26 - I will probably never tell you this

While it could only be done standing, standing also had its own benefits. Zhou Yanling liked pushing people up against a wall and working them over from bottom to top. In this position it was easy to make people cry out in pleasure and overstimulation from how deep and fast he could go. He reached out to undo Wu Fengrong’s trousers, his warm dry hands tracing the edge of his underwear before slipping inside and palming Wu Fengrong’s half-hard cock. Wu Fengrong let out a low groan and spread his legs further, giving greater access for Zhou Yanling’s hand.

Zhou Yanling rubbed slowly with a deliberately languorous tempo, wanting to be careful and tender. Wu Fengrong’s face relaxed and his facial expression unwound until it looked as though he’d been reborn. Zhou Yanling thought to himself that Wu Fengrong was ordinarily under great stress so his nerves must have been stretched too tightly. Making love should relax him. Abruptly, he squatted down. His head was enveloped in the too large sweater as he enveloped Wu Fengrong’s cock with his mouth.

Wu Fengrong’s entire body trembled and he almost lost his footing. Immediately, he opened his eyes and saw his the bottom of his sweater half-concealing Zhou Yanling’s head, which was pressed against his stomach, making it look as though he’d put on weight. The sight stirred his loins, making him twitch and harden.

Zhou Yanling sucked a little over half into his mouth. Wu Fengrong’s size wasn’t small, and he nuzzled closer as he took it deeper, carefully lapping at the veins. Underneath, his balls were heavy with youth and virility, not only in name but also in reality. Wu Fengrong’s hand softly stroked the back of his head as he panting and cried out like a mewling kitten: “Oh, en…..take it easy. Gentle…..slower. You’re going to kill me…..”

Zhou Yanling’s throat was tight and narrow, pulsing around him. Wu Fengrong had rarely been served like this, but he had to admit that Zhou Yanling’s technique was excellent. Saliva dripped from his mouth onto Wu Fengrong’s trousers. Encircled as he was by trouser and sweater, the taste was magnified, exciting Zhou Yanling and making him uncomfortably hard. Wu Fengrong nudged a foot between Zhou Yanling’s spread legs, pressing down against his crotch and lightly grinding with a kneading motion. Zhou Yanling swallowed with some difficulty and shifted into a kneeling position. That foot had nearly finished him.

Zhou Yanling closed his eyes and ruthlessly took him deep into his throat, leaving Wu Fengrong breathless. He pushed on Zhou Yanling’s head with greater force, his thrusts speeding up as he took the control of the pace. Zhou Yanling merely kept his mouth open and let him do as he wanted. When Wu Fengrong came, Zhou Yanling instinctively swallowed everything. Wu Fengrong kissed his chin, still panting breathlessly, his eyes shone so scarily bright: “That felt so fucking good. I love you so damned much.” Zhou Yanling felt a little proud of himself, his vanity as a man satisfied. Wu Fengrong’s gaze was extremely passionate, almost making him forget himself.

They kissed over and over, mouths not separating for long, shedding their clothes while trading numerous slow kisses. Wu Fengrong was feeling very good. Zhou Yanling played with his nipples, alternately biting and licking. His face the color of a pomegranate, there was nowhere We Fengrong could hide from these tickling sensations.

“Don’t you bully me.” He deliberately smacked Zhou Yanling’s hand with some force.

Zhou Yanling laughed in response: “How could I dare to bully you? It’s only recently that I have been able to pamper you.” After saying this, he hesitated a little then took Wu Fengrong’s hand and placed it on his lower back: “Or is it that you don’t want…..” That hand retreated before he even finished speaking.

“I can’t! I can’t! I don’t have the skill to serve you.”

Zhou Yanling kissed his fingertips, taking each into his mouth one by one. He moistened them then moved them down to explore Wu Fengrong’s lower body. With no lubricant, they had no choice but to use this awkward method. Wu Fengrong’s eyes widened, staring. He had never played with himself like this before. His fingers were thick and rough with callouses, and his expression was strange with the discomfort from entering himself. He didn’t want to think about it. Zhou Yanling was still beaming as he watched, engrossed, at Wu Fengrong masturbating.

The conductor was half displeased, half aroused. He bowed his head, wishing that he could hide behind his bangs. His shyness appeared almost flirtatiously coy. Zhou Yanling’s heart was a roaring inferno. There was no distracting himself from this 1 . Zhou Yanling took out a condom, tore open its package and rolled it on. Wu Fengrong nervously clenched both butt cheeks together, allowing only the tip entrance. Simultaneously, both men exhaled unpleasantly through their nose.

Both were old players, yet together it was as though they were both inexperienced.

The depths of Wu Fengrong’s gut warmed. It was as though Wu Fengrong were melting as the precome leaking from his cock front trickled down to his ass, making everything even more slick. His inner walls were moist with the evidence of his lust. Even his entrance was wet. It was as though his hole was leaking, the inside folds winding and twisting, becoming soft and messy like fruit pulp. A rough thrust immediately grazed his prostate. This motion was repeated over and over, tormenting Wu Fengrong as the head rubbed against that soft spot. Wu Fengrong’s brows wrinkled in pleasure, both eyes blank, the flesh of his ass jiggling incessantly. Yet still he flexed the ring of muscles around his entrance to swallow Zhou Yanling’s length into his body.

Wu Fengrong felt like he was almost at his peak, but he didn’t want to orgasm so easily. He forcibly stopped Zhou Yanling so he could flip over and take him in from behind.

Zhou Yanling was worried: “Does it hurt?” Wu Fengrong shook his head. Zhou Yanling turned his head to kiss Wu Fengrong wherever he could reach. His open mouth was like a small brand, peppering him with marks as he kissed Wu Fengrong over and over. All the while, his body ached with love.

Dizzily, Wu Fengrong kissed back, his thoughts slowly returning. His eyes opened, and he stared unseeingly at the white walls. Without thinking, he asked: “Am I better than your previous lovers 2 ?”

Zhou Yanling felt both amusement and regret. He bit his neck, then thrust hard against his prostate. Wu Fengrong shrieked.

“Afraid that I’ll reject you, en?”

Wu Fengrong’s back lightly rubbed against his chest, as he coquettishly grumbled: “Yes……you only bully me……it’s your only skill.” The continuous stimulation of his prostate was enough to make him come, and his penis was so hard it stood straight up, its length dripping with wetness. He arched his hips higher, rocking back onto the thrusts and causing his ass to ripple: “Again…..Yanling…..there…..again…..give it to me……”

Inside, his hole was already sore, his passage was numb, practically unfeeling. Zhou Yanling suddenly reached out and rubbed a finger over his urethra. Together, stimulated from both sides, eyes red, Wu Fengrong was overcome with the intense need to come. Could he still hold it back? His hips arched as he came, come spurting in a short arc as his consciousness whited out in ecstasy 3 . From his throat, he could only produce a soft breathless sigh. Truly, his spirit and intellect had lost to carnal life and desires 4 .

Wu Fengrong slowly regained strength, but his vision was still blurry. Through his daze, it appeared as though there was a small firefly flying closer. By the time it had reached his eyes, it had already flown far away. He lifted his hand, but only caught empty air. From behind, he became aware of someone holding him, haphazardly wiping his butt and thighs. Trousers, sweater and coat were neatly and easily put back on, while Wu Fengrong puzzled over the insect. It was baffling. From where had this firefly come?

When he opened his eyes again, he saw Zhou Yanling lighting a lamp. By the side of the furnace was a small gas lantern, the light from which wasn’t prominent under the white dazzle of the electric lights. Because of its yellow color, it resembled the flickering glow of an insect. Wu Fengrong thought to himself, ‘oh, so it wasn’t a firefly’.

With a chuckle, Zhou Yanling said: “I see that it can still be used. It fits the mood.”

As he said this, the lights outside were extinguished. Night descended like a black cloth over the train. All the lights had been extinguished for bedtime. Wu Fengrong’s eyes hadn’t yet adjusted to the darkness and he instinctively sought out the light. The gas lamp was bright, its light catching his eyes. His gaze settled there as the night was illuminated by countless other gas lamps, snatching away the darkness. The warm scent of burning coal exploded, crackling in the air. Water boiled with a gurgle in the large silver kettle which distorted the reflection of his face. As he was lifting the kettle and placing it on the cart, boiling water splashed out, scalding his finger and leaving a row of hot and painful bubbles. He went to the toilet, smeared some white paste onto it, then let it be. After three trips, the container of water had emptied but his skin was still warm. He hugged the container 5 to his chest like a hot water bottle, and continued to boil water on the furnace. The lamp on the wall watched him just as he regarded the lamp. Neither he nor the lamp objected.

Zhou Yanling asked: “You’d said that this lamp’s an antique and can’t be taken down. What’s the story behind it?”

Wu Fengrong smiled faintly: “I’ve heard that they’re all from the previous conductor. These lamps were made specifically for the railway and were installed in ’53 by the provincial gas company. You can still see the logo of that gas company on all the lamp covers. In the 50’s, the north dominated over the south in terms of industry. When it came to large-scale metalworking, people from the south would come here to study. Once, a governmental head of industry chanced upon one of these lamps and immediately said that this gas lamp was well-made, fashionable and modern. You have to remember when the PRC 6 had just been founded, and the economy was very different from today’s. Not everyone could afford gas lamps. Although many people have wanted to remove these lamps over the years, just because of that person’s statement they’ve ultimately never succeeded.”

“Then, it’s not the lamps that are useful, but the words of the government official.” Zhou Yanling teased.

“They will continue to stay here, but people will leave. Although the old conductor had wanted to keep working for several more years, he developed lung cancer and his body betrayed him. He had to retire because of his illness, and when he left he was heart-broken. The office manager also felt that it was a great pity. He’d lead this train for more than 30 years. In the early days, the train entirely relied on coal which was very dusty and produced a lot of smoke. A lot of people ended up developing lung diseases. He didn’t escape that either. This year, the old conductor’s sister-in-law 7 called me for Chinese New Year and said that, after a great deal of thought, he’d decided not to do chemotherapy. He wanted to return home. Chemotherapy takes a great toll on the body and he wanted to die with dignity.

“He was very attached to this lamp so he also defended against its removal several times. When he left, he confessed to me that if this lamp was removed then he wanted to see if it could be sent to a museum. It’s meaningful to the history of the nation’s transit system and it should be remembered. He recommended that I be the conductor of this train, and every crew member has also been trained by him. When he left, he only mentioned this business with the lamp, nothing else. Even now when I run into problems at work, I still call him to ask for guidance.”

Zhou Yanling let out a low sigh.

After a moment, Wu Fengrong continued: “Usually, I can’t see its usefulness, but when all the lights are out, I don’t think we can do without it. People are also like this. Usually, you can’t think of their good qualities. You even think that they’re dispensable, and that they’re not as good as the latest style. But when they’re gone, you want them to return 8 . Everyone is subject to sentimentality 9 . Everything that’s new is extremely practical, but has not even a drop of sentiment.”

This time, Zhou Yanling understood. Wu Fengrong was trying to explain that others only saw the old conductor as a conductor. That the others only considered him by his accomplishment and how capable he was in his job. But to Wu Fengrong, he was a respected and loved elder, and his consideration wasn’t born out of usefulness but out of affection. Now, everyone looked to Wu Fengrong as the conductor and also only saw him for his usefulness. One day, he too would be unable to care for the train and save the people in it, and so would be deemed useless just as this gas lamp was useless. Yet, inevitably everyone would become useless one day. Was Wu Fengrong afraid of that day’s arrival?

Without waiting for Zhou Yanling’s reply, Wu Fengrong got up to turn off the lamp. The bulb’s filament, like lustrous blue lightning, flickered then went out. This lamp was extremely old and couldn’t be used for long periods of time or it would destroy itself.

Wu Fengrong stoked the furnace with more coal and reached out to check the temperature. His head was lowered, backlit by a sea of rolling fire. His hair gleamed, jet-black and healthy, and his eyes were sharp and heroic. Even his eyebrows, nose and the corners of his mouth were touched by the brazen flickering flames.

Zhou Yanling was too awed to speak.

When all was said and done, Wu Fengrong was young, self-reliant, and not dependent on friends, family or influential backers. He could keep the glory 11 . He was like an immortal fairy, and he had absolutely no idea. Wu Fengrong might or might not realize that his beauty warmed the heart and delighted the eyes, but regardless he didn’t make use of it. A person who wouldn’t take advantage of their own beauty could practically be considered a paragon above all others.

Zhou Yanling leaned over to kiss him between the eyebrows. He thought, ‘RongRong, you will probably never realize that I love you so much I’d give my life for you, and that I treasure you. I will probably never tell you this because, if I tell you, you’ll worry and be burdened that I’ll put into practice what I say, just like how it’s unlikely now that you’ll tell your old conductor that you miss him. It’s enough that he knows that you respect and love him.’

People were timid creatures. Sometimes feelings were so significant that people fear to push them onto their recipients, and so they dare not declare them. The closer people were, the more difficult it was for them to speak of love. This was true for parents to their children, just as it was for husbands and wives.

Someone knocked outside the door. It was the boiler room worker who was on shift.

Wu Fengrong let him in. Zhao Xintao followed him inside and said: “Quite a few passengers signed up for a return trip, and some are in a bad mood. Others demanded to be allowed to disembark now, which is just completely unreasonable. One of our young women was berated until she cried. But it wouldn’t be right to just detain passengers either.RongRong, do you know how we should deal with these passengers?”

The three people walked outside where the cold wind whistled. After having stayed inside the boiler room for so long, the temperature outside felt at least five or six degrees colder. Zhou Yanling drew his collar higher. Outside, he saw the wind and snow swirling, tumbling about the mountain-side. He hadn’t realized how steep the mountain roads were. The lamps along the tracks passed by at a sharp 90 degree incline, and the clouds at the mountain top resembled a maelstrom, a whirlpool sucking the winds upwards. A window in the next car opened a crack, and the violent snowstorm screamed louder than even the wheels. The din was like bedlam 12 .

In a low voice, Zhao Xintao complained: “Oh dear. And everyone has just gone to sleep. This noise is going to awaken all those quarrelsome people and then I’ll have to placate them.”

Tonight’s sleep was doomed to be disrupted.

T/N: I got the feeling that the sex scene in his chapter was intentionally supposed to be awkward in places, in contrast to the first sex scene in chapter 2, to show that WFG and ZYL have gotten comfortable enough with each other to drop the masks and pretenses and just be normal flawed people to each other.

念什么经都没有用 : literally, it was useless to recite scriptures 花花草草 : flowers and plants; a metaphor for romantic things 魂魄也往天空中抛去 : his spirit also shot towards the sky 三魂没了七魄 :literally his three immortal souls were lost to the seven mortal forms of Daoism added for clarity People’s Republic of China established by Mao Zedong wife of the older brother 就回过味来: literally ‘want to taste again’ 情调: it means ‘sentiment’ but also ‘taste’ from the past outside of his heart and be a person who lives in the present. However, others didn’t see him like this. At this moment, Zhou Yanling saw Wu Fengrong’s brilliance shining into the distance 10 idiom used to describe new things that have a promising future The hanzi was “躁郁病人” or ‘like the screams of a bipolar patient’. Bedlam is a word that used to describe something that is noisy and confusing, but it started out as a way to describe the conditions of an insane asylum and was itself a contraction of the name ‘The Hospital of St. Mary of Bethlehem, an infamous British insane asylum. It’s not a perfect substitute (not least because it seems to equate a mental health diagnosis with insanity), but I thought it was pithy and translating it literally would have been jarring.