Chapter 41

Tonight, Ji Changye was awakened from the same beautiful dream again. An image of the beautiful boy's flushed face and tear-filled eyes faintly emerged from his mind. Even with his eyes wide open, the boy seemed to be within reach. His hand reached into the quilt, but all he grasped was just a handful of satin. This situation has lasted for three full months since the drunken accident.

In these three months, he has become the ruler of the Great Ming Dynasty, fulfilling the promise he made to his mother when he was a child, which was to live well, and to live better than anyone else. However, the moment Ji Zhengze died, he could not feel any pleasure, even when he put on the dragon robe and sat on the throne, looking down at the officials and the people, there was not the slightest surge in his heart.

On the day that he rode out of the imperial palace to the holy mountain to present some offerings to the Heavens, he looked out through the beaded curtains, carefully identifying every face in the crowd. He thought that You Shu would be mixed in with the crowd and follow him silently, but he wasn’t there. He looked and searched, but still nothing.

At such an important, arguably the most glorious moment in his life, the only person he wanted to share it with did not appear. This recognition made him feel extremely disappointed. He began to reflect on himself, began to speculate about You Shu’s feelings, and began to worry about personal gains and losses. The last layer of window paper has been pierced through now, because he was also reluctant to push You Shu away, however he was even more reluctant to let You Shu follow him like a catamite.

His original intention remained the same. He wanted You Shu to live an upright, worry-free, wealthy and honorable life. So on the first day after he took the throne, he promulgated the decree of opening a special imperial examination. He secured a spot for You Shu, assuming that he would be the top scorer three months later. He wanted to meet him very much, but he was afraid that he couldn't suppress the flame in his heart. This flame was extremely dangerous. Once it was ignited, it would burn them both to ashes.

It was said that you will dream what you think of during the day at night. In his dream, he was holding You Shu, wishing he could die on him and madly kissed him with the attitude as if "there is no tomorrow after today". Every time he wakes up, the violent feeling in his heart would still make his expression drastically change. He knew that it was precisely because he suppressed the desire in his heart for too long that his dreams would become more intense.

Therefore, he yearned for You Shu, but he was afraid of You Shu, because the moment he began to indulge him, only death could remove You Shu from his arms. However, now he was no longer qualified to embrace You Shu, because he was Emperor Zongsheng, the ruler of the Great Ming Dynasty, he cannot lose his mind for a person like Ji Zhengze.