Chapter 6

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After I smashed the beer bottle on his head, the anger that had been bottled up and running around in my body for over ten hours finally dissipated, which was as refreshing as breaking free from a lingering evil spirit.

No one was in the mood to listen to lectures that day, and despite the incident, everyone quickly settled into the party atmosphere. I, along with three boys and one other girl, prepared a breakdance routine that day. Originally, I kept worrying that I wouldn’t dance well and would be unable to let loose. Ultimately, when the night came and the music started, I felt amazing—better than I’d ever felt before. Every dance step was on the beat, and I felt that every movement of my body was extremely coordinated. Although I wasn’t the lead dancer, I felt as if everyone’s eyes were glued to me, which was a wonderful feeling. I then saw Chen Ruobing sitting below, smiling as she watched me.

All the programs finished. Everyone started to eat cake, as the music continued to play, the atmosphere exceptionally lively.

The background music suddenly changed to that English song with terrible pronunciation. I could hear it as soon as the intro came on. The music resonated with my heartbeat, leaving my body in a state of unspeakable beauty.

I bounced and swayed to the rhythm to my heart’s content, and because the words weren’t pronounced correctly, I put my all into singing them.

I noticed that many people had stood up and were dancing in the middle of the classroom, everyone’s faces gleaming. Chen Ruobing also got up, walked over to me, and began to sing with me.

I scooped up a piece of cake with my hand and smeared it onto the right side of Chen Ruobing’s face. She immediately became shy and angry and used her hand to block her face, then tried to wipe off the cake.

Hence, I touched the left side of her face and forehead with my cake-coated hand.

Chen Ruobing haphazardly wiped her face, then finally remembered to fight back and dug out a cream flower, slapping it onto mine.

I laughed as I scraped off the mashed flower and put it in my mouth. I didn’t forget to sing as I ate, then felt as if I was missing something, so I grabbed the broom in the corner and held it in front of me, pretending it was a guitar.

Chen Ruobing laughed, and it was at that moment that I found out she could also laugh so freely.

I undid my hair tie, letting my long hair hang down.

Between the ceiling lights hung decorative garlands that were dotted with small golden stars. Chen Ruobing and I faced each other as we sang and danced, the stars turning into streams of golden light that fluttered overhead. I’d never tried drugs before, but I guessed that what I felt at this moment was similar to taking drugs. A great amount of euphoric substances were produced in my body, making me unlike myself, or rather, I was having an out of body experience and had become my true self.

My soul broke free from my body and drifted away. She was finally released from her sixteen years of confinement and stared at Chen Ruobing, dancing as she came up to her. As the music sang “California,” she placed a soft kiss on her lips.

Chen Ruobing froze for a moment but quickly returned to her previous state.

I could no longer tell which was the real me between my spirit and physical body. If my spirit was me, then how could I kiss her lips? If my body was mine—the “me” that hadn’t touched Chen Ruobing—why did I feel a throb at that moment, like I had gotten an electric shock?

Of course, Chen Ruobing and I tacitly never mentioned this incident after the party ended, as if we were Cinderella past midnight, attempting to return to her original life. But it wasn’t until later that I realized that that was my first kiss, so how could I ever forget it?

The third day after I had smashed Yang Xu’s head with a beer bottle, the teacher called me to the office. She said Yang Xu had gotten three stitches on his forehead, that my behavior was abominable, and according to the school rules, I would have to be punished, but considering I always behaved well, she made me apologize to Yang Xu and compensate for his medical expenses. She then told me that Yang Xu only said he had gotten into a fight with a few boys at school and didn’t request for my parents, nor did he have his parents come to the school. As long as I had a good attitude, this matter would pass.

After school that afternoon, I ran to the hairdresser’s and dyed my hair wine-red.

When I arrived at school the next day, Chen Ruobing asked in shock, “Have you just now started eighth grade?”

I said, “Yeah, I feel like I’ve just started puberty.”

At the time, I became addicted to the feeling of breaking out of my shackles. Whether it was being eccentric or a maverick, I just didn’t want to be like everyone else. That was the heart of a sixteen year old girl who was unwilling to be ordinary and didn’t want to vanish in the crowd.

Most people have such a heart at that age, but as they grow older, each and every person gives up on those ridiculous fantasies. Struggling with lives of mediocrity until the end, people will have long since forgotten whether they had been different from the crowd. Years later they realize that it wasn’t really about wanting to be different, it was just about wanting to be themselves.

After school that afternoon, I apologized to Yang Xu in the teacher’s office. I didn’t remember much of what he said; I only remembered the teacher rambling on about something for a while. She asked me to dye my hair back to black, said that my test scores were declining each time recently, and told me to put a bit more effort into my studies. She then questioned how I didn’t learn more from Chen Ruobing when we spent so much time together.

When Yang Xu and I walked out of the office, we simultaneously spotted Chen Ruobing a dozen meters away. She sat on a bench in the hallway, with her shoes off and legs bent. She had a notebook on her knee and a pen in one hand, immersed in writing something. Behind her was a sky that was like an oil painting. It was a kind of blue that lay between blue and green. Behind Chen Ruobing, this blue gradually evolved into orange and gold. The setting sun was halfway down on the horizon, turning one side of the clouds red. Hence, those clouds were red and black as they began to churn.

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