Chapter 15

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TL: Single TL Translations

Chapter 15

A few days later, our relationship was noticeably more awkward and strained than before.

After I calmed down, I contacted her to apologize while Aoi apologized for not telling me. Since I didn’t want to talk too much about it, I quickly finished the conversation and ended on a not so satisfactory note. While that was my plan, I was still put off by it in the end.

I’ve been thinking a lot about it and can’t calm down after hurting Aoi like that. Trying to end it but not wanting to end it is completely my fault. I knew that I had to properly talk to her. Even with that, Aoi, while reserved, still messages me without change yet I replied curtly. My feelings are even worse than before.

I was very irritated from her kindness and unchanging attitude even though I hurt her. I even began to wonder ‘what do you want when you have everything?’ How much easier it would’ve been if she told me she no longer wants to talk to me. I was so desperate in suppressing my own emotions. It’s not like me to do something like taking out my anger on her because of my inferiority towards her.

And then one day, Aoi said she wanted to call me. It was something that made me happy before, but now it’s different. Rather, it’s awkward. She probably worked up the courage to reconcile with me. I think we both want to improve the current relationship, but I wonder if I can talk well with her right now.

When I finished my bath and went to the bed, I resolved myself and called her.

“Hello, Aoi?”

“Hello, Yuki? I feel like it’s been a while.”

“Huh? What are you talking about, didn’t we just meet the other day? How’s work been for you?”

“You’re right. Recently, works been normal? I think. I had a magazine shoot and an interview. I was nervous in the interview.”

“Interview?”

“Yeah. They did a feature on me in the magazine… they asked me a lot of questions, I was so nervous.”

“I see. But it’s okay, you did your best, right? Besides, I’m looking forward to the interview with a nervous Aoi. That, I’ll definitely buy it.”

“Huh? Don’t look forward to that. I might’ve said something weird… it’s embarrassing.”

“You don’t have to be so shy about it.”

We more or less talked and laughed it out. I was surprisingly calm.

“…Yuki, it was fun… last time. We ate a lot, talked a lot, it was my first time trying out various foods like that*, I had so much fun.”

*couldn’t find a proper word for it. It’s like an ‘eating tour,’ where you go around trying out various foods.

I felt a little restless from Aoi mentioning the topic.

“…You’re right. It was fun for me too. I want to go again.”

“Yeah. I definitely want to go again too. …But, sorry. Because of me. Since then, Yuki, has been… different from usual. …I want to get along with you like before. I don’t want it to continue being awkward, so… I tried calling you. You were troubled from suddenly… r-realizing… I’m a celebrity*, right? I didn’t want you to be cold and put distance between us, so that’s why I didn’t tell you, but… if you were suddenly told that then of course you would start considering various things, you can’t help changing your attitude… I should’ve told you at the beginning. …It’s my fault… regarding that. You’re not at fault at all, Yuki.”

*Aoi says this in a way as the define what she is, but she doesn’t really identify herself like that (if that makes sense)

From her way of thinking before speaking, I understood that she was being thoughtful of me. I was truly happy. But it was also irritating. Why is it all Aoi’s fault? It’s Aoi we’re talking about, so I know why she thinks this, but I felt miserable and irritated, I couldn’t control my emotions. Even so, I said calmly.

“You’re not at fault, Aoi. Besides, if you did tell me in the beginning, I would’ve been considerate, and we wouldn’t have gotten along so well like now. …I told you at that time too, but this is because I’m just thinking about various things.”

“No, I…really care about you and li…like… you, that’s why… I can’t think badly of you. I can’t say it well, but… besides, in the end, I think it’s my fault…”

“Like I said, it’s not Aoi’s fault.”

“No, it’s my fault. So…”

I became irritated once again from her saying it so clearly. Then what do you want to do, you’ve spoken well, so what exactly is it. I became worked up from the anger I couldn’t control and retorted. In a strong indifferent voice without any intonation, a voice different from usual.

“You’re wrong. I’m frustrated from not understanding you. You said before that you’re different from me, but that’s Aoi, isn’t it? High popularity, being envied by lots of people, being favored by others, Aoi, you have everything, don’t you? I don’t understand why you’re attached to me when you have all that. What do you want from me? What am I to you? It’s not as though my face, figure or personality are good. Is it sarcasm?”

Aoi was shaken from me continuing to talk.

“…T-That’s not true! Someone one like me… is no good and…… Yuki’s an important… special person… something like that, I don’t…”

“What? Is it really sarcasm? Even from my perspective, Aoi isn’t ‘no good.’ Besides, you say I’m special, but it’s not like I did anything or have anything… aren’t you exaggerating?”

“Y-You’re wrong. …Yuki’s really gentle and compared to me has so many more friends… so knowledgeable… very dependable, and…”

“Like I said!! You’re overestimating me!!”

“!”

I unconsciously yelled at Aoi who had been timidly talking while at a loss. But, I managed to calm down after hearing Aoi’s frightened voice that gasped. I belittled and despised myself, I wonder what I’m doing. I’m really stupid, even though she called me to make up. My self-loathing suddenly surged through me and I sighed. My emotions finally calmed down.

“…Sorry. I said too much. Even though you called me, I’m sorry.”

“…It’s okay.”

“…You know, let’s just stop being friends.”

“Huh?”

I thought it was a good idea. I thought it would solve the problem.

“I’ve been giving you bad memories recently. There’s no point being considerate and making up, someone like me…”

“I don’t want that!! I don’t want something like that. I don’t hate it. I like Yuki, I don’t hate you, so doing something like that is strange.”

Different from just now, Aoi strongly denied it. The me right now, couldn’t understand why she was so adamant.

“But…”

“Th-Then, how about this, we’ll put some distance between us. And then, and then… let’s talk about it again. If… at that time… you don’t like me… and don’t want to… we can stop… being friends.”

I wondered why the girl who started off saying it rapidly yet kept getting weaker near the end was being so desperate.

“Okay. Then, let’s do that. …I’m really sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“Then, I’ll hang up now.”

“Okay.”

I put my phone down. I put the back of my hand on my forehead and closed my eyes. I’m the worst. I can’t think well.

We stopped contacting each other from that day on.

The season changed to spring ever since we stopped contacting each other and it’s gotten a lot warmer. And I’ve been bar hopping more than before. I think it’s been about a month now, I haven’t heard anything from Aoi since then.

The more the days went by, the more I lamented my own stupidity. And I truly regretted the fact that I hurt Aoi. That girl is delicate, so I’m sure she’s thought a lot more was more hurt than I was. Why did I say that? It’s normal to be that desperate when saying ‘I want to stop being friends.’

After I sorted out my feelings, I looked at my phone and wondered what to message her for a few days. It’s not as though I don’t feel inferior and all that, but I feel a lot better than before now that the days have passed. If it’s now, I can properly talk to her. But I don’t know what to say to her, and after a repeat of typing and erasing, though clumsy, I was able to type a something.

[It’s been a while, I’m sorry it took so long for me to message you. I’m really sorry about that day, I said too much. There’s something I want to meet and talk with you about, so can we meet?]

I couldn’t think of a good way to say it, but I thought it was good enough for now. It would be similar even if I were to worry about it. After resolving myself, I sent it to her. All that’s left is to wait. That day, I slept immediately after and welcomed the next day.

The next day, I didn’t get a reply from Aoi, but I did get a message from my friend Ayumi. It was an invitation to drink tonight. Today’s Saturday and I didn’t have any plans plus tomorrow’s a holiday for me. I had been feeling depressed since that day and have been going out more often to drink. After I replied ‘yes,’ I headed out to work.

I haven’t heard from Aoi during lunch break or after work. I can’t imagine Aoi not messaging me back, so she might be busy. I feel impatient, but I can only wait. While thinking that she won’t message me today, I headed to the place where I planned to meet Ayumi.

When I arrived at the plaza of the city station, Ayumi was there. She has long black hair and works as a nursery teacher while also works at a hostess bar on the side. These days, it’s not uncommon for people to work at the hostess bar as a side job, but it seems like she does it both for fun and to make a living. She’s often bar hops and seems to be into host clubs lately. I’m only uneasy about it. She been saying that there’s no need to worry about her because she’s only bar hopping, but I can’t quite trust her.

“Yukiii!”

“Ah, Ayumi!”

Ayumi is the same age as me but has a cute child-like face. Plus, Ayumi’s a little weird because after she chased after a lot of men when she was 20, she said that she’s no longer interested in romance and doesn’t try to get a boyfriend. I somehow managed to get to know her after bar hopping. She seems to be more interested in 2D things rather than guys and often talks about anime. While I don’t know much about it, she very passionately and in a detailed way talks about it and forcefully lends me anime, games, and manga. It’s surprisingly interesting, so we now do things outside of drinking.

“Yuki! Today I’m finally going to take Yuki to a host!”

“Huh? A host? …I’m a little scared plus I feel like I’m going to be ripped off.”

“Don’t worry. It’s cheap to drink if it’s your first time there. It’ll be fine if I introduce you to Catch.”

“Is it really fine?”

“Leave it to me, leave it to me! But let’s have dinner first.”

I was suspicious, but Ayumi didn’t seem to care about it. She’s been trying to take me to a host for a while now, but apparently it seems like today’s that day. Well, I guess that’s fine, Ayumi’s saying this too. We went to a nearby izakaya* and ate some food, talked about recent things going on as well as about Ayumi’s anime and games.

*Izakaya – a type of informal Japanese bar that serves alcoholic drinks and snacks (took this from the wiki) – kinda like a pub but doesn’t give off the same vibe/mood (it’s a little hard to explain, but if you’re interested, I would just search it up)

We then left and Ayumi contacted the person she said she knows, Catch, and walked together for a while.

“Hey, what’s it like? Going to a host club.”

Ayumi led the way while looking at her phone.

“Ohh, you see, the first time you go, you can have an all-you-can-drink bottle of shochu* for an hour, and the host keeps changing. The price is 1,000 yen*.”

*1,000 yen = ~10 dollars

*Shochu – Japanese traditional hard liquor

“Huh? 1,000 yen? So cheap!”

Ayumi only laughed from my surprised reaction wondering whether 1,000 yen was really enough when going to a host club.

“Right? So, let’s go to 3 places one after another, okay? But you know, while there are good-looking guys, they’re mostly the type of people you would see in a club so it’s better to not expect much from the guys there.”

“No, I’m not expecting anything regarding that.”

“So harsh. Fufu, well, I do think it’s surprisingly fun. These types of experiences are also important!”

We safely met up with Catch and had him take us to the host club he was going to introduce us to. We took the elevator to a building that looks like no one would enter, and when we opened the door, we were greeted by a luxurious host club-like interior with several sofa box seats, which I found rather impressive. Ayumi went through the reception like she was used to it, and after she was finished, we were shown to our seats. I started feeling excited. I couldn’t help but feel restless from this extremely unrealistic and different space.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Leo! Please take care of me for today!”

The first person to arrive was a blond-haired visual type* host. Even though I was a little taken aback, after greeting us, he sat down and started making drinks, asking what drink I liked and my name, after which we made a toast.

*visual type – I’m assuming it’s another way of saying attractive (or the category the host is a part of)

“Is this your first time at a host club?”

“Ah, you see, it’s the first time for Yuki. I had her have a host debut today!”

“That’s right. Please go easy on me.”

“Oh, really? Then, please have fun today. Do you drink a lot?”

We looked at each other when he asked that question.

“I do, Ayumi drinks it like its water, don’t you?”

“What? I can’t deny it. But Yuki drinks it like that too! She always says something incomprehensible, just the other day she said…”

“Wait, seriously, stop that!”

I panicked and hurriedly stopped her before she could say anything strange. Though it seems like the host is curious.

“Hmm, what is it, I wanna hear, I wanna hear!”

Our conversation was lively from start to finish, and after speaking, the host changed. Since it was our first time meeting each other, we were able to talk about everyday things and it didn’t feel awkward. I was impressed thinking about how this is how the men are nowadays and with that, an hour passed by rather quickly and we also finished the bottle of shochu. We really only paid 1,000 yen, and after the host sent us off, we went to the next host club.

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