V4C6

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*****As I headed to the stage, I couldn’t help but wonder.

If there really

was a way to prevent people from hating you, there was only one method.

It was by being

[normal].

By having the

same interests and disliking the same things, as long as everyone had the same

opinions, there wouldn’t be any conflicts, and conflicts usually led to

hostility. It practically formed the ultimate barrier.

I’d always wanted

to be the same as the others. To match myself with everyone, and then to become

a perfectly [normal] person. I wanted to be a ‘real’ human. I wanted to be a

basic girl, seemingly mass-produced.

For the sake of

that, I refused to tell anyone about my love for gaming, since a high-school

girl obsessed with playing FPS wasn’t considered normal.

I did my best to

search for a ‘normal’ kind of hobby that most girls did, so I could like the

same things as them and, in turn, become ‘normal’.

In order to not

deviate from the ‘normal’ part of society, I had to be really careful with my

behavior. Well, I was still the same inside, so things didn’t go smoothly, but…I

still aimed for it anyway.

For me, being “a

normal girl that you can find everywhere” was the ultimate compliment I could receive.

I was fine not

being a popular person in class. I simply wanted to be someone normal who

wasn’t hated by people around her.

Oozuka Mai, the

girl I’d reached out to during the entrance ceremony, was someone [special].

By being special,

it meant that she was someone far beyond normal.

Special people

stood above everyone. Because of their charming personality and traits, they

wouldn’t be hated by anyone. However, if by any chance, someone did harbor

hostility towards them, these special people could choose to ignore them. In

turn, those displaying unfriendly feelings towards them would be seen as wretched.

Oozuka Mai was that type of an exceptional being—someone special.

Number one. Or possibly, the only one. As long as I kept being a

normal girl who remained glued to Oozuka Mai’s back, I could have a good high

school life. That was my intention.

But it turned out

that I was wrong.

On a certain day

in July, I ran toward the rooftop.

I couldn’t become

someone normal.

If being special

meant surpassing the ‘normal’, then what would happen to those who couldn’t

become normal?

It would be a

given that they’d lag far behind.

Even so, after

seeing that side of me, Mai kept treating me as her special one.

Our secret

relationship started, and I honestly felt content with that.

While Mai treated

me like I was someone special, I felt like I couldn’t mature properly and ended

up retaliating against her. Even though I was simply a failure who couldn’t be

normal.

Using the word

[best friend] as my shield, I desperately hid the ugly side—the true side—of

me.

Because, girls

going out with each other wasn’t considered normal. Having a celebrity as your

lover wasn’t considered normal. The me who had been approached by someone like

her wasn’t considered normal. It couldn’t be.

As I was

drowning, feeling absolutely miserable and holding onto the last straw labeled

[normal], I couldn’t bring myself to let it go.

I was weak. I

couldn’t swim on my own.

Mai’s group was

filled with special girls. They had the dazzle I didn’t have, and each of them

were progressing steadily towards their own goals. Whether it was Satsuki-san,

Ajisai-san, and Kaho-chan, everyone was amazing.

The one who feared

being hated by others was definitely only me. I cracked a dull smile while

holding the wretched emotions in my chest.

Always.

Even then.

If I could have a

second chance.

Just like that

time during my recluse days, inside my dark bedroom, longing to become those bright,

charismatic people I saw on my phone.

If it was okay

for me to—starting today—reach out my hand to become the new me…

Then this

time————

I had something

important to tell Mai.

I slowly got up on

stage.

Let’s go—to the

place where Mai was waiting.

This stage was my

stage.

***

“Mai.”

As I entered the

stage from backstage, my body was instantly basked in the spotlight that

pierced me sharply. Because it was the main stage, the audience was relatively

larger than the one before.

We were three

cosplayers on stage. Right in front of me was Mai, and behind me, Ajisai. I

really was presumptuous, placing myself at the center, sandwiched by the two of

them.

“Let me introduce

them,” Mai said to the audience. “These girls are my good friends, Ajisai and

Renako.”

Right away, she

was greeted by thunderous applause. From my spot on the stage, I could feel the

ground tremble. Honestly, I was starting to feel anxious.

Still, I was

feeling unexpectedly fine.

Perhaps, it was

because my brain no longer could process anything. (I wasn’t being arrogant.)

I didn’t move, my

gaze was still fixed on Mai.

“Well then. Let’s

go straight to the first round. It’s Q&A time, so if you have anything to

ask me, we can do that now.”

I’d missed half

of what she’d said, but I opened my mouth.

“Why didn't you

come to the amusement park that day?”

Mai was about to

hand over the mic, but stopped.

After a moment of

hesitation, she responded to my question without speaking into the mic.

“I told you already.

I had work last minute.”

“Was it because my response toward Ajisai-san’s confession?”

“We’re already moving to the second question? You sure are fast.”

“I already told you, right? That it wasn’t like that. Even so, why would you go

and decide things on your own…”

The audience began

to stir.

I bet it was

because they couldn’t hear our voices. I continued attacking Mai with questions

in front of the people who were starting to wonder whether this was part of the

show.

“I said that I

was seriously thinking about it. Well, I can’t blame you since I am me after

all. Of course, you can’t help but feel anxious…even so…”

“I’d never feel any sort of anxiety. Someone like Oozuka Mai would definitely

never feel that kind of emotion.”

Mai flashed a tight

smile.

I heard

Ajisai-san’s voice from behind me.

“That’s right,

you’re the one at fault here, Rena-chan.”

“Eh?”

“Mai-chan was feeling super anxious. That’s why she kept having negative

thoughts. Even Mai-chan is lost about this.”

“Really?”

Pang. There was a stab of pain

in my chest.

That was right. Even

though I was supposed to have already understood. The fact that Mai could get

hurt.

All along, I was

only thinking of myself.

Mai was still

smiling, but her eyes slowly turned serious.

“Ajisai, this

isn’t the place to talk about something like this. I’m working right now. Let’s

talk about this later.”

Right. We were in

the middle of the stage. Mai had to make this event a success. If only I had a bit more time, was of

course merely wistful thinking.

But I wondered

why. I had a feeling that if I let go of this moment, I would never be able to

exchange words with Mai properly again, and it made me waver.

As I thought

about it, I heard voices coming from the audience.

“It looks like

they’re having issues with the mic right now! Just a little bit, please wait

for a bit! That’s what Oozuka Mai is saying!”

The loud voice

that echoed around the venue startled me.

Another surprise

was that the person who’d shouted those words was none other than Satsuki-san.

Eh. Why would

Satsuki-san…? Why did she do something like that?

“Satsuki…”

Not even Mai

could keep her composure. She furrowed her eyebrows. At the same time, this

time it was Kaho-chan’s turn who responded with another shout, “Apparently that

is the case!” followed with a cough.

I locked eyes

with Satsuki-san. I had a feeling that she was looking at me with a gaze that

said, I’m already doing my part, so the

rest is on you. I clenched my hands.

As if she was

being cornered, Mai muttered, “Why are you doing something like this?”

“Everyone is wishing for your happiness, Mai-chan. It’s not just us, but

everyone here—your fans, everyone. That’s why I want you to understand.”

Mai shook her

head, like she was rejecting Ajisai-san’s words.

“You have no

right to take it this far. Ajisai, I’d never think that you would probe this

much.”

“You can say anything right now and I won’t care. What I want right now is for

Mai-chan to stop running away.”

“I’m not running away.”

I—

I took a step

towards Mai.

“To you, is it

better if I chose to go out with Ajisai-san instead?”

Mai’s expression

crumpled in an instant.

The conclusive

words I uttered were like a knife.

“That’s…yeah, of

course. Ajisai is kinder than me. She’s a lovely girl. I’m sure that she can

make you happy. You two are destined to be together.”

“Mai-chan!”

From behind, Ajisai-san

was about to rush over to her, but I held her back with my arm.

I closed my eyes

gently.

Aah, my heart

wouldn’t calm down.

Going out with

each other meant taking responsibility for each others’ lives.

Whether it was

Mai or Ajisai-san, their minutes or even seconds were so precious.

I couldn’t stop

thinking that they shouldn’t be using that precious time for me.

It would be wasted

on someone like me, who kept running away.

But I was wrong.

They were being

very kind and I broke their heart by constantly saying that someone like me wouldn’t

suit them. And so, I kept running away. It would be simple to reject them and

see their sorrowful expressions.

But the only

thing that I could do for them was—

To become someone

who could proudly stand next to them.

So in my opinion,

a confession was like a form of ceremony to reveal determination.

“I also like

Ajisai-san, you know. The moment I received your confession, I finally understood.

Ajisai-san, you would be wasted on someone like me, but…even so, I have a lot

of fun whenever I spend time with you. I also can’t keep my heart still

whenever I’m talking to you.”

Anguish crossed

Ajisai-san’s face as she heard those words. She pressed a hand over her mouth.

“I see. If so…!”

“Yes, that’s why.”

I took a deep

breath.

One time, I had pulled

on Mai’s hand to leap into the pool.

The courage I had

back then was something that I had conjured up by squeezing bravery from every

inch of my body. It might have taken around three years’ worth of Amori Renako

for that single action.

Which was why…

I was sure that

at this moment, I had used up everything that I’d had for a whole lifetime.

I looked straight

into Mai’s eyes, and then gave her my answer from that summer day.

“I choose to go

out with Ajisai-san.”

I’d brought up

the courage.

In a hushed

voice, Ajisai-san uttered, “Why…”

Even then, Mai

looked like she’d gotten her salvation.

“Aah, is that

so.”

Their reactions

were the polar opposite. Light and darkness. Like a messily made collage, both

Mai and Ajisai-san’s expressions were mismatched.

“I’m so glad.

With this, I can keep being the Oozuka Mai.”

“Hey, Rena-chan. Why?”

Ajisai-san

clutched my arm.

That side of you,

it really was gentle, Ajisai-san.

Rather than being

happy, you chose to grieve over Mai’s sorrow. Because of this side of you, I’m

truly enjoying my high school life.

But it was also

the same with Mai.

I looked at Mai,

who was smiling.

Mai, who kept

forcing herself for my sake. Someone who always shone upon me, just like the

sun. Illuminating the ungrateful me who was too engrossed with my own shadow on

the ground.

I liked both of

them.

That was why, I—

This time, I—

“And I will also

go out with Mai!”

—who cares about

being normal!

“..................ha?”

“Eh………….?”

This hurt.

The silence

pricked my skin like needles.

I really, truly

didn’t want to see their expressions right now… To say those words just now

made me feel like I’d used up a lifetime’s worth of courage… You couldn’t make

something that didn’t exist actually exist, huh, courage…

If I said this

much and closed it with, “Well then, I no longer have anything to say so I’m

taking my leave now!” and fled the stage, went to the rooftop and then launched

myself off of it, the only thing left for me was to be featured in tomorrow’s

morning news. So right at this moment, I didn’t have any choice other than to

say something… Even though it would’ve been great if humans didn’t have mouths…

“I’m going to

date Ajisai-san and also Mai!”

The words that I

repeated held no new information. If I had to describe it, the metaphorical [jerk]

word written on my face boldly with oil-based ink was becoming clearer than

ever.

It would’ve been

great if it was just a mere hallucination, but I felt like I heard Satsuki-san

mutter, “Trash…” I was totally cornered.

No, this wasn’t

over yet. I still had my mouth. I had the tool from ancient human wisdom—words!

“I-I like you,

Ajisai-san! Just like what I said earlier, I’ve always liked you! I can’t

confidently say that this feeling is love, but if I think about it, since the

first time I met you, I was probably already in love with you anyway, and my

heart can’t stop beating whenever I look at you! I like you, Ajisai-san!”

“O-okay………”

Ajisai-san,

bewildered, didn’t accept my words. That was given. It was good enough that she

wasn’t repulsed by my actions... It wasn't impossible though!

“And then! I like

you, Mai! Since that time you saved me on the rooftop, I might have already been

attracted to you! Because it wasn’t like that I’d really hated it when you

pushed me down after all! I’m sorry for being so stubborn up until now! I like

you, Mai!”

“A-aa……...”

As if overwhelmed

by my sudden forcefulness, Mai could only nod stiffly. It was rare for Oozuka

Mai to be lost for words.

Today, I’d reconfirmed

that the tool from ancient human wisdom—words—was a really powerful weapon that

had ignited the tremendous number of conflicts since the old times.

No, wait! I

couldn’t give up yet!

“Normally, I would

think that in this situation, I should accept one person and apologize to the

other person. I even intended to do that before. But when I looked at Mai’s

face showing an expression like it was a given I would turn you down, of course

I definitely couldn’t say that I would date Ajisai-san instead…”

“What are you saying?”

“Even you,

Ajisai-san, you’re the same! You’re too kind. Rather than yourself, you were

too engrossed in thinking about Mai being rejected, don’t you think?! I’m sorry

if I was wrong! Since I know nothing about you, Ajisai-san… Even so, if that’s

really the truth, just say that directly!”

“That’s…”

Ajisai-san placed

her finger on her lips, and then averted her gaze. I was glad she didn’t answer

me with, “That’s right lol, midway through,

I’d already forgotten about Rena-chan, lol.” Huh? This wasn’t the time to

feel reassured.

“That’s why I

decided to forget about being ‘normal’.”

I placed my hand

on my chest, and then declared, “I’m not saying I’m choosing neither of you.

I’ve properly decided to choose both of you. I know that I’m spoiling myself like

this. Still, I really want to be in a relationship with both of you, Mai,

Ajisai-san.”

At my words, the

two of them—

“.....Mai-chan.”

“Ajisai…..”

Both of them

exchanged glances, like they were discussing what they would do about this

situation.

Somehow, this

mood was very far from the cheerful, ‘banzai,

it’s the three of us!’ atmosphere

though!

“Hey, Rena-chan.”

Ajisai-san opened

her mouth while meeting my eyes. Her gaze was so intense that I unconsciously

held my breath.

“I understand

that you are properly thinking about us, thank you. Even so, as expected,

rather than me…”

“Wait a minute, Ajisai.”

Mai caught

Ajisai-san’s hand and interrupted her words mid-sentence.

“If you say it, I

will never forgive you. You are a woman who deserves happiness, Ajisai.”

“Mai-chan…”

Once again, they

stared at each other.

“That’s why this

isn't something like that!”

I forced my body

between them rudely.

“So, the things I’d

wanted to convey didn’t reach you at all, huh! You’re getting it wrong! What I

want is to date both of you! It has nothing to do with your feelings! What I

want, what I wish for, is to take these hands—both of you!”

I gripped both

Mai and Ajisai-san’s hands.

Their unrivaled,

gorgeous facial features invaded my field of vision. It made me want to

apologize somehow.

The thought that

someone like me wouldn’t suit someone like them entered my mind and pushed me

to let go of their hands. But if I let it become like that, I would only repeat

the same things that had happened up until now.

What this

situation needed wasn’t gibberish for the sake of restoring the mood. What I

needed to do was to show my resolve. In order to regain their trust, I should

properly do this.

“Hey. What if…I

choose to go out with Mai, what are you going to do, Ajisai-san?”

“Eh…t-that’s…” Ajisai-san’s eyes wavered.

“I will cheer on

your relationship, of course.”

Her eyes were watering!

“No way! I

definitely don’t want that! Because I want to continue what we’d been doing during

our date last time!”

“Continue what we were doing from our date, that’s…eh, umm, what happened in

the ferris wheel…?”

Ajisai-san’s face

slowly turned red. I nodded my head enthusiastically. My back was drenched in

cold sweat since I was wondering what the heck I was saying. The way I phrased

it was like my only goal was to kiss Ajisai-san, right…

No, but, if you

asked me whether I wanted to do that or not, well…it is something like that

though!

“What about you,

Mai?! What are you going to do if I date Ajisai-san?!”

“I’ll go study abroad in France and wish for your happiness under the faraway

sky.”

“The heck are you saying?! That's definitely not good though! Eh, wait a

minute, you really planned to do that?! Eh, even Ajisai-san is shocked!”

“...Mai-chan…?”

Mai sounded

serious with her declaration. She nodded.

“If I keep being

around you, I would only make Ajisai anxious, since we wouldn’t know if Renako might

turn in my direction. If so, keeping a distance between us would be the most

beneficial for both of us.”

“That’s a completely, utterly, very Mai-like reason, but! I don’t want that! I

don’t want to be apart from you!”

As if securing

the bond between us, I strengthened my hold on their hands.

“Since I like

you, Mai….”

“But you and Ajisai—”

“I also like Ajisai-san though!”

I was completely

serious.

“Both of you are too

kind to the point of choosing to step down for each other, but that’s not good.

Because, right now, I totally have the intention to do this. Since I’m already

currently doing the best for my own sake, I want to grant myself happiness! If

I can’t date both of you, I would be miserable!”

“Rena-chan…what on earth is that…”

Ajisai-san broke

into laughter as she watched me become desperate.

“Because…that is

two-timing you know…?”

“...yeah.”

I nodded meekly.

Right, society labeled my intention as two-timing. On top of that, society also

branded my intention as the worst conduct ever. It seemed like people who did

that got stabbed sometimes. Scary.

Ajisai-san rubbed

her sternum as if trying to calm herself down.

“Personally, it’s

surprising since my first lover is starting our relationship by blatantly declaring

to two-time.”

“That's true. It means that, in our long journey of life, these kinds of things

can happen……..”

This was bad. I

felt like I was spouting horrible things the more I talked. Two-timing Ajisai-san

as my partner? I was better off getting shipped straight toward a black hole if

I really did that.

Don’t be

disheartened now, my heart. Don’t think of this logically, my brain. No matter

how awful moral standards were chasing after you, you should remember the

warmth of their hands.

“But you see, up

until now, I couldn’t believe the stuff that Mai kept saying to me. The fact

that before I met her, I’d never thought of the possibility of a relationship with

the same sex, since it wasn’t normal. That was completely impossible for me,

but in the end she changed my thoughts.”

“Is that so?”

Mai seemed

surprised, like this was the first time she heard about this. Oi.

“That’s why, if

so, I ended up thinking why should I be the only one who stays normal by

getting tied to a one-to-one relationship? Which is why it would be great if

this time you are the ones to match my choice."

“........................................”

Mai and

Ajisai-san could only stay silent after hearing my pushy argument.

Yup…uh-huh.

This was definitely

weird…Even though I was the one who received their confessions at the beginning.

What was this feeling? This mood was completely giving off the air where I was

the one begging, “Wait! Don’t throw me

away!” as I clung to them. That kind of thing.

The one who broke

the silence first was Ajisai-san.

“Hey.”

Ajisai-san turned

and then looked at Mai with a troubled smile.

“What should we

do, Mai-chan…if things become like this, should the two of us go out instead?”

“Me and Ajisai, huh… That’s—I see.”

“Wait! Don’t throw me away!”

I clung to them.

If they left me

alone in this place, I would no longer have confidence to continue this life!

“I will

definitely make you happy! The two of you, I will definitely make both of you

happy!”

In that place, I

ended up getting down on my knees and taking both of their hands. This moment,

the trace of someone who was lecturing Kaho-chan back then was no longer

visible. The one standing in this place right now looked like a knight who had

been caught cheating.

“Well then, three

years! Go out with me until we graduate from high school! I will definitely

make you think that you’re glad you decided to date me this day! I will

definitely make both of you fall for me completely!” I shouted.

“I will never say

‘someone like me’ and belittle myself again! I also won’t doubt the feelings

that you tell me! I will do my best in order to keep your affection for me! I

will show you that I can be someone fit to be your lover! That’s why—that’s

why…………..”

Tears suddenly

filled my eyes and the words were stuck in my throat.

Because

everything that I said was unproven.

The feelings I

had toward them were real, and my intention to go out with both of them was

also real. Still, whether I really could make them happy, everything would depend

on me.

I couldn’t

guarantee that. I couldn’t promise. It might be too much to ask for them to

believe in my words.

Even so, I wanted

to believe. I wanted the two of them to put their faith in me. If they did,

then I felt like I really could make everything come true.

“Please go out

with me, Mai, Ajisai-san… I will show you that I can properly make you happy…

Because I really like both of you…”

A very very

pathetic confession, the one resembling one from a spoiled kid.

I bared all of

myself right at this moment.

From now on…our

future would be…no, at least, I could create a world where I granted my own

happiness. This was my not-normal form of feelings.

The rest was up

to the two of them.

“I’m sorry for

saying something sly, Rena-chan.”

Ajisai-san pulled

me into an embrace, as if she was trying to hide my tears.

“No, it’s a given

that you ended up wanting to say something like that. Since I also realized

that I said something unbelievable to both of you…”

“...for me, as expected, I still can’t believe this. I can’t stop myself from

thinking that from now on, things may only get more painful and many sorrowful

things might happen.”

“Yeah…”

Above the stage

with a crowd of spectators below…

Amidst the world

of light, Ajisai-san opened her mouth. “But

you see. I was the one who stepped ahead without knowing what awaited me.

Despite that, I also don’t want to deny everything that you had bravely said

without listening to you properly.”

I raised my head

and looked at Ajisai-san.

She smiled at me

gently.

“Because,

Rena-chan already said it right? That you want the three of us keep having fun

together.”

I felt like I had

said something along those lines.

The summer break

that we’d spent together had been very enjoyable.

So Ajisai-san

also remembered it.

“I’m selfish and get

angry easily. Even so, I really like Rena-chan after all…”

Ajisai-san’s

voice resembled warm rain.

“Ajisai-san…?”

I held my breath.

“From now until

graduation, I guess? Fufu. Me too, please take care of me.”

“Eh, then, does it mean…”

I slowly stood

up. Her eyes met mine. Ajisai-san shifted her hold so our fingers were

intertwined, like lovers.

Ajisai-san, the

popular girl in class, someone who I’d always looked up to.

Shyly, Ajisai-san

said, “Let’s continue what we were doing from our date. Next time, okay?”

Right now, right

at this moment.

Ajisai-san became

my lover.

My head became so

dizzy, I felt like fainting. In some sense, I also wanted to run around the

stage.

“Thank you,

Ajisai-san, thank you!”

“Kyaa.”

When I gathered

her into an embrace, she let out an adorable shriek. Oops, I couldn’t mess up our costumes. I let go respectfully and returned

to the spot I’d stood.

I shouldn’t be

too hasty. So from now on, I could do something like this anytime… Nah, what

did I mean by something like this, I didn’t

know myself. And in the first place, this wasn’t the end yet!

Another one. I

still have another girl I confessed to.

I also needed to

properly hear her answer.

I rubbed my eyes,

then directed my gaze toward Mai.

“Mai.”

Mai’s expression

made it seem like she was feeling out of place, even though we were standing on

the stage that suited her existence the most.

The thing was, we

still had a mountain of things we needed to talk about.

“I’m sorry for making

you wait for me. I kept swinging your feelings around for my own convenience,

and for that, I’m really sorry. I didn’t have the courage and confidence to do

otherwise. Even so, I really thought about wanting to change. I want to change

myself. If it’s with you, I feel like I can move forward from now on. That’s

why.”

I reached my hand

out to Mai, who looked so fragile bathed in sorrow.

The spark that

had started everything was the moment we began a bet on the role between best

friends and lovers—our match.

I was putting an

end to that right now.

“There was a time

when you hugged me and then jumped into the pool, right?”

“...Yeah.”

“That moment, I interpreted that action as your willingness to spend your days

filled with anguish with me even if one day I can no longer fly in the vast

skies.”

“Yeah.”

No matter how

many times Mai failed, I would continue staying next to her and attempt to

encourage her. I wanted to tell her that. Being together with your precious one

meant we should continue sharing those times, even if they were happy

experiences or painful moments.

“Those words

really made me happy. Since that day, my feelings for you keep growing. But

then…if you really say that you will go out with both me and Ajisai at the same

time…”

With teary eyes,

Mai said, “That would be a very tough thing to do, you know? It means that you

will carry the burden of our problems for both of us, since you’re kind. Thanks

to what had happened recently, I discovered another part of me. The fact that I

might be incredibly high-maintenance woman. Knowing that, what are you going to

do now?”

What was I going

to do?

What was I going

to do if I also took part in carrying the burdens that both of you carried?

I was going to—

“I’m going to do

my best.”

My answer didn't

change, not even the slightest.

I looked at Mai who

had her eyes wide opened, and insisted, “I’m going to do my best, of course.

For now, I will definitely, totally push myself to do my best. I’ll be someone

far stronger than the me right now. And by doing that, I can properly support

you, Mai.”

—honestly, I’d

been thinking about this for the past month.

If it was truly

alright for me to stretch my hand out to the new me from this day on.

Strong like

Satsuki-san.

Gentle like

Ajisai-san.

Honest with her

passion like Kaho-chan.

Captivating like

Mai.

I wanted to be

me, with those qualities—

I was convinced

that it was a goal so high up that it would make my neck sore simply by looking

at it, but still.

The four people, the

[special] figures that existed next to me.

It was impossible

to not admire them when I spent almost everyday talking to them. And also, they

truly acknowledged my existence. Once in a while, I also wondered if I was useful

as a friend. That was why, even though I kept deprecating myself again and

again, I couldn’t stop myself from rejoicing even slightly.

The things I

thought about under my blanket at night weren’t always bad.

Like the time

when Satsuki-san praised me for getting a good score in my test. Or the time

when I made Ajisai-san laugh with my joke. Also the moment when Kaho-chan chose

me to be her partner. And all those times when Mai showed me her smile. I was

also brimming with happy memories.

I’d always hurt

myself with my own words, and buried myself using self-criticism as my shield. There

was hardly any, but still, behind those shadows, deep down I still had the

words to encourage myself.

It wasn’t easy

for a girl who shut herself inside her room to come out onto a stage with her

friend, right? To think that I wouldn’t appreciate her effort for that, in

contrast it would be impossible to not acknowledge her even a little.

Since I’d really done

my best after all.

Ever since I started

high school, I’d really pushed myself to do my best.

Having [Don’t

want to get hated by people] as a goal was very painful, you see.

The truth was, I

hated it when I let people’s judgment of me determine my actions and thoughts,

despite pushing myself and placing effort into everything I did.

I wanted to

change.

Hey, Amori

Renako. Even when you face a huge failure and it breaks you, just leave it at

that moment. You can charge your MP and then stand up once again. Get used to

the failures.

Since I will also

do my best.

I will do my best

so you can look at me in a more positive light.

“From now on, I

will also do my best, Mai. I will show you that I’m not saying empty words.”

“You are.”

The light

shimmered in her eyes.

“Trust me, Mai.”

Her eyes wavered.

The light turned

into a teardrop that flowed down her cheek.

“I want to become

lovers with you, Mai. I don’t want to be best friends. I also don’t want Rema friends. Instead, I want you to be

my lover.”

“Renako.”

“I like you, Mai.”

Aah. Mai let out a voice of

astonishment.

“I’d never

thought that this day would come.”

Mai was—Oozuka

Mai was crying.

Something that

she definitely wanted to hide from me. She was there before me as her face glimmered

with tears.

“I really hated

it… Since I really love you, I didn’t want to give up on you for Ajisai… But, I

didn’t want to show you my pathetic side, so much that I ended up thinking I

had no other options, that it was the last option I could choose for your

sake…”

Ajisai-san put

her arm around Mai’s shoulders.

“Yeah,

yeah…Mai-chan. It’s okay now. It’s alright for you to not push yourself now.”

This was the

first time I was seeing this side of Mai.

She was really

adorable and endearing.

I wanted to cry

again.

“That’s true. Mai,

you were being too stubborn. Even back then, you ended up organizing that party

on your own. That gave me a hard time, you know?”

Both Ajisai-san

and I hugged Mai while smiling.

Under the

spotlight, we had tears in our eyes. Somehow it was so bizarre.

I like Mai, and I

also like Ajisai. My chest felt so full.

The feelings I

had for them both were overflowing.

Where had these

enormous feelings been sleeping all this time, I wondered?

It felt so lovely

and endearing that I felt like crying.

“I really like

you, Mai.”

“Me too. I like you. I love you, Renako.”

Mai nuzzled her

head on mine. Her fragrance mixed with my messy hair.

At last, I could share

my true feelings.

With this, I

became lovers with Mai.

We stepped into

another new relationship.

“Hey, I like you,

Ajisai-san.”

“Yeah. Me too. I like you. I like Rena-chan.”

We pressed our

foreheads together. I could feel her warmth.

“I will

definitely make the two of you happy. I will do my best so I can be someone fit

to be your lover.”

I was sure that I’d

declared something like this since I was getting ahead of myself.

Even so, right

now I couldn’t hear my inner voice, which was likely saying, “What on earth are

you talking about?”

Because what I

said wasn’t a promise. It was also not a contract. It was simply a wish. A vow

for the future.

I was determined

to live with that intention from now on. I was sure that many difficult

obstacles were already awaiting me in the future. There were too many variables

to count. In the first place, to think that someone intended to date Mai and

Ajisai-san at the same time and wanted to become a person who suited them…what

kind of super woman was that?

Also, I still

didn’t really know but something called jealousy was apparently a very strong

emotion, and I might not be able to win.

Even so, I would

just think about it when the time comes.

This was okay. Often,

something that was decided thoughtlessly tends to

fail numerous times. And if it was something like failure, I was already used

to it.

From now on, I

might be shown again, again, and again how powerless I was as a human.

And when that

time comes, I would definitely be troubled by it and struggle, but stand up

once again.

Nevertheless, I

would continue moving forward even with tears filling my eyes, since that would

be the only thing I could do.

It would be

alright. The goal was so faraway, but still, I was sure it wasn’t something

unattainable.

Because I am

Amori Renako.

I am someone who

received their affection after all.

*****

For more detailed info about the novel, click

here

Credit:

TL and everything else: Meatbun

Proofread: Lyra