Chapter 8

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That 3000 meter race was the first time I experienced what limits and going beyond them meant.

Before this, my experience of it was limited to watching sprinters on TV powerfully treading along to exciting music, giving people a strong, unspeakable feeling. But as a spectator, it was difficult to describe this feeling accurately. Where exactly did it come from and what did it mean? Was it so-called sportsmanship?

Not to mention those boring marathons that went on for two or three hours, I was truly unable to understand that kind of drive, and I thought I would never be able to grow fond of those kinds of sports.

But the beauty of life is that you never know what will happen to you in the future.

Eight years after that sports meet, I finally completed my first full marathon.

During my countless nights of long-distance running, the countless times I was soaked in sweat, and whenever my body reached its limit, I would always recall sophomore year and the brand new stadium, the lead runner fifty meters ahead of me, and the familiar or unfamiliar faces watching and ignoring me. I recalled that when I had decided to catch up in the fifth lap, the gym teacher standing to the side said to me, “Just try your best.”

At the time, I wanted to answer him, “I still have strength.”

I still had the strength to catch up, but I didn’t have the strength to answer him a single word.

Sometimes the human mind was as strange as the human spirit. They both affected each other and were difficult to harmonize. But once they were in a state of harmony, you could unleash your greatest potential and do things you normally didn’t dare dream of.

The sunlight illuminated half of the stadium. When I ran into the light, I had to face the sun and had no choice but to squint my eyes, but sweat would still drip into them and sting them. There was nearly no one around. It was much easier once I reached the shady side, and when I ran past the audience, I would hear a burst of cheers.

But every competitor on the track knew that although there would be people to cheer you on when running on the shady side and people to greet you at the finish line, the hardest place was the sunny side, where you could only fight alone.

During the last lap that day, my steps became lighter and my mind was clear. Except for the girl ahead of me, I couldn’t see or hear anything else.

At that moment, a sense of unreality came over me, and I even had a moment of doubt over where I was and what I was doing. But it was the ground beneath my feet that ultimately reminded me.

The bounce of the synthetic track under my feet was clear and real, and I could feel the race bib pinned onto my back dancing in the wind. There was a slight ache coming from the pinky toe of my right foot, but it wasn’t a big deal.

On the sunny side of the last lap, I surpassed the girl ahead of me, becoming the leader, and maintained it until the end.

I saw that Chen Ruobing was the first to walk over when I crossed the finish line. Her eyes were red but she didn’t speak. I couldn’t help but to go over and hug her, not saying a word either.

As I was hugging Chen Ruobing, I felt my heart beat even faster than it had just now, until it was nearly too much to bear as it jumped out of my chest.

Then I saw my cousin, Lin Che, and other classmates congratulating me, and I waved at them.

After that, Chen Ruobing stared at me and said, “Your hair is messy.”

“Then why don’t you help me brush it?”

We went to the bleachers and sat down, and Chen Ruobing stood behind me as she brushed my hair. It was already evening, and the April breeze was cool and gentle. As I sat there, my heart gradually returned to a normal pace after the shock it had just experienced. Chen Ruobing’s shadow happened to cast itself beside me, so I stared at it as I sat and caught my breath. Her hands carefully fiddled with my hair as she held a hairbrush in her mouth. I suddenly felt as if everything around me had become slow and peaceful, and I could even hear the sound of the wind. Chen Ruobing did my hair for a while, then felt dissatisfied and began to brush it again.

From start to finish, we were both silent, as if saying a word was unnecessary and would ruin something.

When I was young, I would always hear about “sister understanding,” and I believed Chen Ruobing and I shared the “understanding” feeling—the feeling that we could be together for a whole day without saying anything and would not feel it was awkward. For a time, I suspected that Chen Ruobing and I shared the same soul, or that our souls had some kind of connection. Maybe we were real sisters.

Of course if we really were sisters, things would be much simpler.

The night after the sports meet, I laid in bed as the feeling of embracing Chen Ruobing remained in my mind. For countless nights after that, I imagined myself hugging Chen Ruobing, stroking her former wounds then kissing the tears that she shed.

Every day, even during the short moments I wasn’t with her, I would mark exactly where she was at that moment on a map in my brain. For example, she was now in the teacher’s office, doing her homework in the classroom, or in the laboratory building for her lab group’s class.

Just like that corny analogy, in my mind, Chen Ruobing had a protagonist’s halo—a special halo that surpassed all other halos in existence.

From then on, the only person in my eyes was Chen Ruobing.

Translator’s Notes

1. “Sister understanding” is 知心姐姐 in Chinese, which can also be translated to agony aunt (a woman who replies to the letters of readers in a newspaper or magazine column by giving advice or consolation, or a woman who listens to people’s troubles and gives advice), and it can mean sisters with a deep or intimate understanding/connection. Back

2. A protagonist’s halo in Chinese basically refers to plot armor/advantages a protagonist of a game, story, etc. has, allowing them to overcome any difficulties they encounter. Back

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