Chapter 44

〈 Chapter 44 〉 Just a moment

* * *

"Yujin, it's not a bad thing. Listen to what Mom is saying."

"No, just give me the conclusion. What did I do?"

Mother hesitated for a moment before spitting out the words.

"...You got your period."

"Huh."

I didn't mishear.

So, I really did...

...I did that.

Only then did I realize I was wearing something like a diaper under my pajamas.

...It must be a sanitary pad.

I'm quite impressive for only just noticing this.

"Mom... How did this happen?"

Of course, it would be a lie to say I hadn't thought about it at all...

But still, this is just too much, isn't it?

No matter how much my appearance has changed,

I... I'm a guy, right?

"Mom?"

"Ah, yeah?"

"How did this happen?"

"...How should I know?"

I felt even more drained, not expecting that even my mother didn't know anything.

After all, there was no way she could know what was happening to me.

"..."

My head is spinning.

No, is this even possible?

I know my appearance has changed to that of a woman.

I've become a woman, and because of that, I can start a new life.

Moreover, with such a beautiful appearance, it would be a lie to say I don't like it.

But this... this is something else.

"...It doesn't feel like me."

I got up and slowly looked at the mirror on the wall.

The reflection in the mirror feels very unfamiliar.

The silver hair that falls down,

The reddish-brown eyes that look intense due to the red tint,

The still delicate body,

They are clearly mine, yet they don't feel like mine.

I thought I had gotten used to it...

But I guess I still need more time.

"Yujin?"

Worry is evident in my mother's voice.

I have to pretend to be strong for her sake.

But...

Not everything goes as planned.

"...I need to be alone for a moment."

I don't know exactly what's happening to me.

That's why I know I need help from others.

Still, for some reason, I want to be alone right now.

I need time.

Time to sort everything out on my own.

"Um... Okay. I understand. Call me if anything happens, okay?"

"Okay."

Mother left the room with cautious steps.

Click

The door closed, and I was finally alone. I quietly stared into the darkness.

The darkness seems to be looking back at me.

Feeling as if I might be swallowed by the abyss, I curled up under the blanket.

"..."

I know.

It's just a physiological phenomenon.

Perhaps, I might have subconsciously thought it could happen someday.

Still, I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of becoming something other than myself, even though I am still me.

I'm afraid of the new possibilities that have emerged in me.

Can I still continue to be myself?

If we take apart the original parts of the ship of Theseus and replace them with new planks, is it still the ship of Theseus?

If it is the ship of Theseus, do the planks that make up the ship have no meaning?

Is the ship of Theseus defined by the ship Theseus sailed on, or by the planks that make up the ship?

What defines me?

Even if the parts that were originally me disappear one by one and eventually completely disappear,

Will I... still be me?

I don't know.

I have no idea.

That's why I'm afraid.

I'm afraid because I can't draw any conclusions.

"..."

I know in my head.

This is just a temporary depression caused by hormonal changes.

With a little more time, I can shake it off and get up.

So,

Is it okay to cry a little now?

"..."

I don't cry out loud.

I don't want anyone to see my pitiful state.

I quietly hold my breath, as if I don't exist here, and spend a quiet moment.

"..."

A strange time passes, where I'm not sure if I'm crying or laughing.

After being in the darkness for a while, my hearing becomes more sensitive.

Whirr

A strange sound is heard.

It's not a hallucination.

It's a very familiar sound.

'Ah.'

At the end of my line of sight, I see the computer.

A small light is on.

I noticed the strange noise earlier, and the computer was still on.

The custom water-cooling system I had installed by a professional was not very noisy, but it wasn't completely silent.

'I might as well turn off the computer.'

If I hadn't noticed it was on, it would be one thing, but now that I see it, it's bothering me.

Strangely, I feel a little better when I'm in front of the computer.

It's absurd, but I can understand why, as I can't help but be a game addict.

'Huh?'

As I moved the mouse to turn off the computer, I couldn't hide my surprise at the screen that was on.

[Prisoner : 4390uwpt6yj 2oi-5m=］ w］

[qq7785dd55 : hey］

[qq7785dd55 : you okay?］

I don't remember typing such a chat, so it seems I must have pressed the keyboard while I was unconscious.

But... what are these chats?

[qq7785dd55 : prisoner?］

[qq7785dd55 : hey?］

[qq7785dd55 : where are you］

[qq7785dd55 : i'll go］

These are strange chats.

From the content, it seems like they know I collapsed.

'...Well.'

GRS is a team I personally rejected a scouting offer from.

During the process, I mentioned that I had a terminal illness, so it's natural for them to worry in this situation.

'Still, I don't think it's necessary to go this far... But, I guess they're just good people.'

Supporting this, qq7785dd55 is still in the game results screen, even though they've been waiting for quite a while.

'I can probably tell them this much.'

It wouldn't be polite to just leave without saying anything, so after a long silence, I typed a chat.

[Prisoner : i'm fine］

I'm fine.

Don't worry too much.

Really.

[Prisoner : bye］

I just need some time.

A little.

Just a little...

* * *

Prisoner disappeared.

Ryu Jinhyuk noticed this four days after Prisoner achieved 1800 points for the first time in the history of League of Legends.

When Prisoner first achieved 1800 points, Ryu Jinhyuk didn't even feel jealous, despite his own solo queue record being broken.

Pure admiration and awe.

Among the indescribable emotions, the strongest feeling Ryu Jinhyuk had was regret.

'...If only I could have played on a big stage with Prisoner, even once.'

But that's a distant dream.

An impossible wish, a dream from the past.

In such a situation, Ryu Jinhyuk felt something was off after a while.

'...He hasn't been seen lately.'

Prisoner didn't log in today.

It's been four days now.

As far as Ryu Jinhyuk knew, Prisoner had never gone three days without logging into League of Legends.

Of course, there were days when he didn't play the game, but he almost always logged into the client.

'What's going on? Could something have happened?'

He even checked the voice chat program in case Prisoner was playing another game, but there was no recent login record.

Feeling frustrated, Ryu Jinhyuk logged into a community he rarely visited.

He thought there might be some information about Prisoner.

In the community, the fact that Prisoner had achieved 1800 points was a significant topic.

­(Breaking News) Prisoner Achieves 1800 Points

­He Hits 1800 Points lol Is He a God?

­Prisoner Board, Prisoner Board, Prisoner Board...

­List of Pros Who Got Owned by Prisoner.txt

­Analysis) Comparison of Historical Red Cup Jungle Players and Prisoner's Solo Queue Matchups

­Poll) Yoon Gi vs Prisoner (3rd Round)

­Prisoner's 1800 Point Decisive Match.GIF

Among these, the post that caught Ryu Jinhyuk's attention was 'Prisoner's 1800 Point Decisive Match.GIF'.

The post consisted of dozens of GIF files, commonly known as "reaction GIFs."

'...Hmm?'

While looking at the GIFs, Ryu Jinhyuk felt a sense of dissonance.

'I need to check this.'

To confirm the dissonance he felt, he downloaded the replay of the last game Prisoner played.

[Run]

After running the replay, Ryu Jinhyuk quickly understood the nature of the dissonance he felt.

'What?'

It's strange.

The Prisoner in the replay was completely different from usual.

No, even compared to the recent Prisoner, who was playing at an insane level, this was worse.

'...Was his condition bad?'

Lost in thought, Ryu Jinhyuk watched Prisoner's replay as if in a trance.

He didn't want to miss a single moment of his play, so he didn't skip or fast-forward.

'Something... is wrong.'

Ryu Jinhyuk had played with Prisoner for a very long time.

That's why he knew.

Prisoner's current state is definitely not normal.

'Could it be...?'

Prisoner is rumored to have a rare disease.

If his condition is bad, Ryu Jinhyuk knows very well what that means.

'No.'

Ryu Jinhyuk still carries a heavy burden in his heart regarding Prisoner.

Because of his arrogance, Prisoner's secret, which he had hidden, was revealed to the world.

And now, there might be no chance to apologize to Prisoner?

That can't happen.

There's still so much he needs to say to Prisoner.

"Prisoner..."

Where are you?

* * *