Chapter 18

* * *

It was dark here.

A pitch-black darkness where not even a finger could be seen.

‘Is this a dream?’

No one told me, but I realized this wasn’t reality.

The sensations were completely different from reality.

It felt as if I was floating in the air, or swimming underwater, a strange sensation.

After a while of being bewildered.

Light began to spread from my toes like fireflies.

‘Ah, I’m in the form of three-year-old Elliot.’

I lifted my head and looked around.

Only then did the scenery come into view.

I was standing between thorn bushes, with red roses blooming everywhere.

“Let me find a way… Ah?”

I could speak clearly without stammering.

‘It really is a dream, then.’

My voice was very young, but the pronunciation was clear.

‘Well, whatever. Let’s find a way first.’

It’s too dark and cold here.

I started walking forward. It was dark, but not so dark that I couldn’t walk.

How long had I been walking?

A door emitting light could be seen in the distance.

My steps gradually quickened. Eventually, I was almost running.

I finally reached the door emitting light.

[That’s not the way.]

─Someone grabbed my wrist.

The face of the person holding me was shrouded in darkness.

Only the silhouette and hands were faintly visible.

A woman in a dress.

Her hands were scarred but looked quite young.

[You must be scared, but trust me.]

“……”

[Though I can’t tell you everything, I am your─]

“Mom.”

I stretched out my finger and pointed at her.

I had seen this pattern in novels before.

Usually, the person who says things like ‘That’s not the way’ or ‘Come this way’ is most likely a dead mother.

[My dear, I─]

“Actually, you have incredible power, but unfortunately died, and you’ve been watching over me as a spirit, right?”

[……]

She was silent for a moment.

I could sense her disbelief from the silence.

[I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not your mother─]

“Then it’s Elliot.”

[……]

“An unfortunate character brought me to this world and hopes I can change my life, watching over me as a spirit?”

[……]

Still no response.

“Or are you a god?”

[……]

“Am I actually a child of destiny sent by a god to this empire, and you’re protecting me?”

The woman’s silence was long.

After a long silence, she let go of my hand and held her forehead.

Then… she sighed.

[Go. Go quickly.]

“Why? None of those options? Give me a hint. I know most fantasy patterns─”

[Go.]

The owner of the voice pushed me in the opposite direction.

“No, usually, the setting is revealed here! You have to tell me before sending me─”

[Go!]

Where she pushed me, a new door appeared.

I stumbled into the door.

‘Really sending me like this?’

What?

What’s going on?

I came here spitting blood, and now I’m just going back like this.

I tried to speak, but the world went silent.

My vision began to blur.

It felt like it was really time to go back.

Just before I closed my eyes, I heard her voice.

[I can’t tell you anything. But I believe you can do well.]

‘Believe my ass.’

Belief is useless; give me information.

How am I supposed to navigate this harsh life without information?

But in this space, I could even hear her thoughts.

[Your personality. I was afraid… that you might.]

What does that mean?

Why do they always leave out the important parts in these situations?

Tell me too!

* * *

Huh!

I snapped my eyes open.

As soon as I regained consciousness, intense pain enveloped me.

It felt like I had been beaten all over.

“Ow…”

The pain was so intense that a groan escaped me.

“Miss!”

“Are you awake?”

The noisy voices of the maids Heidi and Betty came from beside me.

I groaned and writhed in pain.

“Why does it hurt so much…? (Why is it so painful…?)”

My tone was like a child’s, as usual.

‘Was what I just saw just a dream?’

As I thought this, a creaking sound came from beside me.

Turning my head, I saw the maids stirring a small bowl with a spoon.

After stirring the bowl a few times, one of the maids offered me the spoon.

“Eat this. It’s medicine.”

It looked like a liquid made by dissolving green tea powder in water.

It was probably going to be very bitter, but I had no choice, so I took the medicine.

After a while, I finally felt better.

‘I thought I was going to die.’

I sighed and lay sprawled on the bed, and the maids asked cautiously.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“Mm.”

Heidi and Betty’s eyes welled up with tears.

“I thought you were going to die…”

“Don’t say that. Do you remember how angry the general was with the doctor?”

Father was angry?

I blinked and looked at the maids.

“What happened?”

“It was a real mess. The entire manor was turned upside down. We were so scared for five days, worried that something might go wrong…”

“Five days? (Five days?)”

“Yes. You’ve been unconscious for five days.”

The maids sniffled and told me what had happened.

After I collapsed in the dining room, they immediately called a doctor.

But the doctors didn’t know why I had collapsed.

The maids suggested, “Maybe Mrs. Rachel poisoned her?” and they investigated all possible poisons, but found nothing.

The healer brought from the duchy couldn’t figure it out either. They said it wasn’t a curse or magic.

At that moment, someone offered help.

“My name is Michelan. I might be able to help you.”

Father was skeptical, but there was no other option.

I also told him about Michelan’s identity.

He probably didn’t think the former head of the imperial palace would make things up.

But they thoroughly examined him.

They made Michelan take the medicine he brought first and had the doctor and healer check him thoroughly.

“After taking the medicine Michelan brought, you woke up after two days!”

‘I see.’

I need to thank Michelan.

I almost died.

‘But was Elliot originally this sick suddenly?’

As I was thinking this, the door burst open.

“Aba!”

I quickly got out of bed.

I got up too fast, and my vision spun for a moment, but I quickly regained my balance and ran to Father.

“…”

Father just looked at me without saying anything.

‘Did he get angry because they brought a healer from the duchy?’

Father hates bowing to his grandfather.

If he keeps being a nuisance, what will I do?

‘I should apologize first.’

It’s better to admit your mistakes and apologize than to act shamelessly.

I looked at him and said,

“I’m sorry for being sick.”

“…Please don’t say things like that.”

Father said it as if he was chewing on his words, which surprised me.

Was he really angry?

I stiffened, and Father sighed.

“Seeing you awake is enough.”

Father turned to the maids.

“Make sure she takes her medicine and requests anything she needs. Any request from Elliot’s room will be handled with the highest priority.”

“Yes, General!”

“Yes…”

After saying that, Father turned to leave.

‘He’s really angry.’

When I was sick, my mother, who was taking care of me, was also like this.

Back then, before she canceled my life insurance, even though she was paying attention to me, she was visibly annoyed from having to take care of me all day.

‘No, I can’t!’

I can’t be the annoying kid.

I clung to Father’s leg.

“I’m not sick anymore!”

“…”

“I won’t be a nuisance anymore. I promise!”

“…”

“Don’t hate me…”

The maids in my room and the soldiers guarding the door were all speechless.

And Father.

‘Eh…?’

Why is he so stiff?

“That’s not what I meant.”

“…”

Father, who bent his knees, met my eyes.

His beautiful eyes were distorted with pain.

“I didn’t mean you have to do that.”

As if he was in great pain.

I twisted my skirt tightly.

He looked so pained, and it seemed like he really cared about me, which made something well up inside me.

I was afraid I might cry, so I tensed my jaw.

‘Why do you say things like that?’

Don’t give people false hope.

I only stopped relying on my parents after I died once, so why are you making me rely on you?

How painful it is to be disappointed after having hope. How lonely and sad it is.

I can’t trust.

I can’t hope.

How much more pain do I have to endure?

‘After all this, shouldn’t I have learned my lesson by now?’

In the end, there’s no such thing as unconditional love.

I’ve been doing well lately, and I’ve been trying to earn recognition, so maybe that’s why I’m noticed.

But it might become annoying again later.

“I don’t know how to deal with you.”

Father sighed.

‘See? I’m becoming a nuisance again─’

“I’ve never learned how to do this.”

“…”

“I’ll try. So can you look at me a little?”

“…”

“I’m a bad father, I’m sorry.”

The description of Diamond as one of the better people in Astra is a lie.

He was a more despicable man than his grandfather or those wicked uncles.

He forced his way into the tightly closed door and instilled hope in me.

“Huh…”

In the end, I covered my eyes with both hands and cried.

Father awkwardly hugged me.

* * *

Diamond quietly watched the child sleeping in the bed.

It was a strange feeling.

He never expected to have such feelings when he returned from the battlefield.

‘I thought I would never form an attachment to anyone.’

All his siblings had different mothers.

From a young age, all the siblings were in constant danger of being poisoned or assassinated.

Among them, Diamond, who lost his mother early, was particularly vulnerable, yet he was also very capable.

To his siblings, he was the one who needed to be dealt with first.

‘I can’t die a miserable death. I will return what I receive.’

He lived with that mindset.

There was no one to protect him.

His siblings were worse than others─

His comrades betrayed him and tried to assassinate him─

His only trusted friend died in his place.

For these reasons, Diamond lived without opening his heart to anyone.

And then the day came.

Sent by his father to the battlefield, Diamond was cursed by an enemy sorcerer.

The pain was like his heart was burning.

For several days, he hovered between life and death, and a woman entered his tent.

“Who are you?”

“The source of this curse.”

“What are you talking about…”

“Listen carefully, Diamond Astra. I need the power you absorbed. And you want to live, don’t you?”

“…”

“So this is a deal.”

After that, he lost consciousness.

When he woke up the next day, she was gone.

His body felt as if it had been washed clean.

And exactly ten months later.

“General! General─! Urgent news from the duchy!”

“What is it?”

“The general’s child has been born.”

“…What nonsense.”

According to the information the soldier brought, a pregnant commoner had come to the duchy.

She said, “Diamond Astra is the father of this child, so prepare for childbirth immediately.”

And the child born was Elliot.

The duke said the woman died during childbirth.

When he heard the description of the woman who came from the duchy, it matched the woman he saw when he was cursed.

It was the first time he had experienced such a thing.

‘A child?’

A child to someone who never thought about marriage?

He didn’t know how many days he spent in a daze.

One day, a portrait arrived at the battlefield.

“This is a portrait of Miss Elliot?”

“Let me see. Oh, her hair color is exactly the same as the general’s.”

“Her eyes are a perfect match too.”

“Even the upward slant of her eyes.”

“…Shut up and get out.”

He chased away the soldiers gathered around Elliot’s portrait.

He placed the portrait on the table carelessly.

The situation was urgent. He had no time to think about this.

While looking at the map…

‘Does she resemble me a bit?’

Her expression seemed similar to his when he was young.

It didn’t seem like the woman had taken someone else’s child and passed it off as her own.

“The child has been taken to the 12th tower. Isn’t that too harsh for the general’s bloodline! Contact the main castle immediately─”

“Leave it.”

“Pardon?”

It was for the best.

His siblings were always looking for his weaknesses.

If he reacted to the child, they would see it as a weakness and target the child…

‘Why am I even thinking about this?’

He didn’t want the child.

To him, it was like a sudden accident.

‘I shouldn’t care.’

It would be better for the child too.

He pretended not to notice.

One day, a dirty piece of parchment arrived.

“This is the first word Miss wrote?”

“What did she write?”

“It says [Astra].”

“Oh─!”

“Focus on the meeting, not on distracting things.”

He dismissed it, but the word on the table kept bothering him.

‘Don’t children usually write their parents’ names first?’

Astra.

What did that old man tell her to write?

He was annoyed throughout the meeting.

‘Maybe she wrote father, but they couldn’t read it properly.’

After the meeting, he secretly looked for the paper. But it was gone.

“Enzo.”

“Yes.”

“Who cleaned the tent?”

“Yes, it was messy, so I…!”

Enzo answered proudly.

“Ha, I can’t clean as well as a servant, but I’m quite good at it…”

“Run thirty laps around the camp.”

“What? No, why suddenly!”

“I don’t like how it looks.”

Another day, a portrait of the slightly grown child arrived.

“Wow, the child is growing so well.”

“Of course, being raised in a noble family, even as a child, she looks good. I grew up on the streets, so I was scrawny when I was young.”

“She has chubby cheeks.”

“Yes, she’s so plump and cute.”

‘Are their eyes crossed?’

The child is small.

Her cheeks don’t seem particularly chubby compared to other children.

Is the old man starving the child?