Chapter 47

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The final chapter of the date.

Title: Satou-san, who doesn’t even know what people think

The coffee shop was crowded. Maybe it was because it was 4:00 p.m. on a weekend, but the shop was almost full and bustling with people. Nevertheless, I was relieved when I was seated and took a breath of fresh air, thanks to the warmth of the shop.

The tea and crepe set, recommended by Satou-san, costs 700 yen. There are three kinds of crepes to choose from: chocolate, strawberry, and blueberry. I ordered the blueberry crepe, and Satou-san ordered the chocolate crepe. Soon afterwards, our freshly baked crepes were served with a cup of hot tea. It was served with a round of vanilla ice cream and whipped cream, and was drizzled with a generous amount of sauce with loose blueberries.

“Seven hundred yen…”(Y)

As I pecked at the crepe, I couldn’t help but blurt it out. Satou-san, who is sitting across from me, responds in a good mood.

“This set is very cheap, isn’t it? It’s very tasty.”(S)

“Yeah, it’s good, but…”(Y)

“But?”(S)

“Just when I thought I could have eaten I could instead get a pair of full-body tights.”(Y)

At my words, Satou-san couldn’t help but blurt out, ‘I’m sorry’. Then she laughed and made a very apologetic face.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh.”(S)

“I don’t mind.”(Y)

I’m not going to get hurt by that. I shrugged.

“I think it’s ridiculous. It’s just an expense for a school event. It’s fine if you enjoy it, but it’s not fun at all for me.”

The full body tights tucked away in my bag were depressing. If I wore them, the class would sneer at me again. Moreover, I would have to wear my ears and tail, which would be extremely embarrassing. However, it’s not a good idea to sound like a complainer, so I purposely say it cheerfully.

“But it’s the last school festival and I hope you enjoy it. Aren’t you looking forward to it, Satou-san?”(Y)

Then she nodded vaguely.

“Yeah…”(S)

I was expecting her to nod more vigorously than that, so I was surprised. In front of my questioning eyes, Satou-san corrected her position.

“You know, I…”(S)

She looked at me intently and cut herself off hesitantly.

“I just want to think of it as fun, that’s what I’m thinking.”(S)

It wasn’t a very typical thing for her to say. I thought she would have smiled and said, ‘Fun!’ I thought he would say. I knew she didn’t like doing the play on stage. They laughed at her like that in practice, of course they did.

“Do you find it depressing to do the play?”(Y)

But when I asked her that, she looked down at me as if she were troubled.

“Nope. I’m fine. But….”(S)

She kept hesitating, as if it was a difficult thing to say. So I too put down my fork and waited silently for her to continue with her words.

The restaurant is so crowded with customers in groups that it’s hard to hear the background music. But the table we were at was strangely silent. Maybe it’s because we’re not sitting next to each other, but across from each other. There was an awkward, heavy silence surrounding us.

Satou-san was quiet for what must have been a minute or so, but it felt like a very long time to me, and during that time she repeatedly showed signs of hesitation. When she finally opened her mouth, her expression was somber.

“You know, Yamaguchi-kun,”(S)

She said in a voice tone that sounded even apologetic.

“To tell you the truth, I’m not totally okay with it either.”(S)

“What are you not okay with?”(Y)

I ask back quickly. There’s another hesitant pause, and then,

“People laughing at me.”(S)

Satou-san said with a downcast look on her face.

“I’m not fine … nope, I’m fine now. I don’t mind my current class, but I used to be scared of it. I’m afraid of being laughed at by strangers, and I probably won’t be okay with it at all in the future.”(S)

It would be. We all do. Of course. I don’t want to be laughed at, of course. But I thought Satou-san was different. Because at the practice the other day–

“I don’t hate being laughed at, but I’m scared. You know how I feel, Yamaguchi-kun.”(S)

After saying that, Satou-san looked up. Her slightly moist eyes were alarmingly serious and she stared straight at me.

“But I’m fine now. I used to be terrified of it, but now I don’t mind it at all in that class. Even though people are laughing at me, I think it’s okay to do that. As long as I can make people laugh at me, I’m okay with that.”(S)

“…why?”(Y)

I asked as I was drawn to her. She giggles and smiles wickedly.

“Yamaguchi-kun will not laugh,”(S)

I choked up.

“Because having Yamaguchi-kun in that class is the most reassuring thing I’ve ever had.”(S)

I was glad I had put the fork down. If I had kept it in my hand, I would have dropped it.

“So I’d like to be one.”(S)

Satou-san continued in a slightly shaky voice,

“You don’t want to laugh at me. But you want to see what I am trying so hard. I want to know that I can do anything. I know that Yamaguchi-kun can do anything. That’s why I want to stay serious until the end.”

Satou-san is serious. Even in this, a stranger’s matter. And after all, she’s a dullard. I think the reason I didn’t laugh at her is because of her kindness. It wasn’t like that. It’s just that I couldn’t laugh. But really, it might not have been. Maybe I just wanted her to say it. I wanted you to tell me that you weren’t going to laugh. Even if everyone in my class laughed, even if I was embarrassed right before graduation, even if I got this outlier role, even if it was the last school festival. I won’t laugh. I wanted Satou-san to do the same instead. That’s all I wanted–.

My chest hurt, it was so fast and loud that I couldn’t get the words to come out properly. It’s always like this when it counts. I can say all the unnecessary things I want, but right now my tongue is tangled. While I was hesitating, Satou-san said,

“I’m sorry. I don’t know, I didn’t mean to say anything inappropriate.”(S)

Her tone was flustered.

“I didn’t mean to make it heavy but I just couldn’t put it right.”(S)

Is there such a thing as not being able to say something well, even sor Satou-san? You always seem to be able to say witless things to me. I mean, it’s not uncommon for you to say things that upset me.

“No, I’m fine. Thank you.”(Y)

I, who can never speak for others, responds with unkind words.

“I’ll do my best, it’s my last cultural festival…”(Y)

Because there are kids who say they won’t laugh. Because Satou-san is here.

“Yes.”(S)

That Satou-san nodded before she heard all my words. She’s really not that smart. Thanks to that, I won’t be able to finish what I want to say.

“I hope you enjoy the festival.”(S)

Finally, Satou-san gives me a hearty laugh.

“Let’s have some fun together.”(Y)

I answer too. I stare at Satou-san’s smiling face, at the distance between us, which is unfamiliar.

Maybe our feelings are the same, maybe they’re not even close. But, we need each other. I know that much. I’m supported by Satou-san, and she says she’s okay because I’m here. I want to continue to be that kind of person. Both of us. I would like to think that this moment, the promise of Christmas, and the last school festival are all for that purpose. All of this is a time for me and Satou-san to need each other. I have to think about what I will do after graduation. What should we do to keep this time together for many years to come?

Satou-san drank the rest of her tea carefully and breathed heavily.

“I’m glad I said what I wanted to say.”(S)

I secretly envied her as she whispered this to me. I can’t even say what I want to say properly. I want to read the air. It’s awkward to rehash what I said earlier in an atmosphere that’s already settled. So I put it away for now.

“Thanks. I had a great time today.”(Y)

When I smiled as best I could, Satou-san laughed on the other side of the table.

“Thank you too, Yamaguchi-kun,”(S)

The smiles I see across from me are dazzling, and I still think I’ll never get used to it. I want you to be next to me.

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