Ch86 - (II). Peace of mind

Every word Yan Chen spoke about his past was like a sharp needle, piercing Rong Jun’s heart over and over. Each sentence struck with relentless force, embedding pain so deep it seemed to echo with every heartbeat.

Rong Jun didn’t want Yan Chen to see his reddened eyes, so he shifted on the bed and wrapped his arms around him, gently stroking his hair. He wanted to offer comfort, but feared his choked voice would betray him.

“Qingqing…” Yan Chen’s voice was soft and understanding. He had anticipated Rong Jun’s reaction, but the warmth of his care was overwhelming. Rong Jun nestled closer, murmuring, “I’m fine.”

He dared not imagine the life he would have had if his mother had shared the Empress’s mindset, how he might have had to smile, say “it’s nothing,” and endure it all.

Perhaps it wasn’t resilience that kept Yan Chen going, but the numbing effect of countless disappointments must have been painful to bear.

A faint sniffle reached Yan Chen’s ears, and his desire for comfort vanished, replaced by a surge of guilt and sorrow. He gently freed himself from Rong Jun’s embrace. Seeing him turn away, Yan Chen cupped his face. “Now I have you, don’t I?”

The sight of Yan Chen blurred before Rong Jun’s eyes. He didn’t want to cry so shamefully, his Adam’s apple bobbed as he struggled to hold back his cry. Suppressed sobs made his throat ache, and his expression hardened, shifting between anger and despair.

Yan Chen brushed his fingertips across the corner of Rong Jun’s eye. Rong Jun’s tears stirred both heartbreak and guilt in him, sending a throbbing ache through his chest.

“I’m sorry… I made you cry.”

“Idiot! This isn’t your fault!” Rong Jun shouted, but his voice broke, leaving him helpless.

Yan Chen held him close, recalling the first moment he had fallen for Rong Jun. Even then, his heart had fluttered at the thought of him.

He had never been possessive before, the more he liked someone, the harder it was to hold on. He had never truly claimed anything, never dared to fight for anything for himself, because no matter how hard he tried, it would never belong solely to him.

But Rong Jun was different. He loved him, and Yan Chen would be tolerant, doting, and tender in return. Their connection was theirs alone, no third or fourth party could intrude.

Rong Jun belonged only to him.

Still, love between them was both resilient and fragile. Yan Chen had never been confident that Rong Jun would always love him. Anxiety over losing him had often consumed him, leaving him restless and near madness.

Now, everything was different. They were married, and Yan Chen finally understood his place in Rong Jun’s heart. He let go of his unease, certain that no matter where Rong Jun went, the place he would return to would always be his.

…

(Friday morning)

“Ugh… Yan Chen, it’s so itchy… hahaha… stop it!”

Rong Jun struggled with the massive black wolf pressing against him. Morning temperatures had been dropping, and even with the heater on high mode, he still felt cold. Yan Chen often stayed with him in full beast form.

The tingling sensation of his fur brought a strange mix of warmth and unease. Rong Jun knew if he indulged him any longer, he’d be late for work.

Yan Chen lay on top of him, ears drooping, letting out pitiful “woof woof” sounds that radiated a silent plea: please play with me.

Rong Jun’s resolve melted. He kissed Yan Chen’s nose but knew he had to get up.

“Even if you act cute, I still have to go. Get down, I’m going to be late.”

“Waaaah…” Yan Chen whined.

“Hurry up.”

Yan Chen pouted, slowly shifting back into human form before flopping onto his side.

Rong Jun reached out, poking his head. “It’s Friday. I can play with you all evening until tomorrow morning after work.”

“That’s exactly what I was waiting to hear.” Yan Chen suddenly rolled over and pounced on him again, wagging his tail playfully. “I’ll get off work early and come pick you up.”

“Focus on work first,” Rong Jun said, though the faint smile tugging at his lips betrayed the fact that he didn’t actually want Yan Chen to be punctual.