Chapter 14

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TL: Single TL Translations

Chapter 14

I’ve been researching about Aoi until the promised day. I watched TV I usually don’t watch and bought magazines. On there was an Aoi I didn’t know, and the more I saw, the more I realized she was a person from a different world, and at the, it felt as if I was being denied.

Since her popularity increased thanks to the drama, with this gained popularity, I wonder, doesn’t it mean she can get anything she wishes for? She has the status and the fame. Plus, she has the looks where no one would leave her alone. Friends and a boyfriend, she could get everything she desires in a heartbeat. That’s why I feel so distressed. I know that I’m liked and am genuinely happy about it.

However why did she ask me to be her friend? Why is she so fond of me? It’s not as though there’s anything special about me. I like Aoi. That is, to the point of wanting to protect her from the unpleasant things, so that she doesn’t have to worry about anything and can laugh and have fun. I can’t leave her alone, but I’m confused by our differences. I feel like there’s someone better suited for this role, that I’m not good enough. But, Aoi has an emotional attachment towards me.

To think I would be this distressed by our different jobs, what in the happened to me? The friends I made while drinking all work various jobs.

A president of an advertising company, a businessman, a nightlife related business*, prostitutes, doctors and other medical professionals, daycare workers, truck drivers, etc. None of it bothered me. In fact, I enjoyed learning about the wider world. I wasn’t prejudiced against them because they worked in the nightlife business or sex industry.

*Couldn’t find a proper term in English so I went with the closest term. It’s 水商売 (mizushoubai) in Japanese. To be exact it’s a job where the income heavily relies on the customers, such as host/hostess/nightclub, therefore it’s not a stable job and is usually correlated with the nightlife related businesses.

In reality, those people have excellent communication skills, are great at speaking and can read and understand the mood well. I guess they’re used it.

Like this, I’m able to see and accept the good in people, but I think there are too many differences this time. I may be biased, but the Aoi in the magazine and drama are bright. I was shaken by her above the cloud’s existence*.

*Above the cloud’s existence – a Japanese expression, used to describe a god-like existence.

While thinking about this, the promised day came in a flash.

I was looking forward to it and unsettled at the same time.

The first one to arrive at the meeting place was Aoi. Just like last time when we went to try the various restaurants, she wore glasses and neatly arranged her hair by tying it, with just that, I was able to comprehend it. Even in the magazines and the drama, she puts wears her hair down and doesn’t wear glasses. I have to take this into consideration and act accordingly.

For the time being, I need to make an effort so that Aoi will enjoy herself. My feelings are of secondary importance.

“Aoi, sorry I kept you waiting. Let’s go, shall we?”

“Yuki! Okay! Let’s go to the pancake shop near here first.”

“Sure, it would be great if there’s no line, though.”

From there, we walked a little and soon reached the popular pancake shop. We lined up a little because it was lunch time, but it was easy to get in. We ordered their most popular pancake and shared it between the two of us. I naturally smiled and the feelings I had earlier faded away when I saw Aoi taking pictures, eating the pancake so happily, repeating ‘it’s so good’ with sparkling eyes.

“It really is good. I wonder how they made it?”

“It’s probably a secret recipe? Rather, do you plan on making this?”

“Huh? I wasn’t planning to. Well, I’d like to if I could, but I was just curious.”

I think Aoi’s passion for cooking is amazing. I chuckled and tried teasing her.

“I told you to hurry up and open a restaurant, I’ll be there every day.”

“Like I said, it’s impossible. I told you the other day.”

The appearance of Aoi giggling at my joke and stuffing her cheeks with pancake was cute, but, at the same time, I worried about the gazes around me. I casually said, ‘I’m glad they let us in so easily,’ and surveyed the area, at first glance, it looked like no one seemed to notice Aoi. I was relieved by this, yet at the same time, for some reason, felt guilty.

After finishing the pancake, we started eating other things while walking. We ate tapioca, colorful soft-serve ice cream, cute looking fried sweets, not only did we eat sweet foods but also other foods such as steamed bun with meat filling, chicken, and fried potatoes. Aoi happily leading the way, tugging on my arm like child was heartwarming. As we ate and walked around, she took pictures with her phone and sent them to me.

Pictures of us eating and pictures of me eating. We were laughing and having fun, and because Aoi seemed to be really enjoying herself, before I knew it, I forgot about the gazes around us.

That was a mistake. It happened after we settled down from eating and walking around, we bought some bottled drinks and sat on the seaside’s park’s bench. We were looking at the sea from the bench, looking at the pictures we just took and talking about our thoughts on the food we ate. Because of that, both me and Aoi didn’t notice. The gaze towards Aoi. The gaze filled with admiration and passion.

“Um, AOI-san*? Right? The model from Nona!”

*Her stage name is AOI (it’s written in English with all caps, so it’ll be easy to differentiate in the future, but I just wanted to point it out as a reminder.)

“Huh?”

A group of three girls who seemed to be university students stopped in front of us. Oh yeah, that’s right, I remembered what I forgot from the girls happy and nervous expression. Aoi gave a wry smile and then stood up.

“Yes. I am.”

“Ah, I knew it! You’re completely different from usual, so I thought I might be wrong, but I’m glad! We’re fans. I also watched the drama the other day! You’re super pretty, I really like you! If it’s alright with you, could we shake hands?”

“Thank you very much. I don’t mind.”

Aoi smiled awkwardly at the girls who were trying their best, but still shook hands with each of them. The girls all looked really happy. But this seemed to prove that that Aoi and I weren’t suited for each other which made me feel distressed once again.

“Please continue to do your best! I’ll always be cheering for you! Thank you very much!”

Aoi finally sat down on the bench as the trio bowed politely and then left happily.

“Um, I’m sorry. I, that’s, um…”

Since she seemed uncomfortable saying it, I spoke first. Aoi did nothing wrong.

“You seem to have a lot of fans. I knew about it. About Aoi. Well, I only found out recently, though.”

“…Oh, I see. I’m sorry for not telling you. I didn’t really want to say it…”

I lowered my gaze and decided to ask her. I tried to talk in my usual tone.

“Why?”

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you or anything. But…I didn’t want Yuki’s attitude to change. I didn’t want you to change… just because I’m a celebrity. When I thought our relationship might end because of this… I wanted to tell you, but… I couldn’t.”

The guilt wrenched my heart. Even though I like her, even though I didn’t want her to have any bad memories, but it was as if she saw right through me. I betrayed Aoi’s feelings. I furrowed my brows from this reality. I couldn’t organize my feelings well.

“…It’s okay. That’s fine. But I also recently found out, so my feelings haven’t caught up yet, I don’t really… understand. I was surprised when I found out. You’re in a famous magazine and appear in a drama too. You were like a completely different person. I was confused and… felt like you’re from another world. And…”

I hesitated to continue after looking at Aoi’s expression of sadness and guilt. Aoi will be sad if I say this. And perhaps the trust that has been built until now will crumble. But I didn’t want to deceive her. Because I think it’s the truth.

“There’s are others, aren’t there? People better than me.”

“…Huh?”

Her eyes were telling me, ‘I don’t understand.’ I couldn’t bear to see her expression of grief and turned my gaze towards the sea. It made me feel depressed, but I smiled while talking. Just like an excuse.

“I’m normal and there’s nothing special about me… besides, it started out as a thank you, right? Our relationship. Even with what just happened, when I saw you shaking her hands, I realized that your world is much bigger than mine, a person who’s unreachable. That’s why, I’m sorry, but when I found out you were a celebrity, I thought about it and changed my attitude… I’m sorry. I’ve disappointed you, haven’t I.”

I turned my gaze towards her by the end. Because I truly thought so. Aoi’s eyes were moist, shaking her head muttering ‘you’re wrong’ as though begging. I wanted her to stop. Why is she feeling so miserable?

“I…I… never thought like that. Because I didn’t properly tell you… it’s my fault. You’re not at fault, Yuki. …And about Yuki… you’re really important to me…”

“It’s fine already. I know. I know, Aoi. It’s just that I feel a little muddled and confused. So, don’t worry about it, okay? Don’t cry like that.”

I unconsciously interrupted her as she tried her best, speaking while in tears. I felt like I would burst with guilt. I mean, even though I spent and got along with Aoi. Even if we’ve fought, I listened to her worries and we became close again. Saying something like ‘wouldn’t someone else be better?’ it’s too much.

I don’t want to sound cruel, but in this reality, for the first time, I couldn’t be myself.

“Yuki… because I asked you to be my friend… as a thank you… is that why you were… together with me, talking with me?”

“That’s not true. I like you, but I’ve just been thinking a lot about it. Even today, I was paying attention to the gazes around us, trying to avoid the crowds. I suddenly started to care about the surroundings… I’m sorry.”

“…It’s okay! …It’s fine, okay? …Because I like you… that’s why… I’ll forgive you. Don’t apologize…”

In the end she took off her glasses and started wiping her tears. I felt like crying from this honest and kind girl. Despite that, I wonder why I can’t I obediently accept it. My heart was in turmoil. I gently stroked her head and with the other hand, tightly grasped her fist. I don’t know if I can continue to talk calmly with her any longer. I was getting angry at nothing, any more than this would only hurt Aoi.

“Let’s call it day.”

I gently told the her who was silent.

“I’ll only say nasty things to Aoi because I haven’t properly comprehended it. …Let’s meet at another date, alright? It’s okay. I’ll message you about it. I’m sorry.”

Even though I know. If we were friends who like each other than we could just continue getting along. But within that, my trivial personal feelings were caught, messing it up. I know in my head. But seems like I need to settle down and calmly think over it first. I can’t help but laugh at how cruel I was.

But, even though Aoi looked like she had something to say, she honestly obeyed, without saying a word.

And we really parted ways that day. My self-loathing increased from her being obedient even at a time like this.

TL Note: Sorry for the delay but here’s the next chapter 😀

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