V4...

Parsed with an automated reader. The content accuracy is not guranteed.

It really pissed me off when I realized that the release date was on Monday, but anyway we finally arrive on the fourth volume. Considering how the third volume ended, things are straying onto the unexpected direction, we're going on another ride in this volume, so brace yourself.

*****

This was the

best! So happy! Everyday was such a blast!

Alright! My name

is Amaori Renako! Right now I am a totally ex-social recluse girl succeeding in

my high-school debut☆

I’m a first year

student at Ashigaya High, belonging to the most popular group at the top of the

school’s social pyramid. Plus, even though the five of us are girls, two of

them are in love with me☆

Good grief,

Renako’s really troubled, y'know! Don't fight over me(∩//ω//∩) fufu, lol.

Something like

this, something straight out of a dream, really surprised me☆ Geez, even though

I’m only an ordinary girl with no special traits, the type of average girl who was

as common as if mass-produced☆

And that was how

I spent recess, shut inside a humid toilet stall far away from the classroom. I

covered my face with my palms.

“...I wonder

why...even though I only did my best everyday to survive...could it be that I’d

unknowingly unleashed my hidden bright character persona…?” The words trickled

from my mouth like some sort of curse.

The summer break

had ended, and we were one week into the school year—and I already felt like I

was at my limit with each passing second.

It sounded like

someone had entered the bathroom. Well of course, since this was a public

bathroom, it was natural for people to come in. But still, it surprised me so

much that I instinctively held my breath.

“Ugh, school is so

annoying~ if only the summer break could last forever~”

“That’s true~”

It sounded like

another group of girls I’d never met before, which put me at ease. For a moment,

I was afraid that someone I knew had come looking for me. Good grief. I really

needed to stop being so overly self-conscious like this.

“Ah, come to

think of it, I heard that Takuma confessed to Oozuka Mai.”

“Eeeh, for real? How funny.”

Hearing a

familiar name come up in their conversation, I turned stiff.

Their

conversation leaked into my ears bit by bit.

“Ah, I just remembered

that Shindou also confessed to Koto Satsuki.”

“Eh, so she’s on

that side?”

“Well, it’s

understandable though.”

“Sena too.”

“Aaah.”

“How popular.”

“As expected.”

“Right?”

“So lovable,

right~”

Beyond the closed

door came their laughter. They sounded like they were having fun. The striking

beauties from Ashi-High had the power to bring people happiness simply by

chanting their name.

After having an

excited conversation, they finally left the bathroom.

I knew. I knew

that those people were living in a different world than me. No one had mentioned

my name after all. And of course, my name wouldn’t have a magical effect like

that. I left the toilet stall.

The Amaori Renako

reflected in the mirror was someone with a blank expression, a face without any

emotions.

Back in the

classroom, I reactivated my old habit, trying to appear invisible in my

surroundings. When I arrived at my desk, someone greeted me, waving her hand.

“Hey.”

It was Ajisai-san,

who sat right in front of me. She greeted me with a carefree smile on her face, “Welcome back, Rena-chan.”

“Ah, yeah…”

I nodded my head casually with a blank

expression, then realized: No, this was

wrong.

The me right now

was a girl who belonged to the most popular group of the school, a charismatic

individual—and on top of that, a super awesome person who had been confessed to

by the top beauties of Ashigaya High.

I punched the

inner me away and let out a bright smile.

“I’m back! Listen

to this, I was so surprised. The bathroom was so crowded, kind of like some amusement

park attraction where you need to line up for like 45 minutes. If that really

is the case, I need to get some kind of fast pass whenever I need to go, huh?”

“Huh? That’s

funny.” Ajisai-san giggled when she heard my answer.

I was perfectly

sure that her smile was extremely adorable. But I couldn’t look at it.

“No, I’m being

serious! Ah, but don’t you think that kind of bathroom would be great? Like, if

they gave out a single fast pass everyday, where you can use the toilet before

everyone else once a day, something like that. A pass where you can scan it on

your phone like a toilet reader!”

“Eeh? That sounds a bit complex.”

“Let’s go with a physical pass then! The school hands out a pass to each person

every morning at the gate, and if you don’t end up using it by the end of school,

you can exchange it for something like candy…but oh, would that mean people

would just save their passes then?!”

I rambled on with

a grin. I was doing my usual where I blabbered on without really thinking about

what I was saying. I couldn’t stop. I didn’t have the ability to consider

whether I was saying something inappropriate or not.

“Ahaha.”

Ajisai-san broke

into laughter again. It seemed like she was having fun at least, which was

great. During moments like these, I felt like I regained my purpose to live.

The teacher eventually

entered the classroom. With a smile, Ajisai-san spun around while saying,

“Let’s talk again later.”

The noise from

the classroom disappeared as the math class started.

Sena Ajisai—my

classmate. If I had to describe her with a metaphor, she was an angel.

She was gentle

and gorgeous, with a soft and sweet voice. Not only was she kind, she was very

determined, while also really great at socializing. The kind of girl where you

wouldn’t be bored by anything as long as you were with her.

Ajisai-san was

like some sort of pancake made from all the universal qualities of “the ideal

girl”. In short, she was the very definition of a maiden.

And she—

During summer

break, she confessed to me.

“I like you. Please go out with me” was

what she’d said.

It was a simple,

straightforward confession, something that had been dreamt of by many people.

Something like

that between girls might not be very common. But still, when someone like

Ajisai-san confessed her love like that, no one could deny the sensation of

being on cloud nine. Something like that would make the person receiving the

confession happy, feeling as if their future would be painted in a rose-tinted

colour.

...even so, I…

Staring at the

black board, my memories flew back to that day.

***

It was evening,

and we were in the park. Ajisai-san stood before me, squeezing out every bit of

courage she had.

“Okay…….” After a

few seconds, I finally came out of my trance.

“Ha!” I said.

“Ah, no, well—!”

The heck had I

just said? Cold sweat poured down my back.

“That wasn’t it!

Uh—”

My mind was so

chaotic that I practically shouted in panic.

“Hearing your

feelings really makes me happy! Like, I really didn’t know you felt that way

towards me! Eh, no, umm, I feel very honored! I honestly think that’s

wonderful, but, you see, I just, somehow—!”

I felt like an

empty lottery spinner that kept churning and churning, yet the right words

wouldn’t come out. It sent me into such a horrible panic I could barely see

clearly.

That was when

Ajisai-san took a deep breath. “Fuuuh.”

She pressed a

hand to her chest. Time seemed to stop at that moment for me.

“Aah, that was

nerve-wracking.” She squinted at me. “It’s natural if you’re shocked hearing

something like that out of nowhere.”

“Ah, no! I’m

really happy! Really...really!”

“It’s okay. I said it out of my own selfishness anyway. Thank you for listening

to me.”

When Ajisai-san beamed

at me, I desperately tried to process the meaning behind her confession from

earlier.

Did it mean...did

it mean that…

What did it mean?

We were talking

about Ajisai-san after all, so I was sure it wasn’t some bad joke. But if that

wasn’t the case, why would she say that she liked me…? And that she wanted to

go out…

I stood awkwardly.

I felt like a kid

who had been brought to the bank by her parents to run an errand. I really

didn’t have any idea what to do. I was so troubled I glanced towards Mai,

requesting help.

Wh-what was

happening right now…?

Mai stared at us

without any reaction, then she cleared her throat and started, “Umm…so with

this…basically, you two are…dating?”

“Fufu, I wonder~?”

Ajisai-san

sounded like she was floating. Her voice reminded me of myself whenever I was

uncertain about something.

“This development

really is gut-wrenching.”

“It seems like Mai-chan is also taken aback.”

“That’s right, but considering how wonderful you are, it means that your charm

really reached her. Somehow I feel proud of that.”

“Everything is thanks to you, Mai-chan.”

As expected, I had

no idea what they were talking about. Why were they getting along so well? And

why was Mai being so calm like that?

No, but I thought

Mai liked me so much she would be the first person who would charge in when I

carelessly nodded my head to Ajisai-san’s confession… Could it be that she had already

lost interest in me…?

No, that wasn’t

it. Ah, I couldn't stop my endless thoughts. Rather than that, I should, to

Ajisai-san—

“Ah, no……….dating

is a bit……”

There were things

you couldn't take back after you did it, things like reaching out your hand, or

the words that came from your mouth. Things like that had once caused humanity

to engage in war in an ongoing cycle of history.

Sweat trickled

down my back and my ears buzzed.

“So…”

It had been my

habit for a long time to answer with a form of rejection when someone suggests

something to me. Considering how many times I had rejected Mai, it didn’t mean

that Ajisai-san was an exception. That was too convenient for closure.

Having lovers was

plainly impossible. I wanted to stay as friends.

But could I

really say that to Ajisai-san? Was I really going to say it?

—could I really?

Someone like me?

“…………………………..―time”

“...time?”

Ajisai-san peeked

at my face. I wanted to disappear.

With a voice like

I was already at death’s door, I told her, “Can you…give me some time?”

“Time?”

“Yeah...like the time...to respond you…”

Ajisai-san

listened to me with a serious expression. She nodded.

“I understand.”

“.......y-yeah….”

“How long?”

“Eh?!”

Even though she was

only asking me normally, I felt like a sinner seated in front of God.

“Th-three…….........……………..years….”

“Eh?!”

Without thinking,

I’d replied with an answer that would’ve allowed me to continue life without

limitations for the longest time. Ajisai-san widened her eyes in surprise.

No, no no no!

“O-one month! How

about that?”

Under normal

circumstances, one month for a reply would have also been quite long. Even so,

Ajisai-san was considerate of me.

“I-I see. I understand,

Rena-chan.”

Right, I always procrastinated

when it came to facing my problems. But…

To be frank—someone

like Ajisai-san confessing to me really was bizarre, so much that I felt like I

couldn’t breathe normally.

If Ajisai-san

kept looking at me with those eyes, I might die of suffocation.

At that moment, Ajisai-san

held out her hand.

“Ah.”

My finger—Ajisai-san

grabbed my index finger with her hand.

Ajisai-san’s hand

was very hot.

“Rena-chan, I

really mean it...these feelings, my feelings, everything is real.”

I knew. It had properly

come through to me, Ajisai-san’s feelings.

I knew.

Ajisai-san was someone earnest, she was brazen, she was a splendid person.

It was just—I

wasn’t someone capable of honestly accepting her feelings.

Ajisai-san

smiled.

“You don’t need

to push yourself. But still, I’ll wait for your answer.”

“Ah, uuh...…”

I couldn’t

respond.

After that,

Ajisai-san left the park. Not long after, with a face like she itched to say

something, Mai also walked away, leaving me alone. I stared down at my palms, murmuring,

“....Ajisai-san, why…?”

I was wretched

for daring to put a hold on Ajisai-san’s confession.

Illuminated by

light, the days where I faced my grim self began.

One week passed

after that, and school started again—

I had less than

four weeks before I had to give her my answer.

—again, I found

it hard to breathe.

***

“Ah…”

I hung over the

rooftop fence, turning into a futon.

My body swayed

with the wind, and I felt like one with nature.

From this

viewpoint, life felt so insignificant.

Any worries and

concerns I’d had simply faded away…

Nah, nope, they didn’t.

The noise from lunch

pulled me back to reality where I had to admit that I was a human that, whether

I liked it or not, was a part of society... Right, I was a human. I wasn’t a futon. Actually, I….

Creak. The iron doors to the

rooftop entrance pushed open.

“Heya, so you’re

here.”

I didn’t need to

turn around to know who it was.

It was Oozuka Mai.

She walked over and stood right next to me. She was an extraordinary beauty

with sleek blonde hair who worked as a model.

An outstanding academic,

gifted in sports, gorgeous in appearance, Mai was like the embodiment of

heaven’s blessing, a girl who received practically everyone’s attention. Thus, she

had been nicknamed Super Darling, or SupaDari for short.

There was a

forceful side to her, of course, but I was convinced the one dating her would

be blessed with happiness.

Even so, there

was someone bold enough to not accept her confession. Either that was because she

had a peculiar taste, or she was just someone with a twisted personality,

someone that better off dead.

For

example—someone like me.

“This reminded me

of the day we got to know each other better.”

Mai’s voice

always sounded neat, like an electric piano.

“...you’re

right.”

I rested my chin

on the fence. Mai entered my field of vision with a smile. It made my heart

beat faster. Even though I didn’t have that right.

I hung my head.

“...Mai, I’m

sorry.”

“Mm.”

The scene before

my eyes was...concrete. The words that came from my mouth flowed like tears

falling to the ground.

“Somehow...it

ended up like that.”

Whether it was

Ajisai-san's confession, my half-baked answer, or how I’d been happy even

though Mai was present…everything was jumbled up and glued to my throat.

But everything

sounded so foolish that I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I ended up only

saying something vague.

“Something like

that...or that.”

Mai let out a

small giggle. “I didn’t expect this outcome. But I feel kind of responsible for

it.”

I instantly lifted

my head. “That’s—you’re not!”

I’d surprised her

with my loud voice. There was still an awkwardness between us, so I averted my

gaze.

“Ah,

no...because, in the end, the blame is on me since I’m being indecisive…”

I felt so

terrible that I couldn’t look her in the eyes. I slumped down.

“Even though I

received your feelings, I ended up answering Ajisai-san’s confession with

something like that. Even though it was not intentional, I still...I’m really

the worst…”

“It might sound

weird if I say this, but—” Mai gazed up at the clouds above. What was going on

inside her heart? I had no idea.

“Even though you

allowed me to approach you, your action made it seem like you chose Ajisai over

me in a second. Well, of course that sounds awful. But, it wasn’t like we had

been in a relationship, right? Since that was the case, it wasn’t like you did

something unreasonable.”

“That’s…”

During times like

this, when Mai showed her understanding side, it made me perplexed.

Our relationship

was—we were just Rema friends.

We treasured each

other, would spend our three years in high school together, sometimes we would

kiss and make it special for us, but it was like what she said. We weren’t

lovers.

But still…

“...I can’t.”

I gripped the

fence before me tightly.

“Because, I...I

said that I would properly think about your feelings...”

After a short pause,

Mai opened her mouth.

“If that’s what

you think.”

“Not at all, something like this, I didn’t think it through thoroughly…”

I shook my head.

I felt nauseous. Once again, I opened my mouth like spewing things out from my

stomach.

“Before I

properly come up with an answer for you, I can’t let things be like this.”

My tone was so

stubborn that it came out a bit harsh. This wasn’t the tone I was supposed to

use toward Mai, who was only concerned for my well-being.

Fuu. Mai took a breath. “This isn’t

something as simple as who you like between me and Ajisai?”

I desperately

racked my brain. “I don’t know...something like that...liking someone, I wouldn’t

know…”

Why would Mai

like someone like me? Why would Ajisai like someone like me? I really had no

idea.

“........since I—even

though I don’t like myself…..”

This was

definitely not something I could say in front of Ajisai-san.

Because when I

myself denied my own values, it would be like denying Ajisai-san’s view of me

by saying something like that in front of her.

“The girl you like and want to have a

relationship with, she is a very terrible person, you know? I really hate her.”

Of course, I

couldn’t say something like that before her.

Even so, I could

say it in front of Mai.

Even though she

also had the same thought. No, it was more than that. Even though Mai was the

first person who recognized my value…

“Ah…”

When I raised my

face, Mai looked at me with a smile.

She patted my

shoulder and rested her hand there.

“Renako, I like

you.”

“.........”

I really wondered

why she was being this kind. And I also wondered, why my heart didn’t budge.

No, that was wrong.

The more Mai showered me with her light, the clearer my shadow became.

In the first

place, everything was so weird. If Ajisai-san confessed her feelings, of course

I would feel elated. That was a given. That was the natural thing to feel.

Of course, after

that I would’ve felt a bit giddy, like aah

I really am blessed. Thinking something like that would be the normal

course of events, right? That was how it was supposed to be, but why had I

desperately run away like this…

“I…”

Aah, I see.

I finally figured

it out.

—I didn’t crave

people's affection.

Feeling like

wanting to be liked by someone, dreaming of a best friend, being someone’s

number one.

Having those

kinds of outrageous thoughts had simply been a lie all along.

Being invited and

included in a group, getting to my own place where I belonged, having people listen

to me when I talked, having someone react to something I did…

Those were—everything

was, in short it was because—

—I simply didn’t want

to be hated by those around me.

When I said I

didn’t want a lover, it was also because I didn’t want them to discover my true

self. The moment they saw it, they would definitely hate me.

That wasn’t it.

No, that was probably it. I was convinced that they would be repulsed the

moment they found out about this side of me. Since I—the one who knew me

best—couldn’t help but hate myself.

That was why I had

desperately put a distance between Mai and me. I had pushed her away numerous

times because of that.

The moment she

stepped closer, the moment she knew this side of me, “Could it be that she wasn’t as nice as I first thought?” Thoughts

like that would sound in her head.

Somehow, I had

desperately crafted a cheerful persona on the surface, fooling everyone, thus managing

to befriend those around me. I had done my best and was finally able to hide

myself behind this shallow, artificial character.

I had said all of

that, but the moment I pushed people away, I also clung to them. I wanted them

to stay close to me. I did things similar to manipulating people around me.

Something like

longing for ‘a true friend’ was a complete lie. That was the moment where a

thought came inside my head. Could it be that when I said things like craving

for a relationship where we could show each other’s weaknesses was just a hope

for a ‘guarantee’ so they wouldn’t hate me easily?

Everything,

everything everything everything, everything I did was all for my own sake—

Mai rested her

palm on my cheek.

“Ah…”

She lifted my

face to meet hers, and her beautiful face entered my vision.

I thought she was

going to kiss me.

If she forcefully

longed for me, then maybe I could feel a sense of security about my own worth.

Like, you often see it in the manga,

something like, “Please, let me forget everything else…” Well, if only the

situation wasn’t something like this, I might have been moved by that.

But Mai didn't

bring her face closer. She pulled her hand away from my cheek.

“...let’s stop

for today.”

“Mai…”

It wasn’t like I

wanted it. I also didn’t want her to do it. Even so, somewhere inside my mind,

I was afraid that she would hate me if I didn’t allow her to.

There was really

no other way.

She gazed at me as

if in pain, then let me go. Right. Even Mai who was supposed to get along with

me. I could no longer remember the days where we laughed together side by side.

Bam. The rooftop’s door closed.

I scrunched down

and hugged my knees close.

Tears of

self-loathing flowed from my eyes.

“Uuu...uuuhhh...uu….”

The Renako from my

middle-school days who had seen everything stared at me with contempt. Stop being overly spoiled like this.

Everything had been wrong from the beginning.

Wanting to change and become someone who is good at socializing

was plainly impossible, she muttered

to me.

Right, everything

was just like she said.

It wasn’t like I had

been mistreated. It was also wrong if I said I received some violent treatment.

I also hadn’t been avoided. Forget about that, since everyone was being kind—or

rather, they were directing their affections towards me.

No one was angry

at me.

Even so, I had

become overwhelmed with everything. I totally looked like a girl with mental

health problems.

Mai, Ajisai-san.

I’m really sorry.

It would have been

great if I was really someone charismatic, someone strong, someone who always

looked ahead no matter what happened. Just like what the two of them saw in me.

Or it didn’t have

to be as grand as that. It would have been great if I simply had the strength

to keep deceiving people with my artificial side until the end.

I didn’t want

this. I didn’t want to be someone who only thought about how others saw me, someone

who desperately didn’t want to be hated for being overly conscious of other

people’s reactions, someone miserable.

Really, I was

sorry.

I was sorry for

making you misunderstand.

“.....I want to

die…..”

The bell signaling

the end of the afternoon break rang.

For the first

time in my life, I skipped class after lunch and didn’t come back.

I skipped the

entire afternoon, and only returned to the classroom when I no longer sensed

anyone’s presence in the school.

Skipping class,

eh...so I finally turned into a delinquent…

Even though I’d

already felt uncomfortable in school, to skip class like this increased my fear

of what others thought about me. You couldn’t skip school simply out of fear,

you know…

Feeling like I

was some criminal, I went to the classroom…

There was no one there.

I breathed a huge

sigh of relief.

If by any chance

I encountered Ajisai-san, I would definitely say something like I suddenly felt

sick and spout more lies, which would pile up my sins.

“...Ajisai-san.” While

tidying up my desk, I looked at her desk. “...why would you, for someone like

me?”

In the end, it was

meaningless to keep thinking about this. After all, I kept asking the same

question to Mai and she kept answering me with the same reply, but I just

couldn’t comprehend those answers.

You see, during

these moments, I couldn’t shift the setting to ‘Alright, let’s just stop

thinking!’. It really showed how flawed the humankind is. Just hurry up and upgrade your setting, won’t you, society?

I let out a huge

sigh and then picked up my bag.

“Let’s go home…”

Driven by a sense

of guilt for skipping class, I left the school like I was running away.

It had been

nerve-wracking, but luckily, the school didn’t contact my family today.

At dinner, I didn’t

say much and hurriedly finished my meal, locking myself inside my room after. I

thought my little sister said something, but it didn’t reach my ears.

Without dipping

in the bath, I crawled into bed. Even though I was mentally exhausted, the

negative thoughts in my brain kept me up.

I kept saying to

myself that one night’s sleep would make everything better. I forced myself to

shut my eyes. And the next day…

Forget about getting

better mentally. It was turning into a far worse condition.

***

“Mom...I don’t

feel too good...I think.”

“Oh my. Really? What about school?”

I stood in the

living room, still in my pajamas. “I don’t think I can go,” I answered in a

tiny voice, averting my gaze.

My mother studied

me. While at first she seemed worried, she formed a smile.

“I see. You’ve

done your best since starting high school after all. It’s okay. But still, you

can’t use it as an excuse to game the whole day, okay? Just go to bed and

rest.”

“Yeah…”

I nodded and tottered

back toward my room.

When I met my

sister on the way, she tilted her head and asked me, “Huh? Big Sis, are you not

going to school today?”

I didn’t answer

her and kept walking to my room.

I could hear the

conversation between her and my mother behind me.

“Did Big Sis

catch another skipping school sickness?”

My heart stopped.

“...”

Nah, I was really

feeling under the weather today! Not being able to shout my thoughts, I

continued to walk toward my room.

Once again, I

crawled into my still-warm bed and laid down.

Right as I

started to take out my phone, I stopped. It was possible that someone might

contact me, but things were getting awkward since I skipped yesterday. I

couldn’t bring myself to look at the screen.

There were sounds

from the front entrance. My sister said, “I’m going now.” The sound of my

father who was also leaving for work. The sound of my mother doing her chores

from behind this door.

In my bed, I

ignored those noises.

“Aaah…”

I felt like I had

carefully, fearfully furled a spool of thread while travelling through a huge

maze, only to have it snap. I had no clue where to go.

Nah, of course that’s not it. Something

inside of me tried to put up a brave front.

You were just getting too tired. For something like this,

you only need a full day’s rest and then you’d be good to go. That’s why,

tomorrow you’ll go to school with your usual cheerful smile.

You’re exaggerating. To think

that you’re discouraged from overanalyzing how others think about you…of course

no one cares if you’re skipping class. In the first place, you’re only feeling

under the weather. Mom also said the same thing, right? That you’ve done your best

since starting high school.

Tomorrow, you’ll get better and go back to being your

usual self.

Being my usual

self.

“...yeah.”

Inside my room,

with the curtains concealing the sun, I brought the covers up over my head.

Even so, I knew

this.

During my shut-in

days in middle school, I’d felt the exact same thing on the first day. At first,

I’d been awkward about showing up to class, and it made me hesitant to go, but

then the feeling persisted for a long time.

Somehow I ended

up falling asleep without even knowing it. When I woke up, the sky outside was

orange.

I rubbed my eyes

and got out of bed.

“How sluggish…”

I hadn’t dreamt

of anything during my sleep.

Even though one

day usually felt so long, spending it at home made it pass by in the blink of

an eye. I wondered if this was what they meant by the theory of relativity(?).

After rinsing my

face and taking a shower, I waited absentmindedly for dinner.

Without my phone,

I really didn’t have anything to do. It couldn’t be helped, so I stared at the

evening educational show on television. There was a boy and a girl with a bright

future ahead of them looking like they were having fun. I wondered if next

year, or the year after, the few people on the show would still remain on TV or

not...Somehow my thoughts naturally drove toward negativity.

Meanwhile, my

mother asked questions like, “How are you feeling?”, “Are you able to go to

school tomorrow?” or “It would’ve been great if we stopped at the hospital this

morning.”

Hearing her, I

answered vaguely in response.

Then my little

sister came home.

“I’m home—uwaa, you

look like you’re dead.”

“...”

When she didn’t

get a reaction out of me, she snorted and walked off to her room.

I ended up

thinking that it would have been better if I’d locked myself inside my room

until dinner. Exposed to my bright, extroverted sister only reminded me of

people from school.

My sister returned

after changing into her loungewear. She took a seat, playing with her phone.

“Big sis, you’re…”

“...what?”

“Mm...nah, it’s nothing. It’s just, when

you make that kind of sullen face it makes me think, uwaa, how ugly you are.”

“Ha?”

Today I set my role

as a sick person though? Why did she have to say something like that? I responded with a single answer, my eyebrows

furrowed.

My sister, still in

her awful attitude, changed the topic.

“Ah, come to

think of it, do you remember the girls who came over in the summer? They said

that they want to see your old photos. Do you remember where we put our family pictures?

Are they in Father’s room?”

“Eh, what the heck? Of course I’m not showing them my photos.”

“Nah, it’s okay. We can find it if we look for it carefully, right? It’s just

one photo—even if it’s of you, maybe like during kindergarten, or your baby

picture.”

“I already said no!”

I struck the

table.

The noise was

louder than I expected.

The living room grew

silent. The only sound came from the television.

My little sister

stared at me coolly.

My blood ran cold

as I met her fearless gaze.

“You’re so loud.

If you don’t want to, just say so. You didn’t have to hit the table.”

“...ah.”

I drew back my

arms, unable to apologize.

My mother came to

see what had happened and I brushed past her, leaving the living room.

—that day, if my

little sister hadn’t brought up my old photos, I was sure I wouldn’t have

realized it. In some ways, it would’ve also delayed my rehabilitation for a

functional member of society.

But of course, I wouldn’t

say that everything was thanks to her!

I grabbed our

photo album from my father’s room and threw it on the table inside my room.

Sitting on the

chair, I hugged my knees.

“Even though I’d said

that I didn’t want to...Haruna is being too inconsiderate.”

My sister’s words

kept repeating inside my head, recalling a chain of unpleasant times.

“I wonder...why

everyone can easily step inside into other people’s space like that...I really

want them to stop...Just, stop paying attention to me, someone like me...Just

pretend that I didn’t exist…”

I groaned.

From inside my

drawer, I took out a single photo.

It was a photo of

the three of us given by Ajisai-san. We’d taken the photo over the summer. Even

though I looked awkward, the me in the photo had a smile like she was having

fun.

I was in the center,

with Mai and Ajisai-san on either side. We were close to each other, as if we

had been best friends for a long time. I really wanted the relationship between

the three of us to stay like that. On the other hand, I was sure that since

both Mai and Ajisai-san were strong, they could accept any change that came

their way. The only person who was a coward and hadn’t changed was me. I had

been left alone by them, still imprisoned in that summer moment.

I slowly caressed

the photo, my fingertip burning. That was when someone knocked on my door.

“Big Sis, I’m

coming in.”

“Eh?!”

Flustered, I

hurriedly hid the photo under the album.

She barged in

like some trespasser, making me shriek.

“How can you let

yourself in like this? Considering what you did earlier? Did you already forget?

Did your brain unable to remember something more than five minutes?!”

“What the heck are you saying? The photo album is missing from father’s room.

There’s nobody else but you to suspect anyway.”

I hugged the

album to my chest like it was my beloved child.

“I already said

no, right?! How many times do I need to repeat myself?!”

“But there must be a few photos that are presentable, right? You just don’t

want to show your lame ones, right? Let’s just look for a good one.”

“There’s nothing—not even a single good photo! I’ve been trash since the day I

was born!”

“Haa?”

My little sister

let out a low voice like she was disgusted. Hii.

“The only times

you were being trash is when you were in middle school, though.”

“Stop saying that people are trash!”

“You said it yourself…”

Haruna swiped the

album from my hand.

“Just shut up and

let’s do this.”

“Aah!”

Considering our

differences in strength, it would definitely be my loss if we fought for real. I

only managed to grab Haruna’s sleeve weakly.

“I-if I don’t

allow it, you really can’t, okay…? If you can't find even a single picture,

just give up...that’s my only condition...if not, I’ll burn the album right

here right now…”

Haruna sat on my

bed, flipping through the album.

Most of our

family photos had been taken when our father had been obsessed with playing

with his camera. There were also photos I had taken when I didn’t have a phone

yet and borrowed his digital camera. Haruna had also borrowed his camera to

take photos of her friends and other stuff.

“Ah, how about

this?”

“No! I look silly!”

“Then what about this?”

“My hair looks so weird though?!”

“You’re such a pain in the ass…”

“Your choices are awful!”

I turned the

pages desperately.

Was there

nothing? Not even a single presentable photo? A photo where I looked like a

normie leader, was there really none? A miraculous photo?!

“Big Sis, you’re…”

“What?”

“Today, you skipped school, right?”

“Eh?!”

I raised my face

quickly like a pop-up pirate toy.

“N-nah~ I—I just

felt an immense pain in my stomach, that’s why, I took a break just in case,

you know~”

My sister's gaze was

like she already saw through me.

Guh...what was it, was I that

obvious…?

“I don’t know

what happened, and no matter how many times you decide to skip school, it would

never impact my life whether it’s now or in the future, which is why, I really,

really don’t care about this, but—”

Aren’t you being too much?!

“But well, if you

keep getting along with charismatic people like what you’re trying to be right

now, I would also be affected by that. Well, that’s unexpected, I know.”

“....the heck is that?”

I carefully

observed Haruna’s behavior.

Judging by only

her facial expression, I had no clue how she was feeling when she said those

words.

It felt unfair

even though she was my little sister, I wanted her to bare her feelings more.

“It’s not like I

did my high-school debut for your sake though.”

“Of course I know, but I accompanied your special training and everything after

all. That’s why, just treat that like some sort of compensation. Right,

something like an advance payment.”

“...that’s, well…?”

In fact, she

really did help me a lot.

“You couldn’t go

to the salon by yourself, and you said that it was embarrassing to go to the

hair salon with Mom—that was when you made me accompany you. I even helped you

with choosing clothes and makeup. Now if I think about it, that isn’t something

you should ask a girl who was still in elementary school until a year before,

right?”

“Well, that’s…”

What she said

wasn’t everything. There was still a lot of minor stuff she did for me.

Even the current

Haruna who always spoke bluntly was because I’d earnestly begged her in the

past, “Be honest with me if I say anything weird!” Thanks to that, my rapid blabbering

was fixed, and I also got better at controlling my boring talk that didn’t

appeal to people.

It was

embarrassing to say this out loud, but more or less, I was grateful to her for

sticking with me this far.

But there was one

thing that made me very thankful towards her.

“Which is why, if

you go back to being a shut-in, it will also mean my failure, including the

time I spent for your sake. That’s why, tomorrow you’re going to school,

right?”

“I-it’s not like I skipped school! I was already planning to go once I feel

better! I’ve already decided that I’ll go tomorrow…”

Without warning, my

little sister took my phone and unlocked it.

“Ah—wait!”

“Uwaa, look at how many notifications you got. Here—Mai-senpai and

Ajisai-senpai are worried about you. Alright, let’s reply to them, ‘I’m okay,

I’ll go to school tomorrow,’ and…send.”

“Wait! Why did you move on your own, st—stop it!”

Whoop. She threw my phone back

to me.

When I looked at

the screen, uwaa, she really had sent them a message…

“This is crossing

the line even for you...by sending LINE…”

“You should be thanking me. Since I’m always easily doing the things you find

difficult.”

“This girl is

making it feel like I owe her...scary...I really want to see how this girl’s

parents are like...”

Mai,

Ajisai-san...and there were also messages from Kaho-chan. On top of that, when

I saw a few more of my classmates’ names, it made me feel miserable.

Everyone was

really kind.

I wanted to

properly respond to their kindness. I knew it wouldn’t go smoothly like I

wanted, but… these feelings were real…

“With this, you’ll

definitely be going to school tomorrow, eh?”

Haruna looked

proud as she stuck her hands on her hips.

The heck was with

that face? Even though she did it by backing me into a corner…

“You’re so harsh…”

“No, I’m not. I treat my juniors in the club far more harshly than this, you

know? I’m handling you gently. Anyway, you can do something like this easily,

right? Since you share the same DNA as me.”

This girl truly

spared no mercy for me. She blocked off all escape and left me without a place

to run to so I could only move forward. Every time I felt desperate, she’d forcefully

corner me and make me look ahead.

I’d never say it

out loud, but that was the one thing I was most appreciative for.

But well, it

would’ve been great if she could treat me more gently!

“Ah, this pic is

good, right?”

Haruna did

everything as she pleased—forget about being a trespasser, she was also a

looter. She had found the photo on my table, the one I’d hid behind the album

earlier.

The one of Mai,

Ajisai-san, and I. The memories from that summer.

“That’s—”

Not really an old

photo though…

I reached out my

hand, then stopped midway.

“Um, well, I

don’t mind though. Handle it carefully.”

If it was

something that my little sister would get a hold of, well, that one was alright.

That photo was

too beautiful for me. It made me feel sorry that I was the one to hold it.

“Thanks, Big Sis.”

With a cheerful thanks

expected from a sporty girl like her, she left my room.

Leaving as soon

as she got what she needed, huh. She really had a different outlook on life

compared to me who had skipped school.

She really was—good

grief…

I sat back on my

bed and ended up grabbing the album. Since Haruna and I had been half-heartedly

flipping through the pages in a rush earlier, I started from the front again.

How nostalgic.

Well, I hadn’t been terrible at socializing back in elementary school.

There were

pictures with my friends. Among those, there was a girl who had inspired me to

become a charismatic person, plus other girls I couldn’t remember the names of.

There were really a lot of memories.

I wondered if...these

girls also felt the same as me right now. Whether it was worrying about things,

having conflicts with their surroundings, doing their best everyday.

It would’ve been

great if we could have a nostalgic conversation. I wanted to talk with someone

to recall our fun days.

Perhaps this

wistfulness was a form of escape from my current situation. But I only exist

right now thanks to my past. So I was sure that it was okay to reminisce about

the past…

Was there anyone

I could contact?

Someone who

didn’t find it weird with me contacting them now that I was in high school… Or

possibly, someone who would pamper me and satisfy my sense of pride… Ah, that

last thought was totally from Amaori Scumnako.

“...ah, this

girl.”

I focused my gaze

on a single photo.

On the page was

an elementary school girl flashing a peace sign at the camera. It was something

that I had taken with my digital camera during the time I went to cram school.

She had glasses

and a slightly hunched back. In my memory, she was a docile and gentle girl. We

often chatted about our favourite manga,

or had a blast discussing the anime

we watched. Those were some truly happy days.

During our cram

school days, we always spent time by ourselves without worrying about how

others saw us. We simply had fun, so much that it passed by in a blink, our

sparkling days.

“...it would be

great if I returned to my elementary school days when I wake up tomorrow.”

If my wish was

granted, I could have fun in elementary school playing around, reconnecting

with that girl from cram school to talk about manga…laughing until we had

stomachaches, then getting lectured by the cram school’s teacher since we were

being too loud. Plus, while we pretended to reflect on it, we would stick out

our tongues behind the teacher’s back.

Thinking about

the past, I ended up staring absentmindedly at the picture before me. A strange

deja vu hit me.

Uh, somehow, I

felt like I’ve seen this face…?

Nah, of course

that was because this picture was something I took, but that wasn’t it. I wondered

what these feelings were. Somewhere, something that I’d seen.

“...Hmmm?”

As I stared

intensely at the album in front of me, a notification popped up on my phone

screen.

The name that

appeared on my screen was—

[Rena-chin, we’re

waiting for you, okay?]

—eh, impossible,

could it be that—

“.........huh?”

The name of the

girl who went to the cram school with me, if I wasn’t mistaken, her name was…..

Minaguchi Kaho.

For some strange

reason, she had the same first name as a fellow member of Mai’s group—Koyanagi

Kaho.

*****

Translator's Note:

Can we...can we give Haruna the imouto of the year award? Translating the prologue felt hard, it made me extremely feel guilty since I often made fun of Renako, damn girl...

The fourth volume is relatively longer than the previous volumes so it might take a longer time to completely translating this volume. And so, since me and Lyra have circumstances, we agreed that two weeks for a chapter is the longest we would set for the deadline. If things are going well, we hope we could make the release pace faster, we're going to try so we could deliver it as fast as possible.

If you already read the novels, please refrain yourself from spoiling it on the comment section. Thank you.

Edit: I just realized that Kaho called Renako "Rena-chin" in this volume, but since it's pain in the ass I won't change the way she called Renako from the previous volumes. I'll use Rena-chin starting this volume. Sorry for the mistakes.

For more detailed info about the novel, click

here

Credit:

TL and everything else: Meatbun

Proofread: Lyra