V1C2

Parsed with an automated reader. The content accuracy is not guranteed.

‘What are your hobbies, Princess

Matilda?’

She gave a wry smile at the tea set,

as she thought to herself; this “Princess” is an unbalanced woman who was

passed over years ago.

They were having tea again.

Matilda tilted her head

thoughtfully to one side as she replied, ‘Hobbies…? Maybe…chess and

backgammon?’

Truth be told, she did not really

have a true hobby. Chess and backgammon had been exercises on tactics and strategy.

While she had been pleased her father was her opponent, but she’d felt she had to

show him her strength, desperately giving it her all. But truthfully, she

didn’t actually like chess or backgammon, it was only because her father was

her opponent she had enjoyed them.

Reading and swordsmanship had been

learned because they were a necessity. She was unsure whether sewing and

knitting could be regarded as hobbies.

She stopped to wonder; was she a boring

woman?

That was depressing.

This would not do, she should

behave like a grown up. She was in another country now. For now, she should

study her royal duties so that when she starts, the Emperor before her would

not be burdened by her inadequacies. She was sure this was what was required of

her.

‘Maybe we’ll play together someday

soon.’ He said with his usual refreshing smile.

‘Yes, when you have time,’ Matilda

replied smiling.

There most likely would never be

time.

After their tea, which must have

looked lovely and happy to onlookers but was truly empty, Matilda returned to

her rooms.

Ten days have passed since

Matilda’s arrival in Barenshiaga, Leandroth made an effort to see Matilda when he could. It

made her worried and apologetic. Since he was too busy to have supper with her,

they set their next meeting for another of his tea time breaks. Matilda could

not find a good reason to refuse since he invited her to join him despite being

busy, she decided to accept. Since they wouldn’t see each other for a while,

Matilda thought of things they might talk about.

Matilda had been surprised when she

heard Barenshiaga accepted the political alliance through marriage. Sitting on

a wisteria chair, her new favourite thing she discovered in her short time

here, she opened a book on Barenshiaga history. She had repeatedly read it over

and over since being told she was being betrothed to Barenshiaga. As a child, she had read Barenshiaga history as part of her tutored subjects, now she was

reading it as a citizen. It gave her a bit of an odd inexplicable feeling. But

she did not dwell on it, and concentrated on the book. After a few minutes of

reading, she looked up, a sensation washed over her. So she stood up and looked

out into the garden that her window overlooked. In the courtyard, she could see

Leandroth and a noblewoman chatting amicably. This was something she’d seen

quite a few times. He was always smiling and friendly, making the woman laugh

like he was tickling her. He was good at talking, and making people feel at

ease with him she concluded as she watched the dazzling pair, she sighed and returned to her

chair.

She used to think that being called

“Princess” was an amazing thing. She used to believe as long as she worked hard

she could achieve what she wanted. But persevering for such a long time would make

one tired and she was tired. She wondered if she should return home, but she

had no place there anymore. She had been called “Princess” to the world, but it

was only just for show: To boost the morale of their citizens. She had thought

she had been helping her father; managing schedules, brewing tea, but these

were only trivialities. Sometimes, she went to the battlefield but she was only

there as decoration, a placeholder to show the soldiers royalty is with them.

(Zuben: Why are they warring? I thought they were at peace? Convenient nonsense

is convenient)

Just by being there, her presence

encouraged the soldiers' morale, they were more receptive to commands and showed more enthusiasm. Despite her exaggerated status, she was only a girl. When

confronted with the unfamiliar, she would be nervous and want to escape

quickly. Her thoughts must seem selfish; it wasn’t so bad, was it?

The emperor was kind; however, she

was suspicious of his motives. Looking out the window, she thought of home

again. She did not have to persevere anymore. She did not want to have to live.

Her father, the king, had wanted a son. Her fiancé, the Emperor, wanted an

Empress to hide his mistress behind. No one wanted Matilda. She sat leaned back

in her wisteria chair, staring off into the distance. She remembered she had

brought the poison with her. She looked down at her chest, the small vial hung down

a chain nestled between her breasts. (Zuben: This chick is depressed and

depressing.) Every royal Princess is given this secret medicine, because they

have to marry far from home and might end up in life or situation that was

untenable.

Matilda was the only daughter of

the sickly King of Icecoreta, so she had been taught and encouraged as the

future Queen of Icecoretta. Though, her father still loved Matilda’s mother, he had been encouraged by his advisors to remarry. He married his deceased wife’s

younger sister. Despite being relatives, the new Queen and Matilda were not

close. She was not mean, but rather aloof. When Matilda turned sixteen; the

queen gave birth to a baby boy and another the year later. Matilda still worked

hard with the thought that she was the future queen of Icecoretta. But her

father pulled away from her, so much so that she did not feel like she was a

part of the family any longer. He never really cared for her as his daughter,

she thought, he only really wanted sons. In Icecoretta culture, a child was not fully human

until they successfully reached age of seven, before that they were still fae

and if they die, they return to the fae world. Matilda had been raised as a

queen because there had been little choice, but the councils decided a woman

could not succeed the throne; she did not have the right. The feeling of being

unwanted grew year by year. She still performed her duties, going to meetings

and ceremonies and balls. Her younger brother was named Crown Prince once he

turned seven. After three years passed, he turned ten, but the ascension

ceremony had not been performed. It seemed because she was still there,

carrying out the duties of the Crown. Despite all this, she still yearned for

her family’s love and acknowledgement. Despite the increasing feeling of

neglect and loneliness, she had not drunk the poison.

Her wedding was in one month and

twenty days…

If she took a drop of this

medicine, once every day, she would die in ten days.

She took pick the vial from out of

her cleavage and held it up to the light of the sun. It was a blue liquid in a

beautiful blue bottle. It sparkled in the light.

It would make things easy.

I love you. I like…

She smiled bitterly. Such a foolish

woman she was, having such vivid sexual fantasies about man she had only met a

few times.

Maybe her brothers would be sad.

They had become close in time, they practised martial arts together. But they

would overcome their grief in time, they were bright and healthy. But as for her father and

Leandroth, she knew they would not care if she was gone. She’d thought it would be right to

marry politically and become Empress. The union would keep up appearances.

Originally, she would have been thankful for a delay, but it was just

exhausting trying to look sincere and grateful.

Five days passed with her in that

vague state.

Leandroth, who made time to meet

and chat for some mysterious reason, was smiling and chatting in the gardens

and courtyards with noble and high ranking women. She was never invited along

for these trysts.

She breathed in and breathed out.

She was tired.

She had studied everything from

politics, economics, ethics, trade, swordsmanship, strategy and tactics to help

her father from her childhood. She even acted as her father’s secretary so she

could understand the intricacies of running the affairs of state.

To keep her father close, she

studied martial arts. She made sure never to be an embarrassment to her father

by studying clothing, jewellery, and practising cosmetic techniques so that she

looked well when socialising. Despite her fear of the battlefield, she headed

out to boost the troops morale. She wanted to be of use to her

father and the kingdom. She had worked hard in her duty. She wanted to be a beloved

daughter.

She wanted him to see that she was

necessary.

In Icecoretta, a woman could not be

crowned ruler.

In her heart of hearts, she had

always hoped her father would change that law. Now, she felt like she was trapped in

ice, forever frozen.

She wanted to be born a man; she

wanted to be needed like her father needed her brother

She wanted to be seen.

There was some nausea, but she bore

with it.

She took out the glittering blue

bottle from her bosom.

‘This is my life…’

She took off the pendant cork of

the bottle and placed a drop at the back of her hand. She hesitated a moment before she licked the light blue drop.

Was it a trick of the mind or was

she shaking due to the medicine?

She suppressed the vigorous shaking

and replaced the cork and placed the necklace back around her neck.

The twinkling liquid was beautiful.

She really wanted to have a good

rest. No one needed an ugly perverted woman like her. She could not deny that

truth, but it still saddened her.

However, tears did not fall.