Chapter 55

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I know some of you have been waiting for this swing chapter. Enjoy!

Title: Our Graduation (1)

At the end of February, I was called by Satou-san.

“Could you give me a moment of your time? I want to see you, Yamaguchi-kun.”(S)

The first semester of the college entrance exam was over, and that’s when I called to give news. The results of my self-assessment were generally satisfactory, and although I wasn’t optimistic enough to stretch my wings right then and there, I was confident that I could do well. When I told Satou-san about it, she was very happy and said to me,

“I want to meet you in person before the graduation ceremony and talk to you about something.”(S)

It’s funny that you get your hopes up after being told that. I wanted to see Satou-san too. The long and painful life of an examinee is not over yet, and I’ll need to prepare for the second semester schedule just in case. The announcement of acceptance to the first semester is half a month later, on the day before the graduation ceremony, and depending on the results, it could be either a rosy March or a gray March. So if I wanted to see her before the graduation ceremony, it was now or never. If it was true, I wanted to go to see her with the news of my acceptance to the school – but there was no way I was going to say no to Satou-san when she asked me to meet her. I’ve been given chocolates on Valentine’s Day, so I prepared to return the favour and went to see Satou-san.

The usual meeting place was in front of the station. After meeting Satou-san, who was wearing a dark blue peacoat and a scarf, I took her to a commonplace children’s park a short walk away. I suppose it would make sense to take her to a memorable place, but when it comes to our memories, it could be that classroom at school, or the station in front of the train station, or the airport – none of which were possible. Especially not the third one. So we both got on the swings. It was February and the children’s park was deserted, and I was about to casually suggest a bench, but Satou-san happily jumped on the swing before I could do so. I had no choice but to get on the swing next to her. I could never say that I was a high school student. I wanted to say it. It was a light, cloudy day, with only the occasional hazy sunshine. The cold wind was blowing against the bare trees, and Satou-san’s single knotted hair was shivering in the wind. The snow was still slushy and dirty in the corner of the park. It was chilly, even with my gloves on, and I had to paddle the swings as a result. If I wasn’t moving, I was going to freeze. So, what’s the story? As I was itching to ask, Satou-san suddenly said.

“Yamaguchi-kun, there’s something I want to talk to you about. Can you listen to me?”(S)

She was swinging on the swing set, bobbing and weaving. The swaying made me slow to notice the awkwardness of her smile. Before I could ask her back what it was about, she continued to speak as she swayed.

“You know. I like you, Yamaguchi-kun.”(S)

I was staring at Satou-san, whose cheeks and ears were turning red from the cold, in a daze. In my mind, two things were going through my mind at the same time.

What does it mean? This isn’t a dream, is it?

Needless to say, I like Satou-san, but it’s not something that I’ve always kept to myself. It’s not that I’ve been keeping this secret for a long time, but it’s a feeling that I should have told Satou-san herself before the summer, but she has never mentioned it to me since then. But she has never mentioned it to me since that time. ‘I’d be happy if you’d fall in love with me, even if not right now.’ She nodded at the words. But that was it. Her attitude was the only thing that made me think twice. She never refused when I ask her out on a date, and she wanted a picture of me at the school festival, that disgusting one dressed as a rat. And she gave me a Christmas present. She gave me a very practical one. She also gave me chocolates for Valentine’s Day. They weren’t hand-delivered, they were delivered to me. I thought I had a good feeling about this. I thought I did. When the results of the entrance exam came in, I decided to ask again if I had passed.

What do you mean by ‘like’? Is this a fact? It’s not like I’m a dreamer or anything. I wondered what she was thinking. I don’t know why she said that all of a sudden. What is it that she likes? Does she understand the meaning of the word ‘like’? I wonder if she even knows the meaning of the word ‘love’. Because it’s you, Satou-san.

“I was going to tell you at the graduation ceremony, but…”(S)

Satou-san paddled on the swings and continued,

“But I thought I was going to cry at the graduation ceremony. So I thought it was now or never.”(S)

That’s what I thought, too. Satou-san cries. Even at the customary ceremony, she cries easily, and the graduation ceremony is filled with tears. So I was wondering if I should not tell her how I felt about her confession on that day, but I didn’t expect her to tell me. But I didn’t expect her to tell me. If it’s true, I’m happy. But until I confirm her true intentions, I can’t be honestly happy. After all, it’s Satou-san, and she’s always pushing me around in a thoughtless manner. So I asked her back.

“Satou-san, what do you mean by that?”(Y)

“What do you mean…”(S)

The swing set on which Satou-san was riding came to a halt, perhaps not expecting to be heard back. It’s a very good idea to be able to have a good idea of what you’re looking for.

“….well, you see…”(S)

Clearly, she hadn’t thought about what to say after this. Satou-san, who was cowering like a big man who had been asked to greet her in a hurry, eventually only raised her gaze.

“It’s almost the graduation ceremony, but…”(S)

She says in a small voice that seems to be drowned out by the trees.

“Will you continue to be good friends………”(S)

Good friends. With those words, the faint hopes I had had were shattered. I was kidnapped by a dead tree and scattered. I’m sure that’s what it means. I’m not sure what to think about the fact that we are good friends, but that’s what it means.

“Eh………”(Y)

It was pathetic, and that’s all I could say. I’m not sure what I look like. So that’s what it’s like from heaven to hell. No, I’m not giving up hope yet. I don’t want to give up. I take a deep breath.

“Well, Satou-san. What do you mean by being good friends with…”(Y)

I asked fearfully. Satou-san, who had begun to redden to the head of her nose after her cheeks, combined her gloved hands in front of her chest.

“Well, what can I say? I wish we could see each other like we used to.”(S)

“Just like that?”(Y)

“Yeah. I wish I could be close friends with Yamaguchi-kun.”(S)

“Close friends?”(Y)

This time, Satou-san nodded in silence. Confirmed, it seemed.

I was shocked to receive a reply to my confession of eight months ago in this way. No, shock is not a word that can be put to rest. My vision became unsteady. What kind of man would be unconcerned about being told by the girl he loves that we should be good friends? Moreover, the other side should know how I feel, but she didn’t reply and told me one way or the other. That’s what she meant when she said she liked me. I feel like I’m going to fall down. But – since it’s Satou-san, she must have no ill will. It’s not that she would think that because it’s a bother, she doesn’t have the desire to do so, she’d have to go through with her earlier confession if she had to. She just didn’t understand how I felt. So I didn’t communicate my feelings well. I tried to say it plainly, but was that what I was doing?

“What, uh, Yamaguchi-kun?”(S)

Satou-san’s voice brought me back to myself. I hurriedly shook my head hard and my vision swayed wildly from side to side. Oh yeah, I was on the swing. She’s on the swing next to me. She’s not swinging anymore.

“Um … I’d like an answer, if you don’t mind.”(S)

Satou-san tilts her head slightly. Her hair, still tied in a single knot, slipped off her shoulders. Today she was wearing a pink ribbon. It’s the one I gave her.

“Reply?”(Y)

My own voice falls heavily. Reply, about what.

“So, well, you know, about earlier.’”(S)

Satou-san squirmed and lowered her eyelashes, as if it was hard to say. The familiar gesture looked unbelievably cute, and the shock came back. I like you, Satou-san. I like her a lot. But.

“You mean you want to be good friends?”(Y)

I remembered her words. I asked her back, and she nodded slowly.

“….Yes.”(Y)

I remembered her words. On the contrary, I remembered everything about Satou-san. The feeling of disgust when I first sat next to her, somehow. The strange upset I felt when I had injured my finger and had it bandaged. The bewilderment when she shared a piece of candy with me. The awkwardness when I gave her a helping hand in class and was later thanked for it. And then– Satou-san is unable to study. Satou-san, who is not good at sports. But even so, Satou-san loves childish things like playing tag. Satou-san is often scolded by her teacher. Satou-san is the one who is given detention after school. Satou-san who is often laughed at by her classmates. But even so, Satou-san laughs along with her classmates.

I loved it. I loved it badly, insanely.

Notes:

R.I.P Yamaguchi this chapter

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