..."

There were several reasons.

Their hearts wore down.

It was difficult.

And,

The Sage never left no matter what they did.

When they were exhausted from the difficult journey, cursing and despairing, they lashed out at him for comforting them.

The proud and arrogant elf archer, who had a high sense of self, lashed out at the Sage, who comforted her when her pride was hurt.

There were many other times.

When he managed the limited funds and prepared delicious meals, they said they didn't want to eat.

When they complained that the food was boring and cried, the next day he would prepare even better meals to comfort them.

When they were tired of his silly jokes and cursed him, the next day he would go to a jester to learn new jokes.

The Sage always smiled and remained positive.

What did we say to him?

Her sharp mind dredged up the past. The cold, unflinching memory of the wounds she inflicted was as cold as ice.

We were suffering.

We were in so much pain.

Why can you still smile?

You don't know.

Unlike us, who received a mission and a blessing and had to continue this painful journey, you don't know anything.

You're not suffering at all.

When Leventia and Evangeline reached their limits, they poured out insults at him to protect themselves.

Even when the insults were so harsh that they would have shattered anyone's heart, the Sage just smiled and remained unchanged the next day.

Feeling guilty about his calmness, they became even more harsh.

It couldn't be helped.

Their complaints and dissatisfaction were the only things they could vent in the heavy mission of defeating the Demon King, where the Sage was the only one who indulged them.

At that time, what did I do?

The cold memory brought up a deep-seated disgust, making her body tremble.

Claire gripped her arm tightly.

She gripped it so hard that her white arm was scratched by her nails, and red blood dripped, but she couldn't care.

He must have been in more pain.

The Sage, who took on the responsibility she ignored, must have been in more pain.

The leader, the hero, was supposed to comfort and lead the party members, but she didn't.

She couldn't.

She was also suffering.

She was afraid of being hated.

She couldn't bear the pain and despair of others when she was also suffering.

So, she ignored it.

She turned her eyes to the Sage's pure kindness, which asked for nothing in return.

She didn't think about how much he was hurting.

She ignored and passed on the responsibility of the Sage, who followed them only for them, without a blessing or a mission.

He's fine.

He followed us because he wanted to.

If he was really suffering, he would have left, but he didn't.

Leaning on such a sweet and beautiful sophistry,

Even the hero, who lacked the courage to be hated by the party members, indulged in the Sage.

But he eventually left.

He supported and cheered for them from behind throughout the journey.

No matter how ugly and ridiculous they looked, he always remained positive.

If he had left after pouring out insults, she would have felt less guilty.

But he cheered for them even as he left.

"Ah..."

She should have stopped them.

She should have stopped their baseless criticism and insults.

She should have lightened his burden.

She should have done what the hero was supposed to do.

She should have done what the leader was supposed to do.

I didn't mock him.

I didn't criticize him.

I didn't torment him.

The darkness deep in her heart whispered, and Claire struggled to answer.

"But I..."

I ignored his pain.

I ignored his cries.

I did nothing.

I didn't mock him, criticize him, or torment him.

I did nothing.

I didn't help him, stop others, or share with him.

The darkness, trying to protect her, shouted desperately.

I was also suffering.

I was also in pain.

At least, unlike them, I didn't burden him.

But the truth that she was just a bystander, that she had ignored it, didn't change.

In the end, she had committed a great sin against him.

She had participated in the deep wounds carved into his heart.

A benevolent bystander?

No.

Just a cunning bystander, who didn't want to be hated by the suffering Sage, was all she was.

Her mind, deriving the answer she had ignored, chipped away at her heart.

The ice of guilt chipped away to form a single tear.

The hero placed it in her sun-like eyes as if it were natural.

"Sniff... Sniff... Sob..."

Why did I do that?

Because I was afraid.

Wasn't he really suffering?

She remembered the groans he made in his sleep.

She remembered the sleep-talking, asking to be sent back and wanting to leave.

She knew of his pain.

She knew of his suffering.

Yet, I.

I just.

"...Sniff... Sob... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

I was afraid.

I didn't have the courage.

What is a hero?

What is a brave person?

I was ignoring the pain of someone who supported us with pure kindness.

I knew.

Even after pulling out the hero's sword and receiving the divine blessing.

I was just a timid country girl.

I was just a foolish child hiding behind the hero's strength and the divine blessing, pretending to be brave.

Claire tried to wipe away the tears streaming down her face, but they wouldn't stop, like a broken faucet.

Even though she cried so much yesterday.

No, since the day the Sage left, she had been crying in regret, despair, guilt, and self-loathing.

The tears still wouldn't stop.