CH 8

V1: EPISODE 8: ULTERIOR MOTIVES AND FEELINGS OF GUILT

Episode 8: Ulterior motives and feelings of guilt

“Hey, Yuuma…can you let me thank you for all that you’ve done for me…?”

The usual internet Cafe.

Yui said such seductive things as she leaned against Yuuma’s chest.

Eyes moist with embarrassment. Bright red ears, with a coquettish facial expression.

“T-Thanks, you say…what are you going to do?”

Somehow, he could guess what she was trying to say.

Yui looked up at Yuuma’s face, her cheeks dyed red.

“You can do whatever you want with me…okay?”

“B-But, such a thing…t-that sort of thing is no good!”

“Isn’t it okay…? If it’s Yuuma, I’m not against it. Well, Yuuma, that being the case…please, I want you…”

With those words, he felt the thread of his reasoning snapping.

“Yui…are you really sure?”

“Yes…it’s alright…”

He hugged her slender body tightly. Yui looked up at Yuuma, her eyes glazed all over, and closed them as it is.

Yuuma also closed his eyes, and their lips…

────────────────

────────────────It was all a dream.

Next morning, Yuuma arose up from the bed in his own house.

It took him about ten seconds to understand that all that was a dream.

And then──

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…!”

He buried his face in the pillow and fainted in agony.

†

Three days have passed since the confession.

Yuuma, as always…have been trying his best on the surface to keep in contact with Yui. But…

…Before, he could proudly say that he was kind to Yui because of their friendship. And yet, now, he had developed an ulterior motive.

If he was kind to Yui, Yui would come to like him. He couldn’t help but think about such a thing.

Moreover, Yui was defenceless, and the sense of distance between them was so close at times…that he couldn’t help but look at her in such a way.

But, the reason why Yui was so defenceless to that extent was that she trusted Yuuma. He felt like he was betraying her trust for having such desires and ulterior motives for Yui, and he felt guilty.

Finally, he acknowledged that dream of his this morning…even though it was a dream, it expressed his carnal desires towards Yui. He was already feeling guilty since this morning, and his mental health was in tatters.

In any case, he wandered off and headed whimsically towards the living room.

“Good morning. Do you want some breakfast?”

“…Yes.”

Nene seemed to have been waiting for him so that they could have breakfast together.

Recently, breakfast has been exclusively cereal. It was the kind where you put it on a plate and pour milk all over it.

“Yuu-kun, what’s wrong? Are you not feeling well? You don’t seem to have much of an appetite…”

“Well, yeah…”

Naturally, he couldn’t tell Nene, a young woman, about the kind of dream he had.

“Haa…”

He let out a sigh.

He himself was interested in Yui as a member of the opposite sex. That’s something he couldn’t deny anymore.

But, before that, Yui was his best friend. He wanted to remain faithful and not do anything painful that would betray her trust.

And yet, he ended up having ulterior motives and strange thoughts.

“Haa…”

“Are you really okay? If you’re not feeling well, you should just go back to bed today…”

──Pekon♪ The sound of a message being received on the phone was emitted.

It was Yui.

『Yuuma, do you have any plans today?』

『Not particularly. What’s up?』

『My mom gave me some pocket money to buy some fashionable clothes with my friends. So I was wondering if I could go back to Nene’s place once again but, if it’s good, Yuuma, do you want to go out with me?』

Even he thinks being happy that he’s getting invited out like this despite feeling guilty is selfish.

“Is that from Yui?”

“Ah, she wants to go out and buy some clothes at your store, Onee-chan.”

“Really. Fufu~, in other words, it’s a shopping date?”

“No, it’s not like that.”

Yuuma’s cheeks turned a crimson red, and he turned the other way in a huff. Seeing such behaviour from Yuuma, Nene’s eyes fluttered, and a smile of satisfaction surfaced on her face.

“…W-What is it.”

“It’s nothing~? …Nfufu~♪”

“Then, for the time being, can I go to Onee-chan’s boutique place around noon?”

“Of course. You can come by anytime. ……Well then, it’s about time for me to go to work. Make sure to lock up the doors properly and so on.”

“Ah, have a good day.”

Then, as she was about to leave the living room, Nene stopped, saying, 「Oh, that’s right.」

“I have to go away for work today. I’ll be coming back tomorrow evening.”

“I understand, but you should’ve told me such a thing earlier if possible.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Well, just because Onee-chan isn’t in the house doesn’t mean you can bring over Yui-chan anytime you want, okay~?”

“J-Just go!”

Nene left the house as she was chuckling.

After Yuuma sloppily ate his breakfast and finished tidying up, he collapsed onto his sofa horizontally.

“Onee-chan’s an idiot…”

He knew that Yui had no intention of going out with a boy when she asked him out, but Yui was still inviting him, a boy, to go out with her, so it was undeniably a shopping date.

He’s been trying not to pay any attention to it, yet Nene had to say such a thing, making him conscious about it all over again. Even though he just had that sort of dream.

(My face feels hot…I hope it’ll get better by the time I meet Yui.)

†

When he went to pick up Yui, she was waiting for him in front of her house.

“Ah, Yuuma.”

Seeing Yuuma, a delightful smile surfaced on her face. Like a puppy, she ran up to him.

“Good morning. Thank you for coming out with me today.”

“A-Ah.”

Looking at Yui’s face in all, he accidentally remembered the dream he had this morning.

“? Yuuma, is something wrong?”

“N-No, it’s nothing.”

“But, your face looks slightly red? Are you sure you’re not sick?”

With that said, Yui unexpectedly pressed her hand against Yuuma’s forehead and compared it to her own. He nearly screamed at the touch of Yui’s small, soft hand.

──Yui’s communicative ability has certainly improved greatly.

As of now, she still finds it tough to talk to someone she has only met for the first time, but at least she can already chat with Yuuma normally. Long ago, Yui would wait for Yuuma to talk first, although, recently, Yui has become more and more talkative.

Moreover, above anything else, Yui seemed to have a fondness for him.

『I love Yuuma.』

It was transmitted through her words and deeds.

(But, today, I…)

The dream had made him more and more aware of it. Even now, his cheeks were slightly hot to the touch. In addition, he felt somewhat guilty for harbouring these feelings for Yui, who treated him as a ‘close friend’, rendering him unable to look at her face properly.

“I-I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me! A-All right, let’s go, s-shall we?”

“Mmm.”

With that said, Yui stretched out her arms and reached out for Yuuma to cross arms with him as usual. But, Yuuma avoided it.

Yui looked so shocked that she almost seemed to make a “WHAM” sound effect.

“N-No, it’s just that, if Onee-chan saw this, she’d start making fun of me, and just as you’d expect, I’d start getting embarrassed.”

“U-Un.”

Yui was baffled by his unusual attitude. She didn’t think bad of it, although she wasn’t sure if she could stay confident if no one crossed arms with her.

In any case, the both of them headed towards Nene’s store. Today’s place was not a beauty parlour but a boutique. Nene was there too.

The last time they came to the store, they had the place fully reserved, but today, there were other customers and staff.

Nene was serving the other customers. Exchanging light eye contact, she told them to『please don’t mind me』, and Yuuma and Yui went to look at the clothes together.

Compared to larger stores, Nene’s store had a smaller selection of goods, but her assortment was more of quality before quantity. Overall, the clothes lined up were in good taste.

Furthermore, they even had a site which offers advice on 『how to coordinate your clothes』, making it easy for people like Yuuma and Yui, who are not familiar with fashion, to choose the right ones.

“Yuuma. How about this?”

“Why would you even go for a hoodie without hesitation from the beginning? Didn’t you come to look for some fashionable clothes today? How about this one?”

“….A little too flashy…”

“Okay. Then, how about this one?”

“Ah, if it’s this one…”

There was no helping his embarrassment, as he went through great pains to go out with Yui. However, he had to try his best to help Yui choose her clothes one way or another, as embarrassing as it was to stare at Yui’s face.

“Let’s try it on for a minute…?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Then Yui enters the fitting room with the clothes. A little later, the sound of rustling clothes could be heard.

…When he came to the store before with Yui, he had to wait for her to change clothes like this. However, the feelings he had right now compared to that time were a little different.

His heart was racing. Beyond the thin layered curtains, she was changing her clothes. Just thinking about that made it somewhat unbearable for Yuuma, and he wanted to get out of here right now.

Shortly after, the curtain opens.

“H-How is it?”

Yui asked in a slightly nervous voice.

As it turns out, it suited her quite well.

It simply recommended it as it said, “Recommended for petite girls,” but the calm look of the spring coordinated outfit really brings out the charm in Yui to the fullest.

Moreover, Yui looked at Yuuma with a look of anticipation, expecting Yuuma to praise her. Such an appearance was too cute and endearing for him──.

“I-Isn’t it okay?”

He blatantly turned away.

Thereupon, Yui’s expression instantly clouded over. She worriedly looked at Yuuma’s expression.

“…Hey Yuuma, did something happen? You don’t look that lively today.”

“I-It’s nothing…”

No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t tell her the reason why.

It was bad enough that he said it bluntly, and that made Yui increasingly worried.

“…………”

Yui glanced around at her surroundings. There were other customers, but at least no one was looking at them right now.

“…Yuuma, come over here for a minute.”

“Eh? W-Wait!?”

Suddenly, his arm was pulled. Caught off guard, Yuuma was pulled into the fitting room.

“Y-Yui!?”

“Yuuma, squat down a little.”

“What? W-Why…?”

“Just do it.”

His arm was pulled without hesitation. Slightly confused, he squatted down as he was told.

Yui placed her hands around Yuuma’s head and hugged him tightly to her chest.

“H-Hey!?”

Soft. A sweet scent similar to milk. The sound of Yui’s heart.

The suddenness of the entire situation had altogether ceased his mind from thinking. He felt a mixture of relief from being held so slowly and the desire to be a man welling up inside him.

“Um…remember how I mentioned the word Oxytocin before? It’s supposed to make you feel good when you’re feeling down…h-how is it?”

While shyly saying that to him, Yui continued to stroke Yuuma’s head in her arms.

“N-No, um, I-Isn’t this…like really embarrassing for you?”

“I-It’s embarrassing…but I love Yuuma, and I want Yuuma to get better, so…”

Yui hugged him with even more force.

“U-Um, you know? If there’s anything I can do to help you feel better, please let me know. I may not be reliable, but I’ll try my best…”

──His heart was beating so fast that it felt like it was going to burst. It just wouldn’t stop beating.

He couldn’t stop loving Yui. She was just so adorable and irresistible. He wanted to hug her back. He wanted to make her his.

However, Yui still treated him as a best friend to the very end. To hold such feelings for Yui, he couldn’t help but feel guilty…and yet, he still wanted to utilize Yui’s feelings to make her his, which made him feel even more guilty…

“Sorry, I have to go to the bathroom!”

Eventually, he forced his way out of Yui’s arms and fled the scene.

He headed to the bathroom at a quick pace.

(No, it’s no good. No, it’s no good. No, it’s no good.)

Sure enough, he couldn’t see Yui as a best friend as he did before. The only thing he could see Yui as right now was as『the girl he liked.』

…More than anything, the problem was how much Yui loved Yuuma to do such a thing.

Maybe Yui will go out with him if Yuuma confesses.

But he didn’t want her to go out with him as a way of repaying the favours he’s done for her so far or to avoid any awkwardness. He doesn’t think it’s right if she goes out with him for that reason.

But, even though he thinks it’s not right…he still wants to take advantage of that. Day by day, his desire to make Yui his own grows stronger. Such a thing…guilt began to swell at his shallowness.

Then, he went around the corner of the merchandise shelf and to his surprise, he found──

Nene, waiting for him and smiling.

Nene placed her index finger to her lips as if to say, “Be quiet.” She looked at Yui through the gap of the merchandise shelf and turned to him, typing on her phone.

『I’ll talk to you about your love troubles, okay?』

Apparently, she had seen their earlier exchange. He felt his face getting hot again.

(…What should I do?)

He was extremely embarrassed to talk to Nene about such things.

But, he didn’t have a way out of his current situation, and he wanted to do something about it. And he knew the only person close enough to ask for such advice on this kind of thing was Nene…

『Please.』

He pondered for a while and then replied.

†

He was taken to the backyard of the store.

Sitting in a foldable chair across a small, simple table, Yuuma disclosed his worries.

That he could no longer treat Yui as he did before because he’s fallen in love with her. That Yui liked him as a best friend, but he felt guilty about having these feelings for her.

He was embarrassed, but he told her a pretty detailed part of the story. And then she…

“N-No good. T-The cuteness is just too much. T-This is getting dangerous. T-The stimulation, e-even for someone with a disposition like mine, y-yabai, y-yabai.”

[Tl notes: Yabai = dangerous. I just wrote it like that cause I thought it conveyed the meaning even better when compared to English tl.]

Somehow, Nene covered her face with both her hands and started trembling.

“Errr, Onee-chan?”

“Thanks. So, how much money do you want?”

“N-No, w-wait, what are you even talking about!?”

“Please, let me do this! And then you can spend it on a date or something! I’ll work infinitely harder just thinking of you two making out with my hard-earned money!”

“N-No, I came here for your advice, didn’t I!?”

“..Ah!? Sorry, sorry, I got a little too excited. From here on out, I’ll be in serious mode! Yes, serious mode!”

…Did I make a mistake in consulting this person? At first, he thought so, but he continued anyway.

“Therefore…it’s still no good. To be so kind to Yui with such ulterior motives…it’s just bad…”

“No, not really? Isn’t it normal to have ulterior motives in socializing? If anything, I think it’s rather rare to find a man who has taken such good care of Yui just for the sake of friendship, don’t you think?”

He was taken aback by how easily she said that.

“No, but the reason why Yui’s so close to me is that she trusts me as a best friend, and to have such ulterior motives towards that…I-I…p-plus, I can only see her with those ‘kind’ of eyes now, in any case…”

“If Yuu-kun were sexually harassing her, I would reprimand you, but Yui-chan’s the one who’s spoiling you, right? If that’s the case, then there’s no need for me to worry about it at all. Of course, Yuu-kun is a boy and may think about sex, but if you think about it, isn’t that safe? Rather, it’s pure love when you worry about it.”

“No, but…”

“Then what about me, who fantasizes about such delusions when I look at Yuu-kun and Yui!”

───Isn’t she saying this in a too-casual way?

Nene exhaled.

“Yui-kun really wants to take good care of Yui-chan. Saying such a thing is pure, of course. But, yeah. There’s only one way to make everything work out and everyone happy.”

“E-Eh!? W-What kind of method is it…”

Nene smiled.

“It doesn’t matter if you have ulterior motives. Just be friendly with Yui, be nice to her, and make her fall madly in love with you.”

“I-I don’t want to. And that’s why I’m having trouble getting my ulterior motives out…”

“Now, now. Why don’t you…just imagine it once? What if the reason why Yui was so close to you was that she had an ulterior motive of wanting you to like her…how do you think?”

“N-No, that isn’t in her character…”

“I’m sure that’s because she loves you so much and tries her best! Come on, come on, just imagine it will you?”

He tried to imagine it as she said.

Yui loved him as a member of the opposite sex.

She was really embarrassed, but she was trying her best to appeal to him to get his attention.

His heart began to beat faster and faster as he imagined Yui like that.

“…………”

──Just imagining it was too destructive.

His face turned red, and he started writhing in agony. Seeing Yuuma like that, Nene also began to grin. He felt somewhat embarrassed when he noticed this, but he managed to calm down in some way or another.

“Hey, Yuu-kun. It’s okay to have an ulterior motive. What’s important is how the other party receives your feelings. If it’s for someone you like, even an ulterior motive can make you happy.”

“B-But, that’s, even if I’m happy because of an ulterior motive and how I like you, I’m still not going to go there…”

“Yui loves you too, doesn’t she? It doesn’t seem like she hates you, to begin with, you know?”

“I-I know, b-but, as I said, she just likes me as a friend, and that in itself is very different…”

“I don’t think that’s the case from my point of view..”

“Huh…?”

“Kohon. I’m sorry, please ignore that just now. Well, then I’ll ask you the other way round, can you go back to being friends? Impossible, right? Or would you keep your distance from Yui because you have ulterior motives and you feel guilty? If you start talking like that, I’ll get angry.”

“Ungh…”

That’s…no good.

Although he was her best friend, he could tell that Yui loved him very much so. If he left her, he’s sure she’ll be sad.

It won’t be long before school starts, and he can’t leave Yui alone.

Above anything else…Yuuma himself didn’t want to separate from Yui.

He wanted to spend more time together with her, and he wanted to make Yui like him too.

(…Eh?)

He wanted to be together with her. He wanted Yui to like him too. That’s when he felt like the gears were clicking together.

“Yuu-kun cares too much about the bad parts of love. At the end of the day, Yuu-kun likes Yui-chan, and he wants to make Yui like him as much as he likes her. Getting to know her even better. Isn’t that all there is to it?

It’s not about choosing between best friends and lovers. You can like her as a best friend and have her like you as a lover.”

It felt as if a ton of sense had been placed into his mind.

Up until now, he had unknowingly separated the two. He thought he was betraying his best friend’s feelings when he expressed his romantic feelings for her.

But…how happy it would be if they could be lovers while still liking each other as best friends.

Nene chuckled and smacked Yuuma’s shoulder with a bang.

“Isn’t this where you should display your worthiness? If Yuu-kun makes Yui-chan fall in love with him, both of you will be happy, and there’ll be no complaints about the happy ending. Come on, come on, go for it, boy.”

He felt like he was able to reaffirm his feelings after Nene clearly put it into words for him.

──He had ulterior motives toward Yui. He was kind to her, hoping that she’ll like him.

But, that’s why.

He’ll be kind to Yui with all his might. He will love her to the best of his ability. He will do his best to make her happy.

If Yui comes to like him, he will tell her how he feels about her. That’s what Yuuma decided in his mind.

But at the same time, he also decided on his own rules.

──As she said before, 『I’ll go out with you as thanks for everything you’ve done for me so far』. If he asked her to go out with him right now, he was sure that Yui would go out with him.

But that would be like binding Yui’s feelings with friendship. He doesn’t think that’s right.

If they’re going to be in a relationship. He wanted them to be in a mutual state of love.

So he decided to keep his feelings hidden until he was sure that Yui liked me as a member of the opposite sex. That’s what he decided.