Chapter 20

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I’d kissed different boys and girls before. The sweetest and most bitter ones were given by Chen Ruobing.

I said to her, “Don’t live that kind of life anymore.”

Chen Ruobing buried her head into my shoulder and nodded vigorously.

I said in her ear, “I’ve liked you since I was sixteen, and until now, when I’m halfway through life… I’ve always loved one person. I kept trying to let go, but I still suffered.

“That song was right. I was scared to hear about you. If you were doing well, I would feel abandoned. If you weren’t doing well, I would cry.”

I wiped Chen Ruobing’s face with my hand, which looked as if she had rinsed it, an expanse of cold. I rashly wiped her face with my palms.

“I won’t believe whatever nonsense you say this time! And whatever person you make me date or whatever damn place you make me go, I won’t! I want to be selfish and do whatever it takes. I won’t rely on writing some story to forget you, and I won’t care what anyone else thinks anymore.”

No matter how I tried, I couldn’t wipe Chen Ruobing’s tears dry, but I still wanted to tell her the things I had been wanting to say for the past ten years.

I talked for a while and heard Chen Ruobing murmur, “But with how I am now…”

“And what are you like now?” I interrupted her. “Let me ask you, do you think you’re better now or ten years ago?”

Chen Ruobing blinked her glistening eyes as she looked at me and said, “Now.”

“I think so too.”

The year Chen Ruobing and I turned thirty-two, we began our first proper relationship. Her parents, having seen her six years of marriage end in failure, finally let it go. Everything fell into place. I sold my apartment, scraped together some money, and took out a loan to buy a small two-bedroom apartment. Of course, the first task to undertake was looking after her child when Chen Ruobing worked overtime on the weekends.

Chen Ruobing’s little girl was shy when she first met me. I took her out to bike, play soccer, roller-skate, and play with dogs. I took her out to do all of the things Chen Ruobing didn’t let her do, then I came up with a trick and invited my cousin’s son over to my house on the weekends. That way, I would only have to take care of cooking for the two of them.

Later, the little one and I became close and she called me “big sis,” my nephew “big bro,” and Chen Ruobing “mom.”

Another time, when I was on the internet to put on a cartoon for the little one, I accidentally entered a parenting forum. I saw that other people’s four or five year old kids knew many characters and words and read many books.

I asked Chen Ruobing, “Have you taught her English?” She said no.

I then asked, “What about Chinese characters?”

“Her grandparents taught her a bit.”

“Do you still want to raise her like this? My nephew has gone to all kinds of training courses.”

Chen Ruobing didn’t comment, then finally said, “Why don’t we let her play around for another two years.”

So when the little one was six, she ultimately grew into a wild child. Although she looked a lot like Chen Ruobing, her personality was not one bit like her. I had some regrets about this. The past few years, Chen Ruobing began to perform surgeries and oftentimes the little one was already asleep when she came home.

I said to her, “Is there a mother like you?”

She took ten minutes to wash up, then got in bed and laughed, “Don’t we have you?” She thought for a moment then said, “It’s quite nice like this. In the future, I don’t have to be a good daughter or wife.”

“Hey, everyone acts like that when they’re in middle school. Isn’t your rebellious phase a bit late?”

“Mhm, a bit late.” Chen Ruobing came over and said with a smile, “But it’s a good thing there’s still time.”

Translator’s Notes

1. “小丫头“ is being used here, which can be used as a term of endearment for a girl, and it literally means “little girl.” I translated it as “little one” whenever it was used because it sounds less awkward than “little girl” in most cases. Back

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