Chapter 4 - I Want You

Translator: humu

Editor: MochiUsagi

Only Heaven knew when it began. All that remained in Xue Yixin’s eyes was an enemy…… a lover named Tong Lengfeng. When they first met, it was plain to see that he looked down on the other. Tong Lengfeng was the type who didn’t put in effort, yet was still able to easily attain the title of the ’Second Best in school’. Xue Yixin really couldn’t put in words, just what the other had that attracted him. But love was mystifying. The more it was impossible, the more possible it could be.

More than half of his college life had already passed. Xue Yixin’s ear had always been in torment from the noise at every passing moment. He closed his eyes. The images in his brain that popped up were images of that person’s spirited and unyielding character. At this moment, standing next to Tong Lengfeng was, once again, a flower.

Forget it. Why would he make trouble for himself? Donning a self-mocking smile, Xue Yixin ignored those people pointing at him as he continued walking. Xue Yixin walked towards the secret hideout he had found by accident.

“Tsk, it’s that nerd again. Everytime I see him, I get chills and become uncomfortable all over. Except for studying, I really wonder what else he can do. Living on this earth is practically a waste of the country’s grains. Lengfeng, from what I see, the gaze he uses to look at you is somewhat strong. You mustn’t care about this kind of person.” No one had ever seen what kind of eyes were hidden behind Xue Yixin’s glasses. Also, what kind of eyes would that be? Anyone who had seen Xue Yixin would become curious. There was even someone who had used this as a gamble. Yet, no matter what, Xue Yixin had never satisfied their imaginations.

With his right arm around the waist of his new girlfriend, Tong Lengfeng looked at Xue Yixin walking by. Tong Lengfeng merely furrowed his brows a little and didn’t say anything else.

“Let’s go. I’m hungry.” A cold and indifferent voice revealed Tong Lengfeng’s impatience. He was never a person who was full of curiosity, or someone with serious thoughts. But someone was an exception.

As if feeling Tong Lengfeng’s unhappiness, the girl standing next to him used her soft tender hand to grab Tong Lengfeng’s hand, which was of the same temperature. The deep gaze in her eyes looked at the man she deeply loved.

The Boss had spoken, so everyone didn’t say anything else. They earnestly followed alongside him, slowly leaving.

One walked to the North, one walked to the West. Yet how could the pounding heart be suppressed by the mere distance?

A thunderous and stormy night brought about the biggest snowstorm in 60 years. The strong chilly air froze midair and the rain that hadn’t fallen, slowly turned into thick snow. All of the electricity was affected and the winter night with no electricity felt as if a sword was piercing into the flesh, penetrating all the way into the bones.

Almost everyone was hiding in their homes, constantly shivering, and hated that they couldn’t wrap themselves in a ball of fire. They could only spend the night like this.

This was the first time Tong Lengfeng had felt that he was so very unlucky. Ever since he came out from the womb, this phrase “cut a sorry figure”, had never been used on himself. But today, not only did he cut a sorry figure, he even felt fear and anxiety.

After sending the girlfriend back to her rented place, the snow suddenly turned heavy while he was on the way back home. His surroundings turned blurry. The path in front was blocked by a fallen tree. He didn’t want to walk back. There was not a single person on the street. He hid in a narrow public telephone booth and waited to be rescued.

The winds became stronger, the snow became heavier. As time went by slowly, the hopes of getting rescued became slowly smaller.

His head felt heavier and heavier. His biological clock was telling Tong Lengfeng that it was time for him to sleep, but his logic was still desperately hanging on. The thirst for life surpassed all things.

The wind was desolate and the snow was binding. In not less than 30 minutes, the heavy snow sealed the telephone booth tightly. Pulling his clothes tightly around himself, Tong Lengfeng felt that his own body temperature was following the temperature of the world, steadily decreasing.

Squeezing his eyes shut, an image floated up in his mind. It wasn’t his parents, it wasn’t his friends, it wasn’t his girlfriend. It was a weirdo, whom he had hardly interacted with.

He really wanted to know the appearance of that pair of eyes behind the glasses.

Actually, Tong Lengfeng envied Xue Yixin. It’s fine if he was ugly, but Xue Yixin could live so freely and openly. He was not affected by the world and only focused on living in his own world. This wasn’t criticism, this was sincere appreciative praise.

When one was facing death, would one think of such messy thoughts as well?

The silent street filled with the windy snow, echoed the sound of nearly incomprehensible footsteps. Without caring if the owner of the footsteps was good or bad, the desire to live made Tong Lengfeng smack the glass of the booth and scream out continuously.

“HELP—— There’s someone here! HELP!……” He kicked the door of the booth with a leg. This was the benefit of having quivering vigor. On the side of the glass where he kicked, the accumulated snow fell with a “pilipala” sound and onto the ground. Reflected on the glass was a stranger’s unfamiliar face, yet it gave Tong Lengfeng a sense of familiarity.

“Lengfeng.” This was the first time Xue Yixin looked at Tong Lengfeng with such close distance. This was also his first time calling the name that was branded on his heart, so intimately.

He pulled on the door with all his might, but the water from the snow had already permeated into the seam of the door, causing him to be sealed to death. Even if Tong Lengfeng pushed from the inside, he was also unable to move the door.

“Move aside!” A deep and hoarse voice made people feel especially safe at this time.

Shrinking into the furthest corner, Tong Lengfeng quietly watched as Xue Yixin punched the glass door over and over again. The tough glass gradually formed spider cracks, and was dyed with the colour of blood.

The blood red colour pierced Tong Lengfeng’s eyes. As a man, Tong Lengfeng knew that he shouldn’t cry, but was helpless against those rebellious tears that slipped past and slid out of his two eyes. Slowly, his vision blurred, his ears couldn’t pick up any sounds……

“It’s alright.” The distance now between him and Tong Lengfeng was less than 10 cm. Xue Yixin held his two fists tightly. He suppressed the raging desire to pull Tong Lengfeng into his arms. The blood that flowed was very quickly frozen by the extreme cold temperature.

What a warm voice, what a warm person.

Tong Lengfeng indulged in his instincts and rushed into Xue Yixin’s embrace, tightly gripping Xue Yixin’s clothes as he soundlessly sobbed.

Xue Yixin’s body temperature was originally relatively low. In his opinion, no temperature could make him feel warm. But the warmth of Tong Lengfeng was hot and beautiful.

Releasing the tightly clenched fist, he considered for a moment. Xue Yixin used his uninjured hand to hug Tong Lengfeng, who had a similar height as him. He continued hugging him until Tong Lengfeng raised his head.

“Your eyes are very beautiful.” This was the first sentence Tong Lengfeng said to Xue Yixin. Until many years later, Tong Lengfeng still remained indulged and addicted to that pair of warm, gentle eyes. But all of these were for the future.

The moment he heard this line, Xue Yixin knew that Tong Lengfeng had recognised him.

“Let’s go.”

“En. Let’s go home.” Wiping his tears away, Tong Lengfeng held onto Xue Yixin’s hand, pledging a promise of loyalty and faithfulness of all time.

Unable to believe the words that the ears heard, Xue Yixin’s shock was written all over his face.

One hand caressed Xue Yixin’s face, not giving him a chance to consider. Tong Lengfeng’s red eyes were filled with a cunning gleam at this moment.

“Once you’ve agreed, there’s no……”

“No taking back!” Removing his coat, he covered Tong Lengfeng’s body with it. Xue Yixin stubbornly used his own warmth to protect his own lover.

That night, the two who weren’t completely familiar with each other, embraced one another. They became the other’s closest and most intimate person.

After the storm, the weather turned exceptionally sunny and clear. The sunshine down on the school compound, making it warm. In half a month, the country’s leaders showed their competencies. C City’s infrastructures that were destroyed in the storm were quickly restored. The power was back on again. The former glory was once again presented in front of the crowd.

C University’s biggest recent news was that the school’s grass 1 , namely Tong Lengfeng, was actually a homosexual. Also, his partner was a weirdo, namely Xue Yixin. This rumor originated from Xue Yixin’s previous girlfriend, so the credibility of it must be high.

Tong Lengfeng’s friends didn’t dare to confront Tong Lengfeng up front. But his occasional disappearance really made them inevitably suspicious.

On this day, Tong Lengfeng had once again ghosted them during lunch. The moment class ended, nobody knew where he went.

They respected Tong Lengfeng and took him as their closest friend. They didn’t want Tong Lengfeng to ruin his entire life for a moment of confusion. But whether or not the situation was as terrible as what they imagined it to be, they must return everything back to normal before it was unsalvageable.

As compared to the other’s worry and fear, Tong Lengfeng was pretty much enjoying this indulgence during this period. His 3 meals a day were lovingly prepared by Xue Yixin. It was even that he felt that he was gaining weight recently.

Nested in Xue Yixin’s hidden place, the two men cuddled together intimately, yet peacefully.

The winter winds were fiercer than the warm sunshine. Sitting underneath the shade of the tree, it was further bone piercing cold. Yet, Tong Lengfeng felt that he was feeling unprecedented warmth, despite knowing that Xue Yixin’s body temperature was lower than normal. In his heart, he felt like the gentle breeze in March.

As he placed a piece of meat in Tong Lengfeng’s bowl, a faint and gentle smile hung on Xue Yixin’s face. Xue Yixin liked cooking for his beloved and was even more anticipating the look of satisfaction on Tong Lengfeng’s face.

“Are you planning on raising me to be fat, so that you can guarantee that you won’t ever wear a green hat?!” A sentence that resembled a joke made Tong Lengfeng hang a naughty smile. When used on Xue Yixin, it gave off a flirty feeling.

“If you really did want to go, it’s not like I have a choice either.” An indifferent sentence; a sentence that made listeners unable to discern any waves of emotions. But this sentence verbalised Xue Yixin’s helplessness. He didn’t say it out loud, but without Tong Lengfeng, he would be a living corpse.

The atmosphere turned heavy in a moment. Since young, whatever Tong Lengfeng wanted was what he would have. Everyone followed his whims, spoiled him, flattered him and praised him. There was envy and jealousness, which made him have a thick sense of accomplishment. But once he went up against Xue Yixin, he finally knew what a nemesis really was. Xue Yixin existed to be his bane. In other words, it meant that without himself, there was no Xue Yixin. The more Tong Lengfeng thought so, the more important he felt that he was. He also felt that Xue Yixin’s attitude was more tolerable.

“Okay, I know you’re a tsundere, so I won’t get mad.”

Turning his head to kiss that pair of thin lips, which wanted to continue talking, Xue Yixin felt that he was falling deeper for this man.

Their meal was nearly finished. Tong Lengfeng placed down the utensils he was holding and wrapped his two arms around Xue Yixin’s neck. He took the initiative to tangle their tongues in a dance.

Tong Lengfeng’s experience could be said to be richer than Xue Yixin. But even so, he never took away Xue Yixin’s dominance. To him, it didn’t matter if he was the top or bottom. He would never feel that he resembled a girl in any way.

“Lengfeng, I want you.” Thousands of words, millions of phrases would never be able to describe Xue Yixin’s heartfelt thoughts. Yet speaking of love would make him look so pretentious. That pair of crystal clear eyes, even if it was hidden behind a thick frame, could still make Tong Lengfeng drown in deep love.

“I know.” Every time he exchanged kisses with Xue Yixin, he always felt that their bodies were blending and merging with each other, becoming one entity. It was extremely beautiful.

A person with glowing spirits that didn’t have modesty in his words; this was Tong Lengfeng. A person who was adored by many had only one Xue Yixin, whom he gave all his love to.

Returning back to the dorm, his face was radiating with happiness. Everyone had never seen such an expression on Tong Lengfeng’s face before and felt panicked. However, they knew that they couldn’t reveal a single flaw or else everything would become terribly odd.

Just like usual, Tong Lengfeng acted as so, and they acted like themselves. Up until one random night. Qi Shao’s birthday just happened to fall on the start of a new year. As Qi Shao’s friend, Tong Lengfeng had no choice, but to attend Qi Shao’s birthday celebration.

“Xin, today is Qi Shao’s birthday, so I won’t go over to find you. You are not allowed to cheat on me! Careful, I might just cut down that bastard who dares to defy loyalty!” Reading the message he sent out, Tong Lengfeng couldn’t resist smiling. He imagined the expression Xue Yixin would have when he read it.

“En, okay.” What a rascal, who didn’t know how to jam things up. Every reply was always so dull. But this was Xue Yixin, the man he loved.

Carrying a smile on his face, Tong Lengfeng returned to his group of friends. Just as in previous years, Tong Lengfeng couldn’t avoid being forced to drink. Perhaps it was Tong Lengfeng’s state of excitement or maybe it was because of everyone’s purposeful intentions, Tong Lengfeng, who didn’t like getting drunk, was thoroughly taken down before the 12 midnight came.

Looking at each other in dismay, all of the half-drunkards sobered up the instant Tong Lengfeng went down. Everyone supported Tong Lengfeng with care as they carried him to Qi Shao’s bed to rest, afraid that he would be cold. For everything that happened afterwards was something that made them drown in regret for the next half of their lives. If they knew that this would be the ending, they wouldn’t have pitted Tong Lengfeng like this, no matter what others said.

Watching Qi Shao’s gradually disappearing silhouette, Xue Yixin’s heart was filled with agony. He was very fearful that such a day would arrive and wasn’t willing to face the arrival of this day. But the Heavens just loved to play such a joke on him.

It 2 was obviously impregnable, but one line of crevice was all it took to damage it fatally. Forget it. This was good too. At least there were some memories left for him to continue living on. As for his family’ s calling, it was about time to complete it.

Tong Lengfeng’s right eyelid had been twitching non-stop these few days. People always said that if the left eyelid twitches, it’s jumping into fortune. If the right eyelid twitches, it’s jumping into disaster. Tong Lengfeng wasn’t someone superstitious, but he started to feel a little worried. This was because Xue Yixin had become a little odd in this period. But to pinpoint the area that was odd, was something he couldn’t do.

Looking at Xue Yixin from the corner of his eyes, Tong Lengfeng handsomely wrinkled his eyes into crescents. It was as if he wanted to see something out of it, but Xue Yixin was undoubtedly a natural-born conspirator. His two eyes were glued straight ahead, as if the one that had a problem was Tong Lengfeng. Tong Lengfeng was stared at by others, until he was embarrassed and let out a dry “hehe”.

“Xin, I want to be the top today.” After a hot kiss, Tong Lengfeng mentioned his heart’s desires. Being held by Xue Yixin was no big deal, but as a man, he too, wanted to hold his most beloved, to feel that person’s internal warmth.

Pausing for half a beat, Xue Yixin gazed at Tong Lengfeng, who couldn’t appear any more serious. Xue Yixin nodded.

As compared to Xue Yixin, Tong Lengfeng, who had more moves, was dying in happiness. He believed that Xue Yixin must have loved him to death. Or else, based on his understanding of Xue Yixin, Xue Yixin wouldn’t have let go of his pride as a man, no matter what.

This sort of happiness was a feeling that no others could give him. Even if it was the moment where Tong Lengfeng went to bed with a girl for the first time during his unsensible youth, he had never felt a tenth of this excitement. This person’s sweetness and beauty was something he would never be able to forget.

Without considering that it was Xue Yixin’s first time, Tong Lengfeng played to his heart’s content. The craving for being filled started appearing on the morning of the next day, as he yearned for the other’s body.

His arms didn’t feel that person’s warmth, his back didn’t feel that person’s coldness. He reached out a hand and searched around messily, but still did not feel anything. The right eyelid suddenly twitched strongly. Even if he held it down with a hand, he wasn’t able to settle down the panic in his heart.

“Xin…… Xin! Where are you? Xin, where are you? Answer me!…..” The desolate room only echoed Tong Lengfeng’s sole voice. That quivering heart had never subsided.

A sudden fierce shudder ran all over him, as if he had thought of something. Tong Lengfeng harshly pulled the covers off him and anxiously combed the house in search of Xue Yixin. But the person had left. No matter how one tried to search, it was impossible to find him. Without a single word, Xue Yixin had really vanished from everyone’s life.

“No——!”

Nobody knew where Xue Yixin went. Even the school teachers hadn’t known. Following the address recorded, Tong Lengfeng entered an empty room. Xue Yixin really left without a trace, as if the world never contained such a person.

A span of 10 years vaguely passed by. At the peak of the modern business street, crowned by the halo of a prime golden bachelor, Tong Lengfeng had never spent a day in happiness.

Friends and acquaintances dared not pluck the fur of the tiger, watching Tong Lengfeng live day by day, yet never showing a single ripple of emotions. As if living like the dead.

“Mom, what’s wrong?”

Hearing her son’s icy cold words, the bitter disappointment at the beginning turned into today’s heartache. She understood her own son. She knew of his hardships. Fortunately, he could close his eyes and get some rest recently. At the beginning, he had never rested for an entire month. The doctors were all close to giving up, losing all hope. At that point, she understood that unless that person was found, her son would never be happy. But the sky was so broad, the world was so big. Finding one person was just like digging the oceans for a needle.

“Come home and eat tonight. Mom cooked good food for you.”

“En, okay.”

Placing the file in his hand aside, he rubbed his dry eyes. Tong Lengfeng smiled bitterly.

He knew how much his close friends and family were worried for him, but he truly couldn’t forget that person. He didn’t wish to forget either.

Leaving without turning back to the most beautiful period of their lives, just what exactly was that person’s feeling at that point of time? Clearly he couldn’t live separated from him, yet he chose to leave ruthlessly. Could it be that Tong Lengfeng really couldn’t instil trust in him , couldn’t make him believe in himself?

My god, please let me find him! 10 years of waiting was already much too long. I don’t know if I still have another 10 years to wait down the road. He was afraid. He was worried, he feared, he felt anxious…… 10 years of time was really enough.

“CEO, there’s someone here for you.” Upon knocking the door, a young and beautiful female secretary entered. It was a pity that such beauty was of no use. The falling flowers yearned for love, but the heartless brook rippled on 3 .

“Have an appointment?”

“None.”

“Then do you now feel that you have the author……”

“Not at all, CEO. That child said that he must see you. He looks a little like you.” What she didn’t dare say, was that he looked like a figure made from the same mould. Those who have stayed a long time in the company all knew that their CEO had someone he deeply loved.

“Oh?” Tong Lengfeng’s interest was piqued.

The instant the female secretary took large strides out of the room, she heaved a sigh of relief. Following Tong Lengfeng’s back, the female secretary envied the one Tong Lengfeng loved. That person was probably worthy of the long awaited happiness.

Seated obediently in the lounge chair, the table had a magazine on it and on the cover was actually a notice to find someone. Looking at the large bolded words, the boy’s eyes held full of anticipation.

Following the secretary’s guide, Tong Lengfeng walked to the boy’s side. Sensing that someone was nearing himself, the boy turned back.

My goodness, just look at how much resemblance there was! Who would dare to say that they weren’t father and son?

Tong Lengfeng’s indifferent eyes flashed a gleam of surprise and then anger.

Without waiting for Tong Lengfeng to speak, the boy very politely stretched out his right hand.

“Hello, I’m Xue Yitong, my dad is Xue Yixin.” Tong Lengfeng had forgotten the expression he had on at that moment. Even more so was the manner of departure at that time. Tong Lengfeng only remembered that when he came back to his senses, he had already stepped into a completely unfamiliar place.

“This is the place where we rely on to survive. Dad lives here.” Seeing his own birth father, Xue Yitong had a difficult time trying to cover up his inner excitement. But he also knew that the only one that could make Tong Lengfeng excited was his warm and forbearing dad, who flowed like a gentle stream of water.

Everyday from 1 to 8 am, Xue Yixin must get on the bed and sleep. If he didn’t sleep during this time, he could forget about having a sleep at night.

Xue Yitong brought Tong Lengfeng to Xue Yixin’s bedside. Giving his own dad a glance, Xue Yitong left. When Xue Yitong walked away, he didn’t forget to close the door.

Sitting on the side of the bed, Tong Lengfeng gently caressed Xue Yixin’s face, which had visible changes after 10 years. Tong Lengfeng wanted to take him so ruthlessly at least one time, but he couldn’t. Since he knew that the pain and suffering had not only tormented him alone. It had also tormented Xue Yixin, who laid on the bed.

When Xue Yixin left Tong Lengfeng, Xue Yixin did not live well, just as expected.

For some unknown reason, this sleep passed exceptionally well. A constant warmth embraced him, letting him have a dreamless night. Gradually opening his eyes, what entered his line of sight was a dazzling gaze. Xue Yixin squinted, planning to get up from bed but……

“Morning, Xin.” In the moment that Xue Yixin woke, Tong Lengfeng awoke too. The two arms encircling Xue Yixin tightened its hold, not letting Xue Yixin sit up. As if he couldn’t believe his own ears, Xue Yixin’s back faced Tong Lengfeng, with a face full of pain. The warmth transmitting from his back told him that this wasn’t a fraction of his fantasy. It was still that sentence: Whoever birthed the child knew them well. This person was most probably brought home by Xue Yitong.

“Are you not willing to see me? Do you wish for me to leave? ……Do you not want me anymore?” In Xue Yixin’s memory, Tong Lengfeng had never once used such a miserable tone before, “If you don’t want me, why did you hold me? If you don’t want me, why did you let me hold you? If you don’t want me, why did you keep my child? ……Xin, tell me.”

Burying his head into the crown of Xue Yixin’s head, that person’s tears fell. Drop by drop, it fell onto Xue Yixin’s cold skin and it was unbearably scorching.

“……I want you.” Reaching his hand backwards, Xue Yixin grabbed a hold of that person’s hand, squeezing it tightly.

“Hold me.”

……

In this world, they lost one prime golden bachelor, but gained a model pair of “husband and wife”. As for who was the wife and who was the husband, who cares about that?

Love, fear the wait!

True love, won’t mind the wait, even more fearless!

T/N: sorry this took FOREVER to get out… Had not much motivation to finish TL-ing this for the past month… or two? Anyways please don’t mind the plot holes and all lmao who would have thought this was Mpreg??????

Footnotes

the most popular male, opposite of school’s flower their love idiom for unrequired love